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Chapter Thirty-one

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A New Week and A New Day

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"Good morning, Dad." Allie entered the front room and deposited her book tote by the front door and her blazer over the back of a chair.

"Allie-girl! Good morning to you. How did you sleep last night?" Nathan, dressed except for his serge and belt, set aside his journal and stood.

With a quick embrace, Allie looked up into her father's face. "Fine I guess, at least when I was sleeping."

"When? You weren't sleeping all night?" Nathan stopped her with his hand on her shoulder and scrutinized her face. He placed his wrist on her forehead. "Are you feeling okay?

"Oh, Dad. I'm fine. I just couldn't turn off my mind when I got to bed. There was so much to think about." Allie noticed the table set for breakfast and smelled bacon and coffee. Confused, she looked around the small kitchen. "Wait. Where's the food?"

Laughing, Nathan headed to the oven. "Staying hot in the oven. Take your seat, Honey, and I'll serve."

"May I have a little coffee, Dad? I need to be alert for class and I feel like I could sleep till noon." Allie watched as her father served scrambled eggs, pancakes, hot syrup and bacon. "What time did you get up to make all this and even clean the kitchen?"

"You couldn't sleep at night? I couldn't sleep this morning, so just decided to get everything ready so we could enjoy a leisurely breakfast and talk. You weren't ready to talk when you got home last night!" Nathan chuckled as he heated milk on the stovetop and stirred in a small amount of coffee for Allie. "Here you go."

"Thanks, Dad." Allie reached her hand across the table as Nathan sat down and took her hand.

"Dear Lord. Thank you for this food, this home, our friends and each other. Thank you for your loving care over us. Bless Allie at school today and give her clarity and recall as she studies. May the teachers and the lessons instill wisdom and a love for learning. Bless our friendships and may we do well today in all you set before us. May we both be a blessing to those around us. We pray in Your Name, Amen."

"Amen," Allie squeezed her father's hand then took a sip of her milky coffee. "Mmmm. Thank you!"

Nathan placed the napkin over his lap as he commented. "Do you know the name of that drink?"

"Milk with coffee?" Allie offered.

"In Italy it is called a 'Latte.' I learned that from a colleague at Depot. You see? You are never too old to learn something new! But what I want to learn now is what happened at Youth Group?" Nathan began to eat as he examined his daughter. She seemed different this morning. More mature. More grown up and more grown away from him. Nathan was not ready for that. Not yet.

With dreamy eyes, Allie held her forkful of pancakes and paused. "It was really great, Dad." Suddenly appearing to wake up, she popped her forkful into her mouth.

"And what made it really great? Meeting new friends? What you did? What did you do?"

"Yes? New people, fun getting-to-know-you games, the Bible message, the songs, it was all amazing."

"Tell me about the new people you met."

"The leaders are Mr. and Mrs. Barrow and they're fun. Mr. B., that's what everybody calls him, did silly things and made us laugh. He made some good points though." Allie took another bite then continued. "Mrs. B. plays the piano and leads the singing. She has a pretty voice. When we separated the girls from the boys at the end, she led the girls' prayers."

"Oh, so there were some young men at the meeting?" Nathan was fishing for information!

"And how!" Allie blushed. "A couple really nice fellas. Jared said most of them attend the Boy's Academy…"

"Jared? Who is Jared?"

"Oh, probably just the handsomest fella in the group. He's almost as tall as you but he has blonde hair, dreamy blue eyes…" Allie got lost in her description for a moment before responding further. "His name is Jared Blake and he said he wears uniforms similar to yours at school. It's a military academy, but not as advanced as Depot of course. His father is a Sergeant at Depot Division too. Rachel is sweet on him, but he didn't pay her much attention. He just came and sat between us and talked to me. Sally knows his sister and she's a year older than we are. She wasn't there last night, but I'll meet her next week or at St. Anne's…"

"Whoa, Allie! How old is Jared Blake?"

Blushing again, Allie confessed. "He's seventeen and he is so… He plays on the football team too…"

'Oh my!' Nathan thought. 'I know who to keep my eye on now!' Aloud he redirected his questions. "So, did you meet some other girls from St. Anne's?"

Unaware of her father's change of tack, Allie shared about some girls she met but noted that no one seemed like a bosom friend like Sally.

"Is this a group you would like to continue to attend, Allie?"

"Of course, Dad!" Allie was now aware of some hesitancy in her father's voice. "Is that alright?"

"Yes. You may attend. I just want you to be aware of all those attending and not concentrate on just one fella. The same that applies to Robert Wolf applies to Jared and any other interesting young men right now. You are fourteen and blossoming into a young lady, but you are still too young to concentrate all your attention on just one young man. Get to know them all as friends and in groups, okay?" Nathan leaned back in his chair as he finished his last sip of coffee. "Also, the Bible lessons may be good for you as you face the challenges of growing up." He stood and began to clear the table.

"I hear you, Dad." Allie responded, giggling. "Friends, groups and Bible lessons. Oh, and fun!"

"Good. I want you to have fun with a lot of young people, Honey." Glancing at the clock he checked. "Are you ready to go?"

"Almost, Dad." Allie cleared her plate and ran back to brush her teeth. When she returned, Nathan was fully dressed and ready to brush his teeth.

After their 'don-the-belt'n'strap' tradition, the Grants departed home to begin their day.


When Lee departed early to handle a lumberyard issue, Rosemary joined Elizabeth for breakfast at the Thornton row house. This had been a long forgotten pleasure for the two friends, but after Elizabeth's note and visit the previous afternoon, it was a good time to reinstate the get-togethers.

While Elizabeth quietly prepared the tea she insisted that Rosemary be seated and be served.

Rosemary thought about the note and the conversation. Elizabeth had acknowledged her lacks in reciprocating a friendship with Rosemary since Jack had died. Always there to comfort and console, Rosemary had not received the same love and care from Elizabeth. Chalking it up to grief and then the overwhelming aspects of new, and single, motherhood, Rosemary had ignored the slights. There were rare occasions when Elizabeth had shown interest in the Coulters' cruise, or acknowledged Rosemary's sorrow at being unable to conceive, but those were short-lived. Elizabeth had treated her and Lee to a Hawaiian themed-evening that was true, but Elizabeth acknowledged that most of the time together as 'friends' was devoted to discussing the loss of Jack, raising little Jack, the two men pursuing Elizabeth and her feelings and fears. And it was true.

When Elizabeth had angrily rejected Rosemary's report of her library encounter with Nathan, Rosemary had backed away. She knew she deserved better treatment than that!

Today, Rosemary realized they still needed to discuss that event and the aftermath. Elizabeth's apology muffins had been a start, but Rosemary realized she had prematurely taken Elizabeth back and her friend's focus remained on herself. She needed to explain that this morning.

The consequences of those events had grown. Not happy about Elizabeth's rejection of Nathan and pursuit of Lucas, Rosemary had bitten her lip to keep from making her opinions known, figuring Elizabeth would not listen anyway. She had attempted to support Elizabeth's decision, but that had been in vain. She and Lee knew Nathan Grant and were aware of the enormous mistake playing out before them.

That was when Rosemary and Lee had decided to only help with Jack, to step in and fulfill their promises as his guardians. They loved that little boy and were increasingly concerned about his mother's inattention. The Coulters had declined a couple requests for babysitting in hopes that Elizabeth would decline the dates, or at least introduce Lucas to family time with Jack. Rosemary didn't know what happened behind closed doors, but she noticed Jack becoming more whiny and unhappy and the Coulters were very worried about the influence of a gambler and Saloon owner on their dear friend Constable Jack Thornton's little boy.

After being called to assist with Elizabeth's care after her breakdown, Rosemary had kept vigil the first night and then Lee stepped in and spoke truth to her. Their responsibility was for Jack and they needed to do that together. Lee wanted Elizabeth to apologize to Rosemary before any further contact could be restored. Humbly asking for forgiveness last night had been the beginning and the first time they had caught a glimpse of their old Elizabeth-the one they had known, loved and admired from the past.

Elizabeth sat down and poured the tea then handed Rosemary the plate of eggs and bacon. She placed the basket of warm scones closer to her friend and looked at her closely. "What are you thinking about Rosemary?"

Rosemary adjusted the napkin on her lap and glanced to Elizabeth. "We need to continue the talk we began yesterday. I have to be honest. When you angrily cut me off and wouldn't allow me to tell you about my conversation with Nathan in the library I was very hurt. Unfortunately I welcomed you back into friendship with apology muffins and no clear recognition of what you had said and done. I can forgive you, but you need to address that, Elizabeth."

Shocked at this admission, Elizabeth was quiet for a moment before responding. "I guess you are right. Muffins were meant as a substitute when a real confession was required." She looked across the table and reached to place her hand on Rosemary's hand. Staring into Rosemary's glistening eyes Elizabeth saw how she had hurt her dear friend. "Please forgive me for my angry words and for ignoring your input. I am sorry. And now I am embarrassed that I thought muffins would be enough!"

Rosemary admitted quietly. "I forgive you Elizabeth."

"Please tell me now what you were going to tell me then?" Elizabeth requested quietly. "Can you remember?"

Rosemary nodded and only hoped Elizabeth could hear this. "I met Nathan in the library and learned he was an accomplished reader, and of many authors that you also enjoy. I wanted you to know that he was so much more than just a red uniform."

"I am sorry I didn't know that then. But, you know I just learned that Nathan has written two books. Nathan Grant, an author and no one knew!"

Rosemary held Elizabeth's gaze. "Well some people knew. Lee and I have had copies of his books for a long time."

"You knew?" Aghast, Elizabeth leaned back in her chair just as a knock sounded on the front door. She rose to answer, grateful for a moment to catch her breath and absorb this latest news.


Bill and Joseph emerged from The Canfield's row house together.

"Thank you, Joseph for your input on this. With Elizabeth's improvement and my travelling tomorrow, it seems as though this is the right time to deliver Nathan's note. He will probably ask me about it when I am in Regina, so thanks for your agreement. I'll deliver it now and that way she can discuss it with you later, if she is inclined. If I don't see you later or tomorrow, take care and thanks for your prayers."

"Don't forget to pass along my greetings to Nathan now!" Admonished Joseph. "And Allie too! Oh, and enjoy your visit."

"Right. I'll do that. Let me try to catch Elizabeth now." With a wave Bill hurried up the lane to Elizabeth's door.


"Oh! Good morning, Bill. Please come in. Rosemary and I are just finishing an early breakfast before I get Jack up." At that moment, Jack called out for his Mommy.

"I'll get Jack, Elizabeth. Hi Bill!" Rosemary rose from the table and headed up the stairs.

Explaining as he entered, Bill spoke nervously. "I can't stay long Elizabeth."

"Long enough to sit down for a moment?"

"That, yes." Bill held the envelope in his hand and continued. "You see when Nathan departed for Regina he left some items for me to distribute to some friends, Joseph, the Coulters and me. One was a note to you. He explained he left it unsealed as he wanted me and/or Joseph to read it in order to determine the best time to deliver it. I have kept it safe since that day and read it last evening for the first time. I just discussed it with Joseph and we agree it is time to deliver it to you. I am departing tomorrow afternoon for a visit to see Nathan and Allie and don't want to delay any longer." Billed coughed once, then handed the envelope to Elizabeth. "Here."

Taking it, almost reverently, Elizabeth stared at her name written in handsome script. She looked up at Bill. "He wrote this before he left? Before he saw me in the schoolhouse? Before I yelled at him?" Elizabeth's eyes were filling with tears. "He intended to leave me a note?"

"Yes, he did. Nathan intended to have me wait to deliver all the notes until after he and Allie were on the train. He needed to leave quietly, Elizabeth. He deserved to leave quietly, or at least without long explanations or dealing with people's disapproval or opinions. It was both his and Allie's joint decision to leave and accept the incredible promotion offered to him at Depot. Few people in Hope Valley would understand his reasons, but I know he is definitely missed."

Bill looked at Elizabeth closely. "Read the letter, Elizabeth. But don't just read the words. Read between the lines and think about what has been going on in his life, in his heart for the past year. I miss him immeasurably, but I agree it was time for him to go." Bill stood.

"Give a hug to Jack for me? I'll return in a couple weeks. I am taking vacation time I never take and will be away for as long as I dare." He walked to stand in front of a tearful Elizabeth. "You continue to mend, dear girl. And do the work to heal because God has given you a wonderful opportunity. A fresh start."

Elizabeth stood and the two old friends hugged, both separating with tear-filled eyes.

"Be safe." Elizabeth whispered.


Before heading to supervise an advanced class on investigative and tracking skills, Nathan noticed two envelopes in his inbox. One was from Florence and one was from Gabe. He tucked them in his desk drawer for later in order to arrive in time to discuss some things with the instructor.

As he was walking down the hallway, another Sergeant called his name, trying to catch up. "Sergeant Grant" The two men saluted sharply. "Hello!"

"Hello. I don't think we've met. You are?"

"Oh. Sorry. Having been in Depot for so long, I recognize those who are new! I am Sergeant Josiah Blake, Instructor in Weaponry and Marksmanship. Please use my first name, Josiah?"

"Of course, Josiah. I'm Nathan. Nice to meet you."Nathan motioned for the men to continue walking. "If you don't mind, I am heading to a class."

"Sure. When my son got home from Youth Group at Knox, I thought it might be good to make your acquaintance! According to my son, Jared, you have a charming daughter." Josiah grinned.

"Uh oh… I'm not ready for this, Josiah. She's only fourteen... Although in my opinion she is charming!"

"Oh, I get it, Nathan. I have a fifteen-year-old daughter! Ellen missed Youth Group last night, but she'll keep an eye on her brother. I wanted you to know our family rules are that no one 'dates' until after they graduate. These years are for learning, friendship and group fun. Maybe that will reassure you? Jared and I have a fairly open relationship, so whenever he discusses things with me I will continue to guide him to keep our rules. Has anyone told you about the Youth Group?"

"Thank you. I haven't laid down a 'rule' per se, but I have instructed Allie that she is too young to make life altering decisions with young men. Group friendships and fun are what I am hoping for. But, alas, I did hear a mention of Jared Blake this morning!" Nathan shrugged his shoulders. "You asked about Youth Group? I know some from Jon Samuels, but if you have insights, please enlighten me!"

"Sure. The young couple that lead are lovely and dedicated to encourage purity, service and following God. They have group events, hot chocolate socials and making Christmas ornaments, volunteer to help with the younger ones at the church Christmas pageant, prepare gift baskets and visit the elderly, preforming seasonal music and they have 'adopted' an orphanage to visit once a month. Their Bible lessons are to the point, encouraging faith and practice. I think you'll find that your daughter will grow immensely under the Barrow's leadership. I know Blake and Ellie have!"

The men stopped outside the classroom doorway. "Thank you, Josiah for your explanation. I am so happy that service is included in the program and it is not just a time for socials! We'll talk again soon, okay? I need to discuss somethings with Sergeant Dunne before class. Nice to meet you!"

The men exchanged salutes and went their separate ways, both knowing they wanted to learn more about the other!


As Bill departed, Elizabeth sat staring at the envelope from Nathan. As Jack called out excitedly, he and Rosemary descended the steps. Jack came running, arms open wide. "Mommy! Mornin' Mommy!"

Quickly setting the letter on the table, Elizabeth welcomed her son into her arms. "Good morning, my sweet boy!" To Rosemary she mouthed the words, 'Thank you.' It was then that Rosemary saw the tears and focused on the letter.

"From Bill?" Rosemary asked.

"No. From Nathan…"

Immediately registering surprise she gave Elizabeth a questioning look.

"He left it behind to give to me at the right time. Bill thinks that is today, before he goes to Regina to visit them." Elizabeth avoided saying names as Jack had a crush on Allie!

"Oh my… He left notes for Lee and me as well. If you want to go read it, Elizabeth, I can start Jack's breakfast."

"Oh… Would you mind? I'm sorry this interrupts our conversation though."

"I think that is more important at the moment." She nodded upstairs. "Jack how about you help Auntie Rosemary make some breakfast. Shall we have some peaches in our oatmeal? It will taste like having dessert for breakfast!" She reached out her hand to lead Jack to a chair.

"Yummy! Dessert now!"


Upstairs Elizabeth closed the door and sat in her rocking chair. She took a deep breath and voiced an arrow prayer for God's help, then unfolded the letter.

'Dear Elizabeth,

By the time you receive this you may wonder why I didn't say goodbye. The truth is I couldn't. I have already shared so much with you but now that you are engaged, I cannot speak as freely as I could before. I would like to say congratulations but I cannot say that either. What I am compelled to say is how sorry I am that you chose to not face your fears. We could have faced them together and been the stronger for doing so.

This is my concern. Even though you are not 'with' me, those fears are with you, they have a hold on you. Until you face them and give them to God, (that means trusting God for your future no matter what) you cannot have the wonderful life God has for you. You will always hold back, always avoid, always run and thereby miss joy and love and rest and peace. Sitting in a saddle on a beautiful, strong horse and holding the reins doesn't mean you are riding if the horse is tethered to the fence of fear. Please read the plaque in the library again? You need to face your fears, Elizabeth.

I have watched over you and Jack since my arrival, but now that you are engaged that protection and care belongs to another. I need to move on. I know for certain that God opened this opportunity at Depot Division at the right time for both Allie and for me.

You are not the same as when we used to share together. You have changed from that Elizabeth I first met in the RNWMP office, concerned that the townspeople were not accepting me and determined to make a difference by simply being seen talking to me on the street. I'll never forget that Elizabeth and her thoughtful and brave act.

You and young Jack will remain in my prayers. Someday maybe you can tell him I miss him, as I do the old you, and I expect I always will.

Nathan'

After gathering her letter to Jack and her letter from Nathan and placing them in her basket, Elizabeth had thanked Rosemary, assuring her they would talk soon and just asking her to pray. She had kissed her son and said goodbye and thank you to Laura, before greeting her parents and having William drop her and her mother at Bill's apartment to meet Joseph.


Joseph prayed to begin their morning session. He looked questioningly at Elizabeth, then down to the letters in her hand and back to her face again, waiting.

"Joseph, I have two letters to show you today. The first is what I wrote to Jack. Since you witnessed my note when I broke the engagement I believe you should witness this one as well." Elizabeth extracted the page and handed it to Joseph. "Would you please read this now?"

"If you are sure?" Joseph checked and as she nodded, he took it from her. Looking up as he finished reading, he commented. "You have covered a lot in this, Elizabeth. Your husband wrote you a goodbye letter?"

Elizabeth opened her journal. After writing to Jack she had copied out the points she had made so she could refer back to them if she needed to and remind herself of what she promised.

"He left a letter behind with Abigail just in case something happened and he didn't return." Elizabeth was somber but composed. "In it he told me that he wanted me to open my heart and find love again. As I wrote in this letter, it took a long time to do that, but Joseph? No matter the outcome, I believe I have done that now."

Elizabeth continued. "Joseph? In the Infirmary, I told you my realization that I do love Nathan. I have so many regrets about how I treated him and how I got involved with Lucas. But it clarified some things for me as I wrote this yesterday."

"Right now I need to concentrate on Nathan. I am realizing that he has been the center of all this for me since he arrived in town. He is my center now, no matter what happens in the future, Nathan is in my heart. I let fear win, Joseph, and now I need help to change that. To be brave again."

"Elizabeth? I am concerned by a couple phrases here." Joseph lifted the letter and read. "I don't know what the future looks like. Teaching isn't important. I have no books left in me. You do say you believe God has a plan, yet those phrases sound as though you are giving up and not seeing that God really does have a purpose for you still, beyond just loving your son. Care to explain further?"

"I guess what I mean is that my focus has narrowed right now? If God opens a door to any of those things that used to be important? I will consider it, but I am now determined to put Jack first and, if God will's, to put Nathan and Allie first too. "

"There is something else, Joseph. Well two things actually. One is that a verse came to mind when I finished this letter. God has given his peace to me. Not what the world offers, but His peace and He tells me to not be troubled or afraid. I didn't weep as I wrote nor as I finished this letter to Jack. It feels as though the pain is healed, though the facts remain. As though the scar is there, but closed? Do you understand what I mean? God has healed me and I am at peace. Even with the uncertainty of my future with Nathan I feel peace."

"That is wonderful to hear, Elizabeth. There may be times of tears in the future, but they will be soothing and healing and temporary. This is a great work of saying goodbye to your husband and moving into your life ahead. I am proud of you and thankful for this progress." Joseph rejoiced as he saw the peace in Elizabeth's eyes. "Now you said two things? I think you only mentioned one?" Knowing what it was, Joseph silently prayed and waited.

Elizabeth looked down at the envelope in her hand and lifted it. "Bill said he showed this to you?"

Leaning in, Joseph nodded. "He did. Talk to me about it, Elizabeth."

She let her fingers gently glide across the handwriting, then looked at Joseph. "I really hurt a sensitive, deep and thoughtful man, Joseph. Somehow, as honest as he is in this note, I think it hurt him to write it. He really let go, but in caring for me he had to tell me what I needed to hear."

"I thought of a verse in Proverbs and when I looked it up I found it explains the difference between dear Nathan and Lucas. 'Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.'" (*7)

"Nathan's right. Fear has gripped and held me tight. I wonder though. The peace I have felt since writing that letter to Jack… Is part of that peace that I am letting go of the fear and openly admitting my love of Nathan? Isn't that facing the fear? At least in part?"

Elizabeth was thoughtful but Joseph treated her question as rhetorical and, praying internally, he watched God at work.

"I think I need to write a letter to God."

Joseph almost gasped in surprise. That thought had never occurred to him, but isn't that exactly what Elizabeth needed to do to face her fear and give it to the Lord? Joseph marveled and quietly prayed his thanks that God loved Elizabeth that much to guide her understanding even without her counselor's suggestion.

Continuing Elizabeth explained, "I need to consider each of the ways Nathan mentioned, holding back, avoiding and running. I need to remember how I have done those things. And how I have looked like I was living life when I was still tied to the fence, chained by fear. I need to write to God and admit my fears." Looking up at Joseph, Elizabeth spoke in a whisper, "Isn't Nathan amazing that he boldly told me what he knew I needed to hear? How did he know? I guess God arranged for me to receive this note today, didn't He? After I had written to Jack?"

"I need to write to Nathan too. Not just in my journal, but really confess and then tell him how God has used his words to me. I need to admit that Nathan's move is God's will for now, or else none of this would have happened. I might have always been bound by fear or made the worst mistake of my life and married Lucas or…" Tears welled in Elizabeth's eyes as she became aware of what God had saved her from. "Joseph, I know Nathan came to protect and serve, but I think I need to tell him that God is doing that. It isn't Nathan's responsibility. He doesn't have to carry that burden even though I'm not engaged anymore and he left town."

Elizabeth stilled and was quiet for so long that Joseph broke the silence. "What do you think about his assessment that you have changed?"

"Nathan is right. I did change. I let the needs and concerns of others go unheeded while I made everything about me. I was centered on myself. I ignored the pain my dear friends were going through and expected everyone to listen to me…" Elizabeth gulped as she looked down at Nathan's words. "He thinks I was thoughtful and brave. I'm glad he has a memory of kindness, because I haven't been like that for a very long time." She raised her face to Joseph's once again. "He misses the old me, Joseph. Can you pray that God can help me get back to who I was, but be a better version? I don't want to be self-centered. What is that phrase you use? Be other-person-centered? I want to be that, Joseph. And I want to be that to Nathan too."

A noise on the stairway startled them both and Joseph glanced at his wristwatch. "Oh! We have been here a couple hours, Elizabeth!" He shifted in his seat. "It has been a wonderful morning and we'll circle back to these insights another time. For now, begin writing your letter to God and, when you are ready, maybe I can witness that and we can see some more freedom. Let's close now with prayer though, okay?"


(*7) Proverbs 27:6 King James Version, Public Domain