Chapter Twenty-five

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Sharing

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Nathan smiled, watching as a fellow Sergeant approached him and shared a salute. "Sergeant. Didn't I see you at Chapel on Sunday with a young lady?"

"Yes. You did."

The man reached out his hand. "Sergeant Jon Samuels. Please feel free to address me as Jon when not with the recruits. You are Sergeant Grant, correct?"

Nathan shook Jon's extended hand. "I am. Nathan Grant and please, Nathan is fine for me."

"Is the young lady your daughter?"

"She is."

"Might I guess fourteen or fifteen?"

"Fourteen."

"I didn't see your wife though?"

"That's because I don't have one." Nathan was enjoying these fact-finding questions, but was testing the man before willingly divulging more than what he asked.

"I'm so sorry, Nathan. My condolences for your loss." Jon spoke somberly. "So it's just the two of you? You and your daughter?"

"Thank you for your condolences, but they wouldn't be for a wife. I have never married." Watching the brief surprise cross Jon's face but settle into acceptance and interest, Nathan continued with more history. "My sister died ten years ago and Allie's father deserted them. I became Allie's guardian and officially adopted her about a year ago." Nathan smiled as he thought of Allie. "And to answer your question, yes, it is just the two of us." As Jon was quiet, Nathan turned the questions around. "And you? Do you have a family?"

The men turned and began to walk together, but Jon answered Nathan's direct question with another of his own. He was grinning as he asked. "Did you say your daughter's name is Allie?"

As Nathan nodded his answer, Jon continued. "My fourteen-year-old daughter's name is Sarah, but we call her Sally!" Jon laughed. "Allie and Sally! How about that? She's been talking about a new friend named Allie! I wonder if they are one and the same!""

"Maybe it's meant to be!" Nathan laughed easily now. "Do you bring Sally to Chapel? I'm afraid I missed a lot of details last week as my concentration was on my girl, and on the worship of course."

"Not often. I usually attend Chapel during the first week of each session. I like to get a feel for who attends when away from home and not coerced by their parents! That tells me a lot about a young man without needing any words." Jon chuckled amicably. "And if any cadet ever asked you about that, you know nothing!"

"My lips are sealed!" Nathan whispered as he grinned, liking the way this man thinks.

"My family and I are a part of Knox Presbyterian in town. On occasion we also attend St. Stephen's as we love the liturgy. You are welcome to join us at either church, Presbyterian or, if you are comfortable with it, the Anglican service. My two girls participate in the Youth Group at Knox Pres., so we settled there as much for their sake as for ours."

"The youth group sounds interesting. Allie is at St. Anne's, so I would like her to have a more rounded experience than just with girls. My sister used to tell horror stories about the cliques and unkindness of some teenage girls, thus my concern that she meet some fellas too. It wasn't an issue in Hope Valley as it was a one-room schoolhouse and the boys and girls of differing ages were intermingled." Realizing he might have a fellow comrade in fathering, Nathan confessed. "Of course there is this 'one certain boy…' but I shouldn't say more as he is here as a new recruit in this class!"

"Oh dear. You know they can't…" Jon stopped as Nathan put up his hand.

"Know all about it!" Nathan reassured Jon. "I have discussed the rules with both the young man and with Allie. They may correspond with my blessing. I fully expect they may be more serious someday, but I am putting on the brakes with caution. Allie is just too young… and I am not ready for it!" Nathan shared a laugh with Jon.

"Tell me about it. One day she's sitting on my lap for a story and the next she is sitting next to me telling me stories about clothing and hairstyles and all the boys at the dance… I don't know if we will ever be ready to let go of our girls…" Jon's voice trailed off wistfully.

"You said two girls? How old is your second daughter?" Nathan queried, adding, "Any other children?"

Regaining his attention, Jon answered. "Rachel is my oldest. She's almost sixteen. Sally's in the middle and my son, Joshua, is twelve. At this point, Josh is a bit of an annoyance to his sisters. We have one more year before he'll join the youth group. I imagine sparks will really fly then!"

"Oh, I can imagine! My sister, Colleen, and I were two years apart and I know that as a younger brother I tried her patience in spite of how close we were."

Jon listened carefully to what was said and what was withheld. He felt drawn to Nathan and just knew there would be plenty of opportunities for conversations in the future. For now he decided to extend the hand of fellowship. "Would you and Allie join my family and me for dinner after church on Sunday? It doesn't matter what service you attend as we won't eat until one o'clock. I would like for you to meet my wife, Jane, and my children. It would give the girls a chance to bond and maybe Allie wouldn't feel too awkward attending Youth Group with two ready-made friends beside her? What do you say?"

"I accept. Normally I would discuss it with Allie, but with all the changes going on right now, I am choosing to make the decision as a father!" Nathan admitted. "I think we would both love that. Thank you!"

They arranged to meet Jon after the service at Knox Presbyterian and then return to the Samuels' home for dinner and the afternoon. The girls could attend Youth Group together and Jon offered to deliver Allie back to Nathan's afterwards. Both men parted to return to their duties, but looking forward to getting to know one another and asking more questions!


Questions began in earnest as soon as Dr. Ben met with Elizabeth on Tuesday afternoon. Grace Thatcher had volunteered to sit in Bill's bedroom to read, while her daughter and the doctor met in the parlor. She had books, stationery and needlepoint to occupy her if she came to the end of her prayers.

"Let's begin at the beginning of your collapse, Mrs. Thornton. We will fill in the background on the way. Tell me what happened at the school house that Saturday past?"

Elizabeth explained her presence, Nathan's surprising her and her reading the letter requesting his daughter's transcript. Suddenly, Elizabeth's eyes widened in fear. "Oh no! I never sent it! I've been in the Infirmary ever since. Do you think Katie did or Lee or? Oh dear… it's all my fault."

"Let's leave the question of fault for later. I will remind you when we finish to follow-up on sending the paperwork. So Nathan is the Constable? And he has a daughter?"

"He was the Constable, but he has been promoted." Elizabeth opened her journal and handed the doctor the newspaper article.

Dr. Ben read it and looked up in surprise. "He sounds like a wonderful man! And he has a daughter? And a wife?"

"Allie is his niece whom he adopted. He became her guardian when Allie was four and now she's fourteen. He's never married."

"Even more impressive! But… Let's go back to Saturday when Nathan surprised you. What next?"

"Well I surprised him too. He was going to leave a note in my desk before they caught the afternoon train." Elizabeth's eyes filled with tears. "Please excuse me. It is all so fresh I cannot help my tears." She wiped her eyes and continued.

"Do you have the letter?"

"No…" Elizabeth looked afraid. "I don't know where it is and it had the school's address…"

"That's okay for now. Then what?"

When I read it I thought he was sending Allie to boarding school. Then he explained that they were moving to Regina and leaving that afternoon. I got angry and shouted at him." Elizabeth cringed with the memory and the heated flush of embarrassment. "My rage was so great that I almost slapped him." She looked at the doctor in fear. "You must think I am a terrible person."

"Mrs. Thornton, may I call you Elizabeth? You may call me Dr. Ben for now, okay? Now, I do not think you are a terrible person, Elizabeth. There is no judgement from me regarding your actions, words or thoughts. No one in this world is perfect and there are events that traumatize us and we don't act 'in character' as we normally would. Tears are expected and okay. What we are searching for here is the truth, so you can face it and heal. Alright?"

Elizabeth nodded, sighing quietly and letting her white-knuckled grip on her journal relax.

Dr. Ben referred to his notes. "You got extremely angry at Nathan. Do you recall what you said? What made you so angry?"

"He was leaving. He was taking Allie with him and he wasn't going to say goodbye. I guess I was hurt, angry and afraid. He left me." Tears overflowed. "I realized…" Elizabeth sputtered trying to speak. "I, I lost Jack and I lost Nathan."

"Jack was your husband, right? Tell me how you lost him, Elizabeth."

Twisting the rings on her finger, Elizabeth shared about the landslide and Jack's death after only a few days of their honeymoon which was on his way to accept a training position at Fort Clay. She explained he never even knew she was pregnant, how devastated she was then, and sometimes still was when she thought of all she'd lost.

"And Nathan?"

"Nathan was supposed to lead that training exercise, but due to the false accusation of his supervisor Nathan couldn't and Jack was called up instead."

"Ah, that wasn't what I meant. But, again, we will discuss that later. What I am asking is how you lost Nathan. You said you lost Jack and you lost Nathan?"

"They are the only two men I have truly loved. Jack died and Nathan left." Elizabeth paused to form words around what she was beginning to understand. "Jack's death was an accident. But actually I caused Nathan to leave. It was my choice that caused me to lose him."

"Why do you say you caused him to leave? What do you think you did?"

"I don't think, I know. This past week there was this plant in the Infirmary and it had a dying leaf and a dead leaf on the sill. When I saw those leaves I realized I neglected the beautiful friendship we had. I treated him cruelly and he lost hope and left. So he left me because he had to… I ran from him…" Elizabeth gulped. "Literally…" She whispered then bent forward and covered her face with her hands.

Dr. Ben waited for her soft sobs to still. Ready to ask another question, Dr. Ben stopped as Elizabeth continued instead.

"Nathan… was always so patient with me. He never pushed me or manipulated me or assumed he knew what was best for me… Unlike Lucas, Nathan just waited and was always kind and helpful and thoughtful. He saved my life… He loved Jack and Jack still loves him… And…Nathan told me he…he loved me… and I… I threw it all away and I ran… I even threw cruel words at him… I told him…" Elizabeth gulped again. "I told him I was looking for Jack in him… I was afraid… I…"

"Elizabeth? This is a lot to process, and now we're talking about three men. We can't get to the truth in all of this in this first session. So, I'm going to bring you back to the moments in the schoolhouse. Close your eyes and go there for a moment. Do you recall what you said to Nathan?"

"I accused him of leaving me…our friendship. I accused him of risking Allie's stability by moving and told him I didn't approve…

"And how did Nathan respond?"

"He told me he'd been transferred to Depot. He said they were leaving that afternoon…" Elizabeth shared. "I was incensed when he said he hadn't planned to say goodbye…"

'I told him it was rude of him to not say goodbye and I was surprised that our friendship meant so little to him…" Elizabeth's voice softened to a whisper. "That's when he said there was little of our friendship left and I had made my choice. He wished me God's best and said he didn't owe me an explanation or a goodbye." Elizabeth haltingly explained. "That's when I realized I had lost Nathan Grant."

"And after that?"

"I sobbed and moaned. Then Pastor Joseph was beside me… Then Rosemary came and Faith... and I ended up in the Infirmary." She paused. "I don't remember a lot of the first day or two. Just a hymn Fiona sang and then Joseph talking and praying with me…."

"So that I understand a bit more about what triggered your intense anger, why did Nathan say there was so little of your friendship left? And what choice did you make that he referred to?"

"I ran from Nathan's friendship and the love he offered…yes, but I ran to Lucas Bouchard. I didn't think I could lose him like I lost Jack. I was afraid to choose another Mountie… I just couldn't. I courted Lucas and we got engaged…"

"Ah ha. So Nathan left because you were no longer available? You were engaged to another man. I guess I can see why he left, Elizabeth. Can you? Now?"

Elizabeth hung her head, but nodded. "Yes."

"I spoke to Pastor Joseph yesterday afternoon and he explained the homework assignments he gave you. Let's delve into them now. I believe he was correct in asking you to think about some things from Nathan's perspective. That may help you better understand why he left and ultimately better understand your reaction and yourself. So let's discuss what would Nathan gain by leaving Hope Valley?"


When the mail arrived at St. Anne's late afternoon on Tuesday, the Headmistress had seen the return address of a large envelope and directed her secretary to deliver it to Allie's teacher, Miss Claire Collins without delay.

Miss Collins had had a full day, so brought the envelope home to look over in the evening. With a cup of tea at hand, she opened the thick envelope and spread the contents across her dining room table.

In the school records of Allie Grant were some rather interesting items and when Miss Collins saw some of the contents, she quickly gathered up the papers and retreated to her bedroom. She didn't want her roommate to see any of this!'

Enclosed with Allie's reports of excellent grades, was an essay Allie had written on loss and suffering, another she wrote about adoption and a newspaper article from Fort Clay. Official report cards contained very positive notes about her father's parenting as well as notes from parent-teacher conferences that detailed Allie's accomplishments and observations of how to help her improve even more. There were hastily scribbled notes of conversations about Allie, family history, etc. Also enclosed were records of grades from numerous previous schools in different cities, along with a couple letters of recommendation. Claire sorted the various papers into piles across her bed.

An unsealed envelope was addressed to Allie for when she graduated or moved. And another envelope just said To: Nathan Grant. But it was the pages that appeared to be torn from a journal that surprised Claire the most. The pages described encounters with Allie's father, appearing to be a diary of sorts where someone had recorded their conversations and interest, fears and hesitant hopes and, ultimately, love for Nathan Grant. Claire Collins had never seen a school file anything like this!

First, Claire decided to examine the school records from earlier cities, then the more recent Hope Valley records. She found the information confirming Allie's placement in Advanced Math along with lists of her interests and books covered in her literature lessons. Discovering Allie had taken one year of Latin, Claire double-checked grades from the other schools. Claire also read notes that Allie was a loner, preferring to read rather than interact with fellow students, but when Claire calculated how many different schools Allie had attended, that was understandable. One teacher had noted Allie was an introvert by choice, but not by nature and that comment fit the descriptions by others about Allie's personality.

Claire read the scribbled scraps of notes. One commented on Allie's sweetness, thoughtfulness and helpfulness. Another noted that she was easily bored if not challenged with new material. Another note contained background information and family history; Allie's mother died when she was four and her uncle became her guardian. They moved frequently, but hoped the Hope Valley placement would be longer-lasting. She had no siblings, just an elderly grandmother and grandfather who appeared to be estranged. So her entire world revolved around her uncle and his around her. Comments included how close they were and that they enjoyed similar activities, like fishing, horseback riding, reading and music. Allie excelled in art following in her mother's footsteps as an artist, an oil painter.

Allie often had a unique perspective and was very mature, with an intuitive nature. Another note stated Allie kept secrets close to her heart and the author expected that was partly due to her father being a Mountie. Allie knew a lot about life and people, but she kept confidences. Hope Valley was a place she got to be a carefree child for a few years.

Next Claire opened the unsealed envelope and read a glowing assessment of Allie's personality and academics, in spite of all her losses and sorrows. She was well-adjusted, moral and responsible, trust-worthy and endearing. As Claire read, the letter confirmed what she had already observed in just a few days of class. Also confirmed was the exemplary father she had in Nathan Grant. Claire leaned back against the headboard and recalled the meal she, Dan and her Aunt and Uncle had shared with Nathan some weeks ago. Whoever wrote this unsigned letter had keen powers of observation!

Setting the letter and school records aside, Claire took up the journal pages. There she read of encounters with Nathan Grant, admiration for his parenting and lessons he taught Allie so well. There was a record of a plaque he carved with an Emmerson quote about not letting your fears win. The following entry described her son's Christening and Nathan's loving care for the writer's son, making faces and making the child giggle. The author appreciated the thoughtful respite when the little one would not be satisfied apart from his mother, yet he took readily to Nathan. She concluded Nathan had a lot of experience with children and his tenderness and warmth were endearing.

Claire read of a carved Mountie toy and horse, and an excursion to find a Christmas tree, then decorate it. There was a description of a cardinal ornament and near kiss the writer had wished for, but knew was too early. Claire read about a man named Archie who was recently released from prison, accused of theft and Nathan investigated and found him innocent. By the end of the description, Claire had figured out it was Nathan's father and paused to consider this. 'I wonder if his father's challenges motivated Nathan to become a Mountie. In that case what was Nathan's childhood like?'

Returning to the entries, she read of Nathan saving this person's life when held at gunpoint, and of rescuing her and the class from a severe wind storm. A sweet scene was described of Nathan coming to apologize for being upset in the cabin and telling the author she 'mattered' to him. Claire caught her breath as she read that entry.

Claire read on. Nathan had talked of purchasing land, then made a declaration of love. The tone of the writing changed at that point to sorrow and defense of her fears, including an explanation that, of course, she couldn't be with another Mountie after what happened to Jack. The woman had rejected Nathan and run. One comment was difficult to interpret. The author had expressed her love to Nathan, but explained she was not 'in' love with him and said she was looking for Jack in him. She explained the raw pain she saw in his eyes as she said that and left his office. Claire couldn't help but have tears fill her eyes at that insensitivity, cruelty really.

On the next sheet of paper, the entries began to include a man named Lucas, but these descriptions included a lot of questions and justifications and mentions of a book she was writing. Nathan was mentioned with a longing for a friendship that seemed to have cooled. She described many observations of Nathan around town, although she didn't record a lot of direct interactions now. The final entry was a sentence begun but not finished as there was no more room on the page. It read, "Lucas proposed to me today and I said yes! We are…"

The following page seemed out of order as it included Nathan encounters again… A deep conversation and a blanket he wrapped around her shoulders. A trip with Lucas to see Virginia Wolff and Nathan's withdrawal and cool, distant 'Welcome home.' A gift of flowers from both men. A library non-date with Lucas but on the very next day, a shocking description of the fear of losing Nathan when another Mountie died. She described a very public and extended hug when he slowly trudged into town, shaken but alive. Her relief he didn't die, but her fears he could. Regrets for a canceled date. Reports of Nathan sightings from windows, across the street and the school room door, regrets for the distance she felt and the closeness she missed…

Claire put the pages aside and pinched between her eyes. 'The schoolteacher and the Mountie.' This was a sad, sad story of love denied and wounds that Nathan Grant carried with him. Claire guessed no one knew the full extent of his pain, yet he amazingly showed no bitterness. Instead he exuded peace and kindness and compassion. She had no doubt the depth of his love for this woman, but the rejection and betrayal must have hurt him so deeply. 'No wonder Nathan Grant left Hope Valley! Poor man…'

'Why did that woman include these pages with Allie's academic records? It is personal, so very personal and revealing. And what do I do with this now? I can't give it to Nathan. I don't know the woman and wouldn't dare send it to her… or should I? I could just address it to the Hope Valley Schoolteacher… But, maybe she kept these pages hidden for some reason, so no one but her would find them? Yet, the file was sent… It is a mystery.' Claire decided to keep the journal pages and the envelope addressed to Nathan sealed in a larger envelope and hidden with her belongings at home for now. Allie's academic information would be filed at St. Anne's tomorrow, but she debated whether she should first show that to Miss Hills. 'Might it be helpful?'