Chapter One – You're Not Listening
"Through a martyr's eyes I can see, I've seen the best of love, the best of hate, the best reward is earned and I've paid for every single word I ever said."
(Chase This Light) Jimmy Eat World
Summer was officially over, and it was now the start of a new school year. The once quiet castle was now bursting with the sound and livelihood of its returning students. Severus Snape watched them file into the Great Hall of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He forced himself to remain nonchalant and grumpy as best as he could, carefully trying to spot a certain Gryffindor with messy, black hair and green eyes behind round glasses.
When he couldn't find Harry, he forced himself to remain calm, telling himself to stop acting like an overbearing mother. Harry was probably still on his way to the castle with his annoying bunch of Gryffindor friends. What was it with Gryffindors and their desire to always be surrounded by a bunch of friends? It was nauseating for Severus, who always preferred to be left alone with his potions and books. Socializing daily with a group of people was too exhausting in his opinion. He only granted his company to a certain few.
He quickly glanced down the table. Albus was at the center of the staff table, followed by the heads of houses; Professors Flitwick and Sprout on the left, and to his right was McGonagall and Severus himself. Past Sprout and Flitwick, was Remus Lupin, who was in a deep conversation with Professor Vector.
Jealousy made his heart thud against his chest, Severus tried not to let that bother him. After all, Remus could talk to whomever he likes. It was not as if they were anything official. They only agreed to take things slow, to become friends and see where that goes. However, Severus was afraid of what their friendship could turn into. He couldn't deny his feelings that were developing for the werewolf. He knew Remus was also afraid, for they were both not used to such affection from another person. Remus had experienced it with Black long ago and lost it. And as for Severus, he never had a chance with the girl he once loved.
He was so lost in his thoughts, Severus did not realize how long he was staring at the golden-haired werewolf; and suddenly hazel and forest-green eyes met onyx black. He felt himself getting lost in those forest-green depths, and he wondered what it was about this man that made him feel like this. Remus smiled softly. Severus forced himself to look away, his face feeling a bit warm, for that soft smile reminded him of the night before. That kiss they'd shared, the words they had spoken, and Remus' soft voice as he sang, luring Severus to his office….
The memory of last night was not forgotten, for Severus had found a saved seat next to the werewolf, during their staff meeting that very morning. Some of the staff looked questionably at them, a bit surprised to see them sitting together, for they expected Severus to be sour at the werewolf for taking the position he'd always wanted. Severus and Remus ignored the staff's murmurings and nosiness. They didn't speak to each other much, as not to raise suspicion, just being beside each other was more than enough.
Pulling himself back to the present, Severus forced his glare back to the students, who were all mostly seated at their assigned tables by now. It wasn't until the large, heavy doors of the Great Hall closed, then Severus realized that his son had yet to arrive.
Leaning forward to Albus, he immediately caught the old wizard's eye. Albus gave him a nod, signaling him his permission to leave and find Harry. Unlike anyone else, Albus could see the state of worry Severus was in, for he always carefully hid his emotions among his peers and students. He wasted no time in getting out of his seat and out of the Great Hall, his thoughts so lost in his worry for his missing son.
As he made his way out of the castle, the chatter from the Great Hall grew softer with each step away. Severus couldn't help but look back on the past summer with his newly-adopted son. It seemed like an eternity when he found himself in Harry Potter's small bedroom all those months ago. Hoping with annoyance, bitterness and hatred, that James Potter's son was only throwing a tantrum to seek attention from Albus. What he found instead, Severus could never have dreamed of. He had found Harry….a boy as lost, afraid and abused as Severus was at that age. Harry was ready to give up, ready to die, and leave this world full of hate, war and darkness, as he had always known it to be; but Severus showed him that besides the darkness, there was light. There was hope, love, and family. He showed Harry that there was no reason to give up. He had to keep fighting. And in each other, they both found a family.
The boy-who-lived was never who Severus thought him to be. He had learned the true person Harry was, making him realize how much he cared for the boy. Severus was so proud of his new son. They still had stuff to work out, but they would figure it out within time. Despite of the time limit caused by the war, Severus still did not want to rush the boy. Those thoughts led to darker thoughts as he now stepped out of the castle, the chilly air signifying the official start of Fall. There would come a time when Harry might hate him, believing that Severus betrayed him, but it was all for the war; for the greater good.
He thought of the terrible promise he made to Albus. According to that old coot, it was the only chance Harry had to survive, and Severus trusted in Albus that his plan would work. That the light side would win, and Harry would understand in the end, even if Severus himself did not survive. It tore Severus up inside thinking about his promise to Albus. He hated himself for it, but he had to fulfill the old wizard's wish.
A glowing, bright light illuminated the darkness around him. Severus stopped walking, eyes fixed on the patronus heading his way. It was a large dog-like creature. Upon closer inspection, he realized it was a wolf. He wondered whose patronus this was, since the only person he knew who owns a wolf patronus was sitting at the Great Hall, in the opposite direction.
Severus waved his wand, ordering the patronus to deliver its message.
"Hagrid, this is Tonks. I have Harry. We are outside the Hogwarts' gates," the patronus spoke. Deep relief went through Severus, for his son was safe, although, he still couldn't help but wonder at Tonks' interesting patronus.
Once he reached the closed entrance gates, he could see his son taking off his invisibility cloak, standing outside the gates with Tonks.
Thank Merlin, he's alright, Severus thought, remembering the raw fear he felt when his son was taken by Greyback.
"You're late, Potter," Severus growled, glaring at Nymphadora Tonks, who was sporting golden-blonde hair. He hadn't failed to notice that her patronus was a rather large dog. He hoped this had nothing to do with a certain werewolf.
"Sir, I …," Harry started, taken aback by Severus' tone.
"I don't want to hear it, Potter," Severus snapped as he opened up the gates. "Get inside!" His worry and fear was now turning into irritation at the boy's carelessness. Anything could've happened! Why couldn't Harry just stay out of trouble for once?
Harry glared at him with bright, green eyes as he stepped inside the gates, mumbling a goodbye to Tonks.
Severus completely ignored Tonks, who was trying to make conversation with him as he shut the gates. He was starting to realize that the witch might be harboring a crush on Remus, and Severus was not liking it. He would have to warn the werewolf as soon as he got the chance.
They then made their way back to the castle. He could feel Harry studying him, trying to figure out if he was acting or really angry at him. Severus had to admit he was torn, at being angry at the boy's foolishness of not being careful, and concern, for why he was late and sporting a broken nose.
The walk to the castle was tensed, tensed like when they first started living together in Severus' quarters. He glanced at Harry, whose eyes were on the ground, blood still on his face.
"What happened?" Severus asked, his anger now slowly ebbing away.
Harry scowled, "so I guess you're done acting the evil Potions Professor?"
"Do not take that tone with me, Harry!" Severus snapped. At his son's glare, he forced himself to calm down, not wanting to start the beginning of this term with a bloody argument.
"I know I acted a bit brash back there with Tonks. You'll have to excuse me. I was overcome with worry for your wellbeing, since you failed to show up on time to the feast with your annoying bunch of Gryffindor brats!"
"Don't insult my friends!" Harry scowled.
Severus glared at Harry, feeling an ugly argument starting to rise. For a brief moment, he wondered what happened to the sweet boy whom he called his son, before he dropped him off at the Burrow yesterday. Suppressing an impatient sigh, he tried to force his sharp words away. "We don't have time for this…, now tell me what happened to cause your delay from the train!"
"It was Draco!" Harry said in exasperation.
That stopped Severus in his tracks. The blonde Slytherin had spent several weeks with them during the summer. Both he and Harry had fought a lot at the beginning, until Harry had spent several days at the hospital wing for slicing open his wrist. The boys both formed a truce, which led to a close friendship. He knew Draco's departure was hard on both of them, especially since they were both on different sides of the war. He couldn't believe that Draco would hurt Harry physically, even if it was to cover himself from his Slytherin peers.
"What happened between you two on the train? I'm guessing you were fighting? It didn't take long for you to become enemies again, did it?" Severus sneered. He couldn't help being an asshole, it was in his blood, and the worst of him always came out when he was stressed out or angry.
Harry didn't say anything, only glared at the castle in front of them. They continued walking in silence. Severus was about to give up on an answer, until he heard Harry say, "we were fighting, dad, it was as if nothing ever happened, like we were never friends…."
Severus could hear the hurt in his son's voice, and that was what freed him of his anger completely. He pulled the boy into a one-armed hug, not saying anything else, their harsh words to each other momentarily forgotten. Once they reached the stone steps of the castle, Severus stopped walking.
"Hang on a moment, son," Severus said, taking out his wand.
Harry flinched, stepping back. Severus gave him a questioning look.
"There is no need to fear me, Harry, despite of my sharp words, I still care for you very much. Let me heal your nose. I expect you must be in pain."
Harry looked at him, then looked away, running his hand through his messy hair. It was something Severus soon learned was a habit of his when unsure or nervous; completely opposite of James Potter who mused up his hair in arrogance.
"For a moment back there, I couldn't figure out if you were acting or if you really despised me," Harry said quietly as Severus lifted his chin. His heart broke at Harry's words, and he wished for the millionth time that he could just take his son and go into hiding, let the rest of the world fight out the war for them.
Their eyes met, and he wished Harry could see what he was feeling, as he silently said in his head, Episky!
Harry's nose snapped back into place, causing the boy to shout out in pain.
"I'm sorry, it's better when you don't expect it," Severus said, he then muttered another spell to clean the blood off his face. Harry gingerly touched his nose.
"It's not crooked, is it?" Severus half-heartedly joked.
"Are you attempting a joke?" Harry smiled. "The world must be ending."
"Ah well, I tried…," Severus said, "and as for earlier, I am sorry. I know you don't like it when I act my old-self towards you, but we'll figure this out. Come down to my office tomorrow during your free period, and we'll talk more about it."
Harry nodded.
"Now can you tell me what happened with Draco?"
"I followed him back to his compartment on the train, under my invisibility cloak."
Severus frowned. That was very foolish, but he did not say a word. He just let Harry continue, for he finally got the boy to speak.
"He's up to something, Severus! I told you yesterday I think Draco might have the dark mark! On the train, he was talking about not returning to Hogwarts next year, that his mum said he would have better and important things to do!"
Severus glared at him. "I thought I told you before to drop the notion of Draco being a Death Eater. It is none of your concern."
"He's one of my best friends! Look, Sev, I know you don't want to believe it... I'm trying to tell you, he's up to something! Aren't you a bit suspicious? Have you told Professor Dumbledore yet?"
"Harry …," he said slowly, frowning at the blood stains on Harry's shirt. "Some friend Draco is to have given you a broken nose, even if he has to act like your enemy."
"He had to…," Harry shrugged.
Narrowing his eyes, Severus asked, "were his friends with him?"
"No, they left…," Harry said meekly.
"I know you still care for Draco. I know you're worried about him falling into Lucius' footsteps, but Draco is no longer the boy you know. He is on the Dark Lord's side, trapped by his family and their expectations. Until this war is over, you must tread carefully around him. It is safer for Draco and for yourself."
"I know… , but please, trust me when I say that he is up to something, probably for Voldemort's task!"
"Don't say his name out loud!" Severus snapped.
Harry ignored him and continued, "I bet my broomstick he has the dark mark! How can I not try to help him? I know he doesn't want this! If I can only get him alone, try to talk to him…."
Finally having enough, Severus snapped, "listen to me, Potter! If something is going on, and I say IF! I will be there to watch him, and Albus knows everything going on in this castle. Whatever Draco is up too, we will take care of it. Now stop worrying over this, and for Merlin's sake! Just stay away from him! It's obvious he doesn't want your help right now!"
Harry shot him a hurt look. "Why won't you listen to me?"
"I have listened! You're the one not listening to my orders!" Severus snapped out. Anger was already rising up in his chest. He forced himself to stop shouting. He forced himself to not insult the boy like he would've in the past. It would only make things worse.
"I don't want orders, I want your help!"
"I am helping! You don't think I like seeing my godson go down the same path I went down at that age?! I'm telling you to stay away from him right now! That is an order, Potter, and I don't want to hear any more about how you want to help him! Leave it to the adults!" Severus bit his tongue refusing to shout anymore. He did not want to be angry at his son, or his son to be angry at him either. He wanted them to be okay, but was not sure how to fix this sudden, growing rift between them. If only he could speak the truth, and tell Harry that Draco was part of a bigger plan than he knew, but Severus couldn't…, because of Albus…and he was just so tired of the secrets, lies, and promises….
He reached out to touch Harry's shoulder, meaning to apologize and call a truce between them, but he stepped away. Severus was met by a hurt-filled, angry, bright, green glare.
"Harry…," Severus said softly, guilt clawing up his insides.
Harry stepped away. "Fine," he muttered.
Severus could only watch as his son turned away from him, opening the castle doors and took off to the Great Hall.
As he watched his son go, Severus sighed heavily, guilt and hurt prickling inside him.
Lily, why is your son so stubborn! he thought as he followed after Harry.
Remus broke off his conversation with Professor Vector as soon as Dumbledore prepared to start his speech. He noticed Harry slipping inside through the doors, his face full of annoyance as he made his way to the Gryffindor table. As the boy sat among his friends, Remus caught the scent of blood. Alarmed, he looked closely at his cub, until he could barely make out the dark blood stain on his shirt.
Severus then came storming in, walking at his usual brisk pace with his black robes billowing around him, and with a menacing glare to any student that made eye contact with him. Once Severus sat down, Remus stole a glance at him, hoping whatever was bothering him wasn't too serious. He tried catching his eye, but the Potions Master only had eyes for his plate. Remus glanced again at Harry to see his cub in a similar mood, he guessed they must had gotten into an argument.
Remus had to admit, when he first found out that Harry was under Severus' care, he had his doubts. As time went on, he found that Severus was a perfect guardian for his cub. Harry needed someone like Severus, a strong father-figure who loved him for who he was. Remus felt bad to say that Sirius never saw Harry as just Harry, but as a reincarnation of James.
Once Dumbledore was done with his speech, (Remus receiving a loud applause from his former students, for his Defense Against the Dark Arts post), everyone began to file out of the Great Hall. Remus meant to catch up to Harry to bid him a good night, but he was lost in the crowd, so he decided to talk to him tomorrow.
He made his way out of the Great Hall, away from the crowd of students still congratulating him. He went through one of his usual short cuts to his quarters in the defense corridor. Remus still couldn't believe his luck that he was teaching at Hogwarts once more. Memories of the time he turned into a werewolf during Harry's third year, and the angry letters he received from parents afterword were still fresh, and he hoped history wouldn't repeat itself. The lanterns of the corridor were dimmed, casting shadows, as he turned the last corner. He noticed a black figure leaning against the wall of his portrait door, and all his worries drifted away as he realized who it was.
"Hello, Severus," Remus greeted warmly as he reached his portrait door. "I thought you were retiring to your quarters after the feast."
"I prefer your company this evening, that is, if you don't mind?" he replied in his deep voice. Remus could see that whatever soured his mood tonight was still resting heavily on his mind.
"Of course I don't mind," Remus said, then muttering his password, "Blackbird." The portrait door swung open, and he stepped inside. "Would you like some tea?"
Severus nodded, stepping in as well, looking around Remus' quarters.
"Please, sit…," Remus said over his shoulder, as he placed the tea kettle over the burner in his kitchen.
Once he was back in the living room, he found Severus standing near the mantle looking at the few photographs Remus had of his family and friends. He picked one up of Remus holding a baby Harry. He stepped closer to Severus and chuckled at the memory. It was Harry's first Christmas, and the five-month old baby could care less for the toys the Marauders had given him, only interested in the stuffed-black dog Remus had given him that year. He could see the baby Harry in the photo hugging it close. Sirius couldn't believe that his godson hadn't taken any interest in his own godfather's awesome Christmas present.
"How old was Harry in this photograph?" Severus asked, his eyes on his young son.
"Almost five months…I think," Remus answered, looking at Severus' face, noticing the deep lines of stress and worry. "It's hard for me to not see him as that young, happy baby that Lily carried everywhere with her…sometimes I can still see his innocence underneath all his burdens," Remus said, still observing the wizard standing before his mantle. He could see in Severus' demeanor how hopeless he was feeling right now, although he would never admit it. Harry must've been difficult tonight, and Severus as a new father, must be feeling overwhelmed.
"I wish you were given the chance to raise him after Lily...," Severus said, still lost in the photograph.
"I do too.. every day I wish that, so then he wouldn't have suffered..." Remus laid his hand on Severus' shoulder. "You're doing a great job. Without you, Harry would've been lost to us."
"I just feel like I'm not doing enough, like I'm messing him up even more. No matter what I say to him, he pushes me away!"
"You're doing your best!"
Severus just shook his head in frustration. Remus wished he could see what was truly troubling the wizard. What was it that Severus couldn't say?
"Don't be so hard on yourself," Remus said gently. "Harry grew up without anyone taking care of him, he might still feel like he has to care for himself. It's going to take time for him to get used to the idea that now he has you…just give him time, Severus."
Severus only nodded once, eyes still on the photograph.
"I've noticed Harry arriving to the feast late…," Remus said, changing the subject a bit since Severus wasn't relenting on what he was hiding.
The Potions Master placed the frame back on the mantle, before turning to sit down on the sofa. Remus sat down next to him, waiting for him to reply.
"He got into a fight with Draco, who gave him a broken nose."
Remus' frown of disapproval and concern didn't go unnoticed.
"Don't worry, I healed it," Severus said.
Remus nodded. "That explains the blood I smelled on him."
Severus gave him a wide-eyed look of surprise. "You could smell it from where you were sitting?"
Remus nodded, suddenly feeling like that was something he shouldn't had said. He forgot sometimes that he wasn't fully human. Thinking of himself as not human led to darker memories of the past couple of months. Where Remus' world was only of a dark, stinking cellar, and so much pain; the stench of blood and waste and sickness. The smell of burning skin, and a fiery pain on his chest, above his heart. The howls of the werewolves and blood-red eyes. The convincing, oily voice telling him over and over he was nothing but a filthy animal, who betrayed its pack…and the death of a young girl. He forced himself to breathe normally, forced himself to stay in the present. He did not want to lose it in front of Severus. Speaking of the Potions Professor, Remus realized Severus was still talking. He forced himself to calm down, pulling himself together, so he could continue listening.
"…. he seems to think Draco has become a Death Eater."
Remus couldn't keep the shock out of his words. "Do you think Harry might be on to something?"
"I believe so, no doubt it's Lucius' punishment for his mishap at the Ministry. Albus and I are keeping a close eye on the situation. I tried steering Harry away from it, but he is stubborn like his mother. He wants to talk to Draco, maybe try to help him come to our side, but what he doesn't understand is that Draco is in too deep. If Draco is to come to our side, it will be with careful planning on mine and Albus' part, not on some mediocre plan from a bunch of teenagers."
"You got to have at least some faith in him," Remus said, feeling as though Severus wasn't giving Harry enough credit.
Severus shook his head, not listening to a word Remus just said. "He can really be a stubborn brat sometimes! I bet you my best cauldron he bloody hates me now!"
"Severus…," Remus frowned.
Severus' gaze landed back on the photograph on the mantel. "I know Harry has the best intentions. I know that whatever plan he comes up with to help Draco may have potential, but for once, I just wish he can leave these problems for me and Albus to solve. I don't want him to feel responsible for anyone but himself. I want him to be the child he never got the chance to be. I know he feels like I'm not listening, I know I'm not giving him enough credit, but I just want what is best for him. I want him to be safe, and going after Lucius Malfoy's son is not what you call a walk in the park. It's bad enough Harry already has to worry about the Dark Lord, but to be responsible for Draco Malfoy's betrayal to the dark side…, I just can't let him fall into that…."
"You're doing the best you can, Severus, I know you are. You have to talk to Harry, tell him what you just told me. Let him know that you're listening, that you don't want him in danger." Remus hoped his advice was right.
After a few moments, Severus finally tore his gaze away from the mantel and looked at Remus. He could see the stress and worry in the Potions Master's black eyes. He was touched that Severus Snape, who hid behind his mask, had decided to let Remus see a bit of the person he truly was. Remus could still remember a time where not even he could make out who Severus was underneath that mask, but as their friendship began to form, pieces were breaking off each day. There would come a time where Severus' mask would be completely broken. There would come a time where Severus would be able to tell him everything that was eating away at him inside, but for now, Remus accepted the pieces Severus was showing him. For he knew one day, the mask would be gone, and there would only be Severus.
So lost in his thoughts, Remus did not realize how long he was staring at him. He found himself swimming in black, ebony eyes, surprised that they were not cold, dark tunnels, but comforting and warm, like a summer's night sky.
The sound of the tea kettle rang through Remus' quarters, causing them to both look away.
Once the evening began to grow into night, and after two cups of tea, did Severus finally get up to return to his quarters. Remus walked him to the door, looking up to see a scowling Severus who said, "do you know Tonks has a crush on you?"
Remus chuckled, "I do not, what makes you say that?"
"She was the one who dropped Harry off at the school gates." Severus gently tugged a lock of Remus' hair. It caused his heart to leap out of his chest, and he forced himself not to blush like an idiot.
"Her hair was an interesting shade of color today, and her patronus has changed to a wolf form…peculiar…, yes?"
Remus laughed out loud. "That doesn't mean she might have a crush on me! There are loads of men with hair color as mine, with wolf patronuses!"
Severus shrugged. "Just be careful with the witch. I still remember her as my student several years ago, she was a walking disaster!"
Remus chuckled. "Am I sensing jealousy from you, Severus?"
"Severus Snape, jealous of that clumsy witch? I shall think not!" The Potions Master snarled in disgust.
Remus chuckled again. "Well, Severus Snape, you have me fooled," he said, gently laying his hand on Severus' arm. "Goodnight, my friend," he said.
"Goodnight, wolf, I wish you luck on your first day back tomorrow."
Remus smiled at Severus, who then turned around and opened the portrait door. He watched the professor walk down the hallway with black robes billowing around him, until he was one with the darkness of the hallways. Remus sighed and closed the portrait door behind him, hoping that Severus' words of luck were not needed, that he won't be greeted by angry letters from parents about his furry problem, and all of his lessons would go as well as he hoped.
A/N: First of all, thank you for all the new reviews! I truly love it when Already Home still gets reviews and favorites. I'm so happy to start writing about Harry, Severus and Moony again!=D I hope you guys are ready for the sequel! It's going to be canon and slightly AU to fit my story. Most of it is going to be in Severus' pov, also Remus'. You will see a little bit of Harry …. I guess we will just see where this story takes us, yes? Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my first chapter, I wanted to keep it short, simple and a bit of a summary of Already Home. So please don't be mad lol. - Chase'sGirl19
