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Chapter Forty-eight

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About Allie

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Elizabeth had awakened early, but feeling refreshed, she rose, dressed and descended the stairs relishing the quiet house. After starting a fire, she made tea and got out the ingredients for porridge, toast and jam for breakfast when Jack awakened.

Wrapping her hands around the hot teacup, Elizabeth returned to the parlor and sat at her desk. She withdrew paper and pen, then bowing her head, she whispered a prayer for guidance and help. Taking a deep breath Elizabeth lifted her pen. It was time.

'My dear Allie,

I should have written long ago and I am ashamed it has taken me so long to admit my failures to you. I have never before written such a letter to a student, but I have never treated another student as carelessly as I did you. You see, Allie, I have to ask your forgiveness for the hurt I caused you last year.

I probably confused you when I cancelled our dinner at the Café. I know I was selfish and not entirely honest with your Dad or you that day. I shouldn't have let someone else's comment affect me so intensely and disappointed you with the last-minute change of plans.

When you invited me to dinner with your special invitation, I didn't explain very well what was going on with Mr. B. and me and why I couldn't attend. I couldn't face how I was hurting your Dad. But, more than this, I didn't realize you took my rejection personally, Allie, because you love your Dad so much. I am so sorry. I didn't understand when your Dad said that you were afraid to be with me. I do now and it breaks my heart for how I broke yours.

After choosing Mr. B. I still wanted your Dad's friendship even after I hurt him. I was completely self-centered and thought myself above reproach. I was proud and haughty and unkind. I expected everyone to do whatever I wanted, but gave no thought to how my attitudes or actions were affecting others.

I have many regrets for my behavior during the past couple years. I wish I could take it all back, but I can only ask you to please forgive me? I am so sorry.

I miss you, Allie. I miss the conversations we shared and the fun we had. You are a very special young woman and I am praying we can have a second chance at our relationship by letter, if you will please forgive me?

With sincere hopes,
Mrs. Thornton'

Elizabeth re-read the letter a couple times but the final time her eyes blurred. More than the offences she had listed, there was something much greater and far worse. This realization began to form into words and, through her tears, Elizabeth began to write again.

P.S. Oh, Allie… I used you… Maybe you and your dad recognized this? However, I am just realizing it now and it may be my worst offence of all. How could I have been so thoughtless? I used you as a reason to talk to your Dad and as an excuse to be in his presence. But worse than that, I used you as a source of information about him…

I do love you and loved to see you blossom and find friends. That was and is still genuine. But somehow when I chose Mr. B. I became a different person and then, when I had no right to be involved in your lives, I still tried to get to your Dad through you. I am so sorry, Allie, and so ashamed. I am unworthy of your forgiveness, but I am still praying that you will forgive me?

Elizabeth's tears overflowed and she rested her head in her folded arms on the desk and wept with remorse. She had used a child without regard for that child's feelings. No wonder Nathan had kept himself and Allie distant. No wonder Allie would run from school and avoid conversations with her. No wonder they had left…

As her tears abated, Elizabeth raised her head and wiped her eyes. To herself she resolved, 'I've got to tell Nathan. I have to tell him that God has shown me this and I have to make it right. How could I have been so self-centered, so blind?'

Jack's footsteps in the upstairs hallway alerted Elizabeth that he was on his way downstairs. She wiped her face quickly, then straightened and rose to meet her son for morning hugs and cuddles.


The plan was for both Thatcher's to meet with Pastor Joseph, Dr. Ben and Elizabeth to give a progress report to William and Grace. Joseph and Ben were impressed with Elizabeth' recovery and wanted to encourage her parents, as well as Elizabeth herself.

As they sat in the Judge's office though, Elizabeth surprised everyone immediately following Joseph's opening prayer by bursting into tears and sobbing.

Grace immediately moved her chair so she could envelope her daughter in her arms and Elizabeth fell into her. As the sobs stilled, Grace asked quietly, "What is it, Elizabeth? What has you so distraught?"

"Allie." Elizabeth sniffled and coughed. "I was writing to her and…" She inhaled a sniffle. "I listed some things I did and I said how sorry I was and asked forgiveness…but then I realized the worst offence, the worst thing I did to her, to Allie." She opened the journal in her lap, pulling out the letter she had written earlier. Elizabeth glanced around at the concerned, yet compassionate faces ready to listen to her confession, then looked at her mother who had backed away slightly. "I… used her." Elizabeth's voice was low and cracked with emotion. "I was so thoughtless that I used that precious child without regard for her feelings…"

Joseph and Ben looked at each other confused. Ben nodded to Joseph who leaned forward and quietly asked, "You used Allie?"

Elizabeth nodded. "I used her as an excuse, a reason to talk to Nathan..."

Joseph leaned back as understanding dawned. 'Using different words, Nathan had described how Elizabeth sought him out, wanting to converse about inconsequential matters or things about Allie's school work. This is what Nathan had meant.'

Out loud Joseph questioned. "You needed an excuse to talk to Nathan?"

Nodding again, Elizabeth added. "I wanted to be near him, to talk, so I approached him to discuss Allie. but that's not the worst..." Her voice quieted and trembled at the admission. "I used Allie as a source of information too…" More tears filled Elizabeth's eyes. "I asked her about her Dad, making it seem as though it was an innocent question to ask a child about a parent when I never ask students those kind of questions unless they come to me with a concern." Elizabeth gulped. "How could I have been so deceitful? So thoughtless?"

Now, William, Grace, Ben and Joseph exchanged questioning looks.

Continuing, Elizabeth added, "Even when I was with Lucas, I tried to get Allie to tell me things about her Dad… No wonder she was afraid of me…"

"I don't understand, Elizabeth. Afraid of you?" Dr. Ben questioned.

"Nathan told me that Allie didn't want to be alone with me. Now I know why… She needed to protect her Dad from my intrusion. I had no right to be involved in their lives because I chose Lucas, so she ran from me when I questioned her and avoided me." Elizabeth searched the faces of those listening. "No wonder Nathan and Allie moved…" Tears fell again.

"Gentlemen," Grace spoke quietly, "I don't know if you can understand, but women are not afforded the privileges that men are. Men can approach a woman they are interested in and ask them questions, invite them to take a walk, or to dinner. Men can express their interest with attention and flowers and extending their arm to hold or hand to help them out of a carriage. Men can be attentive with a warm blanket or an umbrella. Women? We are expected to accept or decline but not initiate. We don't reach for a man's hand or elbow if he hasn't offered it or we are not familiar enough to be that bold."

"If I may state it this way, all Elizabeth had in her toolbox was Allie. Talking about Allie to get into a conversation with Nathan is understandable. If he was holding back or hesitant, Elizabeth only had a few reasons she could use. If she was trying to maintain a friendship with Nathan, her conversations had to center around Allie." Grace turned to Elizabeth. "Nevertheless, Sweetheart, it does sound as though you took advantage of Allie being your student and she may have sensed some insincerity in your motivations. If you feel this is an overarching issue in your interactions with her, what do you have to do to make it right?"

Joseph grinned at William and then at Ben, both of whom were smiling as well. Grace was a wonderful asset today!

Looking down, Elizabeth thought before speaking. "I can send the letter to Allie and ask Nathan to have her read it in his presence? Still though, it seems this revelation would be best confessed in person, to both of them. To me it is too important to be dismissed in a letter." Elizabeth sighed. "Maybe Bill might know when the next time will be that Nathan and Allie will return to Hope Valley? Maybe for Christmas? Maybe I could tell them then?"

"Elizabeth? Remember I will be traveling to Regina and can bring a letter to Allie as well as to Nathan?" William offered. "That might pave the way before seeing them at Christmas?"

To himself Joseph promised he would need to pray for Nathan over these coming weeks. A visit from William Thatcher, a letter from Elizabeth and this revelation with Allie… all on top of adjusting to his newly revealed brother, adjusting to his job and caring for Allie? This was a lot. Plus, Joseph doubted that Nathan would be travelling back to Hope Valley for Christmas.

Addressing Elizabeth, Joseph wanted to prevent her from hoping for a visit. "I doubt that Nathan and Allie will be returning so soon. At least he hasn't mentioned this when we've been in touch. But God will make a way and we need to focus on the next step, Elizabeth. That is writing a letter to Nathan, and if you are ready, one to Allie."

"I agree with Pastor Joseph. This revelation has been momentous to you, so I think it wise if we end your confession here?" Dr. Ben recommended. "Yet, we met this morning to report on your progress and I don't want that to go unaddressed. William? Grace? Elizabeth has been recovering by leaps and bounds! We guided her more frequently when we first began, but we have seen her take amazing steps on her own. She has surprised us and I believe today's confessions are an example of how Elizabeth is growing and healing and understanding. Elizabeth? I am proud of you for your bravery and your willingness to face and to share the difficult parts, even the embarrassing parts, that have brought you to this moment. I hope you are realizing that once the words are shared, spoken aloud, they lose their power?"

"If I may?" Joseph interrupted. "When we confess our sins, God forgives and removes them. We don't carry them anymore. Yes, we have to ask for forgiveness of others, but have you felt the joy, the release of unburdening yourself?"

Nodding, Elizabeth agreed. "I have. It is just difficult when I realize something new…"

"Of course." Dr. Ben agreed. "Just remember you are a long way down the road from where you began. Joseph, would you please close us in prayer?"

"Dear Lord,

You have created us to be in relationships. With the Fall, our relationships became difficult, challenging, confusing and often hurtful. Still, you have made a way for us to come together, to confess and forgive, to be healed and to know peace, and most of all to love and be loved.

Thank you for Grace and William, for their love for each other and for their daughter. Thank you for Elizabeth and her keen mind. Thank you for the many talents you have bestowed in her that will open doors for her in the future. Thank you for the gift of Jack and how he is growing and is such a delightful little fella. We praise you for this journey of healing for Elizabeth and ask you to encourage her heart today.

Thank you that Dr. Ben was willing to come on such short notice and use his many skills to help direct this process for Elizabeth. Guide and direct him according to your will as well.

We also thank you for Nathan and for Allie and pray your blessings and peace for them today while they are so far away. Have your way in their lives and may they know your love in increasing measures. Prepare their hearts for the letters that will be coming their way soon. May this be a part of their healing process as well.

We commit the remainder of our day into your hands, Lord, with thanksgiving and praise and prayers for your continued presence.

In your name we pray,
Amen.'

Joseph continued to speak. "While I was praying a thought occurred to me. Elizabeth you have had an emotional day. I would recommend a brisk walk, maybe even a nap afterwards?" He looked at William. "I don't know your plans, Sir, but wonder if you could arrange an excursion for Elizabeth and Grace and maybe for Jack as well? A drive into Benson Hills? Window shopping or Christmas shopping or walks in the park or visiting some sites? You all could use a day or two outside of Hope Valley and away from the heaviness you've felt over these past weeks. I think it would be good for each of you. What do you say?"

Joseph noticed that both of the Thatchers and Elizabeth perked up with that suggestion. Both women trained their eyes on William who clapped his hand against his knee and immediately responded, "Yes! Let's do it! Excellent idea. We'll take at least one overnight, maybe two?"


Nathan had planned on a simple supper for Allie and himself and hurried home. It would just be the two of them tonight, and in spite of all the happy occasions, Nathan was grateful to have his daughter to himself until they had to go to choir practice. Allie had asked to accompany him and sit in the back to read this first time, and he had agreed.

Having quickly changed into a casual blue shirt, brown slacks and suspenders, Nathan tossed a brown tweed blazer over the back of the sofa and proceeded into the kitchen. Allie followed close behind.

"May I help, Dad? My homework is done and I just have some reading for tonight. Maybe I should bring some notepaper to begin my thank you notes too?"

"Good thinking, Allie, but why don't you sit here and open the rest of your birthday mail? French toast is an easy meal and it won't take me long to prepare." Nathan reached for his denim apron, the eggs, day-old bread, and bacon.

Allie laughed. "Good thinking, Dad! How could I have forgotten my mail?" She collected the stack from the coffee table and returned to the small kitchen table. "I'll read them to you, Dad, while you cook. Okay, this first one is from Grandmom and Grandpa! I forgot to read this yesterday? On my!" Allie read her grandparents sweet wishes and prayers, along with the explanation of how to use the money they had sent.

A pretty card from the Canfields was next and Cooper had transcribed a note from Angela assuring Allie that she was missed and loved. Angela shared that 'Miss Yost is a wonderful teacher and we have already begun to plan for a special Christmas play in the new school building. We will perform 'A Christmas Carol' by Charles Dickens and I've been chosen to play Mrs. Cratchit. I am so excited! Mrs. Coulter is making the costumes so we will all look really nice!' Cooper added that 'Timmy is Ebenezer Scrooge and a new little boy is playing Tiny Tim because he is so small. I'll be Jacob Marley who appears as a ghost to try to get Scrooge to change. That will be fun!' Allie laughed, imagining the play even now. "I'll have to write and ask who else is acting in it!"

Nathan glanced worriedly at Allie, but she seemed fine with this news. 'I guess it will give them something to correspond about." He thought, "So that's probably good.'

The next card was from the Samuels and the one after that was from Naomi's parents, Isaac and Esther Best.

"We still haven't had them for dinner, Allie. I will have to pay Isaac a visit and explain we've had guests! Maybe we can plan it for after Grandmom and Grandpa are here?"

"Sure, Dad. I don't think there is any hurry. Oh! Look this one is from Mr. Henry! I would never have expected him to send me a birthday card!"

"Henry always thought you were special, Allie. I think it meant a lot to him when you would stop at his table in the Café or on the street to say hello. I do wonder how he knew it was your birthday though?"

"Oh! Maybe we have our answer Dad!" Allie laughed. "This is from the Yost's. 'Dear Allie, I hope you are getting lots of cards this year. I posted your birthday on the bulletin board here in the Mercantile to remind people and by the number of cards that we sold, I think it might be a good business practice! Mr. Yost and I miss you terribly, Allie. You always brought life and laughter into the store when you worked at the switchboard. Anna is helping out now and I think she enjoys it!' Mrs. Yost continued, ending with a greeting to Sergeant Nathan and wishing them both all the best in Regina.

"Interesting way to drum up sales!" Nathan laughed. "But it was with the kindest of intentions, Allie. Mrs. Yost always had a soft spot for you!"

Allie blushed. 'They were always very kind and willing to adjust my schedule. They really looked out for me…"

"Oh! Here is one from Uncle Gabe!" Allie tore the envelope open and some dollar bills fluttered to the floor. "Oh! He sent money. Isn't that lovely?" Picking up the money, Allie set it on the table and read birthday wishes, greetings and news from Brookfield. "Dad! He is courting Miss Lillian! Did you know that?"

"There have been hints of interest, but nothing official. I guess I owe him a call!" Nathan grinned already thinking about how he could tease his Mountie buddy.

Allie paused and looked at her Dad. "Will you tell him about Uncle Zach? I think he should know."

"I agree. I will be telling him." Nathan reached for the silverware and plates. "Here. Can you set us up here and then we can continue with your mail later?"

After the blessing, Nathan encouraged Allie to take her time eating. "We'll finish the rest of your mail after, Honey. Can you tell me how your day went? Did your friends enjoy the party?"


While Nathan washed the dishes, he allowed Allie to read the remaining cards.

"Oh, Dad! Mr. and Mrs. B. from Youth Group! One of my friends must have told them it was my birthday. That was sweet." Allie smiled as she added their card to her stack, but she frowned as she looked at the return address of the next card.

"Dad? This is from the Thatchers. Isn't that Mrs. Thornton's parents?"

Nathan froze. "Uh yes…" He watched Allie carefully.

'Happy Birthday, Allie. We hope you have a special day. Mr. and Mrs. Thatcher.' Mrs. Thornton signed her name and Jack's and added. 'He sends you kisses and hugs!' "Do you think they saw the note too? Mrs. Thornton may not be well enough to remember…"

Nathan relaxed, letting his head fall slightly as he breathed out the breath he forgot he was holding. "Probably they did. That is cute of Jack though, isn't it?"

"Yes. I miss hearing him say my name. 'Awlie!' He is pretty cute."

Allie picked up the final envelope but saw it was not posted with a stamp. "Here is another envelope, Dad. No postmark though. It says my name in care of S/S/M Nathan Grant." As she opened it she pulled out a folded page with a hand-drawn illustration of a box tied with a shiny ribbon and bow. Opening the card she found another illustration of an open box with the ribbon draped around it. Coming out of the box was a note that read, 'Happy Birthday, Allie. With all my love, Your 'real' Uncle Zach.'

"Oh Dad! Look. Do you think he drew this?" Allie held it up to her Dad who had quickly come to her side.

"Look. His initials, Z.A.G.! I say yes. I didn't know he was this gifted in art. He mentioned the music, but did I miss the art interest?" Nathan admitted. "I guess I was as overwhelmed as he was!"

"Remember how closely he examined Mom's paintings, Dad? He must be an artist too!"

"Allie we have had quite the celebrations, haven't we? You've received a lot of beautiful gifts and it is nice to have your birthday stretched out into today. How will you display all your cards? Do you want to place them around the front room, or make a ribbon drape like we do for Christmas greetings? We could drape them around the doorways or your bedroom door if you want?"

"I'll drape them, but this one of Uncle Zach's I want to frame!"

"I would guess he would be honored and grateful, Allie. It appears he loves you already!"