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Chapter Thirty-seven
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Son. Brother. Uncle.
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Nathan was in the Stables brushing Newton when he heard his name called. "Grant?"
Stepping out of Newton's stall he was nearly knocked over by a young cadet rushing to his instructor. "Yes, Sir." The cadet saluted. Nathan followed warily.
"You called, Maxon?" Nathan approached.
His fellow instructor apologized. "So sorry, Grant, I was calling Cadet Grant here…" Sergeant Maxon stopped, looking from Nathan to the younger cadet. Immediately noticing the resemblance, he questioned. "You two look like you could be brothers. Are you related?"
Before even looking Nathan shook his head no. But when he looked at the cadet, he felt as though his heart skipped a beat and he was looking into a mirror. It was uncanny. The older and younger Grant men came face-to-face with identical blue eyes, dark hair, a strong jawline and a dimple in their chins.
Zachary Grant shrugged and admitted, "I don't know...ahh, Sir."
Nathan raised an eyebrow, but reached out his hand as he introduced himself. "Staff Sergeant Major Nathan T. Grant. And you are?"
The younger man, was prepared to salute, but quickly shook hands with Nathan. "Zachary Archer Grant, Sir." He returned to attention.
Nathan nearly choked. "Zachary Archer?" He coughed. "What is your father's name?"
"I never knew my father, but my mother said his name was Archer Grant. She called him Archie when she spoke of him." The Cadet paused. "Sir, are you alright?"
Nathan's face had paled to ghostly white and he looked as though he was winded. His fellow instructor who had watched this exchange, quickly moved to put a supportive hand on Nathan's back and arm. "Nathan? Breathe. Let's head over to the bleachers. Cadet? You come too."
Supported by his fellow instructor, Nathan made his way to sit down on the sidelines. Dazed with disbelief, Nathan just stared at Zachary. Finally he spoke, almost a whisper. "My father's name is Archer Grant."
This time Zachary was dumbfounded. "You mean we might be… be… b… brothers?"
"Cadet Grant? You are dismissed for the remainder of today. I will see you at 0800 hours tomorrow." Sergeant Maxon instructed. "Sergeant Grant? I think you two need to find a quiet place to talk. I will notify your co-instructor that you had to leave suddenly."
Nodding, Nathan tried deep breaths, barely whispering, "Thank you," to his fellow instructor. Finally feeling as though he could stand, Nathan spoke quietly to the younger Grant. "Follow me to my office, please?"
"Yes, Sir." Zachary saluted and followed.
Zachary sat facing Nathan and declined the offer for tea, so Nathan poured each of them a glass of water instead and took to his desk chair.
"I have a lot of questions that you may not be able to answer, but let's begin with the basics. How old are you, Cadet Grant?"
"I am twenty, Sir. Soon to be twenty-one."
"What Troop are you in?"
"Troop Eight, Sir. I joined in August."
Nathan took out a note pad and wrote notes as the younger man responded. "Where are you from?"
"Edmonton, Sir."
Nathan stared at the younger man for a moment before continuing. "Is your mother still in Edmonton?"
"No, Sir. My mother died a year ago. We lived with an elderly aunt who passed two years ago and they were the only relatives I had after my grandfather died. But I rarely saw him as he was a Mountie and stationed up north."
"Is that why you decided to become a Mountie?" Nathan queried, watching the cadet carefully.
"Partly? My mother told me a Mountie was like a benefactor to her, sending a monthly stipend that began when I was born. She was never sure, but thought it was probably her father and I always had a positive view of Mounties as a result. When Mother passed, I received a final sum, along with a letter and application to the Academy. With that suggestion, I applied and here I am, Sir."
"What do you know about your father? Your mother's relationship with him?" Nathan continued but consiously kept his tone soft and kind.
"Excuse me, Sir. Before I answer that I need to explain that since I have been here, my understanding and respect for the RCMP has greatly increased and I am looking forward to a life of meaningful service." The cadet took a sip of water. "To answer your question, when I was younger Mother only said he went away and never knew about me. When I was old enough to understand, she explained…" His face colored. "This is hard to say… She took comfort in my father's arms for one night and never saw him again."
Forcing his mind not to assume and to just get facts, Nathan inquired, "What did your mother do for a living?"
"When my mother was eighteen, my grandfather, sent her to Edmonton to live with his sister as a live-in-companion because my aunt was going blind. Mother took care of my aunt, until she died, and of me as well. I cared for my mother the weeks before she died of the flu."
"I am sorry for your, loss, Cadet." He waited for the Cadet to compose himself then questioned again. "Did your mother ever say where she met your father?"
"This will sound unbelievable, Sir, but at a prayer meeting at church."
Nathan raised his eyebrows.
"My father needed a place to stay and she offered her room." Cadet Grant was obviously uncomfortable discussing his mother, but added. "She told me she fell in love with him the moment they met and would always love him. He told her he couldn't stay, but that didn't matter to her." He gulped and his eyes glistened. He whispered, "She wanted to love him."
"I am sorry that this is difficult for you to share, but thank you." Nathan paused as he looked at his notes then raised his head to look at the Cadet again, looking into eyes that mirrored his own. "I have some investigating to do as I know nothing about any of this, if indeed your father is the same Archer Grant as mine, so maybe we can meet tomorrow? I would only request you keep this to yourself for now? I will ask Sergeant Maxon to do the same."
"Of course." Cadet Grant stood. "But Sir? You wouldn't know anything. Mother only spoke of this to me in recent years and she said my father didn't know anything about me." Cadet Grant took a deep breath and decided to ask his own question before leaving. "Ahh… Is your father living, Sir?"
After calling Adeli's office and asking her if she could provide transportation for Bill since he had to stay late, Nathan rang Carol Collins, inquiring if Allie could share dinner and the evening with them when she returned from the Samuels. Nathan hung the receiver on the hook, slowly folded the notes he had taken, pocketed them and stood.
Leaving his office Nathan decided to walk around the outskirts of the Depot property. He would have preferred to take Newton, but didn't want to risk meeting anyone in the stables. Instead he tucked his forage cap low over his brow and kept his head down until he was certain he was alone. Nathan knew he had to wait for his Dad to get home from work, so had some time before he could return to his office and make the call in private.
With a quick glance around, Nathan let the tears fall freely. Thinking about it, he realized he was ashamed. 'If this was true, then Dad was unfaithful to Mom. Will he confess this to her? What damage will it do to Mom and to their relationship? They've only reconciled in the past year or so. Hasn't Mom been hurt enough? Now this? Oh, God…'
Eyes blurry, Nathan blinked and noticed a couple rocks beside the road ahead. He selected one and sat heavily, removing his cap and setting it beside him. Nathan leaned forward, his elbows on his knees and ran his hands through his hair. His heart ached, yet he also felt as if he had been kicked in the stomach. Suddenly feeling sick, he quickly moved away from the rocks and stood, bent over, with his hands on his knees. The sick feeling swept over him again and he lost his lunch with heaving sobs. Nathan spit a few times, then wiped his eyes, then his mouth with his handkerchief and straightened up. Returning to the rock he held out his hand to steady himself as he sat again. He wrapped his arms around his stomach and bent over. The agony was emotional, but the stomach ache was real.
'God? I don't even know how to pray… Do I ask that this not be true? Do I ask if this is true? What do I do? Can you fix this? I am so ashamed…' As Nathan's heart cried to God, a memory surfaced. One he hadn't thought of for a very long time. A wave of shame washed over him, that same feeling he'd known in his youth when fellow classmates taunted him about his father being sent to prison. 'Now, I have to face the shame again… only this time Mom and Allie… oh no! Allie will be hurt as well. They'll feel the shame and there is nothing I can do about it. I can't protect them from this…'
Fresh tears welled in his eyes and spilled down his face so Nathan unbuckled his belt, unbuttoned his serge and shook it off his shoulders. He laid it over his cap. Loosening his suspenders and untucking his Henley, Nathan bent forward covering his face with the front of his shirt. He let the fabric absorb his tears, but his sobs shook his body in a heart-wrenching, wordless prayer.
Later, when he stilled, Nathan wiped his face and stood, tucking in his damp Henley and redressing. As he buckled his belt, he glanced down at the rock and portions of a Psalm he had memorized came to him. He spoke aloud, raising his face to the sky. "[God] only is my rock and my salvation; he is my defense; I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory; the rock of my strength, and my refuge is in God. Trust in him at all times; ye people pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us." (*8)
"Okay God, I've poured out my heart. Be my refuge and strength. I will trust you in this." Nathan lifted his cap to his head and slowly turned back towards the office block. He knew he wasn't alone and that was enough for now.
Glancing at the clock one more time, Nathan took a deep breath and rang through to his parent's home in Calgary. Grateful his father answered, Nathan responded that he was okay as was Allie, but something had come to his attention today and he had some questions. "Dad? These are private questions. Is Mom nearby or could you ask her to give you some privacy for a short call? Okay. I'll wait."
"Mom is in the kitchen. What is it Son?"
"Dad? Are you seated?" At Archie's affirmation, Nathan continued. "This is not something one asks a parent… but were you ever with any other woman than Mom? Maybe twenty-one or twenty-two years ago? In Edmonton?"
The connection was silent for so long, that Nathan had to ask. "Dad? Are you there? Can you hear me?"
Archie cleared his throat indicating he was still there. Hoarse, he questioned. "How do you know this?"
"Is that a yes, Dad?" Nathan's voice was low and somber.
"For one night, and only that one time. How do you know this?"
Nathan gulped. 'Then it's true…' It was Nathan's time to be silent. When he could speak, he spoke timidly. "Dad… I think you have another son. I met him. I think I met my brother today…"
A sharp gasp was all Nathan could hear, so he gave his father some time before he spoke again. "His name is Zachary Archer Grant and he is a Cadet here at Depot. He is twenty and, Dad? He's not as tall as I am, but we look a lot alike. It's uncanny. Same blue eyes and dark hair. He even has the same cleft in his chin and a crooked smile."
"How… I didn't know… I…"
"He told me his mother never saw you after that one night and you wouldn't know about him. She named him after you though, in case you might find him someday." Pausing, Nathan added quietly. "Someday is today, Dad."
"Is he angry? Is his mother…"
"No, Dad. He is not angry at all. He is very polite, soft-spoken and appears to have been raised well. He was probably in as much shock as I was, but he answered all my questions. And, no, his mother passed away a year ago from the flu. She never married and he has no siblings. She cared for her aunt until the aunt died."
The telephone line was silent until Nathan took a deep breath and spoke hesitantly. "Dad? What are you going to do about Mom? Will you tell her?"
"Of course I will. She already knows I was unfaithful that one time. She's forgiven me for that, but…" Archer's voice trailed off.
"Maybe go talk to Mom now? I am sure Zachary wants to meet you, so maybe you can think about you and Mom coming for a visit soon?"
"I have to go, Nathan. We'll talk soon… Goodbye."
Archer's abrupt goodbye didn't surprise Nathan and he hung the receiver on the hook. Nathan bowed his head, steepled his hands to his chin and prayed for his father, his mother and Zachary, who he could hardly believe was his half-brother. He prayed for Allie and how best to share this news with her and how he should get to know Zachary. He prayed about whom he could confide in… maybe Joseph and Lee in Hope Valley, but here? Should he tell Bill now? Peter or Tim or? He didn't want to jeopardize Zachary's training, but he wanted to share dinner with him and introduce Allie to her uncle. Not in name only this time, but her real uncle!
Driving home, Nathan considered his options. First, he decided to talk to Peter. Before picking-up Allie, Nathan decided to speak to Peter in private.
After knocking on the back door, Nathan heard the call to come in. Stepping into the entryway he was engulfed in one of Allie's run and jump hugs. "Hi Dad! I'm so glad you are home. Is everything alright?" She leaned back and examined Nathan's face. "What's wrong? Dad?" An element of panic entered Allie's voice. "Is Mrs. Thornton okay or? Tell me, Dad?"
He reached his arms around to assure his daughter. "No news from Hope Valley, Honey. I met someone at the Academy today and I need to talk to Grampa Peter, okay? Then we'll go home and chat about our days. Don't worry, Honey, really."
Not entirely convinced, but at least reassured that the concern was not in Hope Valley, Allie let go of her Dad and they walked into the dining room.
"Good evening. Good, you've had dessert?" Nathan confirmed.
"Nathan, let me get your plate, have a seat." Carol rose to serve him, but in a long stride he placed his hand on her arm.
"Thank you, Carol, but not tonight. Can Allie stay with you for a bit longer so I can talk to Peter privately?" At Carol's reluctant nod to not feed him, Nathan thanked her and turned. "Peter could we talk privately, please?"
"Of course, Son. Let's go into the back bedroom. There are two comfortable chairs there."
Peter stood and motioned for Nathan to head down the hall.
"What's on your mind, Son?"
Nathan shared about his encounter with Cadet Zachary Archer Grant and his call with his father. Emotionally drained, Nathan was not in his usually observant Mountie mode, so he missed a couple expressions that crossed his Commissioner's face.
Peter listened quietly, then assessing Nathan, noticed his eyes were bloodshot and his hair slightly disheveled. "Nathan? How are you doing with this news?"
"Honestly? Not doing well. I took a long walk, got sick-to-my-stomach and wept for a long time." Nathan stopped and gulped. "This afternoon the memories of the shame I felt in my youth, when Dad went to prison, overwhelmed me again. I feel as though it has all come back, Dad's actions reflecting on me. And I can't protect Allie from that shame now… No matter how hard I've tried to protect her… now she'll know it for herself…"
"Nathan? How you handle it will guide Allie. If you stand tall and remain kind and honest and forgiving, she'll see that. She will learn from you that shame is a blanket the evil one tries to smother us with. But on the cross, Jesus despised the shame. Essentially, he laughed at it, Nathan, shame has no place in your life. Jesus cast it off. You stand clean and strong because of him."
Peter let that sink in while he debated telling Nathan one of his own secrets.
"Nathan?" Peter coughed slightly. "You have shared your secret. Now I will share one of mine, but it must remain between us… for now anyway. I met your father years ago, but that is a story for another day. Suffice it to say that when a Mountie comrade confided in me that his daughter had a son out of wedlock, and his name was Zachary Archer Grant, I recognized the name and knew who the father was. My colleague never had the lucrative posts that I did, and although a widower, I knew he sent support to his sister and covered his daughter's expenses as his sister's caregiver."
"Around that time, Carol and I recognized that parenthood might not be God's plan for us, so we began sending a small stipend to his daughter. To be sure she would accept it, I sent it in RCMP stationery. When she died, I sent Zachary the application for the Academy along with a final gift of support."
"Wow, Peter…" Nathan shook his head. "For twenty years? Wow… You were the Mountie that inspired Zachary to become a Mountie himself..."
"Our legacy as Mounties reaches into the lives of many, Nathan. I am sure there are those who received financial aid or groceries or Infirmary bills paid by you. They may not have known their benefactor, but the results of your generosity cannot be measured. It is the heart of a Mountie to care, to serve, to give, to meet a need. Ultimately, we are giving to God, and God is providing their needs and ours. All part of His plan. And as far as inspiration? Isn't there a Mountie in the current Troop who hails from Hope Valley? Tim mentioned him to me. I can easily surmise who inspired him."
Nathan had slowly blushed as Peter spoke, so without words he had acknowledged the truth of what Peter shared. Peter didn't need to know the particulars. He just knew Nathan and therefore knew his conjectures were on target.
"So what's your next step?" Peter asked quietly.
"Telling Allie she has an uncle. Raised in the home of a Mountie she knows more than most young ladies her age, so she can put one-plus-one together, but the fact that she now has a real uncle? That will be a shock. At least I think so! She surprises me sometimes with her resilience!"
Nathan chuckled. "She may take it much better than I have."
"Nathan? May I share this news with Carol since she already knows part of it anyway? That way Allie has a woman to talk to about all this if she has the need."
"You're right. Carol already knows really. So, yes. I will tell Allie she can talk to Carol in private if she needs to. Thank you. And, somehow I owe you more gratitude for caring for my half-brother all these years." Nathan stared at Peter as realization hit. "You've known I had a brother all along. Did you arrange for my transfer so I would meet him?"
"Known of him? Yes. But, Nathan, I may have sent him the application but I didn't assign you to Depot and even think of you two meeting until you began to share just now. This is God-ordained, not Peter-planned!" Peter laughed at his own phrasing.
Nathan joined the laughter, wondering at God's surprises!
"I have a question… Well, more of a request? This is all highly unusual, but could I get special permission for Zachary to come to the Cottage for dinner or a few hours Saturday or Sunday afternoon so we can get to know him? I don't want to bring Allie to Depot or have others observe us. Word that we are brothers will probably circulate soon enough! To whom should I make the request? Tim?" Nathan sucked in his breath. "Oops! I didn't tell you he asked for us to be on a first-name-basis when outside of official situations! You started a trend!" Nathan chuckled.
Peter laughed wholeheartedly. He so enjoyed Nathan Grant! "He already told me and I admit he seemed rather proud that I no longer had one-upmanship in the first-name category! But I still have Grampa Pete and he doesn't have that!"
Nathan joined the laughter. "So, do I talk to him?"
"Yes, do that. I think he'll gladly accommodate you, although you'll need to share a little so he knows the particulars. He'll keep your confidence, Nathan. Don't worry."
Back in the Cottage Nathan collected some bread and cheese from the kitchen breadbox and icebox and put on the kettle for some tea. "Allie? Have a seat please?"
She joined him at the kitchen table while he set out his snack.
"I didn't have any dinner tonight because I was not feeling well this afternoon, but I'm better now, so I think it's best I have something on my stomach. Are you okay or?"
"I had a big meal with Gramma and Grampa, so I'm fine. May I have some tea though?"
"Sure." Nathan set out two teacups and saucers. When the kettle boiled he added water to the teapot along with the tea-strainer filled with soothing peppermint tea. He sat and before taking a bite, just spoke a simple prayer. "Thank you, Lord."
"Allie? I met someone this afternoon. It happened by accident. Well, actually not by accident, by God's design really. He is a cadet one class ahead of Robert's. His name is Zachary…" Nathan cleared his throat. "Zachary Archer Grant."
Allie's eyes went wide and her chin dropped.
"Yes, Allie. It turns out that Grandpa has a son he didn't know about until today."
"How could he not know… Wait… He has a younger son? That means you have a little brother?"
"Yes, Honey. And you have an uncle. Technically, a half-brother for me and a half-uncle for you."
"But…"
Nathan watched as realization dawned. He knew his daughter would understand without him laying out all the details.
Allie's eyes glistened and she whispered. "Does Grandmom know?"
"She knows what Grandpa did that one time. He confessed and she forgave him. He had no idea he had a child though. He is telling Grandmom about Zachary tonight. I called Grandpa this afternoon to tell him the news…"
"So, you have a brother, Dad?" Allie examined him quizzically. "How do you feel about that?"
"In some ways, I am still in shock! Out of the blue, a brother! But, when you see him you'll be amazed, Allie. He has my blue eyes and dark hair, plus the half-smile and cleft chin that you and I both share. It's uncanny!"
"Well, he must be handsome then. Is he tall? How old is he? Can I meet him?"
"He is his own person, but yes, nice-looking I guess. He's not as tall as I am, and he is twenty. As for meeting him, I am working on that. I have to get special permission to allow him to spend some time with us soon." Nathan took another bite of cheese. "Did I answer all your questions?"
"Ummm… So if they only, you know, one night… what happened to Grandpa? He wasn't around? Where did they all live?"
"No. Grandpa left Edmonton and got a job back in Calgary. I was here training at that point and your mom was on the ranch with Grandmom."
"It's messy, isn't it Dad?"
"Yes, Honey, life is messy. But God forgives and works things for good for them who love Him. I think God is working things for good, although I really don't know what's next!"
Allie yawned accidentally. "Sorry, Dad."
Nathan chuckled low. "I think I DO know what's next, for you Allie-girl. Bedtime!"
(*8) Psalm 62: 6-8, King James Version, Public Domain
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Author's Note:
When I shared this Zachary Archer Grant storyline with a friend she didn't like it, but the story is not for shock value. It will be woven into many lives and allow us to get to know so many people and see God at work.
Please stay with me? Also, remember the title of this story is, "Beyond What We Could Dream." Thank you... and comments are welcomed. Eilie
