Author's notes: Please visit (sakaim. livejournal. com) for the link to the downloadable soundtrack for this story. This chapter corresponds with Silverchair's "After All These Years."
Now, Sakai Michiba presents:
Putting It All Behind Us
Part 32 of the Smitten series
Remus watched as his friends became closer the longer the war went on. James and Lily were becoming inseparable, spending all their time together especially as N.E.W.T.s drew near. Sirius was always with them, but Remus helped him study for his Charms examination, knowing that he would likely be lost without it. Tensions were running wild—James and Lily had taken to sleeping together every afternoon to "relieve the stress of upcoming exams." Remus thought it was a load of bullocks. He had to study, too, and it forced him to spend time with Sirius that he would not have otherwise.
They were still a foursome every full moon, and Remus would let himself go, getting lost in the wolf's senses. The wolf sought Sirius out always, and the two canines would romp and play together, much to Remus's utter embarrassment the next morning. When James asked him about it, he claimed that it was not his fault at all; the wolf recognized Sirius as being the first canine he had come in contact with and it was emblazoned in the wolf's memory, the licks and the playfulness they had once shared. It was a half-truth.
The weather was growing warm as exams drew closer, and Remus realized then how very close the end of it all was. No more Hogwarts would mean no more being around Sirius all the time, would mean he was done, he was cast out into the wizarding world in the middle of a war and no chance of getting a reputable job. It often distracted him from his studies, and he would stare out the window at James and Sirius practicing on the Quidditch pitch to relieve their nerves. He wanted to play, too. He looked down to his notes and saw that he had scribbled in the margins.
Tempus fugit. "Isn't that the truth?" he asked in a low voice, and he crumpled the page. Time flies…Hardly yesterday, he had been out playing Quidditch with James, Sirius, and Peter during the summer at the Potters', and now everything was just so fucked up. He smiled a little when James and Sirius suddenly veered off-course and flew close to the castle, seeking him out in the window they knew he was studying by. James gave him a laughing wave, and Sirius shot him a thrilling grin, a thumbs up. Remus threw open the window and hung his head outside, relishing in the feel of the wind as it caught his hair and whipped it about him.
"Come play with us, Moony!" Sirius laughed, and he flew right up to the window. "Come on, get on. I'll fly with you." He scooted forward on his broom, getting very close to the window. Remus felt his heart flutter, and he forgot the studies completely. Standing on the windowsill, he eased out onto the broom and placed his hands on Sirius's hips, his familiar hips. Sirius laughed at him and brought his hands around him. "Don't be daft. You'll fall off. Hold on—we're going flying." And suddenly, they were screaming through the air, Remus clutching Sirius with wide eyes. He had never ridden a broom like this.
"Be careful!" he snapped, but there was laughter in his voice, and he gave Sirius a squeeze. He could smell him, the smell of summer and the love they used to share, and he let himself bury his head in Sirius's neck, smelling him and loving him all over again. He felt one of Sirius's hands on one of his, and he held onto it, lacing their fingers. They could pretend, if only just for now. Neither of them noticed that James never followed as they flew out over the lake, the wind whipping through their hair and their clothes and chilling them lightly, but Remus was warm and content. His eyes opened, and he looked down at their reflection on the choppy water with a gentle sigh that he did not even hear due to the wind, and he could see Sirius grinning.
To Remus's surprise, Sirius slowed the broom down, nearly out of sight of the castle, and they stopped there over the lake. Remus wondered briefly if Sirius was going to drown him—he was not the best swimmer. The thought was laughable, and when he chuckled and buried his face in thick black hair, he heard Sirius laugh, too. "Remus, I want to talk to you about something. S'why I brought you out here…"
Remus's heart jumped, and he pulled his head back a little to compose himself and give a little nod. "All right, then. What do you want to talk about?" He placed his hands on the broom behind him and leaned back a little, careful not to upset the balance of the broom. He really did not want to be eaten by the Giant Squid. When Sirius turned around and looked at him, Remus felt very exposed.
"Well, James is going to propose to Lily, you know, and war leaves no time for waiting on anything. My Uncle Alphard left me a house and lots and lots of money, and you're…well, not with your condition, you won't be employed very readily, and I was wondering if maybe…" He swallowed hard and looked embarrassed. "Well, if you come stay with me, we can have a flat and you won't need to work, not really, because I just can't live by myself, Moony, and Peter wouldn't want to anyway." His voice grew quieter as he looked over his shoulder at Remus, and he felt his cheeks burning.
Remus stared at him for a moment, his face slowly working into a scowl. "I don't need any charity, Sirius," he said quietly, and he looked down. "I really, really don't need your charity. I can get by on my own." He was suddenly very ashamed of himself, and he could not seem to meet Sirius's eyes. "Don't feel like you have to, please…"
Sirius's eyes widened and she shook his head. "No! I didn't mean it like that. Remus, I can't live by myself. Please. People are getting killed, and if I die…who would know?" His voice was hushed, and Remus realized for the first time how afraid Sirius was of this war. "Remus, please come stay with me. I won't give you a damn thing if you don't want me to."
Remus closed his eyes and thought. It would be so hard living together like this, in constant confusion and need of one another with no release, but Sirius was right. They needed to stick together, and even if he did not want to say it aloud, he could not really support himself. "Okay," he heard before he even willed himself to say it. He looked up at Sirius and gave a little nod. "I will." He wanted it more than anything.
Sirius's eyes shone, and he gave a happy laugh. "Thank god!" he sighed, and he began to move the broom again, eyes closing as he felt Remus's arms slide around him again. He pretended it was because Remus was happy, that it was not about not falling into the lake. He leaned back into him again, and when he felt Remus's face slid in against his neck and felt him inhale his scent, Sirius wanted to kiss him. He missed Remus's lips, and it hurt that he could feel them against his hair but nowhere else. "Hold on," he whispered, and as Remus's embrace tightened, he skyrocketed the broom upward, taking off back toward the castle.
When they got back to the castle and landed the broom on the front lawn, Remus stepped shakily off and tried to regain his sense of balance, blushing a little as he stumbled and Sirius caught him from behind, righting him again and holding on for a moment that extended into eternity. Remus turned his head to look at him over his shoulder to find Sirius gazing sweetly into his eyes, and he leaned up a bit, not going all the way and waiting for it, waiting for Sirius to kiss him. He felt Sirius's nose brush his, felt his breath on his lips, and he pressed back into him needily, his tongue moving out to wet his lips quickly. "Kiss me, Sirius…" It was a breath.
"Er…Am I interrupting something?" Sirius was just about to close the half-inch between them when James coughed and cleared his throat, giving them a dirty look. Remus's cheeks lit aflame when he realized what they had been doing, and he pulled away quickly, clearing his throat.
"Not at all. I just fell getting off the broom; Sirius caught me. Still weak from the moon over the weekend, I guess." Remus straightened his robes and swallowed hard, unable to get over the feeling of Sirius holding onto him as he had. "Prat took me out over the lake and tried to drown me."
"I didn't!" Sirius protested, and his eyes widened as James upended him with the Levicorpus spell, snapping at him for jeopardizing the precious integrity of one Messr. Moony. Sirius yelled and fussed, thrashing in mid-air, and when Remus laughed and told James to let him go, Sirius fell awkwardly on the grass.
"Take me up to my window, one of you. You distracted me from my studies." His heart hammered when Sirius jumped at the chance, and he climbed on the back of the broom again, arms wrapping around his ex-boyfriend as they flew up and around the towers, back to the open window. When Remus climbed onto the windowsill, he slipped into the room and turned around to look at Sirius, blushing a little. "Thank you."
Sirius smiled very lightly and nodded his head, reaching out to him. Remus caught his hand and held it for a moment, his thumb rubbing his palm for a moment as Sirius leaned in through the window a little. "I miss you, Remus," he said quietly, and then he was gone.
Remus's eyes closed, and he sank back down to the chair where he had been sitting briefly before. "Miss you, too," he whispered to no one, and he felt himself smiling in spite of himself. Reaching into his robe, he drew out the tiny music box he had received from Sirius for Christmas his sixth year, and he opened it, listening to the tinkle of the song he recognized as "Howl at the Moon," a children's song he sang as a child.
Halloween night,
Moon shining bright.
You'll see such an amazing sight.
All of the wolves gather 'round.
They make a very sad and lonely sound.
Sadder than the wind through the trees,
It puts a lot of little goose bumps on me.
When the wolves sing their song,
They want you to sing along and . . .
Howl at the moon.
Howl at the moon.
Howl at the moon.
Howl at the moon.
They come from miles and miles away.
They sing all night and sleep all day.
Fat ones, skinny ones, tall ones, too,
But there's always room for you to . . .
Howl at the moon.
Howl at the moon.
Howl at the moon.
Howl at the moon.
They sing all night till the moon sinks low,
The sun comes up, and it's time to go.
They say goodbye without a tear.
They'll be back same time next year to . . .
Howl at the moon.
Howl at the moon.
Howl at the moon.
Howl at the moon.
When exams came upon them, Remus felt that he did fantastically on them. Sirius and James felt the same way, but Peter felt quite wretched over his. They shared a Butterbeer together out by the lake, trying to cheer Peter up over it and trying to cheer themselves up. Graduation was tomorrow.
Sirius and Remus had been quite shy of one another, not mentioning the almost-kiss and not mentioning the declaration Sirius had made in the tower window. They did, however, get flat catalogues sent to them from Hogsmeade to spend hours arguing over what they wanted. Remus had his mind made up on a flat in London, and finally Sirius agreed, sending the necessary owls.
Out by the lake, all that was forgotten now, and the four of them just wanted to forget everything. James was fooling with a little box he had in his pocket—he was going to propose the moment she finished her final exam, there by the lake with their friends. Sirius was lying in the grass with his head on one of Remus's books, and Remus was napping in the warm sun. James prodded him with his foot to see if he was really asleep, and when he did not move, he looked at Sirius. "The other day, you…almost kissed him, didn't you?"
Sirius blushed and rolled over, burying his face in the grass. "He asked me to." The warm grass muffled his voice, and he sneezed as a beetle attempted to conquer his nostril. Sitting up, he rubbed his nose and looked down at the sleeping Moony, that shock of blonde-brown hair hanging in his face and moved by his light snores. Sirius reached over and tucked the hair away behind his ear. "And I wanted him to ask me."
James watched his best friend with a sad expression. "Pads, don't get hurt again. Either of you. You nearly killed each other last time…" He ruffled his hair and looked up nervously as Lily came out of the castle, beautiful as ever. "Wake him up!"
Sirius shook Remus's shoulder and smiled as he came to, a grumpy look on his face. "What the hell? I was…oh!" He sat up and sat close to Sirius, staring as Lily approached them. "Hi, Lils! How'd it go!" he called, feeling Sirius's hand on his lower back. She laughed and hurried over, kissing James on the cheek before she sat down among them, green eyes glancing at the close proximity of Remus and Sirius. She said nothing about it.
"It went fine. I aced it for sure!" She smiled at Remus as he grinned widely at her, clueless that he was actually grinning because Sirius's hand was now rubbing him very gently up and down along his lower spine. He moved a little closer to him discreetly, feeling Sirius's fingers slide around his side and hold him there, and he glanced up at him.
"Wonderful!" James said, and he tugged her close, kissing her several times before he took her hand. "I want to ask you something, Lily." He buried his face against her neck, smiling before he brought her hand up to his lips and kissed her knuckles. Her face flushed and she looked to Remus, seeking a telling expression, but he was blank, staring at her.
"Okay…" she said quietly, and her eyes widened as James reached into his robes and pulled out a tiny velvet box, opening it for her and showcasing the silver and emerald ring. "Oh, James…"
"I want you to marry me, Lily," he said quietly, and he blushed as she looked into his eyes and slapped the hell out of him. "Wha—?" His hand lifted to his cheek, and he gawked at her.
"Damn you, James Potter! You shouldn't have spent this kind of money! Of course I'll marry you, you dolt!" She glared at him but melted as he pounced her and melded their lips together, her hands shaking as they came up to bury in his hair. The other three Marauders cheered them, Remus having an excuse to lean into Sirius and Sirius having a reason to cling to him.
It was a beautiful end to the happiest years of their lives.
