Author's notes: x6truelove6x and I have compiled a soundtrack for this story! Please visit(bonibonichan. livejournal. com) without the spacesfor the link to the songs you can download for listening to while you read, and drop my cohort a thank you for being so helpful! A track will be present for each coming chapter as well! The song for this chapter is "A Lonely September" by The Plain White T's.
Now, Sakai Michiba presents:
Unfulfilled
Part 31 of the Smitten series
So time went on. The world did not come to a stop because Remus Lupin and Sirius Black broke up, not for the rest of the population anyway. Remus had never been more lonely in his entire life, and he could see that Sirius was, too. They would talk to each other (they had to—the Marauder's Map was well under way and they needed to work closely together), but they could not really talk. If they touched on accident (or even if on purpose), they would both apologize profusely and look into each other, trying to tell if it was on purpose or not.
At Christmas, Sirius went home with James, leaving Remus at school with Peter. Together, they worked on the map, exploring parts of the castle they would not have been able to get to secretly when the students were there. On Christmas Eve, Remus lay on the couch in the common room and stared at the fireplace, remembering a year ago when he and Sirius lay together on the hearth in companionable silence. He remembered the giving of gifts, the unrestrained sex on James's bed, and he closed his eyes. He missed Sirius. "I miss you," he whispered in a hoarse voice, saying it aloud for the first time and feeling emotion swell in his chest. Sitting up, he hunched over and shook his head. "Sirius…" It was a pitiable sound, a loud moan grumbling with depression.
Lily Evans heard that as she came downstairs, and she felt tears in her eyes. "Hey, Remus," she said quietly, and she went to the couch, sitting beside him and wrapping her arm around his shoulder. She felt him shaking. "Remus, don't. He misses you more than anything and you know it. All you have to do is go ask for him back. That's all…" She closed her eyes as he turned into her and hid his face in her shoulder. "He writes to me every day, asking me about you."
Remus shook his head. "Don't tell him anything, Lily. Please. Don't tell him a damn thing because I have a life of my own and he shouldn't be asking about me!" His hands clutched into fists, and he wanted Lily to leave him alone. He was much too polite to say so.
"I don't. Did you get him anything for Christmas?" she inquired, and by his silence, she knew that was a yes. He reached into his robes and pulled out a chocolate, wrapped in foil with the words, 'I miss you,' raised above the rest of the chocolate. Lily's eyes widened a little, and she took it from his hand. "Remus, it's Christmas Eve. You need to send it."
Remus shook his head and took it back from her. "No. He'll never have it." He stuck it back in his robes and pulled away from her, looking back at the fire. "Did you get Prongs anything?" he asked in a low, tired voice, and he gave a little smile as she nodded. "Good. Prongs is really a good man. He'll do good by you.."
Lily sighed and leaned over to kiss his cheek. "Sirius would do good by you, Remus. I think you should tell him." She stood up and shoved her hands in her pockets, smiling lightly at him. "He got you something, too, but he's sent it." When Remus looked up at her with a look of horror, she smiled and left him there, going back upstairs.
When Sirius woke up in the morning, he looked over at James and sighed. "Presents!" he exclaimed to wake him up, and he sat up, looking through his heap of gifts at the bottom of the bed. He wanted something, anything from Remus, but there was nothing. Slumping, he closed his eyes and touched his forehead. "Nothing."
James frowned at him; he had no idea what to say.
Remus woke up to find a pile of gifts, topped by a tiny little box. His eyes widened and he brought it into his hands, pulling off the wrapping and opening a tiny golden box. A tinkling tune filled the room, unrecognizable to him, but it made his eyes fill with tears. Inside was tucked a small note, and he pulled it out, unfolding it and reading it.
'I love you even if you don't love me back…'
When the Christmas break was over, Remus noticed that Sirius never quite looked at him, and he wanted him to. Had Sirius looked at him and pulled him close and kissed him, he would have succumbed to him and done anything he wanted. Instead, when he went over to him and lay his hand on his arm, Sirius pulled away and shook his head. "No, Remus," he said quietly. "Don't."
Thus, Remus Lupin learned to get over Sirius Black.
Sixth year came to an end, and Sirius went home with James for the summer. He had been officially disowned by his family and had nothing to his name, but the Potters were only too glad to take him in.
Remus went home to Flora, spending most of the summer buried in books. Flora watched her son lie on the couch and get lost in alternate worlds all summer, unable to handle what was going on in the real world. She spent as much time with him as she could, but he pushed her away.
Every night, Remus lay in bed, his hand pumping his cock desperately. Every time he thought of Sirius when he lay down, his blood all rushed downward, and he would spread his legs and jerk off as though he would never jerk off again. He could feel Sirius's hands on him, feel his lips sucking on his neck and the insides of his thighs, and he would choke and cry out into his pillow, soaking his sheets in come and feeling more unfulfilled than he ever had before.
Little did he know that across the miles, Sirius spent every night doing the same thing.
When school started again, Remus and Sirius rarely spoke. They did not really have time to—the teachers were laying it on thick for their N.E.W.T.s—and Remus was rather glad that they could not talk. He would have yelled at him, smacked him, anything, when he really just wanted to kiss him. Their progress on the Marauder's Map was phenomenal. They were nearly finished, only lacking a few rooms Sirius suspected existed and at least one more secret tunnel. Eventually, the two boys got comfortable enough as friends when they worked on the Map that they could argue and laugh and help each other, but they never looked each other in the eyes.
