Author's Note:
And, finally, here we are!
Many thanks to Cinda who, after reading this and the following chapter from a reader's perspective, advised on what was weak, strong and missing. I am so grateful. I rewrote and revised for a few hours and... viola! Please let me know if you are as satisfied and excited as I am? We have been waiting for so long for this first encounter!
Thank you for your patience and faithful support! All the best to you. Eilie
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Chapter Seventy-nine
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Opening the Door – Part One
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After leaving Allie, Sally and Rachel at Youth Group, Nathan headed home. He planned to spend some time writing and reading, so he started a roaring fire, made tea and was settling on the sofa when the telephone rang.
"Good evening. Grant residence. Nathan speaking." He could hear a gasp, but the words at the other end of the line were slow to come.
"Nathan?"
His heart nearly stopped. 'Was this…'
"It's Elizabeth. I am here in Regina and ah…"
'Here in Regina? You are here in Regina? Elizabeth?' Nathan was speechless but managed to repeat her words in his mind.
"Ah… I am at the Collins's and I wondered if I could… If we could talk for a while?"
"You mean now?" Those were the only words Nathan could form in his shock.
"Yes. Carol told me Allie was at Youth Group so it might be a good time to visit you?" Elizabeth hesitated wondering if this had been a good idea or not. "Please?" She pleaded.
"Uh, I don't know. I'm not sure this is a good idea." Nathan was suddenly fearful of another encounter with Elizabeth. Maybe her letters had been different, but he couldn't erase the memory of the last time they had spoken. "I think not."
"Oh?" Her voice was soft and she held back tears.
"I'm not ready for this right now. Ah, thank you for calling." Nathan ran his hand through his hair, wondering why he had said that. He quickly added, "Good night."
Elizabeth dissolved into tears as she heard the click of the disconnected line. Abruptly, she turned and ran into the bedroom. Shutting the door, Elizabeth slid to the floor weeping and silently lifting a prayer. 'God… Nathan doesn't want to see me…'
In the front room, Carol and Grace both stood to follow her, but Peter spoke up. "Ladies? I think we need to give them both space. If they want to talk to us they'll come find us. Right now we should be praying."
Nathan glanced at his reflection in the mirror beside the front door. He looked ghostly pale and felt as though a feather could topple him. His desk chair being the closest one to the telephone, Nathan sat heavily and placed his head in his hands. What had just happened?
'Lord! Help! What do I do? How do I…'
A sudden thought interrupted his prayer. 'Jack! Is Jack here too?' Nathan straightened and realized he needed to find out. Returning to the coffee table, he swigged some tea then grabbed his coat from the rack and stepped into the night air, looking forward to a reunion.
Peter answered his knock at the back door and motioned him inside. "Come in Son, let me get Elizabeth." Peter was gone before Nathan could ask about Jack.
Hesitantly coming around the corner from the bedroom wing, Elizabeth approached Nathan. Her initial confidence was gone.
Seeing her, Nathan was speechless. He couldn't even say her name, let alone form a coherent sentence. Before him stood Elizabeth Thornton!
Elizabeth was the one to speak, blushing, she breathed out his name, "Nathan."
While Nathan stood there frozen, he noted that she had been crying and, although moved, he remained concerned.
Elizabeth broke the silence. "Um, I am sorry to startle you by my presence. I have a history of barging in to your space unannounced." She gulped. 'Did you change… did you change your mind?"
Nathan shook his head to collect his thoughts, remembering why he was at the door. "Did you travel alone? Is Jack here? I wanted to see him?"
"N…No. He's in Hope Valley with my father and Hudson, and Laura. Bill and Abigail are backup so he's in good hands." Elizabeth gulped wondering. 'Is this the only reason Nathan is standing here? To see Jack?' She observed his crestfallen expression, holding back her tears.
"Oh." Feeling resigned that he really should see her, Nathan spoke softly. "Do you want to come down to the Cottage?"
"Yes... Please?"
"Okay. I'll wait while you get your coat." Nathan offered. Assisting her with her overcoat, he inhaled the fragrance of lilies-of-the-valley as memories came flooding back. Holding the door open, he motioned for her to exit before him. Slowly, they walked towards the Cottage.
Still stunned, Nathan opened the door, moved aside and motioned for Elizabeth to enter, closing the door behind them. "I'm at a loss here, Elizabeth."
Elizabeth whispered, "Maybe I should have called from Hope Valley, but I didn't want you to say you wouldn't see me, so Mother and I, along with Dad's assistant, just arrived this afternoon." Elizabeth unbuttoned her coat as the room was warmed by the fire. She glanced around quickly. "Oh! Your home is charming." Bringing her gaze back to Nathan, she blushed and smiled sweetly. "So cozy too."
This Elizabeth was so different. Not only was Nathan reeling from the shock of seeing her, here in Regina, in his front room, he was trying to grasp her softness and sweetness. For when Nathan laid in bed that night, those were the words that fit her demeanor. Well, those and beautiful, for Elizabeth Thornton looked more beautiful to Nathan than he had ever seen her.
"Ahhh…" Finally a sound emerged from his throat. "Here. May I take your coat?" He reached to take it from her shoulders, inhaling the heady whiff of lilies-of-the-valley once again. Nathan recognized that fragrance as Elizabeth's signature scent. He breathed deeply as he carried her coat to the clothes tree beside the door. "Please take a seat? May I get you a cup of tea? It's hot because I just poured myself a cup."
"That would be lovely, Nathan. Thank you."
Nathan disappeared into the kitchen and rested his hands on the sink to steady himself, staring at his reflection in the dark window glass. 'Elizabeth is here, in my front room!' He wiped his hands down his face, then hurriedly got the teacup, saucer, and teapot, placed them on a tray along with milk and sugar. Opening the cookie tin Nathan set some chocolate cookies on a plate, then grabbed a spoon and two linen napkins from the kitchen drawer. He carefully carried the tray and set it on the coffee table.
Elizabeth had chosen a chair beside the fireplace having seen Nathan's books on the sofa. "This looks nice, Nathan. Thank you." She placed the napkin across her lap. "Thank you for seeing me." She took the teacup and as Nathan handed her the milk she poured just a few drops to color the liquid. She took a cookie from the plate he offered and waited for Nathan to sit and lift his mug of tea.
"Lisbet… What are you doing here?" Those were the only words Nathan could muster, but it was enough to bring a tear to Elizabeth's face.
She closed her eyes for a moment, savoring the sound of her name as only Nathan could speak it. As she opened them to see him gazing at her, she sent a prayer to heaven.
"I had to see you in-person, Nathan. I received your honest letter and needed to see you, to talk with you, to ask forgiveness once again, only this time in-person." Elizabeth took a sip from her teacup, then set it on the coffee table.
"Nathan, I am truly sorry. I've… I have been so afraid to admit my love for you because I was afraid to lose you. I think I said that in the schoolhouse the day you left? I honestly am not sure if it is because you are a Mountie or because I care so deeply for you. Either way, I've been afraid… I'm trying to work on trusting God now, but I still struggle sometimes." Wishing she didn't have to explain everything, she nevertheless knew she had to. "Nathan, I ran to Lucas because he was the safe choice. I wasn't afraid of losing him like I lost Jack, like I was afraid to lose you. I…"
Shifting in her chair, she spoke again. "I… I am sorry for the woman I became. So sorry for the words I threw at you. Sorry for not asking you about yourself. Sorry for leaving…walking away so many times… Sorry for not listening and only spouting my opinions. I'm so sorry I never let you respond." Elizabeth ducked her head. "I am ashamed to admit that I was selfishly only thinking about myself."
"I am sorry for accusing you of dishonesty and deliberately trying to hurt me. I am sorry for shouting at you publicly, in front of the town and in front of Lucas. I was so cruel and rude and disrespectful. I am so sorry… for so much. I am here, begging your forgiveness because, although you wrote that you have forgiven me, I still need to hear it from you. I sinned against you, Nathan, so often, so badly. I don't deserve anything from you, but I am requesting your forgiveness."
Elizabeth quieted and, with one hand, gracefully wiped a tear from the corner of her eyes. She was determined not to weep, even though that is what she wanted to do. Gazing at Nathan, she watched a myriad of emotions play in his blue eyes, play across his face. Every thought she expressed and every thought he had right now was revealed in his expression and his eyes filled.
Closing his eyes, Nathan tilted his head upward, willing the tears not to fall and making a silent plea to the Lord. All he could think was to say the Lord's name, but that was enough. The Heavenly Father knew the heart of his son and that of his daughter and He was present with them both at this moment.
Nathan cleared his throat and opened his eyes, capturing Elizabeth's gaze. His voice thick with emotion, he spoke softly, "I forgive you, Lisbet. I have been forgiving you for a very long time and I forgive you now."
Tears filled Elizabeth's eyes. "Thank you, Nathan. Thank you."
She set the napkin holding the untouched cookie on the table and leaned forward. She opened her mouth to speak and closed it again. Finally taking in a deep breath, Elizabeth continued. "I have to tell you something I realized." She inhaled deeply. "Nathan, I couldn't write it, I have to say it, to explain it. I used Allie. She is so special and I believe I can say that I love her, but all those times I approached you to talk about Allie, she was my excuse. I just wanted to connect with you, to engage you in conversation, so I talked about Allie. Maybe you recognized this? It was a new revelation to me over these past couple weeks and a somber one."
Elizabeth gulped as she looked to the floor. "It gets worse." Her voice was soft. "I used Allie to try to get news of you, to find out what you were doing or how you were. I was desperate to know about you so I asked Allie. When you said she was afraid of being alone with me, I didn't understand. Now I do. As I have faced my behavior these past months, God has opened my eyes. My blinded eyes. I understand now what she probably already understood and that's why she ran from conversations with me. I hurt Allie, Nathan. It was not my intention, nevertheless my behavior, my actions, my words… I hurt that precious child. I withdrew from the sweet relationship we had begun because I went with Lucas. I couldn't be with you, Nathan, yet I still wanted to know about you even though we were distant. Nathan, I am so sorry… Can you forgive me for this?" Elizabeth searched Nathan's face for a sign.
Adjusting his position, Nathan leaned forward, arms resting on his knees. He returned Elizabeth's gaze, memorizing her deep, almost purple-blue eyes, the curve of her lips, the rosy blush of her cheeks and the tendrils of brown curls that always escaped around her face.
She remained still as Nathan examined her face. The tenderness in his eyes spoke of love, but Elizabeth dared not trust her interpretation. She needed to hear Nathan forgive her and maybe give her hope for a restored love? Even as she considered these thoughts, Elizabeth knew it would not be that easy. So, Elizabeth waited and watched Nathan watch her. Months ago she would have shrunk back from his scrutiny, guilt-ridden. Now? She had nothing to hide. She had repented, confessed, asked forgiveness and needed to wait. And Elizabeth vowed she would wait, because Nathan Grant was a man worth waiting for.
While Nathan searched Elizabeth's face he read a peace he had never seen there before. She was quiet and more poised, in a humble way though. She exuded patience and her expression was open, nothing held back, no shadows or secrets. Elizabeth's smile was warm and winsome, and even inviting. He raised his glance to the deepening blues of her eyes again and he allowed the tiniest hint of a half-smile to cross his face. Elizabeth was more beautiful tonight than she had ever been.
She noted the clarity of Nathan's beautiful eyes, the laugh lines at the corners of those eyes and the thick black eyelashes that at this moment sparkled with unshed teardrops. Like dew sparkling in the morning sunlight, his eyelashes caught the reflection of light from the glowing fire. Elizabeth observed the slight twitch of his expressive brows and the deepening worry-line between those brows. Briefly, she wondered if she had caused that visual record of concern? She noticed the dark shadow of his beard and his well-defined lips, loving the dimple in his chin and the deep dimples of his smile, although he was not fully smiling now.
There was something very different about Elizabeth tonight though. More than beauty and the attributes Nathan had identified. She was more mature and thoughtful. There was a peace, a deep calm, a serenity. She was… Nathan's musings were interrupted by Elizabeth's sweet voice, whispering his name.
"Nathan?" She repeated his name again slightly louder, but very gently.
Nathan blinked and looked at her as he heard the last part of his name.
"I asked you to forgive me for how I treated Allie. Will you?"
"Uh… I'm sorry." Nathan looked down at his clasped hands, in vain trying to will away a blush. "I'm sorry. I was distracted. You see I never dreamed you would be sitting here in the front room of my home in Regina…" Lifting his eyes to Elizabeth's once more he expected laughter at his distraction. Instead, what he saw was quiet calm, patiently watching and waiting. She unnerved him and he had to glance away again before responding. "I forgive you, Elizabeth, for all of it."
Her eyes glossed over as she whispered again. "There is more, Nathan."
He raised his eyes to watch her again. "I need to tell this to Allie in-person and I would like you to be there when I do. Could I talk to her when you bring her home from Youth Group?"
Glancing at the mantle clock, Nathan noted they had about an hour left before Allie would return. "My friend, Jon, will bring her back in about an hour." He paused staring at the clock's face. "I guess tonight is okay." He suddenly realized she had just materialized at is front door. "At what hotel are you staying? Will you need me to drive you back tonight?"
"No, thank you, Nathan, but you may walk me back. My mother and I are at the big house, staying with the Collins's. Dad called to get Peter's opinion on which hotel was best since the cyclone destroyed the one under construction. Peter insisted we should stay here and explained it would be best for me to visit with you and Allie." At Nathan's widened eyes, she paused. "What is it?"
"You are speaking as if you know Peter and Carol."
"That's because we do. We met them at a few society events in Hamilton before he became the Commissioner and when I was younger… Well, we all were younger!" Elizabeth laughed quietly. "I also briefly encountered Peter when he stayed at the Queen of Hearts when he came for the Inquiry in Hope Valley, Nathan. I'm now well-known as Jack Thornton's wife."
"Oh." Nathan inquired again, "How long are you staying, Elizabeth?"
"Ten days or so. Dad's assistant has traveled with us and he is following-up on some railroad meetings while here. He is staying where he and my father stayed a couple weeks ago."
"I see." Nathan could hardly comprehend, but he was being truthful when he said, 'I see' for Elizabeth Thornton was sitting right in front of him!
"Nathan? Before Allie gets home then, there is something I need to talk to you about, and confess. I didn't write about this in my letter to you. I don't want to put it on paper as the sooner we put it behind us, the better." Her voice was quiet and trembling. "It's about Lucas."
Nathan winced, but waited to hear her out.
"Running to Lucas was wrong in so many ways. I allowed him to charm me away from who I was, from my convictions, from people and things I hold most dear. In arrogance and pride and fear I ran from you and took up with him. I confess he was convenient and tempting, tantalizing even. But I was blind to what he was doing and what I was becoming, Nathan. Lucas's influence was ungodly. I should have realized that a Saloon owner, who gambled himself, was not an honorable man or trustworthy or a good potential father to Jack. I can't blame him entirely though. I could say he enticed me away from my responsibilities to my son, to the students and to my friends and that is true. But I allowed him to and that is my responsibility."
Breathing in deeply, Elizabeth continued. "I am ashamed that I allowed him to talk me into going overnight for that Virginia Wolf reading and even in our conversation that night I ignored his words about him not being ready to start a family. There I was, one half of an already existing family, yet I didn't question him on that or take it into account when I decided to date him. Although we had many public kisses, our relationship went no further. Thank the Lord. Lucas also never physically hurt Jack or myself, although I saw some barely controlled anger a few times, especially after we were engaged. By the way, our engagement was all verbal. Joseph was shocked that Lucas never gave me a ring!" Elizabeth looked down at her empty ring finger and absentmindedly fiddled with it. "Now, I am grateful."
Her voice cracked. "Nathan… I am so sorry that you had to endure Lucas's abuse, his put-downs, or cruel words. You, of all men don't deserve that. And here I must confess something else. Nathan, I talked about you behind your back." Elizabeth couldn't control a sob that escaped. She covered her face with her handkerchief and wept quietly.
Nathan was in agony, not just by the betrayal she had just confessed but to see her weeping. He brushed his dampening face while he called out to God again. He couldn't form a prayer but, for the another time tonight, just said, "Lord." He bowed his head until her weeping quieted.
"I was so wrong, Nathan." Elizabeth whispered. "I teach children to be loyal and kind and never to betray a friendship just to make themselves look good or wise or better than someone else. I did those very things. My regrets are many, Nathan. Just know I have confessed all this to the Lord and before Joseph. He knows and has been praying for me and, except for having to verbalize all this to you now, I have found a measure of peace knowing God's mercy. Still, I am sorry and ask your forgiveness. Please?"
Nathan coughed to clear his voice, but even though he said the words she longed to hear, Elizabeth saw that familiar raw pain in his eyes.
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