Chapter 9 -- Just Eat It!

The pursuit of the Heartless continued on into the day. The sun arced across the sky into the west as the trio, many miles of streets and shops and houses and miscellaneous urban milieu behind them, finally found themselves slowing down. For a bit, Sora wondered if he would grow tired from the journey, but something other than fatigue finally prompted him to take a break.

"I think my stomach is rumbling," he said to no one in particular.

"Gee, Sora," said Goofy, "either you're right, or there's a volcano about to erupt nearby. A-hyuck!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" said Sora.

"N-nothing!" said Goofy. "I just think maybe we're all getting a little hungry."

"You said it," said Donald.

Jiminy poked his head out of Donald's shirt pocket. "We're supposed to be chasing those Heartless, Sora. Do you really think it's good idea to stop to eat?"

"No one actually said that yet," said Sora, "but I'm starting to think it's what I want to do. Besides, we won't lose the trail."

"Sora's right," said Goofy. "Every other time we've stopped for some lollygoggling, we've always picked up right where we left off, no matter how long we took."

"I think you mean 'lollygagging,'" said Donald.

"That's what I said. Lollygoggling."

Donald frowned. "Lollygagging!"

"No time for that," said Sora. "Let's get ourselves some grub."

"Where?" said Donald.

"Wherever looks good," said Sora. "Maybe someplace flashy. We've got plenty of munny, right?"

"Lollygoggling munny!" said Goofy.

"Shut up, you big palooka," said Donald.

"Everyone, please," said Jiminy. "I'm not even sure why we're doing this. Sora, are you sure you aren't just getting another one of your crushes?"

"Another one of my crushes?" said Sora. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I am shocked–SHOCKED–that you don't know what I'm talking about," said Jiminy. "First, you've got Kairi. Remember her? You know, your girlfriend? That teenybopper wannabe glamour girl who dresses like a floozy and has the personality of a wet sponge? I'm sure you know her. She's the girl who wears a skirt short enough to show off her underwear to every guy in the area, makes you do all the heavy lifting while she sits around making necklaces out of seashells, and flirts with both you and Riku as if she's never even heard of monogamy before. That's the first girl. But oh, I'm just getting started. Remember Wonderland? There was that charmer of a young lass with the yellow hair and the blue dress. Does the name 'Alice' ring a bell? I'm sure it does. The minute you saw her, you forgot all about Kairi and started making eyes. I haven't seen someone so desperate for love from someone he just met since Seinfeld went off the air. That's pretty bad, Sora. Oh, and don't forget Agrabah. You never once took your eyes off of that scantily clad princess of theirs. Don't think for a minute that I didn't notice that. Hoo boy! You're quite the young dandy, you know? And now, even though you just met this Mira girl, and even though you have so many others out there, you've already taken her on a date and then turned yourself, in your own mind, into her knight in shining armor. Frankly, I'm ashamed of you, Sora.

"But it doesn't end there. You're a pushover at times, and at times you care too much (about girls), but at other times, you don't seem to care at all. I'm talking about that Riku kid, of course. He tried to murder one of your friends right in front of your face, but five minutes later, you completely forgot all about that and started treating him like a long lost friend. Seriously, Sora, you owe a little more loyalty to the victim in cases like that. Riku stabbed someone. Right there. Boom. Attempted murder. And you didn't care. You still don't care. You want to associate with known criminals. Do you know how that's going to rub off on you?

"And while we're talking about your character flaws, you sure get awfully defensive whenever anyone criticizes you. Nice going for someone who ran away from home at such a tender young age. Far be it from me to be judgmental, but you're a pretty awful little boy sometimes.

"And you know what else is wrong with you? You're reckless. When Leon attacked you in Traverse Town, you tried to fight back. You, a scrawny little kid fresh off the farm, and him, an ill-tempered warrior with a giant sword that doubles as a gun. How stupid was that? I'll tell you how stupid it was: quite! And now, you're off on another suicide mission.

"Speaking of which, remember stabbing yourself in Hollow Bastion? You stabbed yourself! That makes your idiotic duel with Leon look like the work of a genius. Cokehead musicians stab themselves. Good little boys don't.

"How are we ever going to save the universe if you keep behaving like this? It's just not going to happen. You need to develop some responsibility. Think with your head, not with your hormones. Don't throw your life away for a girl who's going to die anyway when the Heartless take over this world. Get it?"

By this point, Sora could do nothing but cower on the sidewalk in the fetal position, rocking back and forth, sobbing, and moaning about how he should have listened to what his mother taught him when he was little.

But Goofy had something else on his mind. "Jiminy, every world we visit, we find ourselves splash in the middle of some conflict or some problem. Every time, we solve the problem, and as soon as we do that, we find the keyhole."

"Yean," said Donald. "It's as if we're following some kind of formula."

Jiminy's eyes bugged out. "You're ruining my rhythm, you guys."

"Well, soooo-rry," said Donald. "We've got more important things to do than talk about Sora's girl problems. Like get some food."

Jiminy huffed. "You're just saying that because you and Goofy have the same troubles with monogamy. Remember Acapulco?"

"Gawrsh, Donald," Goofy chuckled, "you sure did chase a lot of half-naked ladies around that beach. You and those two birds."

"Aw, shut up," Donald pouted. "This, coming from the guy who can't choose between his old wife, that ugly cow, and that librarian lady. Which is it, Goofy?"

"Everybody, please," said Jiminy. "Let's just get dinner."

XXX

Back in her cell, Mira could do nothing. She could not stand. She could not sit up. She could not even stir. Even crying took too much effort.

The Ice Princess's torture had sapped her of all her resolve. All her energy. The only thing remaining was a sense of numbness to everything, including the discomforts of the dungeon.

With the wailing, mind-swallowing voice of the Ice Princess still swirling through her mind, Mira let her head slip to the cold floor as her eyes shut involuntarily.