Chapter 7 – True Self

Roll had been struggling against her fetters with such strength that she fell over when they disappeared. She went down, and at first didn't dare to raise her head from the floor. She knew the cage must have evaporated too, knew she was about to be deleted, and doubted she had the courage to look up and face the crazed Rockman.

But it was the thought of him that made her lift her head. If Rockman was going to awake to the memory of having deleted her, he must remember eyes filled with forgiveness and love. Not a body trembling on the floor or a face hidden in fear.

So she looked up, expecting to see Rockman above her, Rockbuster poised to end her life.

Instead, she saw something completely unexpected. Rockman hadn't moved.

Roll pushed herself onto her hands and knees, and still Rockman didn't move.

"Rockman?" she whispered.

Rockman's eyes snapped to hers and she froze. His eyes were wild, crazed…but he still didn't take a step towards her. He was trembling violently, panting as though he'd just run a marathon, and his hands appeared to be anchored by his sides.

'Is he…fighting it?' Roll wondered.

A light seemed to click on in her brain. Hawk had lost control of Rockman before, while she was with him, so wouldn't he have deleted her then? No, some part of Rockman remained during the ordeal, enough to keep her from harm.

"Rockman?" she whispered again.

"R-R…oll," he choked out, "Run! Please…"

She blinked. He had talked! He had told her to run! To Roll, this was proof that the Rockman she loved was still in there. And as long as he was there, she was safe.

Roll stood slowly. She was reminded of a stray cat Meiru had once enticed to her hand. Meiru had said the key was not to make any sudden moves and frighten it, because then it would either attack you or run away. She figured the same logic applied now.

Keeping her arms a little away from her sides to show she held no weapons and had no intention of hurting him, Roll approached Rockman.

Rockman looked terrified that she was coming closer instead of fleeing as fast as she could.

"Roll…p-please…I'll…h-hurt you…"

Roll shook her head, still taking slow, easy steps towards him. "You won't hurt me. And I won't leave you to face this by yourself."

She stopped in front of him. Rockman still stared at her, gasping as the war raged within him. Roll knew she may not be able to fight this battle for him…but maybe she could help.

Slowly, gently, she extended her arm and touched his hand. He jerked, the hand beneath her fingers clenching into a fist, and for an instant Roll thought he would strike at her. But then the moment passed and his fist relaxed again.

"It's okay," Roll continued, "I'm not going to hurt you."

Her other hand came up and rested lightly on his shoulder. He didn't tense this time, but Roll wondered if it was even possible for him to be anymore tense. The vibrations of his shivers were making her hands shudder, and he seemed to be quivering beneath his very skin. Like an elastic band wound tight and just waiting to go off.

Roll's hand left Rockman's and reached up to caress his cheek. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard, still struggling against the urge to delete her.

"Roll," he breathed as a single tear slid down his cheek. "I don't…want to hurt you."

The tear fell onto Roll's hand, wetting her fingertips. She tried to smile at him, but could feel her own eyes growing damp.

"It's alright, Rock," she whispered softly. "I trust you."

Roll stepped forward one final time, bringing herself right up against him. She slipped her hands under his arms, gently hugging his chest. Such a position gave him full mobility – if he wanted to hurt her, she couldn't stop him. But he continued to shake, staring over her shoulder into the empty air, though she half-expected him to attack her.

"Roll…" She could feel the corners of his lips move against her jaw.

"I'm here," she murmured, leaning her cheek against his. "And I'm not leaving. Not now, not ever!"

His breathing became evermore laboured, and his trembling increased. Almost unconsciously, she began to run her hands over his back in an effort to quieten him. Her touch was feather-light, her arms around him soft – giving him the opportunity to pull away if he wanted to.

He didn't. Rockman continued to shudder and Roll continued to hold him and whisper soothing phrases. How long they stayed in that position, Roll couldn't say – to her, the seconds seemed to drag by like years, each one their own private eternity. Until a high, keening moan broke from Rockman, sounding as though he were in pain.

"Rockman!" Roll cried in worry, pulling back slightly to try and look at his face.

His wail seemed to intensify at her movement, so she quickly pressed herself to him again and was rewarded when the eerie sound abated slightly.

"It's okay, it's okay, it's okay," she repeated over and over again. "Easy, easy – I'm right here with you, it's going to be alright."

One hand snaked around in front of him and caressed his face, moving blindly over eyelid, cheek, lips, chin.

"It's okay," Roll repeated, "You won't hurt me, we'll get through this, we will! We'll make it through because…"

She swallowed. Even though she knew Rockman loved her, she was just so accustomed to bottling up her feelings that it seemed awkward to say it now.

'He has to know,' she reminded herself. 'You know how he feels, but he doesn't know how you feel. It's time to remedy that.'

Roll took a deep breath, leaned herself into him and said softly, "I love you, Rockman."

She kissed him delicately on the cheek.

Rockman moved then, but not to hit her. Instead he clutched at Roll desperately, arms wrapping around her and crushing her against his body. Roll let out a startled squeak at the pressure, but didn't stop hugging him. She continued to chant reassurances as he bowed his head, pressing his face into her neck.

She could feel his ragged breath on her skin, his lips forming one word, over and over.

"Roll, Roll, Roll, Roll …"

He was repeating her name. Repeating it as though it were the rope leading him out of the dark pit. It was an exclamation of gratitude, a reverent prayer, a tremulous confirmation and a desperate plea all at once.

Ignoring the pain of his constricting grasp, she scattered soft kisses across his face, reaffirming her love again and again. Rockman was rocking them gently back and forth, clinging to Roll as a man lost at sea clings to the driftwood that promises deliverance. It was as though he were being swept away on the black tide of Hawk's control, his only salvation to hold her, use her as an anchor to hold onto himself.

"Roll," he whispered again.

"I'm here, I'm with you," she whispered back. "I love you."

Glyde and Iceman plodded after Rush, panting heavily as they hovered on the edge of exhaustion.

"Hey, can you slow down?" Iceman called, waving his arms in protest.

With a slight yip, Rush obediently slackened his pace.

"At last," Glyde gasped, drawing deep breaths. "A respite."

Iceman nodded, then blinked. "Hey, what's that?"

Glyde followed Iceman's gaze. A gigantic red hawk was swooping through the digital sky, wings beating steadily. And it looked like it was headed in their direction.

"Didn't Roll mention she and Rockman were attacked by a giant hawk?" Iceman asked.

"She did indeed," Glyde murmured, watching the creature make it's progress towards them.

"Should we..?"

"I think we should." Glyde then directed his comment to the humans he knew were watching. "We are going to confront a navi that seems to fit Miss Roll's description of the bird that she and Rockman. Hopefully, we will learn a little more about these happenings."

Together he, and Iceman prepared for battle.

"Be careful!" Yuuichiro warned. "This will probably be a tough fight."

"And it might all come to nothing," Yaito pointed out. "We don't know if the bird had something to do with it, or if it simply took advantage of an opportunity to attack."

"That's true," Tohru admitted.

"Well, at least we've got a lead," Meiru said, peering at the bird on the screen.

"I sure hope it's a good one," Netto said, a hint of glumness in his tone. "This whole episode has been really creepy."

Meiru smiled, hearing the obvious worry for Rockman in his voice. Then, before she could lose her nerve, she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

Netto flushed beet red and stammered out, "Wh-What was th-that for?"

"To cheer you up," Meiru explained, colouring herself. "Why, didn't you like it?"

"I never said that."

"I bet on him liking it a bit too much," Yaito muttered under her breath, causing Tohru to snicker and Lan's father to smile.

"Okay, now remember, just throw the Containment Collar on the bird, and it'll be trapped. Then we can take it back to the Sci Lab to try and figure out what role – if any – it plays in this."

"I'm sure Glyde gets it, Dr. Hikari," Meiru chuckled, "That's the fifth time you've explained it."

"I'm just making sure they know what to do."

"Yeah, right, Dad," Netto grinned. "Are you sure you're not just rambling?"

"Never mind about that!" Yaito snapped. "Here it comes!"

Iceman tensed, and Glyde tightened his grip on the slender blue ring that was the Containment Collar.

"On the count of three," Tohru coached Iceman. "One…two…THREE!"

The tiny navi fired a blast of freezing snow at the flying bird as it tracked overhead. Wings and body encased in ice in a matter of moments, the bird began to fall. Startlingly, it vanished in mid-air, and all that was falling was a red navi, his legs frozen to the hip in ice.

"What happened? Was he riding that bird?" Netto exclaimed as the navi hit the floor.

The ice shattered with the impact and the navi reeled to his feet, looking dazed.

"Don't give him a chance to recover!" Yaito yelled, "You have to freeze him again!"

"You heard her, Iceman. Go to it!" Tohru instructed.

As the navi was pelted with blinding snow, Glyde began moving in to put the Containment Collar on him.

But suddenly the blizzard was diverted on the edges of two giant, gleaming blades that spun towards Iceman.

"Dodge!" Tohru yelled and Iceman threw himself to the side, the blades passing less than an inch from his body.

Now the navi's attention turned to Glyde.

"Freedom's Tether!" he bellowed, pointing his hand at his new target.

A glowing red cord erupted from his palm and snaked towards Glyde like a whip, contacting his leg and wrapping tightly around it. The navi released the cord, and the end anchored itself to the floor, effectively trapping Glyde in place. Forming the same gleaming blades that had attacked Iceman, the navi hurled them at the helpless Glyde.

"Oh, no!" Meiru squeaked, clapping her hands to her face.

"Iceman, get in there!" Tohru said, though everyone could see he would be too late.

But Yaito had not lost her cool. "Area Steal, battle chip in, download!"

Glyde vanished out of the blades' path, reappearing behind the attacking navi.

"The Containment Collar, now!" Yuuichiro yelled.

Glyde jammed the blue ring over the navi's head. Instantly he went rigid, arms snapping to his sides and legs ramming together as though pulled by magnets. Unbalanced, the navi wavered for a few seconds, and finally fell.

"Whew!" Tohru sighed. "Job well done, Iceman."

"Nice work," Yaito also praised her navi.

"You do know that it's illegal to download battle chips in Internet City, right?" Yuuichiro addressed the blonde.

Yaito sniffed and tossed her head. "These were extenuating circumstances!"

"Come on Dad, can't you let it slide just this once? She was trying to help get Rockman back!" Netto said.

"All right, just this once." Yuuichiro's smile belied his stern words.

"What's your name?" they heard Glyde ask the captured navi.

"Hawk," came the reply. "And I see the game is up. Oh well, it was enough that I exacted my vengeance; I never expected to get away with it."

Netto felt a chill creep up his spine. "What do you mean?"

Hawk smiled blandly, the smile of a man who knows he is caught, but doesn't care because he has done what he set out to do. "Because of Rockman I lost someone very important to me, know Rockman has lost someone very important to him."

Meiru went white. "Oh no, Roll!"

Netto clasped her hand tightly.

"Precisely," Hawk chuckled. "I sent him mad, and left her to him. He's probably deleted her by now, but feel free to go and find him. I'd bring him back to normal for you, but…"

He looked pointedly at his immobile limbs.

"How do you get Rockman back to normal?" Netto asked, not really expecting a reply.

He was surprised when he received one. "The blue data sphere in my left hand."

Glyde checked, and sure enough, there was a small ball of navy data.

"Just configure that back to Rockman's normal specifics," Hawk supplied as Glyde looked at it blankly.

"Just why are you being so helpful?" Yuuichiro asked suspiciously.

Another smile. "I've already accomplished my goal. Even if you bring him back, Rockman awakes with the memory of having destroyed the being he loved."

He laughed at their horrified faces. Meiru felt herself becoming teary-eyed as the navi before them coldly talked of Roll's deletion. Noticing her distress, Netto put an arm around her comfortingly.

"You should have seen the look on Rockman's face when I told him what he was going to do," Hawk continued. "He looked as though he'd prefer I deleted him instead. But that would not have been revenge. Deletion is swift, permanent, and the navi cannot suffer any longer. But Rockman will suffer each and every day in the knowledge that she is gone, worse, the knowledge that he is the reason she is gone."

Another cruel laugh. "Do you think it will destroy him? Don't you find it strange that I, alone and weak, have succeeded where great organizations like World Three failed? They concentrated only on triumph, on battles. But I concentrated on the pain. To truly break someone you must determine what would cause them the deepest agony, the most unbearable torment."

" 'The cunning warrior attacks neither the body or mind, but the heart.' " Glyde quoted, sickened by the concept.

Hawk nodded, looking pleased. "I could not have phrased it better. It is not physical torture that destroys – it is emotional. So, for a navi like Rockman, you cannot employ physical pain, you must-"

"SHUT UP!"

Everyone turned, expecting Netto to have shouted, but they were mistaken. Meiru stood in front of the console, fists clenched, eyes glaring straight at Hawk.

"You are nothing," the red head said to him, voice dangerously calm and filled with venom. "You are less than nothing. You are a depraved, sadistic psychopath who is about to locked up for the rest of your miserable, wretched existence. So excuse me if I ignore your little ego trip."

Everyone, even Hawk, gaped at Meiru's rant. Yaito was the first to regain her senses and asked Glyde to knock the red navi unconscious, which he did with certain amount of glee.

"Wow, Meiru!" Netto cheered, "I didn't think you had it in you!"

"Yeah, well, he was annoying me," Meiru said sadly, depressed at the thought of Roll being deleted.

"Hey, it'll be okay," Netto soothed, reaching out to hug her gently. "You said it yourself, he's a first-rate nutcase. Roll's probably fine."

"You think?"

"Definitely!"

"Thanks," Meiru sniffed. "I really needed to hear that."

"Hey, no problem." Netto reached out and traced the skin on her cheek.

Almost instantly the atmosphere changed, becoming electrically charged. Meiru and Netto both blushed, and smiled almost timidly at each other. Meiru was uncomfortably aware of just how close Netto was, and he was all-too aware of just how nice it felt to hold her. They were moving closer when Yuuichiro's voice pulled them back into reality.

"I'm done reconfiguring the data sphere, Rockman should be back to normal now."

Both Netto and Maylu jumped and sprang apart, trying to pretend nothing had happened.

"So, Iceman and Glyde follow Rush again?" Tohru asked.

"Yes, with a bit of luck, they'll find Rockman soon."

The unspoken question on everyone's lips was what condition they would find him in, and if they would find Roll unharmed.