A Mite Unpredictable
To Hell in a Hand
Basket
Chapter Eight
By RingPrincess
Jayne stared at his boots propped up on the shuttles console. River paced back and forth behind him muttering somewhat coherent nonsense under her breath. He didn't pay any attention, his brain to taken up with the problem of exactly why Mal had let him off the ship with River alone and en route to the nearest planet. Of course, thinking this way wasn't practical or needful at this time. The woman behind him must be rubbing off onto him as some of her phrases sounded like 'can't be quantified, defies logical sense.'
He thumped his boots to the floor and spun about to face her, sticking out a leg and trapping her between them so she couldn't move. She stared down at him, brown eyes boring into his. "We got better things to be worryin' on than Mal's motivations."
River crossed her arms. "Explain."
"I dunno, just do."
River rolled her eyes.
"I'm not the brains of this outfit."
"Cause you choose not to be."
"Hey, my plans are simple. See a thug, put a bullet in him." Jayne shrugged.
"Direct."
"And directly we're headed off to planet unknown and we directly need to know what we're gonna do before we get there. Not mutterin' mumbo jumbo about Mal's inner most being, which I do not want to know. Especially since he won't be hoverin' about with a look on his face like an unmarried aunt."
River giggled. "In a pretty floral bonnet."
Jayne's lips twitched. "Yes."
"To make proper strategy we must know which war we are going to."
"We're goin' to war?"
--
"You sent them to Dionysus!" Mal roared.
Meg spun her chair about and titled her head. "You didn't exactly ask which planet, captain."
"You sent my mercenary who likes whores and gambling to a casino planet! We'll be lucky if they're not slaves. Be lucky if we get them back at all."
"It's not that bad." Meg rolled her eyes. "If they're smart they'll land in one of the outside towns. Nice countryside, quaint inns and such."
Mal's eyebrow twitched.
"Jayne ain't smart." Zoë frowned.
"Huh, coulda fooled me." Meg shrugged.
"Call 'em as I see 'em." Zoë said.
"He's smart in his own way." Meg defended.
"But not smart enough to stay out of where his nose shouldn't be and River's no better." Mal paused. "If not worse."
Meg stared dead level at Mal. "Captain, sometimes you just gotta trust people to do the right thing."
Mal turned and walked out of the bridge. "That's what I'm worried about."
Kaylee had her CAD board laid out on the table, looking over the plans of the four jeweler houses. "I understand the way of it. I don't understand the why."
"It's history," Saffron sighed. "Tiffany, Cartier, DeBeers, and Yurman were all big companies back on Earth-that-was."
"Not that, the safes, the lending out of jewelry."
"To spread their name on the hopes that someday someone will actually buy a piece or it will be seen on the neck of some rich and famous celebrity and make them rich and famous as well."
"I suppose that makes sense."
Mal leaned over the table. "As interesting as this is ladies, can we get to the part where we can make some plans."
"Plans, oh shiny captain." Kaylee smiled.
"Originally we were all to pretend to be successful companions, draw out the jewels on loan and then subtly secrete them away in our luggage." Saffron shrugged. "That way all the tags would be turned off and the jewels registered as released before we left the planet."
"Tags, everything with you woman is tagged." Mal frowned. "Can't you go after some loot that is easy to get to for once. And I don't want to be runnin' into any former husbands."
--
"What! You want me to be your husband!" Jayne's legs twitched and caused River to lose her balance. She stumbled forward and caught herself on his shoulders before she could tumble into him. Her hair swayed around them like curtains. Their eyes bored into each others, lips a few inches apart, exhaled breath moistening and tickling the sensitive skin. Jayne's hands automatically reached out and grabbed her waist to steady her. "River," the word escaped on a breath.
She licked her lips. "Jayne would be a good husband."
"Worse than Mal." Jayne tightened his grip on her and drew her closer.
"Well, Captain Bad would never know, because it would never really happen." River said as their lips brushed. "No papers, no Shepard-"
Jayne shut her up the quickest way he could think of, he kissed her. Something he'd wanted to do again for days. He tilted his head and pulled her full bottom lip into his mouth. She gasped and crawled up onto the seat with him, straddling his legs, skirt bunching up her thighs. Her hands wrapped around his neck and he could feel the hardening of her nipples against his chest. He growled and pulled away. "Darlin' are you wearing anything under this dress?"
Her eyes hooded. "Enough."
He smirked, eyes turning darker blue. "Enough?"
River brushed her lips against his. "Enough, Jayne will make a good husband."
"But you just said it would never really happen." He frowned and leaned back into the chair. River tilted her head and ran her hand through his hair.
"It won't, but we will pretend it did. No Tam, just Cobbs on Dionysus." She paused and bit her bottom lip. "On honeymoon, married in space. Captain Bad nice enough to lend us the shuttle to get us off his ship and away."
Jayne waggled his eyebrows and smirked. "So how far will this honeymoon go?"
River smiled and looked away from him. "We're there now."
"That's avoiding the gorram question." Jayne lifted her off his lap and set her on the floor. "You stay outta the way and lemme do the talkin'."
--
"It's too complicated." Meg stared at the CAD board. Saffron stared at her, as did Zoë. Meg looked at Zoë. "Just callin' 'em as I see 'em."
Mal sighed. "It is at that." He turned to Saffron. "Perhaps you best be telling us Badger's original plan."
Saffron sighed. "I already told you Badger's original plan."
"Yes, but after that."
"We were to go off world through another transport and back to Persephone."
"And the jewels were to be-" Mal waved a hand.
Saffron rolled her eyes. "In our luggage."
Simon frowned and looked at Kaylee. "Do you have any maps of the docks?"
"You have an idea, Doc?" Mal tilted his head.
"Not right now, but I can get one."
"You do that bao bei." Simon smiled and looked up at Mal. "Well, it is my experience that when wealthy people travel they leave their luggage at a central location and expect others to get it for them. If their luggage is lost, they have tags on it so it can be traced and returned."
Kaylee returned with a map of the docks. She brought it up on the board.
"Now, if we can get to the luggage before anyone else does." Simon trailed off.
"We can get the goods." Zoë nodded.
"Because of the nature of the business, security is rather light." Simon smiled. "As long as they see what they expect to see. Say the ship's pilot and second coming to get the luggage, they won't ask too many questions. If we have the proper numbers and clearances." He looked at Saffron. "And once in space, we can jettison the luggage that we don't need and take off any tags upon the jewels."
"I can do that." Kaylee nodded.
"Because, I don't know if Saffron's aware. Those tags can be reactivated from a remote location." Simon added. "My mother lost a Winston wreathe once, and they found it by reactivating the tag upon it."
Saffron flushed.
Mal's eyes widened and he smiled tightly. "Interesting that no one mentioned that little detail before now Doc. Makes a man wonder exactly what someone was planning?"
--
"So what was the big plan again?" Jayne glared at her.
River glared at him. "We don't fit in. Not my dress or your universal uniform."
"You see. If my uniform was universal I would too fit in."
"Not here."
Jayne glanced at the window of the shop they were standing outside of. "We don't have cash for this type of go se."
"Man cannot serve two masters. Money is but a tool."
"Don't make what I just said any less true. This place is a tourist trap, darlin'."
River pouted. "We're on vacation."
"Your point?"
"We're tourists."
"And?"
She widened her eyes and jutted her lip out more. "Please, Jayne."
Jayne took a deep breath and tried to resist the eyes. "Darlin' this ain't something you wanna be doin'."
River looked at the window and looked around at the different signs advertising the attractions the city had to offer. Then looked at the citizens thronging the streets, walking around them. "Tactics."
"You do know that most plans don't survive the first contact with the enemy, right?"
--
TBC...
