Thank you to all my loyal fans who keep suggesting things for my sketches and who keep coming back to see if I've updated. I'm sorry that I took so long to update. I had a little trouble figuring out how to do the parrot sketch, since that was obviously what everyone wanted. (That one's funny mostly because of the specific words chosen, rather than merely what they do, like most of the other sketches.) I still have no idea how this sketch is going to turn out because of that. If it turns out badly, remember that you guys suggested it. You may only throw rotten tomatoes at yourselves! Ha!

Colonel Mustang entered a pet shop. "Wait a minute," said Ed, "I'm supposed to be the main character in your sketches!"

"Not this time," I said, "You're not even in this sketch. At least, you're not supposed to be, even though you're barging in apparently."

"But I want to be in the sketch!" he said.

"Listen, do you want to be put in another sketch like that one from Life of Brian?" I said.

Ed shudders at the thought, and meekly said, "…no."

"Then be a good boy and get out of the way, so I can do the sketch," I said.

So, Ed stepped out of the way. Now the sketch can continue.

So, Colonel Mustang entered a pet shop. Since you guys seem to want Havoc in the picture, he'll be the one behind the counter. Mustang said to Havoc, "Hello, I'd like to register a complaint."

Havoc just did that strange blanked-out look he often gives with the cigarette sticking out of his mouth. Mustang reached over and slapped him. "Get back to reality!" he said, "I told you that I need to make a complaint!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," said Havoc, "What can I do for you?"

"Well," said Mustang, "It seems that the parrot that I bought from this pet shop not more than half an hour ago is dead!"

"That's supposed to be spread between several lines, you know," said Havoc.

"What the heck?" said Mustang.

"You're not supposed to condense several lines' worth of dialogue into one line," said Havoc.

"I am Colonel Mustang, and you are my subordinate. I will do as I like," he said.

"Uh…" said Havoc, "I don't think that that applies here."

"Right, let's get on with the sketch," said Mustang, "This bird is dead."

"No, he's not, he's resting," said Havoc, "He got all worn out from a prolonged squawk."

"If he's resting, then I'll see if I can wake him up," said Mustang, who promptly started banging the cage. "Hello, Polly, I've got a nice cuddle bone for you if you come to!"

To this, Havoc reached over and hit the cage. "See? He moved!" he said.

"He didn't move," said Mustang, "You did!"

"I did not!" said Havoc.

"Yes, you did!" said Mustang.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

Finally, Edward rushed into the pet shop and said, "Okay, break it up, you guys. If I can't be in the sketch, the least you two could do is at least do a good job of it!"

"You think we're not doing a good job of it, FullMetal?" said Mustang.

"I could do a better job than you," said Edward, "At least the sketch would get moving if I did it. With you, it's just dragging on, and on, and on, and on, and on…"

"Ok, I get your point!" said Mustang, "Why don't you see if you can outshine me?"

"Really?" said Ed, "I thought that I wasn't going to be in this sketch!"

"I didn't either, but the author does like you best, so she found a way to get you in there somewhere. Now here," said Mustang as he handed Ed the cage, "Get me a replacement parrot."

So, Ed took a whack at it. "I'll prove that this bird is dead," said Ed. He took out the bird and whacked it on the counter. "Hey, Polly, wake up!" He threw it on the floor, it still didn't wake up. He even stomped on it (with his auto-mail leg, of course) and smashed it to bits. "There does that prove that it's dead?" said Ed.

"Yeah, you've convinced me that it's dead," said Havoc, "But I'm positive that it was alive until you did your little demonstration!"

"It was not, it was dead before I even got it!" said Ed.

"You have no proof of that," said Havoc.

Suddenly, Major Armstrong bust into the store and said, "You need proof? I've give you all the proof you need!" With that, he threw off his shirt, and flexed his muscles in Havoc's face. "There's no denying the melody these muscles are singing. Can't you hear it?"

"Uh…" said Havoc.

"What about my replacement?" said Mustang, "I need to get a replacement parrot."

"Why did you even get a parrot?" said Edward, "I didn't think that you liked anything unless it absolutely followed its master's orders."

"I don't, normally," said Mustang, "I just wanted to have an excuse to say 'This is an ex-parrot."

"Ha!" said Havoc, "Then you admit to knowing that the bird was dead before you bought it! Hence, I cannot give you a refund!"

"But you admit to knowing that it was dead initially!" said Mustang, "Being a pet, you are required to give me a refund for such a situation!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

Ed put his hands over his ears. These people were just pure idiots. He wasn't going to hang around them anymore. So, he left the store.

As soon as he stepped out of the store, however, he was run over by an old lady on a motorcycle. What was on the back of her jacket? "Hell's Grannies"

So, Pride walked onto the scene out of nowhere and said, "Ok, that's enough! This is just getting way too silly! Of course, I like that part about Edward getting run over. I want to see that again."

So, the rest of the Hell's Grannies came and ran over Edward's dead body as well, all the while Pride was having the time of his life watching. Then, the old ladies turned around and ran over Pride too. Of course, I wouldn't worry too much about them. They'll be alive again in the next chapter.

But, you know what they always say, "Pride cometh before a fall." How exactly does that apply again?

"Ouch!" said Edward, "That hurt!"

"You're telling me?" said Pride.

After seeing this, all the little old ladies freaked out and ran screaming down the street, where they were apprehended by the police and taken into custody. Hence, we have a very strange but happy ending!