A/N: OMG! You guys rock! And everyone on IMDB rocks too! I cant believe this! This is the most reviews i've ever got on this account!

Okay i promised i'd do a reveiwer hate letter chappie so here it is. I might do more in the future so feel free to keep 'Owling Voldie'!

Disclaimer: The letters written in this chapter are by various reviewers of this story. And the replies are written by Voldemort himself! Ok so the replies are written by me...but wouldnt it be cool if we could REALLY owl Voldie?


Chapter 4
Dear Voldemort,

I have Nagini. If you want her back, give me a big bag of candy. I'm allergic to nuts, caramel, chocolate, sugar, and artifical flavoring. Good luck finding me some candy. On second thought, I'd just like a big bear hug from you. :) I'll be waiting in your closet.

Sincerely,
Nagini's Kidnapper.


Dear Kidnapper,

I'll take my chances with the candy thank you. I got you some gummy
bears. Now give me myfaithfull animaland get out of my closet.

...There's a sentence i never thought i'd say.

Voldie

PS: The thought of hugging you is scarier than death!


Dear Voldemort,
The slightly-less-dark-lord Smerrwazz is very impressed by your work...Not. She thinks you might need a better image and recommends talking in third person like she does, it brings the illusion of being an omniscient narrator. She would also like to suggest ditching the Death Eaters for green and blue gymnastic penguins as they are very much scarier.
Signed,
Smerrwazz, the lord
P.S. She hopes you don't mind, but she borrowed a few death eaters to help feed her pet aligator, she has however every intention of sending back the left overs.


Dear Smerwazz,

Now why are you being like this? I told you there wasa REASON we couldnt keep seeing each other. I'm gay, remember?

And no i dont mind about the death-eater alligator thing...you chose three of my worst death eaters. Shame you didnt choose Wormtail. Oh well.

Voldie


Dear Voldie,
Hey, did it ever occur too you that when your immortal and finished killing off muggles, that you will have nothing to do for the rest of time and forever seeing as you will be immortal and stuck doing nothing for forever?
Just wondering...
Surf All Day And Do The Hula


Dear S.A.D.A.D.T.H,

I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!

I think i must get you over to the dark side. You can be useful. You are smart!
Maybe you can help increase my IQ from 70 to 90! Then i wont be slow anymore!

Voldie


Dear Voldemort,
We the International League of Evil Villian Type People (ILEVP) are pleased to inform you that after a long period of consideration, you have been voted Evil Guy of the Year! You and The Wicked Witch of the West (our Evil Girl of the Year) are hereby invited to come and pick up your trophies from our Super Secret Headquarters (For more information contact Cruella De Vil or Count Olaf).
Congratulations and much hope for more Evil Deeds in the future,
Sauron, Evil Guy in Chief!
Smerrwazz, Slightly-Less-Dark-Lord
Wicked Step-Mother, Top Cheese, Head Villianess
P.S. Please tell us if you would like a gift card for Joe's Fish Market or Bob's Cheese Shop instead of the usual potted plant recieved by Evil Guy of the Year, unfortunatly the Wicked Witch of the West has claim to the coupon for Stinky's Shoe Store.


Dear ILEVP,

YIPPEE! Finally! I'm so happy. Yay!

So...Witchy has taken the coupon for Stinky's Shoe Store, eh? Drat! I wanted that. I need more Stinky Shoes! Silly Witchy!

I shall come and pick up my trophy right away. After all, i like collecting trophies :)

Voldie


Moldywart,
Why don't you go get all of your Horcruxes together, destroy them, and kill yourself with the "Avada Kedavra" curse? That's what it's going to come to, anyway! Harry Potter is SO much better than you are, and he'll kill you! So, why don't you just save Harry the trouble? But before you do that whole suicide thing, 'cause I want you to cast the "Crucio" curse on yourself. See, how it feels to all of those people who you do it on! I'm a witch-at-heart... don't mess with me!
Patriot Girl (Because I abide by the laws of my country!)


Dear P.G,

But i like making Harry go through all that trouble. It's FFFUUUUUNNNN! You are
another one who should think about joining me. I forsee that you will be great trouble for
me if you are against me.

And DONT say i have as much foresight as Sybil Trelawny. That ALWAYS makes me cry!

Voldie


Dear Mr. stupidity,
Harry Potter is superior to you! could YOU get the sorceror's stone out of the mirror of Erised? could YOU kill a basilisk without a wand? could YOU fight off hundreds of dementors without your little army of stupid heads? could YOU persuade merpeople to let you take more than one of the hostages? could YOU get past a dragon by flying a broomstick? could YOU get out alive in a fight with... wait a second... another you I guess... could YOU fight off all your death eaters at only the age of fifteen? could YOU do any of the amazing things the boy who lived did?

-Ze Demon Poet


Dear Poet,

That wasnt very good poetry. As for all the other stuff, i'll give you 5767294986529865 candy canes to keep quiet about it all.

Voldie

PS: Oh now you've done it! Here come the water works!


Dear voldie

I love your work, i must say you must have a song that you can sing every time you are going to kill someone, so i took the liberty of writing one for you:

Dont speak
cause im just gonna kill you
i will stop explaining
dont tell me if it hurts
Dont speak
cause i dont need your reasons
im gonna kill you anyway
oh no, dont speak
if you keep speakin theres gonna be some spankin
dont tell me if it hurts
oh no, dont speak
i know what your thinking
my dress just makes me slimin
dont tell me if it hurts!

good luck!

- wormtail


Dear wormtail...?

You are great!I was singingthat songin the shower yesterday and the Death Eaters recorded me. They're going to send the recording to Capitol records! Thanks to you, i might become the next Britney Spears! Woo Hoo!

Voldie


A/N: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA your letter's were amazing! Sorry if i didnt include someone...i think i missed out a few. But i'll include them next time for sure!

Letter credits:

Letter 1: dreamweaves
Letter 2: silverphoenix2
Letter 3: Surf All Day And Do The Hulla
Letter 4: silverphoenix2
Letter 5: Patriot Girl
Letter 6: Alice dra Tasuh Buad
Letter 7: Shae / Bellatrix