Chapter Four – Trust the Werewolf
Harry couldn't believe what Dumbledore had shown him tonight. It was of Voldemort's family. It was strange to think of him having relatives. It was hard to believe the dark wizard was once a kid. Did anyone know what he was destined to become? Did anyone have any hint or feeling? Harry had asked that question to Professor Dumbledore and the old wizard had told him no.
What even drove Tom Riddle to the edge? What made him want to become so evil? What made him emotionless, so inhumane, a monster? What would it take to drive someone to such a dark place? Harry shuddered to think what it would take to turn someone dark, wondering if that could've been his future.
Dumbledore said Tom Riddle grew up in an orphanage, he grew up without anyone caring for him. Could that be a result? If Severus hadn't helped Harry over the summer, would that had been his fate? Would he'd eventually starved himself to death? Or died at the hands of his uncle or cut himself until he lost too much blood? Or would he'd turned out like Voldemort?
He couldn't help but think of the things they had in common, for instance, rotten childhoods, similar looks, both half-blood. Harry was almost put in Slytherin. Maybe, that's what the Dursleys noticed in him. Maybe they detected something dark in him, causing them to be afraid, resorting in beating the magic out of him. That was probably why they named him a freak.
Burning pain began to flare in his arm, causing him to look at it with shock. He was scratching himself again! He promised Severus he'll try to stop, however, due to fighting with his dad, worrying over Draco, and thinking about Tom Riddle and the Dursleys, it was too much stress building up inside of him. He tried not to think about how good cutting himself would feel to relieve it all.
Harry also didn't like how Dumbledore dismissed him so easily after he asked him about that peculiar ring on his hand. It looked a lot like Marvolo Gaunt's ring. Harry asked if it was the same one. The old wizard wouldn't answer and practically kicked Harry out of his office, just like when he had that peculiar dream of Voldemort and Bellatrix planning someone's murder.
Severus promised that they would talk about it with Dumbledore, but the only thing that happened was Harry getting kicked out so they could talk in bloody secrecy. Despite Dumbledore showing Harry so much, yet revealing so little, he wondered what Dumbledore was planning. Why was the professor showing him Tom Riddle's past? And why all the secrets? And what happened to his hand? Harry was tired of them not telling him anything, tired of always being left in the dark. There were just so many unanswered questions that swirled around in his head.
Only one good thing came out of this evening, Harry was now the official Gryffindor Quidditch Captain. Dumbledore had just given him the badge before they dove into the pensive. His chest ached for not being able to tell his guardian. He wanted so much to just go to him, so he could get everything off his chest. He wanted to turn around and go down the familiar path to Severus' quarters, but they were still fighting.
Instead, he forced himself to keep walking to Gryffindor tower. Besides, Harry was betting his firebolt the professor didn't want to see his face right now, especially for what he did in class, acting all cheeky and disrespectful. And in front of the whole class! Hermione was right! Harry just made everything worse by not showing up to his detention. Harry knew he couldn't avoid his dad forever, sooner or later they were both going to have to stop being stubborn gits and apologize to each other.
Suddenly footsteps echoed from the next corridor, stopping Harry in his tracks. He quickly pulled his invisibility cloak over himself and leaned against a tapestry of trolls. The footsteps were now getting closer, Harry realized he was breathing heavily under his cloak. He quickly slapped his hand against his mouth.
It wasn't long till he could make out a dark figure in the shadows of the corridor. He stayed as still as he could, not daring to make a single sound. Feeling hot under the invisibility cloak, Harry watched the figure come closer and closer, footsteps sounding louder and louder. A swish of robes was heard, and from the light of the moon coming from one of the huge windows, he could make out silver blonde hair and green Slytherin robes.
Draco!
Harry's heart skipped a beat. He stepped out of his hiding spot, pulling off the cloak, he appeared right in front of the Slytherin like an apparition.
"Bloody Hell! Potter!" Draco, usually so composed, jumped a foot in the air, his hand over his heart. He looked at Harry, breathing hard, noticing the invisibility cloak in his hands.
"Aren't Slytherins supposed to be ready for any signs of possible danger? Not jumping about like us foolish Gryffindors?" Harry teased, hoping with all his heart that Draco would drop the act he had on the train and become his friend again.
Grey-blue eyes connected with bright-green. Harry could see a glimmer of mischief, and sudden relief washed over him. It was only an act, they were still friends! Then Draco's eyes suddenly hardened, and Harry's heart sank.
"Does your daddy know you're here, Potter? You better get to your dormitory before you get into trouble. We wouldn't want that now, would we?" Draco sneered, raising his wand to him. "Go on now. Be a good little boy for that greasy, dungeon bat!"
Harry tightened his hold on his wand, ready to draw it out as soon as Draco uttered a spell. "Drop the act, Malfoy! No one's around."
"Drop what act, Potter? I hope you weren't spying on me again, or do you want another broken nose?"
"Draco, no one's here! Stop acting like a prat!"
Draco only glared at him. "You stupid git, you didn't get the message on the train? We were never friends. It was only a truce just to get me through those weeks. Summer is over! The truce is over! So, get the hell away from me, Potter!"
Draco walked past him, carefully making sure to hit him as hard as he could with his shoulder. Harry felt his heart squeeze painfully at those words.
He must be lying! He doesn't mean what he said!
Harry knew the friendship they'd formed was true and not a lie. Everything about that summer was real!
He's just trying to push me away! I see right through you, Draco! Stop being a noble git!
Harry wanted to shout out those words, but before he could stop himself, he shouted, "Draco! Tell me about your task from Voldemort! What is he making you do!"
The Slytherin stopped in his tracks, still holding on tightly to his wand. "Shut your mouth. You don't know what you're talking about."
Harry didn't want it to be like this! He didn't want this conversation to be a fight, but Draco was acting like a stupid, stuck up git! He knew him too well, he knew this wasn't the real Draco. The Slytherin had put his mask back on, hiding behind it, and Harry wasn't going to let him!
"I do," Harry murmured, daring to step closer so he was right behind him. "After you left us, Severus told me about your task, although, he wouldn't tell me what it was. I know you and your family's life is on the line. You don't have to do this. Dumbledore could help you, Severus could…."
Draco spun around, causing them to be inches apart. His grey-blue eyes were stormy with pain, anger and fear. "Could what, Potter? That old fool can't do anything, he's losing his marbles! He's no match for the Dark Lord anymore. Snape can't do anything, he's the Dark Lord's bloody servant! He says he's a spy, but what side is he truly on? Dumbledore's? Or the Dark Lord's? No one truly knows, but bloody Severus Snape himself! Open your eyes, Potter! Everything is changing and it's better to be on the side destined to succeed! Just stay out of my business. Like I've said, you don't know anything!" The Slytherin spat, and as if it were an afterthought, he added, "maybe it's better that it stays this way..."
Harry stepped back, not believing the words his friend just said. Over the summer it was always Draco that was more reserved, more reasonable and patient when Harry was having a panic attack or an argument with Severus. He was always there, ready to cheer him up, making him feel like a normal teen again, and this Draco standing before him, Harry didn't recognize.
"So, you're giving up?" Harry asked, trying to control his rising temper, trying not to betray the hurt Draco's words caused him.
Draco just glared at him and walked away.
"I know you're better than that!" Harry shouted. "Show me your arm! Show me the reason to why you're suddenly giving away your whole life to that bastard!"
Draco whirled around, eyes full of anger, "Flipendo!" he shouted.
Harry felt himself get knocked off his feet, as if a giant flicked him away. He flew to the air and crashed into the wall. The air knocked out of his windpipe, he gasped in pain as he fell to the floor. He looked up just in time to see Draco walking away, not even looking back.
Harry stayed where he was, his bruised back against the wall, trying to catch his breath. He wondered if this whole time Draco was faking their friendship, waiting until he was back with Voldemort to show his true self. Before Draco left during the summer he promised they were still going to be friends, that he might have to act his part but when no one was around, he'll be his normal self, Draco without his mask. Was it all a lie? Was every word he said a lie?
Dark thoughts twisted around in his mind. They reminded him of the monsters in the shadows, monsters he was afraid of when he was little, sleeping in a dirty broom cupboard. He suddenly felt it, that small longing that grew bigger and bigger, until it took over, and it was all he could think about, all that mattered, until he did it. Until he cut opened his skin and felt the burning, satisfying pain. Cut deeper and deeper, until crimson-red blood trailed along his pale and scarred skin. He had to cut, he needed to feel this emotional pain inside, pain he couldn't stand anymore.
Harry fought with himself to not give in, knowing Severus would be livid if he saw his already scratched up arm. His thoughts switched to Draco and the first time they began to form an actual friendship. This memory that meant so much to him, that changed things between them….
Harry slammed the door hard behind him, not caring that Severus might come in here to yell at him for being disrespectful. He had enough of that slimy Potions Professor who only lied to him about everything! This whole situation was all a lie…only duty! Severus never cared for him, and Harry had no idea why the man was still trying!
"What are you two fighting about now?" a voice drawled from his desk. Harry turned to see Malfoy sitting at his desk, working on his homework.
"Like you care!" Harry growled in annoyance and kicked the door hard.
"Hey, Potter, stop that!"
But Harry couldn't, and he suddenly felt arms wrapping around his waist, pulling him away.
"What the hell, Malfoy?!" Harry shouted.
"Do you want Snape to come in here for making that noise? He's going too, if you don't fucking stop hurting yourself!"
"So, what? Why do you care? You'll probably love the show! Me hurting myself, looking like a complete nut job, and Snape yelling at me!" Harry shouted.
"No, Potter! You're wrong."
Harry tried to pull his body away from Malfoy. He couldn't stand to be touched.
"Let go of me!"
"Only if you promise to stop and listen to me!"
Again, Harry tried to get away from the Slytherin's clutches but Malfoy was resilient, not letting go. He shouted out in frustration, his muscles tensed, hating the feel of human contact.
"Okay, I'm calm!" he shouted.
"You don't sound calm," Malfoy said.
Harry took a deep breath, closing his eyes, trying to calm down, his anger soon began to fade a little at least enough for Malfoy to finally release him.
"You have to lay off Snape, Potter!" he snapped, glaring at him.
Harry glared back at him."You don't know what you're talking about! You don't know anything!"
"I know enough that you're lucky he has taken you in for the summer! You should at least be respectful, even though you're mad at him!"
"You're talking about being respectful? After how you've treated Remus, Hagrid and Dumbledore in the past? Hypocrite!"
"Fine! I'm a hypocrite! Call me out on it all you want, but you can't keep living with Snape like this for the whole summer! You two are bloody driving me insane! You have to talk to him, and let him know why you're so mad at him."
His words caught Harry off guard, who was he to lecture him on being disrespectful? How much of his past does Malfoy know?
"How do you know I'm mad at him for something? What if I just can't stand living with him?"
"Before Snape arrived to pick us up from the Burrow, you kept asking Mrs. Weasley for him. When your scar was hurting, you wanted him, only Snape could calm you down. Then suddenly you see me sitting with him, talking to him, and then you hate him! Why, Potter? Jealous I was taking his attention from you? I think the only reason you would be jealous was if he took you in! That you two somehow worked out your differences and now grew close…. What is he now your new guardian? Whatever... I figured the only explanations to your sudden fights are that you're upset I'm here or it's something that he's done!"
Harry looked away, the Slytherin was more observant than he thought.
"Just talk to me, Potter, why are you so upset with him?" Malfoy said in exasperation.
"Just because we formed a truce doesn't mean I'm going to suddenly be your best friend," Harry muttered, not trusting his old enemy.
Malfoy rolled his eyes. "You're impossible! Fine, be a prat! I'm going back to my homework," and he sat back at the desk, flipping through his textbook.
It was several moments of silence, Harry sitting on his bed against the headboard, burying his face in his lap, arms wrapped around his knees. The only sound in the room was Malfoy scratching his quill against his parchment, occasionally flipping through his textbook.
He wondered why Severus hadn't come in yet to check on him, especially since he kicked the door. Does he even care? Why am I here? Why is Dumbledore making me stay here? Severus doesn't want to take care of a freak like me, Harry contemplated.
He wouldn't blame him if Severus decided to kick him out and keep Malfoy instead. The thought of his Gryffindor room changing into Slytherin green almost made him want to tear up.
"I thought he cared about me," Harry suddenly said. He didn't know what made him say it. He was just so upset and hurt, and if he didn't talk about it, he feared he would go mental.
Malfoy stopped writing.
"He rescued me from my aunt and uncle," Harry paused, his throat was closing from anxiety.
He was suddenly feeling nervous. The only one he'd talked to about this was Severus. He took a deep breath and forced himself to go on. "He said they were abusing me, so he brought me here. He's been helping me, talking to me, letting me vent and helping me to not cut myself. He's been helping me deal with Sirius… and telling me I'm worth more than being a freak, that I'm a good kid."
Harry stopped for a while, this was so hard, why was it so hard!
"He told me he cares for me! That he wants me to get better! But he lied! This was all for duty! Duty only for Dumbledore or maybe even Voldemort! I don't know! I don't know if I can trust him anymore, because now apparently everything was just one big, stupid lie!" he shouted.
Malfoy put down his quill and turned around."Potter, I think he was saying that because I was there."
Harry only shook his head, arms still wrapped tightly around his legs, his gaze focused on his lap, he was too embarrassed to look at the Slytherin.
"Fine," Malfoy sighed in annoyance. ''Don't believe me, but I do know Snape cares for you."
Harry only shrugged, he still couldn't bring himself to say anymore, still in shock for how much he revealed.
"Is that why you cut? Because those muggles hurt you?"
Harry tugged down his sleeve trying to hide the bandage with the healing cuts beneath them.
"Remember when you were in the hospital wing after you cut your arm really bad? We formed our truce and I told you about my friend Blaise cutting himself?"
Harry nodded, wondering where Malfoy was going with this.
"He didn't want me to tell anyone, but one day he cut himself up pretty bad. I had no choice...I told Snape, and he helped Blaise. He made sure Blaise received the help he needed to not cut again, now Blaise is doing better. The last time I spoke to him, he told me if it wasn't for Snape, then he'll probably be dead by now. Snape knows what he's doing. You can trust him."
"I don't know if I can…."
"Just try, Potter!" Malfoy insisted in exasperation. "I don't want you to end up almost killing yourself again! I've never seen Snape so upset when you were in the hospital wing."
"No, he wasn't! He was probably just disappointed I didn't die," Harry muttered.
"Shut up, Potter! I swear, he might've cried when no one was watching!" Malfoy laughed.
"You're not helping your case," Harry smiled. "I'm never going to believe that!"
They both looked at each other, Harry's eyes red from crying, Malfoy's blue-grey eyes for the first time not full of malice.
Malfoy stood up and sat next to Harry on the bed, gently picking up his arm and turning it over, taking the bandage off to reveal the angry red wounds and the faded white scars. If it were anyone else touching him, looking at his scars, Harry would've pushed them away, closed himself off from people he couldn't trust. But Malfoy was different, he couldn't explain why, something about his touch felt softer than he thought it would be.
"I know why you cut yourself," Malfoy muttered, his cheeks a little pink.
Harry looked at him, wondering what his theory would be.
"It's the only way to escape what you're feeling, the only way to rid of the pain you feel inside. I admit, I've come close to cutting, Potter, but I've never crossed that line."
Harry scoffed, "Draco Malfoy feeling pain? You're the richest kid in Hogwarts."
"And destined to be alongside the Dark Lord. Expected to follow my father's footsteps, even if it's not what I want."
"You don't?" Harry asked in surprised. "That's all you gloat about."
Malfoy shook his head. "It's for appearances. I can't have the Slytherins think I'm soft. I'll be eaten alive! That's why I'm so mean to everyone at school."
"Who cares what they think! Malfoy, if you really don't want to be on Voldemort's side, if you don't want to be a Death Eater, then don't do it! It doesn't matter what your parents would think or your friends or even Voldemort! It's your life!"
Malfoy shook his head. "It's not as easy as it sounds, Potter. It would mean me betraying him! Betraying my family, everyone and I'll be dead! No one escapes from that life alive, you're either a Death Eater, or you're dead."
"It doesn't mean you shouldn't try. Dumbledore, Severus, and the Order can protect you. You can hang out with me and my friends at school. We'll keep you safe from the Slytherins."
Malfoy didn't say anything, he only wrapped Harry's arm back up in its bandages, hiding the scars. He decided to just drop the subject. It was obvious the Slytherin didn't want to talk about it anymore.
"Thanks for stopping me from kicking the door down. Severus would've chopped me up for potion ingredients if I'd broken my foot."
Malfoy laughed. "Maybe I should've let you! That way I can have this room to myself! And your firebolt!"
He grabbed a pillow, whacking Harry in the face with it. It was clear the Slytherin didn't want to talk about anything anymore and so Harry decided to play along and hit him back with his own pillow, causing a full-on war. They knocked down Harry's lantern, causing a crash and Severus coming in, snapping at them to stop, then making them clean Harry's room. Once Severus left and they were both cleaning up, did they make eye contact again and busted out laughing.
This memory meant so much to Harry. He hadn't known it at the time, but it was one of their first serious conversations, it was one of those moments that brought them closer together, forming a friendship. There was no way that was all a lie, no bloody way! Harry could still remember how sincere Draco was that day.
Throughout the summer when Harry was upset at Severus, Draco was always there to listen to him and calm him down. He remembered Severus' words, telling him that Voldemort had a task for Draco. Is that why he was branded the mark? To ensure that he would go through with it? Severus would know if Draco was branded, if he knew about the task. He hated that Severus was lying to him, telling him not to worry about anything.
Severus was hiding things from him. He'd known for a while, there were moments in the summer where he noticed the professor lost in thoughts, distant, not telling him what he was thinking about sometimes. When he smiled or laugh it didn't reach his eyes, as if there was something on his mind, preventing him from being happy. And Harry just wished Severus could tell him, wished the professor could trust him also. He was tired of being left in the dark, especially when it was something that effected Draco's life.
"Harry?" A voice suddenly rang in the corridor, interrupting his thoughts. He looked up to see Remus Lupin coming his way with only his wand light to guide him.
"What are you doing here so late? Are you alright?" the werewolf asked, concern etched along his face.
No. I'm not.… Harry wanted to say, but couldn't answer, his throat had closed up, he couldn't speak. He covered his scratched-up arm. Guilt kept him from looking at Remus, his eyes trained on the floor.
Remus was now in front of him, kneeling to his eye level. His eyes traveled down from Harry's face to his arm he was covering. He kept his eyes there for several moments, Harry could sense the wheels turning in the werewolf's head as he tried to process what he was seeing.
"Cub, let's go to my office," Remus said quietly. His gaze back on Harry's face. "We can make some hot cocoa or tea if you like."
Harry knew what Remus was doing, to find out why he was hurting himself and he just wanted to say no, push the werewolf away because it wasn't his business. It was no one's business and he wished Remus, Severus and even Draco never knew about his habit. He wanted them to leave him alone, let him cut in peace because it was the only thing that helped.
But the warmth of hot cocoa in Remus' office sounded really great right now, like the time they were practicing the Patronus charm in his third year, eating chocolate and talking about Harry's parents. Harry loved those times he spent with Remus. And he couldn't help but miss those times in third year where the only thing to worry about was to practice that Patronus charm that solved his dementor problem, it was too bad a simple spell couldn't help Harry now.
"Come on, Harry," Remus muttered in a soft voice.
Harry slowly raised his eyes to Remus, the werewolf looked so worried for him, causing him to feel bad for what he was thinking and how he was scratching himself. Why was he such a freak? He only nodded as he slowly stood up, his back protesting his every move from being slammed against the wall.
Harry didn't say a word the whole time they walked to Remus' office. He just followed the werewolf, feeling so stressed out and worried for Draco, sick of Severus keeping secrets from him. He was just tired of it all. He rubbed his arms, pressing his nails hard into his skin again, burning pain followed, soothing his anxieties.
He felt so bad for scratching himself up, especially after he promised Severus that he was going to try and stop, but how could he ever think of not hurting himself anymore when it was the only thing that helped?
He dugged his nails in deeper into his skin. He couldn't stop, even with Remus walking in front of him. Blood started to well up from his scratches, trailing along his skin.
"Harry!" Remus shouted, hands were suddenly on him, wrapping around his arm and pulling his nails away from his skin.
"Don't touch me!" he shouted, pulling away from Remus.
He couldn't stand human contact right now. He couldn't help but remember the pain from Uncle Vernon's punishments, couldn't help but think of the pain he felt when Voldemort touched his scar in that graveyard, the night Cedric died. The pain from Aunt Petunia always smacking him in the face or his head, the pain from Dudley's bullying, Umbridge and her blood quill. If he held his fist tight enough, he could still see the thin white scars: I shall not tell lies.
Remus held onto him tightly. He was stronger than Severus due to his werewolf strength. "Harry, stop! I'm not letting you go. Try pushing me away all you want," he snapped out. "I'm not going to let you hurt yourself!"
"Let go of me!" Harry cried out, twisting his body away from Remus, trying his hardest to escape the werewolf's grasp. His chest started to tighten, sensing a panic attack happening and wishing so much that Severus were here. He wanted his dad, but they were still fighting. Harry couldn't trust him and it broke him deep inside, making him so angry that before he could stop himself, he started hitting Remus' chest and stomach, trying his best to push him away, his nails digging into the werewolf's' clothes and skin.
"Let go of me!" he shouted again.
Remus didn't say anything just held him, held him until Harry grew tired of fighting. He held him until he broke down into sobs and buried his face into the werewolf's robes. Harry could feel Remus' heart beat in his chest, the slow rhythm began to calm him, until there were no more tears. His chest began to release its pressure, allowing air to flow through his lungs, letting Harry breathe.
"It's alright, cub, it's okay, I'm here…. I'm here," Remus whispered repeatedly. Harry only clung on to him, listening to his heart beat, the only thing that made him feel safe.
Remus led him to the sofa. Harry barely noticed that they'd somehow made it inside the professor's office. Harry was finally released and he sat down on the chair, eyes on the floor, feeling more ashamed and like a freak more than ever before.
Remus disappeared for a while and came back with steaming hot cocoa topped with marshmallows. Harry took the cup in his hands, inhaling the delicious soothing aroma of chocolate before setting it down on the table. Remus brought his chair next to him and sat down. "Let me see your arm," he said.
Harry shook his head and pulled it close to him. He didn't want Remus to heal it and erase away the only thing that made him feel better.
"Harry," Remus said in a stern and low voice.
Harry sighed and gave him his arm. Remus gently held it up and muttered a simple healing spell. The wounds began to close up until there was nothing left.
"What happened, cub?" he asked calmly, looking at him with his hazel-green eyes, for once there were no traces of amber.
Harry looked at Remus and noticed the bags under his eyes, the paleness of his skin, and how thin his frame was underneath his tattered robes. Remus didn't look good. He looked as if he hadn't been sleeping or eating. Harry wondered if this was because of what he went through during the summer. He instantly felt bad for hitting him. He had acted so disrespectful to him. Remus didn't deserve this treatment, especially after what he went through. He was only trying to help, and Harry had to act like a rotten, messed-up kid, a freak! No wonder Severus was keeping secrets from him, no wonder the Dursleys hated him, why they'd locked him up. They were ashamed to let people see he was a freak!
"I'm sorry, Remus," he whispered. "I'm sorry for hitting you, for being so messed up, for being a ..."
Remus searched Harry's face for what was troubling him. "Don't worry about that," he said.
Embarrassed, Harry looked down at his lap. He was so ashamed to look at the professor.
"Look at me, cub."
Harry slowly lifted his gaze, eyes meeting the werewolf's. He expected to see disapointment, instead Remus was only showing concern. It was weird to see someone showing that type of emotion towards him. It was something he'd never grew up with. It made him more ashamed to be acting like a freak, hurting himself and hitting Remus.
"You are not messed up, you are not a freak. Don't ever think of yourself that way. You're more than what you think of yourself. I wish you can see that."
"But I am!"
He doesn't understand!
He suddenly had to tell Remus, why. Why he was such a bad kid. Why he was a freak!
"Severus is bloody pissed at me! I was so rude to him in class! He's keeping secrets from me! He tells me to not worry about Draco, but how can I not? Draco is suffering, he is in danger, and Severus won't tell me what's going on! I'm left in the dark! I hate it! I'm not even sure if I can trust Severus anymore. I don't know what is going on with us! And it fucking hurts, Remus! He lied to me!"
He suddenly felt a hand over his own, stopping him from scratching himself again.
"Harry, Severus is doing the best he can. Right now, we are in the middle of a war, you must trust him."
"Do you trust him?" Harry asked, "he claims to be spying on our side but what if he isn't? What if he is deceiving us all?" He couldn't help but voice the words Draco had told him, the small seed of doubt that bloomed tonight after their fight in the corridor. He didn't know who to believe anymore, everything was so messed up!
"I do trust him," Remus said. "And if you can't trust him, then trust me."
Harry sniffed, trying to stop himself from crying again, he only nodded.
"Everything is going to be okay. Right now, it may seem dark and you are lost, not knowing who to trust, but everything will come clear in the end. This war cannot last, and I know we will win."
Harry didn't say anything, just thinking about what Remus said.
"Harry?"
Harry looked at Remus, whose low, calm voice and sincere manner was calming him down. He couldn't help but trust him, even though every instinct inside him was telling him not too.
"Can you tell me what you were doing out in the corridor by yourself?"
Harry shook his head.
"Tell me, Harry," Remus demanded.
"I was trying to talk to Draco," he said, not telling him that he was returning from Dumbledore's office. He wasn't sure if Remus was supposed to know about the secret meetings.
"What happened?" the werewolf probed.
"Over the summer, we formed a truce. Draco was there through all the fights I had with Severus, he was there for me when no one else was, calming me down when I was trying to hurt myself. We became close. Then, he had to go back with his mother. He promised we'll still be friends, no matter what. But ever since we arrived here, he's been acting like a git, like his old bully self. He warned me he would have to act like that for appearances, but something seems wrong. I don't think he's pretending."
"Why do you think he's not pretending?" Remus asked.
"In Diagon Ally, he was mad at Madame Malkin for touching his arm. I know he has a task to complete for Voldemort. Something happened to him after he left us. I was trying to figure out why. I was trying to see if he was just acting the part or if he was being real on the train. He wouldn't talk to me. Before you came, we ended up arguing and he knocked me into the wall."
"This is the second time he hurts you," Remus observed.
Harry shrugged.
"This has to stop. You have to stay away from him, like I've said before, let Severus and Dumbledore handle this."
Harry sighed in frustration. Why did he even bother? But after what happened tonight between him and Draco, he knew Remus was right. All he'd done was push Draco further away.
Remus leaned a little closer, thinking about what Harry revealed to him. "Have you thought about why Draco Malfoy is suddenly pushing you away?"
Harry shrugged, he had some theories. "I think he's trying to hide the fact that he's been branded the Dark Mark. I think he's given up, accepting it as his future. That's why I'm fighting so hard to help him. I know him, Remus, this isn't what he wants."
"That may be a factor," Remus agreed, his hand on his chin, leaning forward, deep in thought. "I think he might be pushing you away to protect you. From what you've told me about how close you both were, he must know how stubborn you are sometimes. He must think the only way to protect you is to revert to his old treatment of you. Harry, you must step back for a while. Give him space, you're not the only one watching him. That's why I keep telling you to trust us. Trust Dumbledore, trust Severus and if you can't, then trust me."
"I can't, Remus, I need to do something. I can't just sit back and watch."
"That's the most essential thing you can do for us, you can track his whereabouts, see who he's hanging out with. You have the map, Harry, use it. Watch him and if there's trouble, come to me right away and I will help you in any way I can."
Harry nodded, well that was better than no help at all.
"Just remember, don't spend every waking moment watching him. I don't want you to forget to live, don't forget your lessons, and if there is anything strange going on, don't do anything without telling me first."
Harry hesitated on that, but nodded anyway, "okay, I promise." He picked up his cooled hot cocoa and began to drink some.
"This is delicious!" he said, the warmth instantly making him feel better.
Remus smiled as he drank some of his own.
"What's up with you and Severus lately anyway?"
The smile instantly vanished as he placed his mug back on his desk. "Just a disagreement of sorts…," Remus said quietly, not giving away anything else, and Harry couldn't help but notice the blush creeping on the werewolf's cheeks.
"Well, you should make things right, he's been in a bloody temper lately. Maybe if you two are on speaking terms again he'll lay off of us during lessons."
"I'll talk to him if you also do the same."
Harry groaned, "do I have too?"
Remus raised an eyebrow.
"Okay, fine," he said.
"Now that's settled, it's getting late. I'll walk you to your dormitory." The werewolf suddenly stood up and made his way to the door.
Harry finished his hot cocoa and followed Remus out of his office. He felt better now, the talk they had and the warm cocoa really lifted his mood and brought him back to his senses. He couldn't believe he scratched up his arm again, he didn't want to think about what would've happened if Remus hadn't shown up.
Not much was said as they walked through the corridors of the castle. Harry didn't mind it, it gave him a chance to go over what Remus told him. Remus seemed to be lost in thought as well. The werewolf turned his gaze on Harry. "You know I'm obliged to tell Severus what happened tonight, as he's your guardian."
"I understand," Harry muttered, his stomach clenching with dread as he thought about the lecture he was sure to get. "He's going to be mad."
"He's always grumpy about something, aren't you used to his temper by now?" Remus chuckled, causing Harry to laugh softly as well, making him feel a little better.
Once they reached the portrait of the fat lady, Remus put a hand on Harry's shoulder and turned him around.
"Can I trust you not to hurt yourself again tonight?"
Harry met his concerned gaze, feeling so bad for the way he acted, yet grateful Remus was there to help him, and for that, Harry knew he'll be okay tonight.
"Yeah, I'm fine now."
Remus pulled him into a hug. "I love you, cub. Remember, if you feel like you must hurt yourself again, come to me. I don't care if I'm busy or in the middle of a lesson, or a meeting with Dumbledore, just come to me. I will drop everything for you."
Harry didn't respond, only hugged the werewolf tighter, inhaling the scents of chocolate and the detergent smell of his tattered robes. Harry was instantly comforted. Trust washed over him immediately and whatever misgivings he had against the werewolf the past couple of weeks disappeared. He suddenly realized Remus meant a lot to him, just as a parent would, just like what he felt towards Severus. That meant so much to him, and he knew the next time he was hurting, he would definitely go to Remus.
"Goodnight, Remus, thank you for everything," he said softly, stepping away from the werewolf.
"Goodnight, cub."
And Harry stepped through the portrait door, the sounds of Remus' footsteps fading away.
