Disclaimer: I don't own nuttin.

Khalan: I do!

Sapphire: Oh yeah? What do you own?

Khalan: Love and a soul. (nods seriously)

Sapphire: Oh how poetic. Too bad it was lame.

(Khalan weeps silently. TT)

XXXxxxXXX

Sapphire ran after him. "No, the kitty!"

"Nya! What about my match?" called Eiji. Sapphire popped back with a "poof"!

"Let's get this party started!" Kahlan yelled out of the blue, holding her imaginary microphone again.

Sapphire popped up behind her and started singing, "Get this party started on a Saturday night, everybody's waitin for me

to arrive!"

"No, they're waiting for me to arrive!" Kahlan insisted.

"In your dreams!"

"A-hem..."

"Oh, yes! The match!" said Sapphire. She took a stance in the middle of the court before realising something was wrong. "I

don't have a racket," she said.

XXXxxxXXX

A few minutes later, some helpful kid had fetched Sapphire an old rotting racket to play with. Though it had huge patches of missing strings she was sure it would do

just fine. "Okay... let's get this started!" she said, grinning competitively at Eiji. "Rally first serve?"

"Oh you can go first," he said chivalrously. "Since you're a girl."

Sapphire's eye twitched. "Oh we'll see about this you cocky bastard," she muttered. She tossed the ball up into the air, raised her arm to serve it forehand, and...

"GO SAPPHIREEEEE!" Khalan wailed from the sidelines, punching a fist randomly and concussing the person next to her (she didn't notice.)

The ball came down and bounced off Sapphire's head with a "Donnggg" sound. She went slightly cross-eyed and stood in shock.

Eiji stared.

"(cough) Uh, lemme try that again," Sapphire said nervously. "No interruptions this time," she added, glaring at Khalan.

"What?" Khalan asked, confused. Beside her, the person she'd socked slowly rose to his feet. He turned to be quite tall and scary looking. Khalan sweatdropped.

"Ehe... hey?" she said nervously. "How ya doin?"

"Sss... You just punched me," said Kaidoh.

Khalan opened her mouth to deny it, then paused. "...Did you just hiss?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Kaidoh shuffled his feet. "Uh..." I thought people always found it cool... he thought nervously.

Meanwhile, Sapphire took the advantage of Khalan being distracted to make her serve. Eiji hit it back easily, thinking to go easy on her because she didn't seem too great. "Yes, easy serve!" Sapphire yelled, running forward, bringing her arm back. "POWER HIT!" she screamed, swinging the racket forward forcefully. Instead of the "THWACK!" she was anticipating, there was a soft, wimpy "swwsh." She looked behind her and saw that the ball had flown through one of the gaping holes in her crap racket and was lying harmlessly on the ground. "The hell?" she said incredulously. Eiji snickered. "That's NOT FAIR!" she yelled.

Meanwhile, Khalan was talking earnestly with Kaidoh about identity crises. "It's okay to think you're a snake," she said in the soothing tone of voice used with mental patients. "I mean, Sapphire went through this phase... thought she was a potato peeler..."

"What!"

"Did I say that out loud?"

"I heard that!" Sapphire yelled from the court. "And it wasn't a potato peeler, it was a clothes hanger!"

"Passing over the clothes hangers..." said Eiji with a sweatdrop. "Do you think we could continue our game?"

"Okay!" Sapphire ran over and picked up the ball. "Fifty-nothin!" she announced, tossing the ball up and hitting it over the net.

"What?" asked Eiji, catching the ball.

"FOUL!" Sapphire screamed.

"But..."

"Sixty-nuttin!"

"Do you even know how the scoring system works?" Eiji put his hands on his hips.

"Don't take that attitude with me, mister! And no talking on court!" Sapphire fumnbled around for a whistle, realised she didn't have one, and tried to whistle with her two fingers. She made a feeble sort of "pthhht" sound and saliva drooled down on her wrist.

"That's disgusting!" Khalan yelled.

"Well you're no Prom Queen either!"

"Oh yeah? Where'd I get the scepter?" Khalan whipped out a scepter from God-knows-where and flourished it with a triumphant grin.

"Where did you get the scepter?"

"Uh..."

"I WANNA SCEPTER!"

Eiji, getting bored with this, hit the ball over the net to Sapphire. "Back to the ga-" he started as warning, but the ball had already hit Sapphire in the side of the head. She toppled over.

"Oops," remarked Eiji.

"Yay, you killed her. NOW how the hell am I supposed to get home?" Khalan yelled, glaring at him.

"Walk?" he suggested.

"Cuz you can just walk to Canada across the ocean," she said sarcastically.

"Canada? What's a Canada?"

"I rest my case."

"So... what are we gonna do with her?" asked Ryoma, who had up til now been standing quietly stroking his cat like Dr. Evil. He nudged Sapphire with his toe.

"Fuck off!" she snarled, smacking his foot away and curling into a ball. "I don't wanna wake up! Mommy go away! ...Assume the fetal postition... nothing can hurt you...:" she muttered, rocking back and forth.

"Mommy?" Ryoma repeated.

"Sapphire looked up tentatively. Her brow furrowed. "Mommy doesn't have hairy legs does she?" she asked, reaching up and poking his leg. "Ooh fuzzy," she said.

Ryoma backed away quickly. When he thought no one was watching, he looked down. "They're not that bad..." he muttered in a whiney voice.

"Well, back to the game!" Sapphire announced, grabbing the ball and leaping back up. "Seven-hundred-love!" she yelled. "Mommy, stay back!" she warned. "Things could get messy," she added in a low voice. She drew her arm back to serve, then looked over her shoulder and added. "And wax those legs. Not very ladylike." She dropped the ball and attempted toserve. The ball hit the racket and the head fell off. Both toppled to the ground. Sapphire stared.

"Dammit Khalan gimme your scepter!" She yelled, snatching it from Khalan's hands. "Hold this." She thrust the ball into her hands. "Now... when I say ready, you pitch!" She stepped back and wound up. "Now!"

Khalan didn't move.

"I said now, ya bimbo!"

"I thought you said 'ready'."

Sapphire sighed. "Okay. Ready!"

Khalan pitched the ball as hard as she could towards Eiji. It hit him squarely on the head.

"Wtf?" screamed Eiji. A red mark could be seen on his forhead.

Sapphire stared at Khalan. "I meant to me, you idiot." she said dead-panned.

"Oh, heh heh..." Khalan said with a sweatdrop. "Sorry bout that..."

"Can we please get back to the game?"

"Sure, whatever."

"Finally!"

Well that's all at the moment! Review pweazze or no more story! (holds a lighter up to paper)