Entry 6- I Just Can't Pretend Anymore

After Colette recovered we were on the path of the Osso Trail. We traveled past some desert before coming upon the deserted trail. It seemed very old, but well used. We didn't go very far before we heard-

"Wait!" A young girl around my age jumped down from a low cliff. "Is the Chosen of Mana among you?" she asked, slightly out of breath. She had strange clothes that seemed to be from far away.

"Oh, that's me," Colette answered with her usual tone of happiness. She should have known to be not as naïve as she was to answer to strangers…but Colette was very naïve.

"Prepare to die!" the stranger responded and ran toward Colette. I, as well as everyone else, was not expecting this so we didn't act. Colette got rather startled though and fell backwards…opening a trap door…?

"Ohmygosh is she okay?" Colette asked looking down the dark hole, which she fell through.

Genis walked up and made some calculations determining she probably wasn't dead. "Well thank goodness," Colette said.

"You could have died!" Lloyd exclaimed.

"Well she won't want to kill me once we have had a chance to talk it over…"

Eventually we went to the port town of Izoold. It was a very small village, very welcoming. I went off to do my errands by buying fish. Everyone else went to stop in the inn or find a boat to take us to Palmacosta. And I saw the water for the first time. It was poetic.

The sun was directly overhead lighting the ocean perfectly. Little ripples were in the water from fish and the dark blue waters even twinkled. 'So there Kratos,' I thought.

Raine found me sitting by the water's edge near a small dock. "We found a boat," she said and smiled.

Thoda Geyser was the next stop. And I do remember that making our way through it was rather difficult. There was another puzzle, as there was in the last seal. Also the monsters were very different. Smarter and tougher. The monster guarding the seal was also hard for them to defeat. But they succeeded after many life bottles and healing.

As we left Colette fainted once again. She was getting sicker and sicker. Raine named it Angel Toxicosis.

That night I was having trouble sleeping again. I pulled my sleeping bag near Kratos and laid down on it. "How can you get any sleep at all? You hardly sleep during the day and you're night watch."

"I've never thought sleep was that important. Tiredness always got in the way of things."

That Kratos' way for sure. Once something bugs him he gets rid of it, no matter how important…even to his health.

"Oh yeah, by the way I think the ocean is very poetic," I said as I looked at the ocean before us. It was already nighttime, but the moon was shining on it, giving it a white glow.

"If you think so. It's very like you to just go against what I say though."

"Yep, its what I live for," I said and smiled. I sat up then.

We watched the ocean for a while, when I started to get sleepy. I knew I was falling for Kratos, even though he should be the last thing on my mind. But I still couldn't manage to throw away any opportunity to be in his presence.

My head started to feel heavy as I tried desperately to stay awake. I laid my head on his shoulder finally, which made him jump a little. He also straightened up a little bit. The tips of his fingers started to trace my back and feel my hair. I was drawn to a strange place in the middle of heaven and earth that moment. I just felt…right.

I looked up at him from his shoulder. At that time his fingers stopped tracing my back. I suddenly felt as I had done something wrong to make him stop. He also shook his shoulder lightly, signaling for me to move. I did and looked at him confused…until I saw the look in his eyes. The look of despair was gone. He leaned in and kissed me. With more passion and love than I thought could be possible. We broke away and I smiled a little. But his eyes watered…"Emily, please forgive me for that. I just can't pretend anymore," he said and got up to leave me, my sleeping bag and the ocean.

Entry 7- He Does Know My Name…right?

Now I realize why he doesn't want me writing this. He must know…but it does feel good to share these feelings finally. All these good and bad memories.

The whole night I had nightmares and would wake up and think of what Kratos said. Who was Emily? His girlfriend…wife? Or had he called me the wrong name? He did know my name…right?

I didn't say anything to him the next day when we headed to Balacruf Ruin. I rode upon Noishe with Colette. Kratos wasn't participating in any of our conversations and he walked in front of us just to avoid me. It hurt a lot and I wanted an explanation to the 'Emily' thing.

The Balacruf Ruin ended up to very old. It was very dark inside and windy. "It's so cold," I said, my teeth chattering. Kratos turned around, gave me a meaningful look, and walked on. It was so strange that a complaint returned me such a sad look. What was wrong with him?

"Ok so ruby is the throne…so that goes on to the calm earth…white…" I said, writing it all down.

"This is so confusing," Lloyd sighed.

"You're not even doing any of the work!" Genis exclaimed and helped my figure out the riddle.

The next seal was very tough. We went through all our life bottles and gels…but Kratos finally did a final blow. It disappeared and Remiel appeared. There was a strange tone in Colette's voice while talking to him. On the way out the mystery assassin had found us. They beat her easily which made her angry. "Why can't I ever win!"

"Now that we're friends we don't have to fight anymore," Colette said happily.

I sat next to the fire with a blanket tightly wrapped around me. Colette's Angel Toxicosis had took hold of her. Lloyd and Colette were sitting on the hill talking about something. Kratos sat down across from me, looking down. The flame's reflections danced across his face and hair, reminding me of the first night I met him.

"So who's Emily?" I asked in a whisper. Kratos looked up at me without moving his head, as if to see if he had heard right. "No one. …It's a long story. You needn't worry about it."

"Is it a girl back home?" I asked, trying for an explanation. "I have no home, so no," he said, "I don't know anyone named Emily at all."

I gave him a puzzled look. "Just please forget it. Please," he said. I sighed, "I'm so confused," I whispered. I looked down to the dirt. I could tell he was lying, but I didn't want to be worried about it. I just wanted to be with him. Next thing I knew Kratos was sitting next to me. He nuzzled my neck, which made me laugh. "I swear I don't know any one named Emily. And I swear you have nothing to worry about." He looked up at me; his hair messed up a little from nuzzling. I smiled and nodded. "Fine."

He kissed me, but this time it was longer. His hands wandered from my hair, my neck and to my hips. He pulled back slowly. "Lloyd and Colette," he said and turned his eye toward them. I nodded my head, figuring I best go off to my sleeping bag. But instead he took my hand and walked up over a hill towards the ocean. I smiled and kissed him, running my hands over his chest…

The next morning I woke up at dawn. Kratos was sleeping soundly next to me; his arm still around me as it had been yesterday. I shook him gently. "Kratos?" His eyebrows furrowed and he turned over. I kissed him lightly on the forehead. "Kratos?" He blinked several times and sat up. His hair was dishsevled which made me smile. "What?" he asked groggily. "Your hair," I smiled and tried to pat it down. He smiled a little, and I realized I've never seen him truly smile. "We should get back to camp…" Before he walked back he kissed me again and I went to my sleeping bag, but I couldn't sleep at all….