Thank you so much to all my loyal fans, readers, and reviewers! Thanks especially to those who have been giving me suggestions on what to write about. I keep forgetting your pen names, but you know who you are. Someone suggested this sketch, and several people suggested some of the things in the previous sketch. I thank you all so much, you've been most helpful!

Ed and Al sat down on a couch in front of the television.

"I wonder what's on the television?" said Al.

"Looks like a penguin," said Ed.

"I didn't mean 'What's on the television set', I meant what program?" said Al.

"Oh, right," said Ed, "Strange that penguin being there. You know, if it laid an egg, it would fall down the back of the television set."

"How could it lay an egg?" said Al, "It's just a stupid looking plastic penguin!"

As if not hearing Al at all, Ed continued, "I wonder where it came from? Maybe it came from next door?"

"Penguins don't come from next door, they come from the Antarctic!" said Al.

"But you just said that it was a plastic penguin," said Ed.

"Well, yeah, but you were just saying...oh whatever," said Al.

"Maybe it came from the zoo," Ed mused.

"Brother, are you even listening to me? It's a plastic penguin, it didn't come from the zoo, next door, or the Antarctic!" said Al.

"Of course, if it came from the zoo, it would have 'Property of the Zoo' stamped on it," said Ed.

"They don't stamp animals at the zoo," said Ed.

"Why of course they do," said Ed, "How else can they prove that they own them?"

"I think that the fact that they're the only ones in town with a penguin is enough proof," said Al.

"Then this IS their penguin!" said Ed, "We need to get it back to them right away."

"Are you even listening to me?" said Al, "That is a PLASTIC penguin! It's not alive, it didn't come from the zoo, the Antarctic, next door, or any other strange place you might think of."

"Then where did it come from?" said Ed.

"Winry gave it to you for your birthday last week," said Al.

"Did she steal it from the zoo?" said Ed.

"For the last time, Brother, that. is. a. plastic. penguin. It. is. not. alive." said Al, trying to speak calmly through his gritted teeth, as well as one can grit teeth in a suit of armor.

"What makes you think that it's not alive?" asked Ed.

"Well, just by the fact that it's not moving," said Al.

"I think it's just resting," said Ed.

"Oh, please, Brother, let's not have another sketch like that dead parrot sketch!" said Al.

"You mean it's a dead penguin?" said Ed.

"No, it's plastic, it never was alive!" said Al.

"But if it's not alive, then it must be dead," said Ed.

"Well..." said Al.

"So who killed it?" said Ed.

"NOBODY KILLED IT! IT WAS NEVER ALIVE! IT'S MADE OUT OF PLASTIC!" said Al, losing his patience. Ed was dense sometimes, but he'd never seen him this dense before.

"Geez, you didn't have to shout," said Ed, "I was only wondering if you knew who the murderer was."

Just then, Roy Mustang stepped into the room, wearing a trench coat, detective hat, and a pipe. "Did you say there was a murder here?" said Roy.

"No, it's just..." started Al.

"So, you deny it!" said Mustang.

"No, no, it's just that someone killed that penguin!" said Ed.

"Aha! I knew it!" said Mustang.

"You knew what?" said Al.

"This is an obvious case of murder. Actually, not murder, but like murder only it begins with a 'B'," said Mustang.

"What else can be like murder?" said Al.

"You mean, burglary?" said Ed.

"That's it, burglary!" said Mustang, "This is an obvious case of burglary!"

"How does burglary have anything to do with murder? They're nothing like each other!" said Al.

"Now we're nit-picking, are we?" said Mustang, "Do you expect me to actually differentiate the two? Sometimes I can get involved in a burglary that is a murder as well, so it's both. Geez, you're just as bad as a judge."

"But why do you say that this is a case of burglary? Winry gave Ed this penguin for his birthday!" said Al.

"I knew it! You stole it from Winry!" said Mustang.

"No we didn't! She GAVE it to us!" said Al.

"Who gave it to you?" said Mustang.

"Winry!" said Al.

"What? Where?" said Mustang as he looked around.

"No, she's not here. I just meant that she gave us the penguin!" said Al.

"Do you have proof of that?" said Mustang.

"Don't even ask that question," said Al, remembering how Major Armstrong always manages to show up anytime a question like that is asked.

Just then, the TV turned on, and the man on the set said, "It is now time for the penguin on top of your TV set to explode."

So, Mustang turned and faced the TV, snapped his fingers, and blew up the penguin.

"Wow! The guy's psychic!" said Ed.

"But Brother, he didn't..." Al began.

Edward was dancing and skipping around the room, singing, "Ding dong, the penguin's dead, the wicked penguin's dead!"

"Brother, it was never alive in the first place!" said Al.

Now both Edward and Mustang had locked elbows and were dancing around in circles, singing, "Ding dong, the penguin's dead, the wicked penguin's dead!"

Al jumped up, and ran out of the room, screaming.

Ed and Roy stopped dancing. Ed turned to Roy and said, "Gee, you were right, Roy. Acting dense really does make him freak out."

"See what I told you?" said Roy, "Now pay up!"