Chapter Five
Nathan looked at Haley in shock. "What?" he asked. Haley shook her head at him.
"Rachel. You said she didn't mean anything," Haley said. Nathan was dumbfounded.
"Haley, I-" he started, but Haley held her hand up to stop him from talking.
"If she didn't mean anything, then, why did you ask her to marry you?" she asked angrily. He looked down. His worst fear was coming true. Haley knew about his stupid mistake with Rachel. Even in her anger, he could tell that she was hurting more.
He couldn't think of anything to say, but, "I'm sorry." Haley laughed.
"For what, Nathan?" she asked.
"That I didn't tell you," he replied.
"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked.
"I don't know. Luke told me to tell you," he said.
"Lucas knows?" Haley asked. He went on as if he hadn't heard her.
"And Jake said the same thing…" Nathan continued.
"Jake?" she repeated. Then, she laughed bitterly. "I can't believe this. I can't believe that everybody knows! Oh, wait. Everybody knew except me!" she exclaimed.
"Haley, it's not that big of a deal," he said, trying to soothe her pain. Haley tilted her head at him as she looked at him incredulously.
"If its not that big of a deal, then, why didn't you just tell me?" Haley asked. She was on the verge of tears. Nathan walked over to her.
He put his hands on her shoulders as he said, "I didn't want to hurt you." Haley scoffed as she moved a way.
"Well, that worked out real well," she said sarcastically. She started walking out of the room and down the hall. She turned and headed into the kitchen. Nathan sighed. She was in the room with the biggest amount of items she could throw. But he knew Haley wasn't that type. He followed her into the kitchen.
"Haley, we need to talk about this," he said.
"I don't want to talk," she said.
"At least let me explain," he said. She whirled around to face him.
"You could've told me the whole truth when you decided to tell me about her in the first place, but no. I had to find out by her showing up here all smug and pretty and telling me herself. It's too late for explanations," Haley said. He sighed.
"Hales," he started.
"Don't 'Hales' me," she said, "This isn't going to go away by you calling me that."
"I know that," he said. He tried to put his hand on her shoulder, but she shook it away.
"I can't be near you right now," she said, walking away. Those words felt like a slap in the face.
"Haley, come on," he said.
"No, Nathan. I need to be by myself," she said.
"I'm not leaving. You can forget it," he said firmly. Haley nodded.
"Then, I will," she said. He shook his head.
"I'm going over to Brooke's. We'll talk later," she said, grabbing her purse off the kitchen table and slamming the front door behind her.
TEN MINUTES LATER
Lucas opened the front door. He was shocked to see Haley in tears on the other side. "Haley," he said. She pointed to the house. "Come on in, Hales," he said, letting her in. She walked up the stairs and into the living room. He followed her. "Brooke isn't here right now," he said. Haley nodded as she sat down on the couch and broke down. He came and sat next to her. "Haley, what happened?" he asked, passing her a tissue. She took it and wiped her face.
"I know, Luke," she said. At first he was confused, but then he sighed.
"He finally told you, did he?" Luke asked. Haley shook her head and laughed bitterly.
"No, she did," Haley corrected him.
"Rachel told you," he said.
"Do you think I'd be this upset if he told me?" she asked. She wasn't crying anymore. "Sorry," she said. "I'm kind of hormonal now," Haley explained.
"I would say that you're upset, Hales. You're not hormonal. You're not even pregnant," he said, chuckling softly. Haley froze. Lucas stared at her. He gasped. "Haley," he said. She turned her attention to him.
"Yeah?" she said slowly.
"You're not pregnant. Are you?" he asked. Haley shook her head. She was such an idiot.
"Yeah," she admitted. Lucas dropped the box of tissues in his hand.
"Does Nathan know?" Lucas asked. Haley shook her head. "Haley!" Lucas exclaimed.
"What?" she asked.
"You're mad at Nathan for telling you that he temporarily lost his mind and proposed to Rachel four years ago and yet you haven't told him that you're pregnant with his child right now?" Lucas exploded.
"It's not the same thing. I was going to tell Nathan tomorrow," she said.
"How long have you known you're pregnant?" he asked.
"Since Monday," she replied.
"Why are you waiting until tomorrow to tell him?" Lucas asked.
"I wanted to have the weekend to celebrate, Luke. I'm not keeping it from him because I don't want him to know," she said.
"But you are keeping it from him," Lucas pointed out. Haley sighed.
"Do you really think Brooke told you she was pregnant right when she found out?" Haley shot back. Lucas nodded. "Then, you're incredibly naïve. She didn't tell you until about two weeks after she found out because she wanted to wait until your anniversary to tell you," Haley said.
"So, you knew before I did?" Lucas asked.
"Of course I did! Women tell each other good news right away," Haley said.
"So Brooke and Peyton must know that you're pregnant," Lucas said. Haley nodded. Lucas suddenly remembered his conversation with Nathan in the gym.
"Haley, you need to tell Nathan," he said.
"I'm going to tell him tomorrow, Luke," Haley said.
"No, you don't understand. You need to tell him today," he said.
"We're in a fight. I'm not going to go to the house and tell him I'm pregnant. I'm still mad, Lucas," Haley said.
"Then, go and work it out and then tell him," he said.
"Why are you so insistent on this?" Haley asked, ignoring the fact that he seemed to have no regard for her feelings about Nathan not telling her about his proposal to Rachel.
"Because Nathan's afraid that you don't want kids," he said. Haley looked at him in disbelief.
"What?" she asked.
"He doesn't think you two are ever going to have children and he's convinced that you don't want any. He's under the impression that you're on birth control," Lucas explained. Haley was stunned. She hadn't been using the patch in over a year now. Her anger at Nathan lessened a little at the news. She hated that. She wanted to stay angry at him at least for a whole night.
FRIDAY
Nathan stretched out in the bed. He yawned as he reached for Haley. He groaned when he couldn't feel her. He opened his eyes and she was nowhere to be found. "Damn it," he muttered. "I was hoping I was just a dream," he continued. He got up and headed to the bathroom. He took a shower and got dressed. He didn't have to be at work for another hour but he didn't want to hang around the empty house any longer than he had too. He started to pack some things in the bag as he heard the doorbell rang. His first thought was that it might be Haley, but then, she would just use her key, seeing as how it was her house too. He walked down the hall, down the stairs and opened the front door.
"Hey, Nate!" Peyton Jagielski exclaimed. He sighed.
"Hi, Peyton. So you're back," he said. She smiled.
"Are you going to let me in or are we going to talk right here?" Peyton asked. That was classic Peyton. He moved out of the way so she could come in the house. She walked up the stairs and into the kitchen. "Haley! Get out of bed and come talk to your friend that you haven't seen in two days!" she called down the hall. Nathan walked into the kitchen.
"Haley's not here," he said. Peyton looked at him in shock.
"She went to work two hours early?" Peyton asked. Nathan shook his head.
"She's at Luke and Brooke's," he said.
"This early?" she asked.
"Peyton, I think you should know that-" he started, but was interrupted by the doorbell. Peyton shrugged and walked past him to the front door. He trailed behind her. She opened the door and Rachel was on the front porch. Rachel looked at Peyton in confusion but once she saw Nathan, she seemed to forget about her.
"Hey, Nathan. I was hoping you might be home," Rachel said.
"Come on in," Peyton said before Nathan had a chance to respond, Peyton was bringing her into the kitchen.
"So, Nathan. Why is Haley at Brooke and Lucas'?" Peyton asked as Nathan followed them into the kitchen. Nathan sighed.
"We got into a fight," he replied. Peyton's eyes widened.
"About what?" she asked. Nathan smirked.
"About her," he said. Peyton looked confused. She looked at Rachel for an explanation.
"What did I do?" Rachel asked.
"Oh, don't give me that. You know that it's because of what you told her," he said.
"How was I supposed to know that you didn't tell her?" Rachel said innocently. Nathan didn't reply.
"Okay. I'm kind of confused," Peyton said.
"It's a long story," Rachel said.
"Then, give me the short version," Peyton said. Nathan nodded.
"Ok. This is Rachel Moore. I dated her four years ago for three months. On Wednesday, she showed up at the front door saying that we belonged together," he said. Peyton was shocked. "Then, she had a run-in with Haley and opened her big mouth and told Haley that I had proposed to her," he said.
"You proposed to her?" Peyton asked.
"So not the point, Peyton," Nathan said.
"So, last night, Haley confronted me about it and it ended with her leaving because she said she couldn't be around me," he said.
"Is she ok?" Peyton asked. Nathan shrugged.
"She was really upset when I told her," Rachel commented.
"Gee, I wonder why," Peyton said sarcastically. Rachel rolled her eyes.
"She was devastated and angry when she left. I haven't heard from her yet," Nathan said.
"So, Haley's upset because you dated another girl?" Peyton asked.
"No, she already knew I dated her. She didn't know that I proposed to her until she told her," Nathan said.
"Nathan, I-" Rachel started.
"Save it. You've caused enough trouble, don't you think? You should leave," he said.
"I was invited in," she said.
"It's not Peyton's house. It's mine and Haley's," Nathan said.
"Actually, it's my house, Nathan," Dan Scott said. Nathan turned around.
"Haven't you ever heard of using a doorbell?" Nathan asked.
"Of course. But I don't use doorbells to get into my own house," Dan said.
"Actually, it's not your house, Dad. Haley and I are leasing it from you. We have a contract. The house is ours," Nathan said.
"And I'm insulted that she doesn't even stay in the house. I generously allowed the two of you to lease it from me and she doesn't appreciate it enough," he said.
"I'm not in the mood to deal with both of you right now," Nathan said.
Peyton turned to Rachel and said, "I think he wants you to leave." Rachel smirked.
"He's just upset. He doesn't mean it," Rachel said.
"Don't test me, Rachel. Peyton's right. I want you to leave," Nathan said. Rachel softened.
"Come on, Nate. I could help take care of you while you're upset," Rachel said. Nathan started rubbing his temple. He was about to burst.
"Don't you have a practice?" Dan asked.
"Get out!" he exploded. Dan was astounded.
"I didn't raise you to yell at people like this, Nathan," he said.
"Do you really want to go there, Dad?" Nathan asked.
"I'm going to leave you kids alone. I'll see you later, Nate," Dan said brightly as if nothing had just happened. Nathan shook his head in disbelief. His father was a real piece of work. Now, he turned to Rachel.
"Rachel, please. Just go," he said. Rachel sighed.
"I can't because you don't really want me to leave, Nathan," she said.
"You're really daft, aren't you?" Peyton asked.
"Excuse me?" Rachel asked. "You seem to hear only what you want to hear and nothing else. No matter how much he tells you that he doesn't want you around, you don't hear it. Do you?" Peyton asked.
"I hear every word," Rachel said.
"Then, why don't you listen?" Nathan asked.
"Because I know it's not what you really want. Just like I know Haley's not who you really want," Rachel said.
"I love Haley," Nathan said.
"No, you care about her, Nathan, but you don't love her. You love me," Rachel said.
"Just out of curiosity, Rachel. You don't still shoot heroin, do you?" Nathan asked. Rachel looked at him.
"I don't see what that has to do with anything," she said.
"Just answer the question," Peyton said. She winked at Nathan. She knew what he was getting at.
"Yes, I do. So what?" Rachel said.
"Do you remember what I said when I broke up with you?" he asked. Rachel considered this for a minute.
"You said that you couldn't be with me while I was still on drugs. You said that you couldn't pick up the pieces anymore," she said. Nathan shook his head.
"That's only part of what I said. I said that you were too screwed up for us to have a lasting relationship. I also said that I couldn't be with you while my heart belonged to someone else," Nathan said.
"So?" Rachel asked. Nathan ignored his frustration.
"So, I'm looking at you and I don't get the impression that you've changed a whole lot. You're still doing drugs, you're probably still sleeping around and I am still in love with Haley," he said.
"You don't love her," Rachel said.
"Yes, I do, Rachel. I've loved Haley since eleventh grade. I loved her before I even knew you and I loved her while you and I were dating and I loved her long after we broke up," Nathan said. Rachel's face fell. He seemed to get through to her. She looked so hurt that Nathan almost felt bad for what he said. Then, he remembered the pain in Haley's eyes as she told him she knew that he had proposed to Rachel.
"Goodbye," Peyton said smirking. Rachel looked at Nathan one last time before leaving the room and walking out the front door. Peyton just shook her head. "What a train wreck," she finally said. Nathan smirked at her choice of description. He couldn't help but think the same thing. "Now, can you please explain to me how you ever could have asked her to marry you?" Peyton asked. Nathan sighed.
"Temporary insanity," he offered. Peyton shook her head at him.
"You know, you were a real idiot back then," she said.
"Thanks, Peyton. Really. That's so nice," he said. Peyton shook her head.
"Oh, no, Nathan. You deserve that and more," Peyton said.
"Are you and Haley going to tag-team me now?" he asked. Peyton laughed.
"No. I think Haley will cool down, Nathan," she said.
"I have to go to work," he said. Peyton shrugged.
"I'm going to go home to see my kids," she said, standing up and leaving at the same time that Nathan did.
TWO HOURS LATER
Haley sat at the piano and began playing "For Good" from the musical "Wicked". She had sent her vocal class to work on the projects she'd assigned them since she was too tired to work on the songs they were learning in class. She skipped the introduction lyrics and but played the piano until the first verse started. She started singing as she played:
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives
For a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led to those who help us most to grow
If we let them
She took a deep breath as she continued:
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you
She paused as she turned the page and examined it. It was the chorus and she read the words before she started playing again. As she played, she continued to sing:
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better
Because I knew you
I have been changed for good
She paused again as she adjusted the key change for when the next character started singing. She sung along to that verse too:
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have rewritten mine by being my friend
Like a ship blown from it's mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a sea dropped by the sky bird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
Because I knew you
Because I knew you
I have been changed for good
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done
You blame me for
But then I guess
We know there's blame to share
But none of it seems to matter anymore
She stopped as the song became two parts and Haley could only sing one part. She turned the page and was happy to see the song "Defying Gravity". She loved this song and immediately skipped the introduction lyrics and went straight into the character, Elphaba's part:
Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: And leap
It's time to try defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down
I'm through accepting limits
Cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But 'til I try, I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost
I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down
Haley stopped singing and played the lines she didn't want to sing. Then she continued. She started singing both characters' parts, but she didn't care.
I really hope you get it and you don't live to regret it
I hope you're happy in the end
I hope you're happy, my friend
So if you care to find me
Look to the Western Sky
As someone told me lately,
"Every one deserves a chance to fly!"
And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who'd ground me
Take a message back from me
Tell them how I'm defying gravity
I'm flying high
Defying gravity
And soon I'll match them in renown
And nobody, in all of Oz
No Wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down
Bring me down
Aah!
Haley sighed as she took a deep breath. Singing always calmed her nerves. It was a way to relax and let out her frustrations so she started playing another song, but this time, it was "Let Me Fall". She had no music in front of her. She knew it from memory.
It's October again
The leaves are coming down
One more year's come and gone
And nothing's changed at all
Wasn't I supposed to be someone
Who can face the things that I've been running from?
Let me feel
I don't care if I break down
Let me fall
Even if I hit the ground
And if I
Cry a little
Die a little
At least I know I lived
Just a little
I've become much too good
At being invincible
I'm an expert
At play-it-safe and keep-it-cool
But I swear
This isn't who I'm meant to be
I refuse to let my life roll all over me
Let me feel
I don't care if I break down
Let me fall
Even if I hit the ground
And if I
Cry a little
Die a little
At least I know I lived
Just a little
I wanna be somebody, I
I wanna be somebody
I wanna be somebody, I
I wanna be somebody
Who can face the things that I've been running from
Let me feel
I don't care if I break down
Let me fall
Even if I hit the ground
And if I
Cry a little
Die a little
At least I know I lived
It's October again
The leaves are coming down
One more year's come and gone
And nothing's changed at all
Haley sighed. Then, someone started clapping. She turned to see Nathan standing in the doorway of the classroom. Her class was probably in the practice rooms that were sound proof. "It's been a while since I've heard you sing like that," he said, coming over to the piano. She put the lid down on the piano and locked it.
"It's been a while since I've sung like that," she said. He sat down on the bench beside her.
"I know what that last song was. What was the other stuff?" he asked.
"It's from a musical. The musical theatre teacher left the book here," she said. He nodded. "So, I guess we should talk," he said. She shook her head.
"Haley," he started.
"Nathan, I'm in the middle of a class," she said. He looked around the empty classroom. Then he looked back at her and raised his eyebrows. "Any one of my students could walk through that door and any time," she said.
"Haley, the girls are in the practice rooms talking to each other," he said.
"They should be singing," she said.
"Well, they're not," he said.
"I gave them time to work on a project. They should be using it. I'm not going to give them an extension," she said, babbling.
"They were listening to you for a while," he said. Haley looked at her watch.
She yelled, "Girls!" A few doors opened and some girls came into the room. Nathan stood up and leaned on the piano. "Get the others in here," she said. One girl left. A few minutes later, all of them came into the room. "You guys can go. Tomorrow, presentations start and I expect it to be memorized. No excuses," she said as some left the room. "Bye, Mrs. Scott," a few of them said as they left. As soon as all of them were gone, Haley turned to Nathan. His blue eyes were staring right after as she turned around. She felt her heart flop the way it always did when he looked at her. She also felt a lump in her throat as she could see the pain in his eyes. He missed her. She could tell that he did. She frowned at him. She wasn't going to let him get away with lying to her. She did love him but she wasn't a doormat. "We do need to talk, Nathan. You're right. And there is something that I have to tell you," she said. He nodded. "But not now. We need to focus on getting through work and we'll talk when you come home. I am going to meet Peyton for lunch. Then, I have an on-call and then I'm going to go home," Haley said. He smirked sadly.
"I'll see you after practice?" he asked. She nodded as she got her things together and left the room. Nathan sighed. "Today is going to be a long day," he said to the empty room before getting up and leaving.
