/JPOV/
As I walked through the halls of my school, I couldn't help the uneasy feeling that had imbedded into me since Bella left the day before. I know that Leah and Angela would be able to protect her but not having her close was driving me crazy. I wondered if Sam, Jared and Paul were feeling the same way since their imprints were gone as well.
This whole situation was messed up. Bella told me that it's possible that the tumor was the cause of all of our Emily problems. I didn't believe it at first but when I got to school, I logged into a computer at the library and confirmed what she said.
Not only could the tumor explain why Emily went crazy and used magic to trick Sam, it also could explain why despite not actually being Sam's imprint, that she was willing to stick around after he accidentally hurt her. I couldn't see any same person staying after that.
"Lost in thought?" Quil asked, bumping me in the shoulder with his own as he caught up to me in the hallway.
"Hey, man. Yeah, this whole Emily thing is crazy, right?" I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts.
"Yeah. How's Leah taking it?"
"If I know Leah, which I think I do, she's probably doing worse right now then when Sam left her for Emily in the first place. Emily was like a sister to her, and despite everything, she still thinks of her often."
Quil was silent for a moment before looking up at me. "How come I never knew this…" he lowered his voice so only I could hear him. "Pack mind."
"Alpha order. She didn't want anyone else to know. We shared a lot of things with each other and no one else. I won't go into detail though, she wouldn't want that." We got to our class, and our conversation ended, but I couldn't help but think back to that day where she confided in me about her feelings.
/6 MONTHS AGO/ (End of Chapter 17, just before leaving for the meeting with the Cullen's, Jake takes a walk along the beach to clear his head for the meeting.)
"Jake!"
I turned around and found Leah running toward me on first beach as I tossed rocks out to sea, lost in thought about my change in relationship with Bella. Things had moved fast but in other ways it seemed like it took forever. I guess that probably had to do with loving her since I was just a kid. Hell. I was still a kid by many standards. Yet here I was with my soul mate, leading a pack of werewolves against vampires, the body of a fully grown man. Most of what was left of me was no kid at all.
"Jake?" Shit.
"Sorry. What's up?" I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts.
"You okay?" Leah asked, her voice full of concern but nothing made me realise I wasn't acting myself like the worried look on her face.
"Yeah, just a lot going on. I'm good. Did you need something?"
"Yeah, but if you want to talk, you know I'm here."
"I guess with the change in schedule, you're likely going to be hearing a lot of my thoughts anyway, so yeah, I could probably use an ear. You go first though."
"Um, well… I noticed that when Sam handed over the reigns, that his orders seem to have disappeared. I, well I asked him to order me not to think about Emily, but he doesn't really know why. I mean, how do you tell the man you love that you don't want to think about how much you miss the person who screwed up your life, tried to marry your soul mate, and broke your heart in every way possible?"
"Woah. What are you talking about?"
"She was like a sister to me, Jake. A big part of me really misses her and what we used to have. With her as Sam's imprint, and understanding what was going on, I was starting to get her back in my life. It was hard, yeah, but she was there again. I may have lost Sam but I at the very least was getting her back and in a way, the wrong way of course, I had Sam back in my life which was better than not at all.
"I guess, now that everything has changed… I've lost her once again. And I know. I know she did this to herself, but she also did it to me, you know?" Leah started facing along the beach as I sat down on a nearby log. "No matter how much she's done, I'm always going to miss what we had, just like I missed what I had with Sam before she did it."
"I think I know what you mean. You don't miss who she is, but who she was and what she meant to you."
"Exactly! God, you have no idea how much I needed someone to understand that. I couldn't really talk to Sam about it because he's so angry at her, so I just told him I didn't want to think about her while phased and I think he thinks… that I'm just angry too?"
I moved over on the log, giving Leah enough room to sit next to me. She sat down and rested her head on my shoulder. "So you want me to make sure no one else knows about your thoughts on everything Emily related?"
"If you don't mind."
"Not at all, as long as you don't mind that I can't alpha order myself and will likely think about Bella, and the stresses of being an alpha." I ran a hand through my hair, and tried to keep my thoughts from drifting again.
"Is that what you were out here thinking about?" Leah looked up at me with a sympathetic look. "You can talk to me. I'll be in your head soon enough anyways."
"Yeah. I guess so. Well, I guess the biggest thing is how quickly mine and Bella's relationship took off. We've been together for such a short time but with everything over the last couple of months, and my love for her for years, it feels like we've been together forever. I'm just worried I'm going to screw it up by going too slow, or too fast. What if she's comparing me to that leech?" You could hear the hatred in my voice, but I didn't care. Leah felt the same about them.
"You think she would do that?"
"No. Not intentionally. But just like you with your feelings about Emily, sometimes we don't have a choice. I've never been with anyone before, I don't know how all of that works, no matter how much I can see through the pack mind. My lack of experience in this department really screws me over when it comes to my self esteem."
Now it was my turn to get up and pace the beach. I put my head in my hands and a loud sigh came out.
"Jake, I think that Bella has found something so much more than what she had with Edward, that she has nothing to compare it with." Leah'S voice came from directly in front of me, then she placed her hands on mine and removed them from my face, making me look at her.
"Can I tell you a secret?" I nodded, and she smiled at me. I could tell Leah and I were about to become really close friends. "I used to go into Forks, before all of this. And there were times I saw Bella with Edward. I can't speak for her actual feelings or thoughts but I can say from what I saw, the way she felt for him doesn't even come close to the way she feels for you."
"Thanks, Leah. I really hope so. Come on, it's almost time to leave for the meeting." I looked Leah in her eyes and said in a firm voice, the deep alpha command ringing through the air. "You are forbidden from thinking of Emily Young while phased."
"Thank you."
/Present Day/
By the time school was out, I was practically going crazy. I hadn't heard from Bella since lunch and had no idea how things were going. I headed for Sam's, knowing he was likely just as antsy as I was to have the girls come home.
"Any word?" I asked when I walked through the door, Sam opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the phone ringing.
"Hello? Bella. I was expecting to get a call from Leah. Is everything okay?"
I moved closer so I could hear Bella's quiet voice on the other end, too low for even my wolf ears to pick up on from my place by the door.
"Emily is awake. Edward assessed her and said her brain is working normal and there is no sign of any feelings for you. She also seemed genuinely sorry for everything she did. Leah wants to stay another night, then we'll head home tomorrow. I'm sure she'll call you when she's able later but she's just too upset right now and I figured you'd want an update."
"Thank you, Bella. Yes, I think we all wanted to know how Emily handled the surgery. Did you want to speak with Jake?"
"Please?"
Sam handed me the phone and walked off to start making dinner, likely trying to busy himself to keep from worrying too much about the situation.
"Hey, honey. I overheard. How are you doing?" I sat down on the couch and played with the coiled cord for the phone.
"I could be better. I really miss you, and sleeping so far away from you is practically impossible." I could hear the longing in her voice and knew she felt the same as I did.
"I miss you too. I didn't sleep well either. You're really staying another night?" I was practically whimpering. I hope she couldn't hear. She joked about me being a dog enough as it was.
"Aww, babe I'll be back tomorrow. You can see me after school. How did you manage to stay away from me for so long again?"
"Well my internal guilt and hatred toward myself definitely helped. Telling myself it was better for you that way… this is different. I should be with you."
"Next time I suddenly have to go to a hospital in Seattle, I'll make sure to come back to La Push to pick you up first." I could hear the sarcasm in her voice, but should the situation ever happen, I really hoped she would. "Listen. I have to go. But I'll call you again before school in the morning. I love you."
"I love you too." Bella hung up the phone and I was left feeling insecure again. She was in Seattle… with Edward for the whole night. I needed a distraction.
"Hey, need any help with dinner?"
"Sure. Seth stayed behind so he's supposed to be heading over here when he's done at school. Must have stopped to hang out with some friends or something."
Sam started chopping carrots so I prepared the chicken. I wasn't completely hopeless in the kitchen. Staying away from Bella all summer meant I did my fair share of cooking at home. Maybe I should cook her dinner some night. She fed me so we'll all the time, it was only right that I do the same for her, at least once in a while. I knew how much she enjoyed cooking.
"Sam… how do you feel about all of this?"
"The tumor?" I nodded. "Well, I can't say for sure. So much has happened. I don't really know. I've been trying to figure out how I'd feel if she was back to her old self and I don't know that I could ever forgive her. On the other side though, I didn't want her to die either. Leah won't even talk to me right now. I was hoping she'd have her feelings sorted by the time the surgery was finished but with Bella calling, she obviously isn't ready to talk to be about it yet.
"I just have no idea what's going on in her head. Is she angry that Emily is back in our lives, even if temporarily? Did she want her to die, just so she could never hurt us again? I doubt that one but she refuses to talk about Emily so I have no idea."
"I… neither. I shouldn't be telling you this but she missed the sister she once had in Emily. I don't think she felt either of those."
Sam stopped cutting the vegetables and looked at me. "How do you know that?"
"Alpha order. She came to me after you stepped down and said you'd alpha ordered her to not think of Emily on her request. She asked me to do the same, but went into detail why. She doesn't hate her. After everything Emily did, Leah still loves her. She never stopped, despite the hurt she felt."
"That explains a lot actually. Why wouldn't she talk to me about it?"
"You were furious about what Emily did. She didn't think you'd understand her feelings."
"Yeah. I can see that now. If it weren't for what's going on, I probably wouldn't have. Knowing she almost died, it definitely changes things. I just haven't figured out yet how much."
He went back to chopping the veggies when Seth and Embry walked in the door.
"Any word?" Embry asked, grabbing a handful of nuts from a bowl on the table and tossing them into the air, catching them in his mouth with ease.
"She's awake." I said, tossing a roll toward Seth, who I knew hadn't eaten since lunch. He buttered it and ate it quickly. "Bella said that Edward checked her brain out and it appears as though the tumor was the cause of everything, including her feelings for Sam."
"Woah." Seth said. "That's a lot to take in. Is Leah headed home?"
"She's staying another night." Sam spoke quietly, but we all heard him. His voice was full of pain. Nobody brought up Leah or Emily again as we finished preparing dinner.
Seth pulled out a deck of cards while we waited for dinner to finish cooking and we all played poker. Seth was pretty good at it, but Embry won in the end, keeping track with a set of poker chips Sam was given for his birthday
I learned two things that day. One: Seth is extremely competitive, and two: Sam had no poker face. We decided to do a card night once a week and invited the rest of the pack to join us, though less than half agreed. Most of the pack were more into video games than card and board games.
