Chapter Twenty-nine
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Revisiting the Past
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Dr. Ben met Bill when he knocked on Bill's apartment door on Saturday morning. "Ben! I need to change things today as I am packing for a trip right now. Could you please meet Elizabeth in my office downstairs? I can give you the key." Bill fumbled in his pocket and found it, handing Ben the key.
"We don't mind at all and actually since both Mr. and Mrs. Thatcher and Elizabeth are meeting with me, the space will be nice. Just one question. Does Elizabeth have any memories of your office that might be a trigger? We plan to discuss Jack Thornton today."
"Triggers? The only one I can think of is Allie Grant's adoption, but that was more recent than Jack. I think you should be fine, but maybe ask her when she is here?"
"I will. Thank you, Bill. Where are you headed and when?"
"I have a couple appointments on Monday that I couldn't change, but I plan to head to Regina on the Tuesday afternoon train. I'm going to visit the Grants!" Jack excitement was palpable. "I can't wait!"
"I didn't know you were so close, Bill. Do you intend to tell Nathan about Elizabeth?"
"Minimally? You see Nathan will blame himself for Elizabeth's situation and that is the last thing I want for him. It is not his fault and Elizabeth treated Nathan and Allie abominably. He is starting over. A clean slate. A fresh start, and I don't want to burden him with anything he shouldn't have to carry. I hope we have plenty of other things to discuss and see and it will just be fun for me to see the old place again. You know, as you age, your memories change the places of your youth. I aim to restore reality and remove the rose-colored glasses I have been wearing!"
Dr. Ben laughed. "You are not that old, Bill!"
"You'd be surprised!" As Bill turned to go, he mentioned something. "I am dining with the Thatchers at the Café this evening. If you think it would be helpful, or you want to join us, feel free to ask them? I'm fine either way." Bill turned back again. "You may use my office while I am away. I would prefer that to my apartment! That way people will be seen coming and going from there and it will be less obvious I am away."
"Sure, Bill. Thank you. See you later."
Having settled with Elizabeth and her parents in Bill's office, Ben was surprised when the telephone rang. He decided just to answer with, "Hello?"
"Oh! Florence? Ben Marshall here. I'm using his office. Bill is upstairs in his apartment. Can you ring him there?" Ben paused as Florence thanked him. "You are welcome." Ben returned his attention to the Thatchers. "Where were we, Elizabeth?"
Upstairs, Bill answered the telephone. "Bill here."
"Bill? I have Nathan on the line for you!"
"Nathan's calling? Well make the connection, Florence!" Once he heard Nathan's voice, Bill settled back in his armchair. "Nathan! What a surprise. To what do I owe this honor?"
When Nathan ignored his question and asked how Bill was, Bill responded. "Fine. Missing you though. Would you be able to accommodate a visitor this coming week?"
Nathan was surprised and immediately responded, "Of course. You mean, you? You are coming? And so soon?"
"I've been missing you and Allie since you first told me about your move. So, it's not really that soon! Can you find a bed for me? I had planned to call you tomorrow."
"Our cottage is small and only has two bedrooms, but I will ask Peter and Carol and I am sure Carol would love to have a guest to pamper. She's quite the cook, so you won't go hungry, that's for sure. We'll plan on dinners here though. Wait until I tell Allie! She's in the stable grooming the horses as we are planning to take a ride shortly. She will be over the moon!"
"Ahhh! She is half the reason I have to come, Nathan. That girl has wormed her way into this old heart!" Bill cleared his throat to control his voice. "I plan to catch the afternoon train on Tuesday, but if I have to delay by a day I will let you know. I've had to rearrange some cases and I'm still waiting to hear back on one of them." Bill paused. "So why have you called?"
"Are you seated, Bill?" Nathan asked quietly.
"Yessss…" Bill answered cautiously. "Whhhy?"
"I met someone you know. Or used to know anyway. Adeline Foster? She said you would know her as A.J.?"
There was silence on the line as Bill was trying to absorb the shock.
"Bill? Are you alright? Bill? Say something!" Nathan's voice was gradually increasing in volume.
"Ahh… A J.? How?"
"Whew! I thought I lost you for a moment there, Bill! You sure you are okay?"
"Just talk, Nathan."
"Okay. Adeline works in the Finance Office at Depot. When I went there to confirm my pay cheque we got talking and when she saw my file and noted I was from Hope Valley she admitted she knew you and Abigail. She asked me to tell you hello, Bill."
Hearing Bill's gasp, Nathan continued, only this time with questions. "She is beautiful, Bill and very nice. How do you know her?"
"It's a long story."
"I have time." Nathan responded.
"You don't have enough time for this one. " Bill spoke with his familiar gruffness. "We'll talk when I come." His voice softened as he asked these next questions though. "Did she say anything else? Does she want to hear from me or…?"
Nathan took note of his friend's hopefulness. "She called you Sheriff, so I guess you have not been in touch for a while. She gave me permission to tell you, and actually I think she wanted me to. Adeline told me you parted under, how did she put it? 'Under less than ideal circumstances.' She didn't know how you would respond but still wanted to send her greetings." Nathan paused. "Does that answer your questions? I would say yes, she wants to hear from you."
Waiting for Bill's response, Nathan added. "She is not wearing a wedding band, Bill."
"Do you think I could see her?"
"By her blush when she spoke of you, I would guess yes."
"She blushed?"
"A very sweet, feminine blush, Bill. Yes." Nathan was grinning on his end of the call. This was going better than he could have dreamed. He thought to himself. 'I think Bill Avery is in love!'
To Bill, Nathan commented. "Maybe this is a Providentially-planned visit, my friend."
Bill coughed once. "Maybe."
"Do you want me to tell her you are coming? I can stop by her office on Monday."
"I don't know. Let me think about it? Let's say no right now. I'll let you know if I change my mind." Bill paused. "Maybe it is only fair to give her some forewarning since I know. Oh…" The usually decisive Judge Avery didn't know what end was up right now. "Don't tell her, Nathan. I better go. I have a lot of thinking and maybe some praying to do."
"Do both, Bill. God is in this opportunity I am certain. You take care and I'll be praying on my end. See you soon."
"Right. See you soo…" Bill had hung up the phone before he finished his sentence.
Nathan stared at the telephone, praying for God to prepare his friend and this lovely woman to meet again and for God's will to be done.
Elizabeth resumed her history of meeting and getting to know Jack Thornton. She described her visit to Hamilton. Her friendship with Charles Kensington, Jack's visit to Hamilton and her hurt at her parent's rejection of him. She explained how that hurt her and Jack and their relationship.
She described the visit from Charles Kensington to Hope Valley and that she later learned that Jack had overheard Charles proposing to her. "He walked away and didn't propose that day. He told me later that he felt inadequate and unable to compete with Hamilton and all it represented. All our family represented and how he was treated."
"Elizabeth? This is part of what I am asking you to forgive. I acted deplorably because Jack was strong and secure enough in who he was to stand up to me. Not disrespectfully, but still strong. And, much as I hate to admit this, there is an intimidating presence when confronted by a Mountie standing in front of you. He doesn't have to do anything. Just his uniform is enough to make a grown man, an honest grown man, shake in his boots and question himself. I didn't like it and therefore I didn't like him, or you marrying him." William looked at his daughter, contrite. "We did repair our relationship some though and I am thankful I walked the aisle with you at your wedding."
"I am too, Father." Elizabeth sighed. "But I am sorry you couldn't be there Mother. I know you were with Viola in England. But I wish you could have visited Hope Valley before now."
"I wish I had too, Darling. If I could go back I would do so many things differently. I ask your forgiveness too, Elizabeth. I am so sorry to have let Society determine my attitudes and actions towards Jack…and you for that matter. I was too easily swayed by the opinions of others. Or maybe my perception of their opinions? I made no effort to support my own daughter, or your choices to teach, move here, marry Jack, or struggle as a new mother. I am ashamed."
Elizabeth wiped her tears. "Thank you for telling me that Mother. You too Father. I do forgive you, even though I don't completely understand. I have done things myself though…" Elizabeth let her voice trail off.
"I wish you had invited us in recent years, Elizabeth."
"Would you have come? I asked you to attend Jack's Christening and you were overseas. Yet when you returned you never responded that you would like to come and meet him. I didn't really want to travel away from Hope Valley, my home. Not to mention I was adjusting to Jack's death and single motherhood. But still, I wish you had come."
Dr. Ben interjected. "This is a wonderful and healing conversation. Can we circle back to Jack though? Tell me about things from his perspective, and maybe how you saw things as you committed yourself to him?"
"Jack always felt lesser than all of us, yet his father was a well-respected Mountie and he had nothing for which he should have been ashamed. The difference was in our bank accounts and standing in society, which is not a very dependable measure of a person's character. By the time Jack finally proposed, I had changed enough to really belong in Hope Valley. I had no reason to leave. Society and wealth held no allure. I had friends. I had the school children, and the schoolhouse Jack built. I had him, Jack. He bought land to build us a home. I had all I needed or wanted."
Elizabeth stopped as tears filled her eyes. Continuing she whispered. "The only thing I didn't have was Jack's whole heart. I mean I had all the love in his heart. All he could have for a woman. I know that. But Jack was born to be a Mountie and they had a hold on him. They had a part of his heart that was totally unavailable to anyone else. The Mounties owned Jack. Not forcibly. He gave them his promise, his vow. He volunteered for some of his assignments, even when he left me alone in Hope Valley. But in a sense, Jack belonged to the Mounties."
Elizabeth thought about this quietly. "I wonder what, if anything, would have changed if he had known we were expecting a baby… I have to keep forgiving him for these things, these unknowns, even while I forgive him for the choices I know he did make. He didn't know what the result would be but he still chose to leave me and go."
"Elizabeth? I believe it would be helpful for you to write a letter to Jack." Dr. Ben had her attention. "No one needs to read it. It can just be between a wife and husband. But it needs to be written. I know you said Jack left a letter for you just in case? I think you need to write to him, maybe read it to him at his grave if you want and then bury it, or burn it or somehow destroy it. Once it is gone, then you need to let go and say goodbye, Elizabeth. Holding on, even holding on to questions isn't helping you."
Dr. Ben looked at Elizabeth with compassion and concern. "Can you do that this weekend? I will walk to the gravesite with you on Monday, so you don't have to be there alone. I'll stand a distance away, but I think it would be helpful if I am nearby. What do you say? We'll finish at this point today and you and I will take a walk on Monday afternoon?"
Elizabeth nodded slowly. "Okay."
Dr. Ben admitted. "I miss Joseph. Would anyone be willing to pray or shall we just pray silently."
William spoke up. "I will pray."
Nathan saddled the horses while Allie loaded their lunch into the saddle bags. "Ready to go Allie-girl? Do you think that jacket is warm enough?"
"Sure Dad, we each have blankets so I can wrap myself in one of those if I need to."
"Okay then. Let's head out. Let me give you an assist."
"I don't need it now, Dad. But thank you."
"Just a small way for me to still feel needed…at least in my opinion!" Nathan grinned knowing the truth to her statement. Allie didn't need him like she used to and he had to let that go.
They trotted to the road they had taken before, then worked up to a gallop in the grassy space along the edge. The wind blew their hair every which way, but it felt so good. When they gradually slowed and could walk beside each other again, Nathan made the announcement.
"Allie-girl. What do you think of having a visitor next week?"
She turned to study her father. "Who?"
"Uncle Bill."
No sooner were the words spoken then Allie whooped in a most unladylike manner. "Really Dad? Uncle Bill is coming? When? How long will he stay? Why?"
Nathan laughed, but was glad none of the faculty were around to hear them. "I talked to him this morning and he plans to depart on the afternoon train on Tuesday. That means he'll arrive on Thursday. I have no idea how long he'll visit! I didn't think to ask I was so surprised. Why though? I don't know. He only said he misses us. He misses you, Honey. Uncle Bill said you are half the reason he needs to come. He misses you so much!"
"Really? He said I'm half the reason? That's pretty good, Dad, because we both know how much Uncle Bill loves you!" Allie shook her shoulders in a little dance move. "Oh, I can't wait!"
"It will be wonderful to see him and show him around a little, eh?"
"Can I bring him to St. Anne's? Maybe I could ask Miss Hills if he could come after classes and I could show him around my school? Do you think that would be okay?"
"It is certainly okay to ask! I will show him around the Academy I know."
"Well, it's easier for you, Dad. You are faculty!" Allie explained as if he didn't know.
Nathan chuckled. "Right. So where else can we take him? We could visit the Bookstore because we haven't been there yet although he probably isn't as interested as we are. We'll take him to church. We can ask when he gets here. Oh, and Allie? We can't say a lot about it, but Bill knows a woman who works at Depot. She is someone from his past and I don't know how they feel about each other, but I have my suspicions. We can pray for God's will to be done."
"Really?" Allie squealed. "Oh I would love for Uncle Bill to get married. He is so wonderful, but he needs to have someone love him. I mean besides you and me!"
"Whoa! Allie. Hold your horses. No one said anything about marriage. I don't think they have even seen each other in over four years! And they haven't been corresponding either."
"Well, I am going to ask God for what I want. I believe God wants all of us to be loved, Dad. I mean more than Dads and Daughters! But I will still add at the end for God's will to be done. Don't worry."
Nathan chuckled. His Allie-girl was full of surprises.
"So what did you think of Miss Ross and Miss Bell? Aren't they both beautiful?"
Nathan nearly choked at the quick change of direction. "Ahhh… yes, I guess they are both pretty."
"No guessing, Dad! They are beautiful women. Which do you like best? Blonde or black hair?"
"I'm afraid I don't know, Allie. Both colors are fine. It's the person beneath the head of hair that matters to me."
"Ummm hmmm…" Allie gave her pursed-lip- look that became a half smile. She kept pursuing the topic though. "Don't you think they are as pretty as Mrs. Thornton?" She watched her father gulp.
"Ahhh… They are all equally pretty, Allie. Let's change the subject please?" The only problem was that Nathan suddenly couldn't think of a new subject to discuss.
