Hello everyone! As I usually do with these chapters, I want to start off with apologizing to you all for how long this one took me. I honestly thought I'd get this chapter up in a week, not three. But this one, I struggled with their talk more than I anticipated. You all will see it, but I really, really, really wanted to get this right. To do what the show couldn't, and to try and explain the mess they made. It definitely wasn't easy, I scrapped and restarted, and edited, and redid this chapter so many times, it proved to be more of a challenge than I expected. I don't think I've ever gotten as frustrated with a chapter as I did writing this one. And I'm definitely nervous about posting it, but hopefully it doesn't disappoint you all.

Settle in, we've got a long one. This chapter ended up being over 13k words, which is by far the longest chapter of anything that I've ever written, and I won't lie to you, a lot of it's heavy. But I hope you all like it.


part seven


"...Why did you come back to Chicago?"

Her eyebrows furrowed at the question, Gabby clearly not expecting that to be the first thing out of his mouth as he took a deep breath, Matt running his hand over the side of his face before speaking up again.

"I mean, I know why you came… you came to see me." He told her, Gabby ducking her head slightly, both of them knowing his words were true. "But why? Why did you come to see me? I never… I never expected to see you again." He spoke, Gabby meeting his gaze as she tilted her head to the side slightly. "We hadn't seen each other since you left, and it's almost been that long since we talked, then out of nowhere you come to Chicago to see me… Why now?"

His words hung in the air for a moment, Gabby trying to figure out how to best answer him, even though she didn't have a very good answer herself. "...Because I wanted to see you." She replied lamely, Matt releasing a heavy sigh.

"But why?" He pressed, Gabby clenching her eyes shut for a split second. "...You left, you didn't want to be in Chicago anymore, you didn't want to be with m-" He cut himself off, Gabby grimacing at his words, hearing by the tone in his voice that he completely believed what he was saying. "What changed?"

"Nothing changed." She responded instantly, Casey's eyebrows furrowing in confusion, Gabby taking another deep breath before continuing. "The reason I came back was because nothing had changed." Gabby said, his confusion only growing.

"I don't understand…" He said quietly, Gabby pressing her hand against her temple, trying to relieve some of the pressure that was slowly building in her head, though it wasn't helping much. She knew she couldn't keep dodging his question, she knew they'd get nowhere fast if she didn't answer him honestly. And she wanted to tell him the truth, she absolutely did, but she was scared of the reaction she'd get from him.

But she couldn't think much about that for too much longer. If she did, she'd never get the words out, Gabby slowly meeting his expectant eyes.

"I came back because I still love you." She blurted out, Matt's eyes widening slightly before he recovered, his expression becoming unreadable.

They hadn't said those words. In a long time, they hadn't uttered those three words to one another, and by the look on his face, she could tell he hadn't been expecting her too, either.

"I… I've been thinking about you for awhile, for a long time- I never stopped thinking about you, if I'm being honest." She continued when he had yet to say anything, Matt merely staring at her. "And I guess I just… I wanted to know if you'd been thinking of me too." Her words were soft, Gabby forcing a weak smile onto her face. "...Though I don't think you had been." He didn't need to respond to her, they both knew she was right. He hadn't really thought of her as of late, not until she showed up unannounced, he just didn't realize that was something she'd picked up on, Gabby forcing another smile when she saw him wince slightly. "...but yeah, I just- I wanted to see you. I had wanted to see you for awhile, but I couldn't work up the nerve to do it. I wasn't sure if you'd want to see me, so I kept talking myself out of it… But then I found out about that fundraiser, and I just decided to do it. I told them that's the one I wanted to go to, and, well… you know the rest." She finished, clasping her hands together in her lap nervously, Matt drawing in a deep breath.

They sat in a thick silence for a few moments, Gabby giving him time to digest her words, Matt giving her next to nothing in terms of a reaction. She couldn't get a read on him, something that had happened very rarely in all the years they'd known each other. Regardless of the status of their relationship, or where they stood with one another, in the many years she'd known him, there'd barely been instances where she didn't have at least some idea of what was going on in his head. But right now was one of those times, Gabby pursing her lips together as she waited for him to say something.

But he didn't, Matt staying unnervingly quiet as they sat in her bedroom, the firefighter now staring at the sheets below them, clearly unsure of what to say. But she needed him to say something, say anything, his continued silence causing a heavy feeling of dread to settle into her stomach.

"...What are you thinking?" She eventually asked him, Gabby's impatient nature getting the best of her as she couldn't wait any longer.

Matt slowly met her eyes, swallowing thickly as he saw the hesitant look on her face, both of them knowing they were treading into dangerous waters. "I… I don't know." He responded honestly, Gabby's tongue poking out between her teeth to wet her lips. "I-... I don't know what to do with that." He watched as her face fell, Gabby shying away from him slightly, Matt taking a deep breath before continuing. "I mean, I'm sorry, I am, but I just… Nothing's changed, Gabby." He spoke, seeing her wince as she adjusted her positioning on the bed, Matt not missing how she moved farther away from him. "Nothing with us, you and me, separately or together, none of it's changed… I just don't know what I'm supposed to do with that, I don't know why you…" He trailed off, Gabby's eyes narrowing challengingly as she straightened her spine, clenching her jaw tightly.

"Would you have rather I lied?" She bit out quickly, Matt sighing as he shook his head.

"No, no, I just-" He cut himself off, Matt pinching the bridge of his nose as he tried to focus, Gabby keeping her eyes on him as she waited for him to say whatever he was thinking, Casey taking a slow, deep breath before he looked back towards her. "...Do you know why I left?"

His question threw her, confusion playing across her face as her eyebrows furrowed. "What?"

"When I left you in that hotel room, when I didn't wake you up… do you know why I left?" He elaborated, Gabby ignoring the sinking feeling she felt in her gut at the mention of that morning, giving him a slight shrug.

"I don't know, you said you panicked." She replied, Matt clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth as he shook his head.

"Do you know the real reason I left?" He questioned again, Gabby feeling herself getting frustrated, shaking her head abruptly.

"No, I guess I don't." She replied pointedly, Matt sighing heavily as he sat up straighter, crossing his legs in front of him as he found her gaze.

"I didn't panic… In that moment, nothing felt more right than waking up with you. That was the most right things had felt since everything fell apart."

"Then why did you leave?" Her voice was barely audible, Matt hearing a vulnerability he hadn't heard from her in a long time.

"Because… Because I couldn't say goodbye to you again."

She blinked quickly when those words left his lips, Matt keeping his sad eyes locked on her, Gabby stunned to silence.

"I just- I couldn't do it. I thought that weekend was all we had and I couldn't- I couldn't go through that again." He continued, Gabby feeling emotion swell in her throat as she heard his voice falter. "Letting you go last time… Having to say goodbye like that- that nearly killed me. I couldn't do it again."

"...Then why did you say goodbye to me in the first place?"

The words left her lips before she could even stop them, Matt's eyebrows furrowing instantly as he registered what she'd said. Casey saw her wince slightly, like even she was a little thrown off guard by her own words, but they were out in the open, and there was no taking them back. The only problem was he wasn't entirely sure what she meant.

"I don't…"

"You just let me go." She continued quietly, knowing they had just jumped straight off the cliff of talking through their real issues, and there was no going back now. "I stood there in our home, told you I'd gotten offered a job and you just… You let me go."

"What was I supposed to do?" He questioned back almost immediately. "Did you want me to tell you to stay? Did you want me to force you into staying in Chicago, staying with me when you clearly didn't want to?" He didn't miss the grimace that covered her features as the harsh words left his lips, Matt sighing heavily as he ran his hand over his mouth. "I… I don't know what you were wanting from me. I'd never make you stay, you know that. This is what you wanted to do, what you felt like you needed to do, how could I keep you from that?" He asked, his tone telling her he was slightly offended at the accusation. "I'd never ask you to give up anything for me, especially not when it was pretty clear why you were leaving."

Gabby shook her head roughly, their darkened eyes focused on one another, both of them knowing they had to be careful, or this conversation could quickly turn into one that got them nowhere.

"It was never about you, Matt." She breathed out, a heavy look of sadness flashing in her eyes. "Me coming here, taking this job- it wasn't because I didn't love you, or because I didn't want to be with you… I wanted you here. I asked you to come, and you said no-"

"You wanted me to pick up my entire life after you came home just to tell me you were leaving me." He cut in, Gabby pursing her lips together as he shook his head. "You took this job without telling me, you knew what it would most likely do to us, yet you took it anyway… And I was just supposed to leave behind everything?" Her gaze moved down towards the bed as she listened to him, Gabby not wanting him to see the tears he'd elicited from her as he continued, Matt not realizing just how deeply his words were cutting her. "How is that fair to me? Asking me to pick up my entire life, leave behind my friends, my work, everything I'd built here for myself…" He trailed off, Matt shaking his head as he ran his palms along the tops of his thighs, trying to calm himself down. "You're not a selfish person, Gabby. I know that- better than anyone, I know how big your heart is. And I know that's at least part of why you came to help here in the first place, but you doing that… You coming home and expecting me to leave behind everything without so much as discussing it with me first… That wasn't fair to me, and I think you know that."

Gabby clenched her jaw together tightly as his words washed over her, Dawson still refusing to look up at him as she felt her control over her own emotions slowly slipping. But she wouldn't relinquish it completely, not for as long as she could help it.

"...I didn't expect you to come with me." She murmured, Matt's eyebrows furrowing deeply, even though she couldn't see it, Gabby still refusing to look up.

"What?"

"I didn't expect you to leave Chicago." She repeated, clearing the emotion from her voice before reluctantly lifting her head, Matt immediately seeing the unshed tears sitting in her eyes. "I didn't think you would want to come with me…"

"Then why did you ask me?"

"...Because I hoped I was wrong." She admitted sadly, Matt releasing a slow breath. "I wanted you to come with me, I hoped you would. I thought- or hoped I guess, that maybe I'd be enough-" She cut herself off, shaking her head before taking a steadying breath. "I just thought that maybe I was wrong." She settled on, Matt staring at her with a sadness in his eyes she was trying to ignore. "But I know it wasn't fair to ask that of you, and I'm not trying to say you were wrong for the choice you made… I never should've put you in that position, and I'm not surprised you didn't want to come but I guess-" She stopped her words abruptly, Matt raising his eyebrows.

"What?" He prompted, Gabby clenching her eyes together tightly, needing a second before she responded.

"I wasn't expecting you to come… I asked you because I wanted you to know that's what I wanted, but I know I couldn't expect that of you. But I guess I-... I expected it to be more of a discussion." She told him, Matt's expression unreadable. "...That you would've at least thought about it before making your decision."

His face softened when he slowly came to understand what she meant, his lips turning down into a frown as realization spread through him, Matt shaking his head sadly.

"Gabby…"

"It's fine. Really, it is." She brushed him off, blinking quickly. "I just… I don't know, I feel like you should know what all was going on in my head. I know I hadn't exactly been stellar at that at the time." She added, Matt drawing in a deep breath. "But now that we finally have a chance to talk about all this, I don't want you thinking something that's not true… like I left because of you." Matt dropped his gaze involuntarily, Gabby straightening out her back. "Because that's not why. It was never about you, at least not in the ways you're thinking… It was never because I didn't love you anymore."

"Then why." He blurted out before he could stop himself. "Why did you leave me?"

The vulnerability in his voice broke her heart, Gabby blinking back the fresh tears forming in her eyes as his sad, heavy gaze focused on her.

"...Why did you go?" He spoke again when she hadn't said anything, his voice barely audible, though that didn't stop her from hearing the pain he was carrying. "I know a lot happened between us, everything before you decided to go help was awful and I know we left things in a terrible place… But I always thought-" He cut himself off, swallowing the thick lump forming in his throat. "I thought we'd fix things."

"Matt…"

"I never saw any scenario in which we'd not be together, let alone get a divorce." He continued, Gabby knowing he needed to get this off his chest. "I just always thought we'd fix it, I never pictured my life without you, or you not wanting to be with me anymore… No matter how bad things got, I never thought we'd get a divorce." He breathed out, clenching his eyes shut tightly, shaking his head before he met her teary gaze again. "...I know I made my choices, too. I didn't go with you, I know that, but I just… I need to know why. I need to know why you left me."

Gabby had to force herself to look away from his piercing gaze, the pain in his eyes tearing through her like a knife, Gabby needing a second to compose herself before she answered. She needed to gather her thoughts, she needed to try and figure out how to best answer his question. But the problem was there wasn't just one answer to give him. Because this was so much more to this than just one fight, or one moment. It was so many little things, and a few big things, that had all built up and led them to this, and she wasn't sure how to explain that all to him.

But she had to. If they had any chance of moving past this, she had to give him as much of an explanation as she could.

"Gabby…" He spoke, Gabby clenching her eyes shut tightly, forcing her tears back before she looked up, shaking her head slightly.

"I'm sorry, I'm trying to think, I just-" She cut herself off, Matt's gaze softening when he saw how unsteady her demeanor was. "I never stopped loving you." Her voice was barely above a whisper, Gabby knowing if she sat here and thought over this any longer, she'd never get the words out. So she just said exactly what was going through her head, Matt keeping his eyes locked on her. "I never stopped wanting to be with you, that's never what this was. Never. I promise you, it wasn't because of you, but I just- I couldn't…"

"What?" He asked when she was struggling to get the words out, Gabby drawing in a deep breath.

"...I couldn't be in Chicago anymore."

Her words caused his eyebrows to furrow, Gabby seeing his clear confusion and uncertainty. "...What?"

"I couldn't be in Chicago anymore." She repeated, even though she knew she didn't need to. "I… I couldn't. I couldn't live there anymore. Not then."

"I don't understand." He spoke quietly, Gabby blinking back the tears sitting in her eyes as she thought over how to voice what was going on in her head.

"...I have so much pain associated with that place." She breathed out, Matt's face morphing into a look she couldn't read, the firefighter staying quiet. "I guess I didn't even realize how much it had all been affecting me, but being there, it just… Chicago has taken so much from me… Between losing Shay, and our baby, then Louie… almost losing you. So much has happened there, with us, and with me, and I-" She cut herself, clearing her throat as she worked up the courage to continue. "Being away from all that, from that pain… it was good for me."

Matt pursed his lips together, his face remaining unchanged as they sat in her bedroom, Gabby giving him a second to digest what she'd said before she continued, but he spoke up before she could.

"It was good for you to get some distance from us." His voice lacked emotion as the words left his lips, Matt blinking quickly as Gabby shook her head. "You needed space from me. From what happened between us."

"That's not what I'm saying, Matt." She was quick to reply, watching as his head tilted to the side. "It wasn't just because of that..."

"But it was part of it?" He asked, Gabby's slight wince giving him all the answer he needed. "You said you didn't leave because of me, but at least part of you did. And I need to know why." He continued, Matt seeing fresh tears fill her brown eyes as she gnawed on her bottom lip. "I'm not trying to upset you, I'm just trying to understand… You said you couldn't be in Chicago anymore, that there was too much pain associated with it… but I was there, Gabby." His voice faltered slightly as he finished his sentence, Gabby quickly wiping away the tear that slid down her cheek as she heard the devastation in his voice. "I was still there, and that wasn't enough… We weren't enough."

"I wanted us to be." She replied quietly, Matt's blue eyes shining with fresh tears. "I know you were still in Chicago, and I knew you wouldn't leave… You were the one good thing- great thing," she corrected herself, "that Chicago had given me. You were the only good thing."

"Then why weren't we enough?" He countered before he could stop himself, Matt clearing the emotion from his voice. "Why did you give up on us so easily?"

His bottom lip trembled as they locked eyes with one another, each of them seeing just how much pain and hurt they were both holding onto, Gabby drawing in a slow, unsteady breath as a single tear fell down her cheek. "...Because I didn't think I still had you."

She saw him go through a hundred different emotions as he registered what she had said, Matt eventually landing on what looked to be confusion, his eyebrows furrowing as he hunched forward slightly, crossing his arms over his chest. It was clear he didn't know what to make of what she'd just said, and by the way his body tensed, she wasn't sure how well her next words would be received, but they were too deep into this to stop now.

"When I left after our fight, after all the things we said, that you said… I didn't think, or I didn't know if you still wanted to be with me." She admitted, Matt remaining quiet as she looked down to the sheets beneath her, Gabby feeling herself slowly losing the battle against her own emotions. "I didn't… I didn't know if you even still liked me, let alone lo-" She cut herself off, Gabby missing the look of shock that played over his face as she still refused to look up. "If you still loved me."

Casey's throat bobbed up and down as he tried to control his emotions, hearing that, regardless of whether it was true or not, Gabby wholeheartedly believed what she was saying. She believed he didn't still love her, that he had stopped loving her, and that completely broke his heart. Because it couldn't be farther from the truth.

"We hurt each other so much… I hurt you, and I didn't know if you resented me for it." She continued, Matt wiping away the few tears settling under his eyes, his gaze trained on her despite her head being turned down. "We didn't talk all that much before I got offered the permanent position, and when we did talk, I could never really tell where your head was at. We never tried to talk about what happened, and I just… I didn't know what to think about us… If there was even still an us." She admitted, her tears beginning to flow freely down her cheeks.

He wanted to say something, say anything, to let her know it wasn't true. To let her know he never stopped loving her, but it felt like there was sand in his throat, like it was impossible to utter one word let alone an entire sentence, his chest feeling as if it would collapse at any moment. It was a helpless feeling, Matt desperate to say everything he'd been wanting to say to her since they first fell apart, but not being able to.

"You were right, I did leave to get some space, but it wasn't just because of you." She continued softly. "It was more the situation than anything else. I needed time away from all of it, because being there… I was afraid we'd only do more damage to one another. That we'd completely destroy what we had, to the point where we hated each other and there'd be no salvaging any of it… I left to get some distance from all of it; from the fighting, from finding out about the aneurysm-" Her voice faltered, Matt's lips turning down into a frown as he saw her shoulders shake slightly. "I needed to clear my head… and I think you needed that, too." She spoke, Gabby slowly lifting her head up to look at him, Matt's heart breaking all over again when he saw the tears freely falling down her cheeks, and when he saw the look of absolute heartache in her gaze. "I needed time to deal with what all of that meant.. What it meant for us, and for me. But when I first left I never intended to not come home. I promise, when I told you that, I meant it… At first, I just needed time."

"...What changed?" His shaky voice barely sounded like his own, Gabby sniffling as she haphazardly wiped at her cheeks, shaking her head slightly.

"It was a few things… but I realized how much better off I was not being in Chicago…" Those words sliced through him like a sharp knife, Gabby seeing the immediate look of hurt that covered his face. "I swear to you, Matt, I never wanted this to happen to us. I never wanted us to end things, God the last I ever pictured for us was getting a divorce. And I know I left us no choice, but I didn't feel like I could do it… I didn't even realize it until I got some time away from it, but being it Chicago… it made me feel like I was drowning. I know I had my dad, and Antonio, but you… You were the only thing there keeping my head above water." A few more tears escaped down his cheeks, Matt not bothering to wipe them away this time as she took as deep of a breath as she could. "But then everything with us started falling apart, and I wasn't sure there was an us to come back to… When I first left, before I knew I wouldn't be coming back, being here gave me a lot of clarity… And I was worried it had done the same thing for you, too." She told him, their sad eyes locked on one another. "I was afraid that the space I'd given you, it made you realize you couldn't do it anymore… That everything I'd put you through, all the problems we'd had, I was scared you realized I was too much for you to put up with anymore." His heart sank all the way to his stomach, Matt shaking his head as she spoke. "I worried that giving you that space made you realize you didn't love me." Her voice shook as she spoke, a look of complete and utter sadness filling his features, knowing that she truly believed what she was saying. "And I was afraid that I couldn't be the person you wanted me to be, that I can't give you what you always wanted…"

His eyes fell closed as those last words hit his ears, Matt shaking his head sadly as he listened to her shaky breathing. The air around them was heavy, as they both needed a moment to try and digest this; Matt, for hearing it for the first time, and Gabby for admitting it out loud. They needed a second to process all of it, Matt trying to figure out anything he could say to make her believe it wasn't true. That everything she'd been thinking about him, and their relationship, that none of it had ever been true. But the problem was he didn't know what to say, because there was a part of him that couldn't even believe she'd thought that in the first place. That she had such little faith in him, and his love for her, that she thought he wanted her to change for him… that she thought her not being able to get pregnant would play a part in him wanting to be with someone else. He couldn't quite grasp any of it, and it had left an unsettling feeling in his gut. One he was sure wouldn't be going away any time soon.

"I wanted you." His voice was low, Matt lifting his head, immediately locking eyes with her, the firefighter shaking his head sadly. "I've always wanted you. Just you. I wanted you to be you. I've told you that over and over, that all I want is you." He continued, Gabby blinking quickly as her jaw trembled slightly. "I mean, I don't know what I could've done to make you believe it. I know we fought, and I know things got hard, but I never thought you doubted how much I loved you. Even the day you decided to leave, when we fought and everything blew up, even then I told you that I loved you with everything I had. And that hadn't changed just because of a fight. We both mishandled things, we both said things we shouldn't have, but God Gabby, me loving you was never something in question, how could you even think-"

"You didn't say it."

Her timid voice cut him off abruptly, Matt's mouth closing as his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, Casey seeing a look he couldn't read shining in her glassy eyes.

"What?"

"You never said it. After our fight, you never told me you loved me." She elaborated, his look of confusion deepening as she breathed in slowly. "You didn't say it at all before I left… not even when you dropped me off at the airport. Whenever we'd talk to each other on the phone, or text... and when I came back to tell you I was going… You never said it. Not once."

He was wracking his brain, going over every conversation he could remember them having prior to her leaving for good, Matt sure she was mistaken. He had to have said it to her, he would have said it, because it was true. Even though they weren't in a good place at the time, he still loved her, that hadn't changed. But the longer he thought, the more realization began to wash over him, Matt feeling a heavy weight settle on his chest as he realized she was right.

He hadn't said it. He never told her. Not once did he ever tell her he loved her.

"I kept waiting, every time we'd talk." She continued when he hadn't said anything. "I would say it to you, but you never… You never said it back. So I thought you didn't love me anymore, that you just didn't know how to tell me."

"Gabby, I…" His voice got caught in his throat, Matt unsure of what to say or how to say it, her fears suddenly making complete sense to him as he tried to digest this. He knew he'd been upset. That when she'd first gone to Puerto Rico to work, he was hurt and he was angry over what had happened to their relationship and that they hadn't had the chance to fix it yet. He was mad because he missed his wife, and she kept pushing back when she'd be coming home. But he never realized he never told her he loved her, that he didn't say it one single time. "I'm sorry." He breathed out, Gabby shaking her head quickly, forcing a weak smile as she wiped away the fresh tears that had fallen down her cheeks.

"Don't apologize, I just… I wasn't sure where we stood with each other. All I knew was how I felt. I got the time I needed to come to terms with everything- or at least as much as I could. But once I had time to process everything, the one thing that hadn't changed was how much I love you." She murmured, Matt intaking a shaky breath. "When I came back, I didn't know what was going to happen to us. I knew I still loved you, that I wanted to be with you and that I wanted us to work, but I didn't feel like I could do that in Chicago… I had worked through a lot of my pain and grief from everything, and I was afraid being back there would only undo that. I… I wanted us together so badly, I never stopped wanting to be with you, but I couldn't force you to leave, either." She continued, Matt pursing his lips together as he watched her with an unreadable expression covering his face. "I wouldn't do that to you, force you to uproot everything because I couldn't handle being there anymore, at least then… so that's why I asked you to come with me. Because I wanted it so bad, but I wanted it to be something that you wanted too. I wanted it to be your choice… But you didn't- you didn't want to leave." Her voice faltered, Gabby clenching her eyes shut tightly for a split second. "And I get it, I do. I know this is on me, but I guess I just hoped it would be at least something we thought about… but you said no, that you were a Chicago guy…" She breathed out unsteadily, more tears filling his eyes as he saw how much it hurt her to say those words. "And after that, it just felt like Chicago had taken you from me, too…"

Her heavy words hung in the air around them, Matt nearly feeling suffocated by them as he finally, for the first time in a long time, got a sense of what had been going on in her head. But that feeling gave him mixed emotions, Matt hating to hear how she'd been feeling… how he made her feel, even though it wasn't intentional. But he was wary as well, considering she'd never actually told him any of this. He had no idea she was that unsure about them, and him, and he didn't know what to make of that.

"Why…" His words got caught in his throat, Gabby taking a deep breath as she looked to him. "Why didn't you tell me? About how you were feeling with us? And about not being able to be in Chicago, why didn't you tell me that?" He asked her, his voice full of confusion and some frustration. "You just came back and told me you were leaving, and you never said why."

"I know." She whispered sadly, Matt drawing in a deep breath as fresh tears pricked the edges of his eyes.

"You just left, I had no idea any of this was going on with you… I thought you were choosing your work over me, I didn't- I didn't know it was all this. You didn't tell me it was all this. I didn't know you were struggling so much, that you didn't even know if I still loved you... If you had told me we could've talked about it and then maybe we wouldn't have-" He cut himself off, shaking his head as he took another breath, trying to steady himself. He didn't want to get mad at her, and he wasn't, but he didn't understand. "I would've helped you, Gabby. You know I would've done anything to help you, or done what I could and been there for you while you got the help you needed… But you didn't tell me any of this, and I don't- I just don't understand." He kept repeating himself, trying to wrap his mind around what was happening. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I… I don't know." She murmured, Matt scoffing lightly as he shook his head, bringing his hands up to cover his face.

"Gabby…"

"I'm telling you the truth." She replied, swallowing the lump that formed in her throat as he dropped his hands back down to his lap, meeting her teary gaze. "At the time, when I came back and asked you to go with me, I didn't… I didn't fully understand what all was going on with me. I knew that being away from Chicago made me feel better, I knew that I wanted you with me, but I didn't feel strong enough to be with you there… and I didn't really understand what was making me feel that way." She spoke, Matt keeping his eyes on her. "And I didn't want to tell you that, and make you feel like you had to stay with me just because I was going through a lot. I didn't think you still wanted me, and the last thing I wanted to do was make you feel obligated to be with me." She told him, her voice trembling as she did her best to get her thoughts across to him, Matt remaining silent as he let her talk. "And so much of what was going on with me, I just didn't get. It took me a long time to understand it, why I'd done a lot of the things I did over that last year before I left… why I was so distant."

"...What was going on, Gabby?" He asked her, seeing a flash of hesitation flicker in her eyes. "I think I deserve an explanation for why you left me, and why you kept pushing me away over and over again."

"You do." She agreed quietly, bringing her hand up to run along the side of her face, Gabby pressing roughly into her temple. "And I… At the time, I knew I was doing it, I knew I was pushing you away, but I didn't understand why. It was like there was some mental block that kept me from relying on you, even though I always had in the past. I didn't understand it, and I know you didn't, and that you were frustrated with me… And I get it, I do. I would've felt the same way had the roles been reversed, but it took me awhile to figure out why I wasn't letting you in anymore…" She stopped to take a breath, Matt doing his best to follow along with her rampant thoughts as she poured out everything that was going on in her head. "But then it was one day I kind of realized what was going on… it had been a while after I left, we had already signed the divorce papers, but I had a lot of time to think over there, and when I thought about what happened to us… how we lost so much of ourselves… it always kept coming back to one thing."

"...What?"

Gabby fell silent for a moment, Matt keeping his eyes plastered on her as they sat on opposite sides of the bed, his lips turning down into a frown when he noticed her trembling hands. He wasn't sure the last time he'd seen her like this, the last time he'd seen her so scared to talk to him, but he hated it. And it was nothing more than another awful reminder of how far they'd fallen from one another. How they weren't those same two people who'd been in love for a long time.

"I kept… when I was pushing you away- determined to do everything on my own, I think I did that because I was afraid to lose you."

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion as her words washed over him, Matt not entirely sure what she was talking about, Gabby's eyes moving down to the bed as to not meet his gaze. "What do you mean?" He asked when she had yet to say anything, Matt watching her expectantly as he waited for her to answer, but she didn't. "Why did you think you'd lose me? I wasn't going anywhere... I'd never leave you, I don't-"

"The factory fire."

Her voice was barely audible, it taking a second for him to realize what she'd said, but when he did his face fell, Matt feeling his heart drop into his stomach as realization washed over him. How she didn't mean she'd lose him as in he'd leave her…

She was afraid she'd lose him. Permanently.

But that alone didn't clear enough of this up for him. That had always been part of the deal, them knowing that one shift they could leave together, but not both of them would make it home. That hadn't changed since they first got together, so he wasn't sure why that suddenly caused her to pull away from him. But he didn't get the chance to ask her as she kept talking.

"When that happened, I just… I never recovered from that. From almost losing you." She murmured, her shaky voice barely reaching his ears. "I didn't even realize until after I left, but I just… I kept pushing it down and pushing it down, because I couldn't deal with it. You saying goodbye to me, you almost dying- I just couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle dealing with it, so I just stopped dealing with anything." She admitted, Matt's sad eyes focused on her as she laid it all out there, the trembling in her hands only getting worse. "I think I pulled away from you because I afraid of losing you, and I know that doesn't make sense, it sound so stupid, but it's just how I felt. I didn't realize it at the time, but you getting trapped in that fire… that was one of the worst days of my life, and those few minutes when I thought I'd lost you-... I never got over that."

"But you didn't lose me." He replied sadly, his entire body feeling heavy as he heard how upset she was. This entire thing just kept going deeper and deeper, into things Matt had no idea about, and he felt awful… He felt like he let her down by not seeing just how hard things had been on her since that day. "I'm right here, Gabby. I was fine. You didn't lose me."

"But I could've." She responded without missing a beat, a few tears streaming down her cheeks as she shook her head. "I know when that happened, I knew all along I hadn't handled it well… I tried to move past it, I tried to not let it control me but I just- it became all I could think about." She admitted, blinking quickly as she slowly lifted her head, Matt seeing a few conflicting emotions playing over her face. "I had hoped that after we talked about it, when you told me you'd always come back to me, that it would eventually help me feel better… And I tried to hold onto that, to not focus on anything else, but I couldn't. And it only got worse." She whispered, swallowing the thick lump that formed in her throat, doing everything she could to keep her tears from falling. "Every time we walked into that firehouse, every time you went into a burning building I was holding my breath, just waiting for the day you didn't come back out. All I could think about was you saying goodbye to me, over and over and over again it would replay in my head during every call. And that feeling was suffocating, and I couldn't deal with it anymore so I just… didn't. I pushed it all down and ignored it, I ignored everything… but by doing that, I started pushing you away in the process, and I never meant for that to happen."

Matt opened his mouth to respond, but quickly closed it, the firefighter trying to figure out how to respond to her, trying to figure out anything to say to her. But he was stunned, Matt's throat bobbing up and down as he tried to grasp what had just been told to him.

He couldn't believe he hadn't seen it. That he hadn't seen just how long this had been going on, that she'd been suffering for much longer than he ever realized, and he never knew. He couldn't quite believe it, but it was making other things become a little clearer as to why she'd done some of the things she did.

"I… why didn't you say anything?" He asked, his voice not even sounding like his own as he cleared his throat. "I know you said you didn't really realize the reasons for all this until you got some space away from it all, and I get it, I do… but you knew you were having a hard time with what happened at that factory fire- a harder time than I realized… why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't… I don't know." She breathed out, wiping quickly under her eyes. "I think it just got to the point where I was so afraid of being dependent on you, because I knew if I had lost you like that, it would break me." Fresh tears filled his eyes as she spoke, Matt shaking his head sadly. "It would've destroyed me, and I couldn't handle it… So I guess in my head, it was better for me to distance myself, to keep you at arms length, in case something did happen. I think that's why I was keeping you out of things, why I didn't come to you for help… I was so scared to rely on you because I knew I couldn't handle it if something happened and I lost you. But I didn't even realize that's what I was doing. I swear to you, Matt, I didn't do any of this on purpose. I knew I was having a hard time with what happened, but I didn't realize that's why I was so distant, not until I got some time away from all of it… And I know it's a terrible excuse, and it doesn't justify me treating you the way I did." She choked out, a tear escaping down his cheek as he heard the regret in her voice. "There's nothing I can say to make up for all of this, and I'm not trying to, I just-" She inhaled a sharp breath, clenching her eyes shut tightly as she willed herself to keep ahold of her emotions. "Everything became too much, and I didn't even realize it… I didn't know what was going on with me, but when I finally got away from Chicago it was like… it was like I could breathe again."

She saw the hurt that flashed in his eyes, Gabby shaking her head as fresh tears continued rolling down her cheeks.

"It wasn't because of you, Matt." She told him again, her voice faltering as air got caught in her throat. "I meant what I said, you were the only thing keeping me from completely falling apart, I just didn't know it… Or I guess a part of me did know it, but after almost losing you I couldn't let myself rely on it." She continued, Matt doing what he could to process what was being told to him, the firefighter trying to follow her as she spoke. "Not after everything I- we'd already lost." She added, seeing his eyebrows furrow as he tilted his head to the side, Gabby taking a deep, unsteady breath as she clenched her shaky hands together.

"So you pulled away from me because you couldn't lose me..."

Gabby met his eyes after he spoke, Matt watching her closely as she tried to calm herself down. He didn't sound angry, or upset with her; he just sounded confused. And she couldn't blame him, because it confused her some days, too.

"I wasn't trying to push you away. It wasn't anything I was doing intentionally, I just… I think there was a part of me keeping you at arms length because I was scared of what it would do to me if I lost you… Because losing you like that… that's one loss I don't think I could handle. Just those few minutes where I'd thought you were gone in that fire was enough to tell me that." She admitted, Matt swallowing the heavy lump settling in his throat. "Because even with everything else we've lost, when we-" She cut herself off, more tears flooding her eyes at the thought of whatever she was trying to say, Matt's heart crumbling in his chest as she barely held herself together. "...When we lost Shay, a part of me died with her." She said, her shaky voice crushing him like a thousand pound weight. "And then we lost our baby, and we lost Louie, and I kept losing parts of myself. And then I almost- I almost lost you… when you said goodbye to me, I lost a part of myself then, too. Maybe the biggest part of myself… one that I never got back, even after you were okay." She spoke as honestly as she could, knowing they both needed this. "That day… that broke me more than I ever realized. It broke me and I never recovered from it. I just ignored it, and tried to forget it, but by doing that I kept pushing you away, even though I never meant for that to happen.. And then when we found out about the aneurysm…"

Matt's eyes fell closed, dread filling him as memories of that awful time in their relationship came rushing back. At the time, it had seemed like that was what started the downward spiral of their inevitable divorce, but after hearing all this day, hearing what all Gabby had been going through, he was quickly realizing that wasn't what started it. The downfall of their relationship had started long before that day, even though neither of them realized it.

"When we found out about that, I… that pushed me over the edge, I could hardly function after that. It was like every bad feeling and thought I'd been ignoring for a year came back, and I- I shut down. I refused to even acknowledge it because I couldn't… but then you started fighting me on it, which you were right to." She told him, Matt looking back up towards her. "That wasn't fair of me to just decide for us we'd have a baby, and had I been able to just stop and let myself deal with it, I don't think I would've been so adamant about it, but I just- you fighting me on it was making me deal with it, and I couldn't. I couldn't face any of it. All I knew was that I was falling apart, but I didn't completely understand why, and I didn't know what to do to stop it, and that scared me… It all scared me. And then we had our fight and I just… wasn't able to face it." She admitted, Matt giving her a slow nod. "...Us having a baby was supposed to be something we always agreed on. It had been something we always agreed on, and then it suddenly wasn't, and all of that just pushed me over the edge and I needed a minute to breathe. I needed time…"

She paused for a moment to take a breath, Matt gnawing on his bottom lip as he digested everything he'd been told by the woman he thought would be by his side for the rest of his life.

"But I never meant for the time I needed to break us apart… I never wanted to live without you, I just- I thought you didn't want to be with me anymore, and I was afraid to come back to Chicago, when I didn't feel strong enough to be there, just for us to not make it anyway… I thought I'd put you through enough, and I wasn't going to force you into anything you didn't want. I wanted you being with me to be your choice, because I didn't know where we stood, and then when you said no… That pretty much solidified everything I'd been thinking, and I knew then, or I thought that the best thing I could do for you was let you go. That I'd hurt you too much, and me being gone and out of your life was what you wanted… so I didn't fight it." She breathed out, fresh tears clouding her eyes. "But I need you to know that I'm so sorry, Matt. I never pictured this is where we'd be, I never imagined my life without you in it… I'm sorry things got so messed up between us, that I was so messed up… I know you tried to help me and I kept fighting it, and I know nothing I can say or do will undo what happened, but I'm so sorry." She kept apologizing, Matt's teary eyes locked on hers. "I'm sorry for pushing you away when you were the one person I needed to get through everything. I'm sorry for leaving you like I did, I'm sorry for hurting you so badly, and for ruining us… I'm so sorry for all of it. I wish I could go back and fix things between us before they got that bad. I wish I could fix all of it, but I can't and I'm sorry."

Tears were freely flowing down both their cheeks by the time she finished, Gabby breathing as steadily as she could, though her attempts weren't much help as she took, quick, choppy breaths, her heart pounding in her chest as Matt watched her. He could see her struggling, he could see her trying to calm herself down, and it was taking everything in him to not get up and go pull her into his arms right this second. But he couldn't do that, not yet.

Not when they hadn't fully resolved things. Not when there was still so much left unsaid.

He still had questions, he still needed to digest some of the things she'd said. But there was one thing that kept coming to the forefront of his mind. One thing he needed to know.

Blowing out a deep breath, Matt moved up to rest of his shins on the bed, the movement causing her to look up as he saw continuous tears rolling down her cheeks, Casey maneuvering until he was sitting on the edge of the bed next to her. There was still maybe a foot of space between them, but they were much closer than they had been, Gabby roughly wiping away the water sitting on her skin as they locked gazes.

"...Are you doing better?"

He saw the immediate confusion in her eyes, like she hadn't been expecting those words to be the first ones out of his mouth, Matt taking a slow, deep breath.

"Now that you've been away, that you got time away from Chicago, are you feeling better?" He asked her again when she hadn't said anything, his concern for well-being evident as she gave him a slow nod.

"I am." She replied softly, Matt giving her a weak smile, seeing her body relax slightly. "Now I am, yeah… It took a long time, but I'm doing okay."

"Good. I'm glad." He responded, Gabby matching his smile, although he noticed hers didn't reach her eyes. "I want you to be okay… I didn't- I didn't realize how bad things were you for. I knew you'd been different, but I never realized… I just didn't know."

"I didn't either." She spoke, wiping under her eyes before clasping her hands together in her lap, rubbing her thumb over the back of her hand nervously. "I didn't realize until I got here how much I'd been ignoring everything going on with me. But it was like the longer I was away from Chicago, the happier I felt… And I'm not saying that to hurt you, I'm really not, I just- I was such a mess, and I didn't even know I was a mess until I took a step back from everything." She told him, Matt giving her a slight nod, encouraging her to continue. "This past year and a half, it's been good for me. I really think it has."

"Good." He spoke softly, Gabby tightening her hands together in her lap, her tongue darting out between her teeth to wet her lips before she continued.

"Yeah, I uh… I do think being away is what I needed. I think it was the best thing I could've done for me, but I- I wish that me doing what was best for me hadn't hurt you so badly." She murmured, Matt's features softening as she wiped away the new tears that had fallen down her cheeks. "I needed to be away from Chicago, and I needed time to figure out what was going on with me, and I know there was a lot of uncertainty around us, but I never meant to hurt you Matt. I never wanted to hurt you."

"I know you didn't." He responded, his voice barely audible as he tried to not let his emotions overwhelm him.

"I need you to know that the one thing that never changed was how much I love you." She spoke strongly, Gabby finding his gaze as she fought through the nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach. "I never stopped loving you, I never stopped wanting to be with you, none of that ever changed… But I know you didn't want to leave Chicago, and I didn't feel like I could there… But it wasn't because of you. I need you to believe that." She told him again, Matt giving her a slow nod. "And lately, I've been doing a lot better… I feel stronger than I have in a long time, but there was a part of me that felt incomplete. Like I was missing something I needed… I was missing you." She told him, Matt biting down on the inside of his cheek. "I wasn't able to get you out of my head, I couldn't stop thinking about you, and about us. About how you were doing, and if- if you missed me, too."

"...You could've called me, Gabby." He murmured, his words earning a soft shrug.

"I didn't know if you'd want to talk to me. Considering how we left things, I figured it was more likely you wouldn't want to talk to me, so I never did… But then the fundraiser in Chicago came up and I just… I knew I had to go. I needed to come see you." She replied, taking a deep breath before continuing. "I knew how I felt about you- how I still feel about you, but you and I hadn't spoken in over a year and I didn't know if you'd even want to see me… So I figured the fundraiser was the perfect opportunity for me to go. Because I wanted it to be your choice." She told him, Matt's eyebrows furrowing slightly.

"What do you mean?"

"I… if you knew I came there to see you, that I only came to Chicago for you, you would've felt obligated to see me." She responded, Matt raising his eyebrows, his reaction eliciting a light scoff from her. "C'mon Matt, I know you. Even if the last thing you wanted to do was talk to me, if you knew I came all the way there for you, you would've gone. Whether you wanted to or not." She added with a soft smile, Matt returning the gesture as he nodded, knowing she had a point. But the light feeling around them soon shifted as Gabby looked back down towards her lap. "So, uh, that's why I came for the fundraiser. Because I wanted to see you, I wanted a chance to see you, to spend time with you, if that was something you wanted, but I didn't want you to feel like you had to. I didn't want you to feel forced into it. But, uh- yeah, I guess all that answers your first question… that's why I decided to come, because I missed you." She finished, Matt giving her a slow nod before he looked forward, the two falling into a soft silence.

The air around them felt surprisingly lighter than it had earlier in the evening, both of them taking a second to breathe after the heavy conversation they'd had, though they knew they still hadn't even gotten to the hardest part of all this. The part that had been hanging over their heads since he showed up at the airport.

Where do they go from here?

They'd laid it all out there, she'd explained everything to him the best she could. He now knew exactly what had been going on with her, and why she made some of the choices she made. He knew everything, and even though he still had some questions, and he wanted to know more about what exactly had been going on, there was no gray area left between them. Now they just had a decision to make.

Releasing a heavy sigh, Matt kept his gaze forward, Gabby lifting her head up from her lap to look at him, seeing an unreadable expression on his face.

"What are you thinking?" She asked softly, Matt pursing his lips together as he released a slow breath.

"I… I don't know. I don't- I don't know where this leaves us." He breathed out honestly, Gabby giving him a slight nod as she worked up the nerve to say the words sitting on the tip of her tongue.

"I want us to work, Matt." She spoke firmly, Casey raising his eyebrows as he looked towards her. "I don't want to be with anyone else…"

"Gabby…" He sighed.

"I want us to be together." She continued, knowing she had to. He had to know where she stood, regardless of how scared she was of being rejected. "I want this, us, to work. And I think you do, too." She said, blinking quickly to keep her tears at bay as she waited for his response.

But he didn't give her one. And that silence filled her with a sense of panic, while simultaneously causing her heart to sink into her stomach.

"...Matt?"

"Of course I do." He breathed out, forcing himself to look at her, catching the relief that flashed in her eyes. "Of course I want to be with you." He repeated, more so for his own benefit than her own. "I never wanted there to not be an us, but nothing has changed, Gabby." She could hear his frustration, but she said nothing, Matt taking a deep breath before continuing. "Nothing with our situation is any different than it was yesterday, or the day before. Or when you left. I'm not leaving Chicago, you're not coming home… so where does that leave us?" He rambled out, shaking his head quickly as he caught the slight grimace that covered her face. "I'd love for this to be easy, for us to just be able to go home, together, and work through our problems and be together. I'd give anything to be with you again, but we can't. There's nothing we can do-"

"We can try." She cut in, Matt's eyebrows furrowing as he met her determined eyes.

"What?"

"We can try." She repeated, clearing the emotion from her voice before continuing. "We can try to make this work, we can try to fight for us… for our relationship. We can try."

"Gabby…We can't- we can't do that to ourselves." He started, shaking his head as her face hardened slightly. "We can't make this work when you're here and I'm in Chicago."

"Why not?" She fought back, Matt pursing his lips together as he brought his hand up to run over the side of his face, the firefighter feeling a headache forming behind his eyes.

"How is that fair to either one of us? Us being in a relationship when we're thousands of miles apart. Us only being able to communicate through the phone, and occasional visits… us going weeks without knowing when we're going to see each other again, I can't- I can't do that, that's not a relationship, that's not us. I don't deserve that, and neither do you."

"Why did you come here?" She spoke so quickly she nearly cut him off, blinking back the tears in her eyes as Matt looked to her, seeing the hurt and pain written across her face.

"What?"

"If you didn't want us to work, if you didn't want to try and salvage us, why did you bother coming here?" She rephrased, fighting against her tears threatening to fall.

"I… I just-" He cut himself off, unsure of how to respond to her question. "I wanted to see you again, but I…"

"But you what?" She asked, her eyes narrow as he felt her defenses rising. He knew she was just trying to protect herself, and he couldn't blame her for that, but he was still feeling a little bit shocked at the direction this conversation had taken. "Why did you come here? I mean, two thousand miles is pretty far to go for nothing. You had to have had a reason… And I'm guessing that reason wasn't just to sleep with me again, so why? Why bother coming here if you weren't willing to try and fix us?"

"I… I just wanted to see you again." He replied softly, Gabby drawing in a deep breath. "I wanted to see you, but I didn't- I wasn't sure what this all meant-"

"I'm telling you what it means. I want to fight for us, I want to be with you… And I hoped you coming all the way here meant you wanted that, too. I thought that meant you'd be willing to try, but if you're not… I don't understand why you're here." She spoke honestly, shaking her head slightly. "I mean, you told me you left me in that hotel room because you couldn't face saying goodbye to me, what exactly was your plan here? Sneak out in the middle of the night, and let me wake up alone again?"

"That's not fair." He fired back, shaking his head as he angled his body towards her, seeing her shy away from him slightly. "Do you honestly want to know why I came here? Do you want the real answer to that question? Because truthfully, I don't know." He told her, seeing her face falter slightly. "I don't know why I came here, other than I knew that I wanted to see you again, and I guess- I guess maybe I hoped you'd be coming home soon." He admitted, Gabby swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat. "I thought that maybe we'd get a second chance, that maybe your work here was almost done and we could go home and be together, but I know that's not what this is. And it shouldn't be." He continued, seeing her eyebrows furrow slightly. "I've seen how happy you are here, how happy this work makes you… and I'd never in a million years ask you to give that up for me. I wouldn't want you to. This is what you're meant to do, I truly believe that…" He spoke honestly, Gabby's eyes filling with fresh tears. "But nothing with us has changed. I'm so glad you're doing better, that being here has helped you… All I want is for you to be happy."

"All I want is for you to be happy, too." She repeated him, Matt drawing in a deep breath. "And you're right, this work… being here, it does make me happy. But so do you, Matt." She told him strongly, Casey's eyes falling closed momentarily. "You make me so happy, and I want us to work. I want to be with you, and you want to be with me… Why can't we try?"

"We can't have it both ways, Gabby." He replied, but she refused to accept it.

"Why can't we?" She questioned back without missing a beat, Matt pursing his lips together as he sighed heavily. "Why can't we just try? Why can't we be enough for each other? We never tried last time…" She spoke, taking a quick breath. "You said that I gave up on us, but so did you. We both walked away from our relationship, but it doesn't have to be that way, not if we're both willing to fight for it."

"Gabby…"

"I love you." She told him, Matt meeting her gaze as they locked eyes. "I love you and that's never changed… And I think you still love me." She spoke hopefully, Matt running his tongue along the inside of his cheek.

"Of course I do." He murmured.

"Then why can't we have both?" She asked, Matt seeing the hopeful look in her eye. "We love each other, we both want to be together, and we both love our jobs… why can't we have both? Why can't we make this work, and fight for us?"

Matt clenched his jaw tightly as her words washed over him, Gabby never dropping his eye contact as they sat in her room, Casey needing a second to breathe before he responded.

"...You really think this is something we could handle?" He asked, Gabby nodding without hesitation.

"We won't know until we try… Because we never tried." She repeated. "We just gave up on each other, instead of fighting for us and our marriage." She replied honestly, Matt releasing a heavy breath as she slowly reached for his hand, holding it in hers. "I'm not saying this will be easy, I'm not saying it won't be an adjustment… but why can't we try and make this work?"

Gabby went quiet for a moment once she finished speaking, knowing this was a lot to process. She knew she was asking a lot of him, that this would be a complete shift from the relationship they had before she left. But, deep down, she knew if anyone could handle this, it was them. She knew they could make it work if this was something they both wanted, but that's where she kept getting caught up, was she wasn't entirely sure he did want this.

"I… I want this, Matt. I want to be with you, and for us to try and fix what we broke, but I'm not gonna force you into anything. I don't want to do this if it's not something you want, because that'll only hurt both of us." She breathed out, Matt moving his eyes forward. "If you don't want to do this, we won't. We'll just go back to enjoying the rest of your trip, and then you can go home, and that'll be it…" She continued, her voice shaking slightly. "But if you want to do this, I'm ready."

Matt took a deep breath as he continued staring straight ahead, feeling how clammy her hand was becoming in his, the firefighter doing what he could to process this.

It would be hard. They both knew it. It would be something neither of them had ever done before, especially not together, and there was no way to know how it would turn out. But what he did know, what they both knew, was that they still loved each other. Even after all this time, that feeling hadn't gone away, and if anything it had only intensified since she came to Chicago. He knew he still loved her just as much as he always had, and the same could be said for her.

Love wasn't the issue here. It was their proximity to one another, or lack thereof, that was the biggest problem. He wasn't sure if he could see this working out, if they'd be able to sustain a relationship this way. He had no idea what would happen.

But there was something keeping him from saying no. There was something in his gut telling him that they'd be able to do this, and he wanted them to be able to do this. He wanted them to make it, and from what he could tell, Gabby wanted that just as much as he did, if not more so.

"Matt…" She nearly whispered, her voice hesitant as he slowly looked back towards her, Matt seeing the clear uncertainty in her eyes. But the look lifted slightly as he shot her a small grin, Gabby carefully matching his look.

"...I'm in." He murmured, Gabby's smile widening to a size he hadn't seen from her in awhile, her eyes shining with joy, the look on her face only solidifying that she was right; they at least needed to try.

"You're in?" She asked, almost in disbelief, Matt's grin growing across his face as he nodded, tears forming in his own eyes as well.

"I am… I want this." He told her, Gabby's entire body relaxing as those words left his lips. "I want to try."

He was unable to get any other words out as Gabby practically lunged at him, wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug as she clung onto him, Matt immediately reciprocating the gesture, holding onto her as firmly as he could.

He felt her place a kiss against his neck, Matt smiling softly as he held on tighter, Gabby's breath hitting his skin as she dug herself deeper into his embrace.

"I love you."

Her voice was barely audible, but with her close proximity he heard it, Matt feeling warmth spread through him as those three words filled his head.

"I love you, too." He replied, feeling her smile against his neck before she tightened her grip, the pair holding onto one another for as long as they needed.

They didn't know what was going to happen to them, or if they were going to be able to make this work. But they knew one thing, and that was that they both wanted it to. They both wanted to be together, that was something they were both completely on the same page about. And for the first time in a long time, maybe since before she ever left, there was nothing but the feeling of complete and utter contentment surrounding them, and that was something they both wanted to hold onto.


Well, hopefully this was worth the wait? This was one of the hardest chapters to write, of anything I've ever posted. And again, I'm sorry this one took so long. I really wanted to get it right, and do justice to how I think a scene like this should go. Hopefully I did that for some of you.

I've always thought a lot about why Derek had Gabby run off to Puerto Rico, and I go back to things that happened to her on the show, that might try and explain why he chose to write her out that way, and this is kind of where I always ended up. Now, do I think this is actually why she left? No, not really. I mean, I think Derek could backtrack it and turn it into this if the opportunity ever presented itself, but really I just think the beginning and end of it was shitty planning and even worse storytelling. But this is one of the things I can see being the reason Gabby would've left, something that was more true to the characters and true to Dawsey than what we got on the show, if that makes any sense.

I'm very eager to hear your thoughts on this. I hope you liked it. Thank you so much for reading.

Until the next.