A/N: Thank You all for the wonderfull reveiws and for the even more wonderfull letters to Voldie! You'll be seeing your letters answered by Voldie in the next chapter, so stay tuned!

Here's something to read till then...minor HBP spoilers in this chapter by the way. Very minor. The last 2 trio letters are by musicsoul52 from IMDB. I just had to use them because they are awesome.


Chapter 5
Dear Mr. Voldemort,

I was wondering if you would consider becoming my friend and penpal. You see, i've noticed that you dont have any friends, just followers. I'm a psychaitrist by profession and i think i can help you overcome your insecurities.

Dr. Grunge


Dear Dr. Grunge,

I would love to talk to you. See i think the fact that i'm so 'insecure' is because this stupid little boy called Harry Potter keeps trying to stop me from taking over the world. I dont know what his problem is. He has these two REALLY annoying friends who are always helping him out. They're so annoying! Especially that Hermione Granger. She think's she so clever that she can pretend to be a shrink just to find out more about me so that she can work on ways to destroy me. Tell me Dr. GRANGER, Do you think i should kill you?

Voldie


Dear Dark Lord,

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii! Remember me? I stole your Horcrux. La dee da dee da!

R.A.B


Dear R.A.B,

Arent you supposed to be dead? And why did you steal my Horcrux?
i thought you were on my side?

Voldie


Volvo,

Well i'm NOT. You are silly billy billy silly blah man!

R.A.B


Miss Lovegood do you have a death wish? Because i know it's you. The real R.A.B is dead, no?

Voldie


Dear Volly,

I haff recieved your letter and i vas very surprised by vat you vrote.
I am flattered by your affections tovards me but i am afraid that i do not
feel the same vay. I am very sorry but i cannot have a romantic dinner vith you on the rooftop.

Victor Krum


Dear Victor,

But why? I'm so loveable! You have made me both sad and angry and when
i am angry i feel like killing. So unless you go out with me i will
kill you and your whole family and i will kill Miss Granger as well!

Voldie


Dear Volly,

Vat time is dinner, then?

Krum


Sup Tommy?

We just wanted to tell you that you're a loser who cant do anything
right. K?

Peace out!

The Terrific Trio


Sup Trio,

I just wanted to say that you guys are like friggin losers who
will lose to me when the totally humongous battle comes about, k?

Alrite i'm outta here,

Voldie

PS: Look i'm learning your lingo! I rock!


Dear Voldie,
Nope, your not learning our lingo.
Learn the lingo or play bingo, mother beep
Peace Out A-Town,
the trio
DEAR TRIO,

HOW CAN YOU USE SUCH LANGUAGE? YOU'RE
MAKING ME BLUSH! YOU NAUGHTY CHILDREN!
YOU MUST NOT SWEAR!

VOLDIE


DEAR VOLDIE,
STOP YELLING IT REALLY BOTHERSUS WHEN
YOU USE CAPS LOCK. STOP IT
YOU EVIL MOTHER beep
SINCERLY,
THE TRIO.
DEAR TRIO,
YEAH THATS THE POINT
I AM YELLING, NO?
YOU SILLIES!
-VOLDIE