Author's Notes: Many thanks to all who are following this journey with me. I am so grateful for your readership, comments and support. Although I couldn't say all I had hoped to in the SNS Bookclub meeting, there are a few acknowledgements I want to make. Thank you to Cinda for encouragement when I shared my idea and initial chapters...I did not write this story in chapter order! Thanks to Eoin for invaluable input on RCMP uniforms, S/S/M job responsibilities and all things Depot division. My research only gave me a hint of all he told me. If there is authenticity to this story at the Mountie Academy it is due to his input. Thank you to Heather, Lynn and Melissa, faithful readers that have sharp eyes to spot errors... and no matter how many re-reads and edits I do (and there are many) these wonderful writers/readers have found the mistakes. Thank you to Jennifer for special encouragements and reference material. So appreciate you all!
Chapter Twenty
.
Disclosures
.
Molly had left two newspapers for Elizabeth and when she awakened early on Friday morning, she reached for a copy laying on the bedside table. Elizabeth re-read the articles about Nathan again, hoping to find the answers to the questions Joseph had posed to her. The questions swirled in her head. 'What would Nathan gain by staying?' And, 'What would Nathan gain by leaving?'
She thought the first question would be easy to answer, but Pastor Joseph had said to think about the question from Nathan's perspective. 'We could still be friends…'
Elizabeth stared at a plant on the windowsill opposite the bed. A crisp, brown leaf still dangled from the stem and another lay curled up on the sill. As she considered her answer, a sudden insight struck her. Her friendship with Nathan had shriveled up, like that dying leaf on the plant. 'And why? What caused a leaf to die like that? Neglect. But has Nathan really neglected me?'
Elizabeth recalled the times Nathan had stopped to interact with Jack. Nathan didn't initiate conversations, but he never ignored her, even nodding if their eyes met from across the street. Maybe Nathan withdrew from conversations when she approached? But he had always been kind and if they encountered each other in town had asked after Jack and herself. So maybe neglect wasn't the issue. Then it hit her. 'I neglected Nathan. I didn't nurture our friendship. I changed my allegiance to Lucas and turned my back on Nathan. He held on until there was nothing to hold on to…"' Elizabeth focused on the dead leaf on the sill until her eyes blurred. A tear trailed down her face.
'What would Nathan gain by staying?' Her mind returned to Joseph's questions. 'Other friendships he had. At least they would have continued.' Then Elizabeth thought of letters and knew Nathan's relationships with others could continue long-distance, so really his other friendships wouldn't be a reason for him to stay.
Eyes clearing and wanting to address the second question, Elizabeth glanced over the article again, pondering 'What would Nathan lose?' This was easier to answer. But it was harder to admit. 'Nathan would lose another promotion.' She read the sentence in the newspaper again. Elizabeth had never realized the first promotion he was offered was prestigious. She never asked Nathan what it was or if he wanted it. She just accused him of leaving the friendships that Allie had made… and that he had made. Elizabeth closed her eyes and the image of that moment in his office flooded her mind. 'What did Nathan say in return? …When I accused him of deserting his friendships?' Elizabeth's eyes popped open and she gasped. 'I slammed the door as I left. I walked out on him… and it wasn't the first time.'
Suddenly, Elizabeth wasn't certain this second question was what Joseph had asked. She tried to remember what the question was. 'Oh... What would Nathan gain by going?' She had been so out of touch with him, it was difficult to answer this as well. 'I guess he would gain the promotion. The new instructor job. He would gain new friends.' As Elizabeth considered the idea of new friends, she wasn't sure she wanted that. 'What if...' Then she reminded herself that the Mountie Academy was full of men, so that wasn't an issue. 'Nathan might be happy for expanded opportunities for Allie. I wish I hadn't...'
Someone stirring from the other Infirmary bed behind the curtain brought Elizabeth back to the present, momentarily saving her from considering her regrets.
"Good morning, Elizabeth." Fiona smiled as she moved the curtain and stepped inside. Deftly pinning her nighttime braid into a chignon, she asked. "How did you sleep last night?" Fiona walked close enough to see the tears. "Oh, Elizabeth, what is it?"
Elizabeth just shook her head as slow tears slid down her cheeks.
Fiona noticed the newspaper in Elizabeth's hand and nodded. "It's hard to believe, isn't it? He's gone. And I never knew some of those wonderful things Nathan did for us all. He is such a special man."
With no response from Elizabeth, Fiona decided to get busy. "Faith told me today would be a good day to wash your hair and let you bathe. I'm going to heat the water and I'll be right back to help you. We women feel so much better clean and coiffed. You'll see."
With her hair freshly washed and styled by Fiona, Elizabeth dressed in clean clothing after her bath. Fiona, Faith, Molly and Elizabeth enjoyed coffee and scones seated at a table in the Infirmary as they discussed the changing weather, going apple-picking and enjoying the autumn foliage.
When Joseph arrived, Faith departed to make house calls, Fiona went to open the Barbershop and Molly headed into the back storeroom to unpack medical supplies. Today, Joseph sat at the table for his daily time with Elizabeth.
Joseph offered to pray before they began to talk, but was surprised that Elizabeth kept her eyes closed and let silent tears fall for an extended time thereafter. Finally he decided to inquire about Jack. "Bill mentioned he had brought Jack to see you for bedtime stories the last couple evenings. How is the little fella?"
Raising her gaze to Joseph's she shrugged. "Okay, I guess."
"Just okay? Was he happy to see his Mama?" Joseph eyed her lackadaisical expression as she shrugged again. "Did you ask him about his day?"
Elizabeth whispered, "No."
"Okay, then that is tonight's homework, Elizabeth. Talk to your son and ask him what he did today. You can tell me about your conversation tomorrow."
When Elizabeth remained quiet, Joseph inquired about the two questions regarding Nathan that he had asked her to consider. He wasn't surprised when she confessed that she hadn't finished the homework questions he had given her, but he was happy to hear she had been pondering them. "Tell me what have you discovered so far?"
"Nathan never neglected me or our friendship." She sighed. "I neglected him and let the friendship die." She pointed to the potted plant and the dead leaves. "Like that."
Joseph studied the leaves, marveling how sometimes God placed an object lesson before their eyes, He quietly asked. "You mean what once was alive and growing isn't anymore?"
Nodding, Elizabeth gripped her hands in her lap. "I let it die."
Her voice was low so, tilting his head, Joseph listened closely. "What could you have done differently?" His voice was kind and accepting.
Pondering quietly, Elizabeth shifted in her seat before responding. "I could have asked him questions and not walked away."
"When did you walk away?"
Elizabeth suddenly had her head in her hands and was shaking.
Joseph waited as he praying silently, then asked again when Elizabeth seemed to calm. "When did you walk away?"
She raised watery eyes to him. "Lots of times. I always ran away. I always left him and ran…"
Gulping Elizabeth asked, "Did you know he turned down a prestigious job? That's what the Valley Voice said. I asked him not to take it. Not to go. But I didn't ask about the job. I just closed the door and walked off. I never knew it was important or…" Her face appeared pained and her knuckles were white. "I never asked him…"
"What could you have done differently?"
Swallowing hard, Elizabeth began to consider what she could have done. "Had Nathan tell me about the promotion? Ask if he wanted it? Ask if he wanted to leave?" Her hands covered her face again as she confessed. "I didn't tell him I was interested in his thoughts… in him…"
"Elizabeth? I think that's a lot for you to process right now. These realizations are necessary, but I know they are difficult. Let's stop here and you consider what we've discussed and the questions from Nathan's perspective. Oh, and remember to ask Jack questions. Engage with him tonight."
Joseph leaned his elbows on the table and prayed for God to direct her thoughts and help her converse with her son. "Amen."
In deep contemplation, Joseph didn't hear Bill call out to him until Bill shuffled alongside. "How is our patient, Joseph? Any progress?"
"Oh, Bill! Hello. Slow progress, but I confess I can't wait for the Psychiatrist to arrive. I believe we can work in tandem, but we need his skills with Elizabeth. She didn't complete her 'homework' from yesterday, but we discussed a couple realizations... Just not in depth. I gave her another assignment for tonight, so please encourage as you can? I want her to ask Jack about his day. Engage in conversation with him, as much for her as for him… What?" Joseph turned back as Bill had stopped in his tracks.
"You asked her to talk to Jack about his day? Tonight? Oh…" Bill gulped. "I took Jack to meet the Constable yesterday and plan to take him again today…"
"Is that a problem?" Joseph searched his mind for a reason.
"Not to me. But Elizabeth may think I'm interfering. I just know the little fella is missing Nathan and it would be good for him to get to know another Mountie. I didn't ask her permission, I just planned it myself." Bill shook his head. "Talk about bad timing. I'm sure he'll say something... I can't control a child!"
Joseph laughed. "You've got that right. May I suggest you talk to Elizabeth before you bring Jack tonight? It might not be as difficult as you expect. After all you're his Godfather, right?"
"True. That was actually part of my reasoning to do it. Plus out of loyalty to Jack's father and relationship with Nathan…"
Arriving at the Café, Joseph headed to the kitchen door. "I'll leave you to it, then. God be with you, Bill."
"Hmmm… thanks." Suddenly a scone was no longer appetizing.
Nathan had awakened excited about this morning's activities at Depot. After hugging Allie goodbye at the door of St. Anne's, Nathan and the Commissioner drove to Depot and said farewell. "God be with you, Nathan. I look forward to hearing all about the exercise. See you later."
"Thanks, Peter. Yes, see you later."
Having explained the exercise to his troop, Nathan sent them into the woods, commencing from four different starting points. He had selected the team leaders, given them an emergency kit of first aid items, a compass, notepad, and pencil and tasked them to only use the contents in an emergency and only use the compass on the way back, if absolutely necessary. With final instructions to remain together as a team Nathan sent them off with a salute. Sergeant Dunne and he conversed for a brief time before following their assigned teams into the woods.
From a short distance Nathan listened to the conversations, quickly assessing who thought they already knew it all and who was seriously searching for clues. One team struggled to stay together, but the leader managed to corral their focus by assigning each man to look for a certain type of clue. After an hour, Adam Dunne shot his pistol twice as that was the signal to turn around and head back. One team found the lost person, one was within a few yards so almost found them and the other two teams had headed in completely wrong directions. Nathan watched as one of those now lost teams floundered as to how to return. The leader opened the emergency pack and retrieved the compass. Having no coordinates to refer to for the beginning of their excursion, they identified north, then discussed their observations from a couple days at Depot and figured out east and west. With that information they headed back towards their starting point.
A second team was heading in the wrong direction and one of the plain-clothed Instructors had to turn them around and point them back. Once Nathan conferred with the participating Instructors and thanked them, he tethered Newton and everyone reconvened in the classroom.
As the two Sergeants entered the room, the class went silent. Nathan asked them to take ten minutes or so and discuss within their team what they had learned, then asked the team leaders to report feedback from their team.
Leading them through a discussion, Nathan and Adam encouraged them that because of time constraints they shouldn't feel bad some had not succeeded. Nathan then reiterated the seriousness of a real life tracking excursion if they were not efficient, or diligent or focused. After having the cadets list the skills they thought they used, Nathan and Adam added to their list and sent them out with a lot to think about.
"It was a good exercise, Nathan. Wonderful idea and I think it shook them up a bit. We may have a much more attentive class next week!" Adam congratulated Nathan.
"I agree. I believe it was a success. I identified a couple born leaders, a few complainers, those who were independent and at first thought they knew it all, and some sincere and attentive students. If you want to discuss my observations of the individuals, I would be glad to over lunch? I find it telling to see how each man conducted themselves this first time in the field. Shall we?"
"Yes, let's do that. I've got my roster and notepad and I'm always ready to eat!" Adam chuckled when Nathan leaned over and whispered his agreement.
On the way back from lunch, Nathan stopped into the Chief Superintendent's office to confirm next week's appointment and let the secretary know the exercise had been successful and he would debrief at his already scheduled appointment. Looking at the schedule, the secretary agreed that was probably the best, if not the only time to do so!
Knowing he had enough time to place a call, Nathan headed to his office. "Hello, Florence! Yes, we are well and settling in to our respective Academies! And you and Ned? Good. Could you put me through to Bill, please? Thanks so much. Yes, you too." Nathan leaned back and put his feet up on his desk since the office door was closed.
"Bill? Hello! Yes, good to hear yours as well. Going? It's going great for Allie and for myself. The Collins's are wonderful and have taken to Allie as their adopted granddaughter. She is very comfortable in that role as you can imagine."
"Yes, she is making friends and the course and club opportunities are amazing. Oh? You can guess? Well, you are right to guess music and art! Chorus and Art Club, possibly a school play and perhaps the school newspaper second semester. They like to limit freshmen until they know they can keep up their grade average."
"Say, do you happen to know if Lee got Elizabeth to send Allie's transcript yet? Their waiting fo…" Nathan immediately dropped his feet to the floor and leaned forward over his desk. "What did you say? Elizabeth what?" He set his elbows on the desk, hung his head and with his free hand ran his hand through his hair.
Nathan listened carefully as Bill filled him in with a summary of what had transpired in Hope Valley since he left a week ago. "Fragile? Depressed? And the Thatcher's are coming tomorrow? Oh, the row house? A Psychiatrist, Bill? Is Lucas caring for Jack or… What? The engagement is off…" Nathan's voice trailed off in disbelief. "…And I'm not there. Not that she would want me to be, but I could have helped somehow… Bill, this is so distressing. Well, I guess thank you for that, for waiting to tell me. I've had a lot going on this week. But keep me informed going forward please? Oh, you bet I'll be praying. Often..." Nathan listened some more, until Bill asked him a question. "Me? I guess I'm alright, but now I'm second-guessing if we should have left… but it all seemed Providential and… Oh? You do? Well the verse God led me to last weekend was about His leading us on a new path… Okay. I will. You too, Bill. Bye."
Nathan put his head in his hands and prayed for Elizabeth and Jack. After wiping the tears that formed in his eyes, he looked at the clock, blinking. It was time to go…
Nathan spent the afternoon with Newton in the horse barn, assisting Sergeant Keaton Moore who was the Instructor in horsemanship under Nathan's supervision. They worked together, assigning each cadet's horse partner and demonstrating the manner in which the Mounties expected the cadets to care for their horse. While Nathan demonstrated, Sergeant Moore explained and pointed out the specifics. Cadets were required to brush their horse three times a day and to use that time to bond with their lifetime partner. Watching Nathan closely, many admired Newton as he was one of the larger steeds, but when Nathan sat astride Newton, the men were in awe. Staff Sergeant Major Nathan Grant was a commanding sight!
"Thank you for dinner, Carol. Peter. If you don't mind I think Allie and I should head back to the cottage. Allie will be here at nine o'clock in the morning, Carol, okay?" When Carol nodded, Nathan continued. "Thanks so much. Peter? I'll meet you at nine as well. Good night to you both."
"Good night, my dears." Gramma Collins spoke cheerily.
"Yes, Good night to you both." Peter agreed although he sensed Nathan's unease, "See you in the morning."
"G'night!" Allie Grant was in a hurry.
"Okay Dad, what's wrong?" they had hardly gotten in the door, before Allie directed her concerned question to her Dad.
"Let's sit down, Honey." Nathan added a log and stirred the fire before he kicked off his shoes and headed to the sofa. Allie joined him and wove her arm through his.
"Mrs. Thornton is very ill, Allie. She has been in the Infirmary since we left town so Miss Yost is teaching in her place."
"Dad! What's wrong with Mrs. Thornton?" Allie couldn't hide her concern any more than her father could.
"She was very upset with our leaving and collapsed." Nathan gave Allie a carefully-worded, condensed version of what Bill had shared, then added, "Oh, and she broke her engagement to Mr. Bouchard."
Allie's eyes had widened with every sentence her father spoke, but with this news, she gasped. "Dad!"
Nathan nodded, staring into the fire, and Allie turned to face the fire as well. Two tender hearts silently pondering. Neither shared their feelings, yet both knew they were finding it difficult to be so far away from home.
