Jake POV
The first thing I noticed when I became a huge wolf, was that I instinctively knew how to walk on four feet. The second thing I noticed was Leah was in my head, and someone else.
"Our minds are connected when we phase. Quil, I'm going to need you to phase back. I need some privacy with Jake for a minute." Leah replayed the conversation she had with Bella on the phone and I could hear the sadness in Quil as he said my name before phasing back.
"That was another wolf?"
"One of your best friends. You can see what I see. Hear what I hear. Our brains are connected to all other wolves that are phased. I want you to close your eyes and focus on my thoughts only, not outside noises or sights. Okay?"
"Okay." She closed her eyes and I did the same, trying to focus fully on her thoughts like she asked.
It was like vivid dreams playing in my head, I could see and hear everything. Including the thoughts of the person's memories I was invading. I was in Leah's body, looking in the mirror, then at a clearing with the man that was standing with Bella.
"Sam." She thought his name, and I could see the love in his eyes as he proposed. I could feel the happiness in her heart. "Just a preview, a practice round for seeing things like that. Here comes the good stuff."
I was in my own body now. I was standing out in the rain, staring at my reflection in a big red truck as Bella hopped out. I refused to look at her, hating what I had become and that she could never be a part of my world. I loved her, more than anything. When I eventually got the courage to look her in the eyes, I felt the change in me, as the wolf inside me recognized her as my soul mate.
I was sitting with Bella on the beach. Just listening to her talk to Leah, her voice was mesmerizing. Everything she did made me more alive. Like she was more than just a soul mate. She was my soul.
We were walking through a carnival and went to the top of the Ferris wheel. It was in that moment, despite knowing all along that she was it for me, that I realised she would be my wife someday.
We were having dinner with my dad and her dad and everyone was happy
She was underneath me in the bed as I thrusted in and out, the look on her face as she reached her climax was like she had reached heaven instead. I didn't realise it but I let out a low moan in the yard my wolf body was standing in. It sounded more like a whimper mixed with a growl though and I hoped no one else knew what was going on in my head.
"They can't hear, and I already know all the little details. I'm the only one that knows you this way."
I fixed up a car in the garage as Bella watched, entranced but confused by everything I did. I picked her up and kissed her. She smelled amazing and I told her she smelled delicious. My words instantly aroused her. I tried to set her back down but she wrapped her legs around me and smiled. It was a shy smile, but a determined one.
"Make love to me." She said, and I could feel her love for me, seeping out of every word. I of course made love to her.
More memories flashed through Leah's mind. Memories of me and two friends, the pack together, me and Bella. Me and my dad, who was in a wheelchair but now he wasn't. We were probably phased for over an hour, just looking through memories.
There was that smell, that vampire stench. Something wet hit me hard from the side, and I rounded on it. Eventually there were more, but there was more of us as well. My heart raced as fight or flight took over and fight won. I was joined by a huge group of wolves. I took off for the road and met up with a vampire.
"Alice" Leah thought, "Part of Carlisle's family."
We ran and when we got to the road, we saw two vampires. One standing in the back and one about to sink her fangs into Bella's neck. I attacked, she attacked harder. Eventually there was darkness but just before, I saw a blurry Bella reach for a shard of glass and slice her own arm, distracting the vampire that was going to kill me.
A flash of Bella's lifeless body, pale from blood loss as she was carried in the house then me behind her.
I was in Leah's memories. I knew because I was sitting on Sam's lap. She got up and went to the kitchen.
Carlisle came out of my room and she rushed inside. I was a mess, hooked up to bags and machines and my body thrashed like the morphine was doing nothing. She sobbed and Sam held her.
"His injuries are immense. If he were human, not even I could save him. We just have to wait and see. I've done everything I can."
She walked away, into another room where Bella was lying, a bandage on her arm and blood bags hooked up to her as well as an IV and morphine drip.
"Hey, girl. Things aren't looking so good right now. I'd love to come in and say he's going to pull through, but I just don't know. I need you to wake up. Maybe if you wake up, he will too. You guys are so connected."
Leah opened her eyes and I saw myself, in my wolf form, laying on the ground in front of her. I opened my eyes. It was hard to differentiate at first whose eyes were whose but I was able to focus better and my eyes shifted to my own sight quickly.
She phased back to her human form, and I was left alone. I relaxed and focused on two feet and did the same, like riding a bike. We both dressed but I just stood there afterwards, facing the garage.
"Leah. What were you doing?" Sam asked.
"Showing him who he was. I have all of his memories. He let me in when he was phased. I was alpha ordered to only ever repeat anything he said or remembered when with him. Nobody else knew what was going on in there. I thought maybe showing him would fix things."
"And did it?" Bella asked, hopeful.
"I don't think. He didn't seem to have any memories of his own pop up but I don't know."
"I don't." I said, turning around to meet Bella's gaze. "I'm sorry." I walked off toward the garage and after a quick once over on the car in front of me and the tools and parts nearby. I was able to determine what needed to be done and started working.
Everything was just too much. Those memories were foreign to me, and while I now held them, they didn't feel like my own… like watching a movie of someone else's life in first person perspective.
Eventually Bella came in, holding two plates of food with a bag around her good wrist with cans of soda inside.
"I thought you might like dinner. Um I also thought maybe I could join you, if… if that's alright?"
"I uh was hoping to be alone." Her face fell, but had the wolf not been so connected to her, I likely never would have noticed. Her poker face was on point. The wolf in me growled. "But I am quite hungry. I guess some company wouldn't hurt."
We ate in silence, then I went back to fixing up the Rabbit. Bella picked at the food left on her plate while she watched me. The memory Leah showed me popped into my head and Bella's words asking me to make love to her. I felt a need in me growing but knew it would be wrong to act on it. I tried to breathe deeply but all I could smell was her scent. Her shampoo, her soap, her skin. Everything that made Bella smell like Bella.
"I can't do this. Could you leave?"
I heard a small gasp from her, then she picked up the empty plates and walked out of the garage without a word.
"Fucking Christ!" My head fell backwards as I took a deep breath in. My wolf was growling at me, louder now, inside my head, like it had it's own personality. I slowly breathed out then got back to working.
I knew I should feel bad about upsetting her but I just couldn't. I needed time. I needed space. I didn't know if Leah's memories or mine through her made anything better for my healing, but they definitely made me feel like I was suffocating.
I walked back into the house at about 9PM, full of grease and needing a shower.
"Bells, I'm gonna head home." I heard from the kitchen before I'd even reached the door.
I opened the door and everyone looked over at me. Bella refused to meet my gaze, but could I blame her?
"Um, just give me a couple minutes to grab my things." She said, leaving the room.
"That was weird. I didn't expect her to come home just yet. Something happen out there?" Charlie asked.
"Nah. We ate dinner. I worked on the car. She's probably just overwhelmed with everything. Wants someplace more familiar to her." I walked toward the bathroom and Bella bumped into me in her haste to leave.
She sucked in a sharp breath difficultly and I remembered Leah's thoughts. She had broken ribs. Shit. "Are you okay?"
"I'll be fine." She said, and walked past me, slower this time.
I hopped in the shower and could hear her dad's car drive away. My wolf growled at me again, and I thought I even heard a voice in my head saying "need her."
"Shut up. She'll get over it." I said quietly to myself. I needed to ask somebody if this was a normal part of being a werewolf. Maybe that Sam guy would be able to help.
I finished up in the shower and picked up my phone, clicking the button for contacts. Angela, Bella, Charlie, Dad, Embry, Jared, Jessica, Kim, Leah, Paul, Quil, Sam… there we go.
/Hey man, I hope this is the right Sam, I have a couple questions about… all of this. Can we meet in the morning?/ SEND
I said goodnight to my dad. I wasn't sure if it was something I'd usually do but given the fact that I'd been nearly dead for a week, I figured it wouldn't hurt to be kind. I laid down in bed and quickly fell asleep and dreamt about the memories Leah showed me.
When I woke up, more confused than ever and my wolf extra angry at me after the night spent without Bella, I noticed my phone flashing a green light on my dresser.
/I'll come over at 7/
I glanced at the clock, 7:06AM. Great. I got ready for the day and when I was done, I found Sam outside with my dad.
"Hey. Just the man I needed to see. Garage?"
He nodded then clapped my dad on the shoulder before walking toward the garage.
"What's up, man?"
"Does the wolf in you ever uh… disagree with you?" I felt like an idiot asking that.
"What do you mean?"
"Well for example if you were to upset Leah, would your wolf growl at you in your head? Like full on audible growling? Practically telling you off? Maybe with some added dialogue?"
Sam looked at me like I had two heads and with this damn wolf in my head, I sure felt like there was two.
"Uh, no? Can't say that's ever happened. I get the normal growl every once in a while when someone ELSE does something. Usually just when it comes to Leah. More like a… stay away from my imprint, thing. We could phase and I can see what you're describing?"
I nodded and we went out back, phasing together. I was careful not to remember anything Leah showed me while phased and showed him what I meant.
"No man, that's never happened to any of us as far as I know." Sam thought. I heard Charlie and Bella pull up to the front of the house.
My wolf growled at me again and I heard a quiet "Go to her."
"Was… was that it? I heard that." Sam thought in my head. "It was like you but not you."
"Yeah, that was him. He's angry at me because he's imprinted to Bella, but I'm not."
"This is definitely uncharted territory. Have you considered just listening to him instead of being stubborn?"
"Yeah that would work and all if my wolf wasn't trying to make me fuck someone I don't even remember. How can I give in to something like that?"
"I have no advice. I'd also rather not be having this conversation. I knew it happened between you two but Bella's like a little sister for me so this is definitely not what I want to be hearing."
"Sorry, Sam, I just didn't know who else to talk to. What do I do, besides giving in to the horny wolf?"
"My only suggestion would be to get close in other ways. Don't push her away again. Imagine how hard this is for her. You're her soul mate and you acted like a stranger."
"That's because I am one. The wolf is her soul mate, not me. I feel nothing towards her."
"Then I don't know, man. Do whatever feels right. I'm gonna head out. I need to patrol. I hope you get it figured out. Let me know how it goes."
Sam took off and my wolf growled again. I phased back and listened for Bella.
"Yeah, I'm going to head over to see Leah."
"Do you want me to let Jake know you stopped by?" My dad asked.
"Um, no thank you."
"Bells, what's going on? Is it his memory? You guys will get through this."
"I hope so but right now Jake's not in there, dad. You didn't see him last night. He's not my Jake anymore. I'll wait, forever even, but I don't see him coming back from this and it just hurts too much to even think about."
"Bella, give him time. He's a strong kid. He's probably one of the most determined kids I know. Look at how long he tried with you, back when you were still practically a zombie."
"Yeah, Dad… back when he actually wanted to be with me. He was determined to be with me because he felt the same connection I used to feel. That connection is gone now. All that's left is the smallest ember, and I don't know if there's enough left to ignite."
Bella walked out the front door and walked away from the house. I could hear her sob into the sleeve of her baggy sweater, trying to muffle the sound as she leaned against the side of the house.
She gave herself a moment, but only a moment, before calming her breathing and standing up tall. She walked away.
