Chapter Five - Memories

Remus made his way down to the dungeons. Never slowing down his pace, he was determined to get to the one person that could help his cub. The air turned icy cold as he neared his destination, with the lighting darker than ever, but Remus wasn't hindered by it. After several minutes that seemed like hours, he finally made it to the portrait door and whispered the password. Remus was nervous. He hid his shaking hands in the pockets of his tattered robes. He tried not to think of the last time he was here. The way he pushed Severus away. His cheeks burned at the memory, and his heart ached at the way Severus would glare at him during the days that followed. He really did not blame Severus for hating him now, after all Remus knew he was just trying to help him, and Remus behaved like a fool by pushing him away. He disrespected him in his own quarters. Severus had a right to be angry at him. However, he had to suck up his pride for Harry. He had to stop this stupid argument between him and Severus.

The portrait door opened, and Remus entered Severus' quarters. All the lights were dimmed, the fireplace was roaring, giving warmth to the chilly dungeons. The sitting room was empty, the kitchen as well. Remus began to wonder where Severus was when he noticed the bedroom door ajar. Maybe he should come back another time? He didn't want to disturb the Potions Professor, Severus was known for his temper and it was so late, he was probably asleep. Remus placed his hand on the door, still unsure, until he saw the red hand prints and scratches Harry left on his skin, instantly reminding him why he was here.

He opened the door and to his surprise, the bed was empty. He looked around the room, at the carefully made bed, the shelves aligned with potions, books and ingredients. The desk was piled with parchment and books. The door to the connecting bathroom was open and the room inside was dark. Near the enchanted window, there was another slightly opened door, curious at what it may lead to, Remus crossed the room in a few strides and pushed it open. The room was dark with a green glow, and the air was thick and heavy with smoke and the scent of herbs. Within the shadows, Remus could see the silhouette of the man he was trying to find. Severus Snape carefully throwing ingredients inside a steaming cauldron, the flames were tinted green, thick smoke was coming up as he softly enchanted a spell. Remus unnoticed by him, decided not to say anything and watch him for a while. Potions was always Remus' most difficult class while he attended Hogwarts, and he was full of wonder as he watched Severus brew so easily, as if this art was a part of his soul. It was something he was meant to do like teaching was Remus' own path.

It wasn't long until Severus stopped chanting. He then waved his wand and stirred the potion one last time before lowering the fire, so the potion could simmer. He finally and slowly looked up at Remus. The professor wasn't startled by Remus' sudden appearance nor annoyed, his obsidian, black eyes were soft as he looked at him.

"Would you care for a cup of tea?" he said in a soft voice.

There was no trace of the anger or annoyance that Severus had shown towards him for the past few days. Only warmth and concern, and that made Remus felt guiltier for his brash actions.

"I would love one," he said softly, shy to meet Severus' gaze.

The dark wizard was now so close to him, Remus' heart sped up. And he could smell the herbs that were just used in the potion Severus recently brewed. Suddenly, he felt Severus' hand close over his own, causing Remus to finally look up and meet his eyes. They stared at each other for a couple of moments. Remus was unable to look away, he didn't know what to say, but he didn't mind. Just being with Severus under that warm gaze, instead of his glare was all he needed.

"We have a lot to talk about," the Potions Professor finally replied.

In recent light of what just happened with Harry moments ago at the forefront of his mind, Remus snapped out of his daze and replied, "yes, I believe we do."

They found themselves in the living room, sitting on the sofa in front of the fire. The warmth of the flames relieved the tension in Remus' muscles as he drank his tea.

"Severus, before we start talking about other things, I need to tell you what happened with Harry just now."

Severus was fixed on watching the fire but when Harry's name was mentioned, he pulled his gazed onto Remus in alarm.

"What happened?"

Remus explained to Severus how he found the Gryffindor boy in the corridor, hiding, upset, scratching his arms, turning on Remus and losing control, until Remus was finally able to calm him down.

Severus listened with horror once Remus was finished, he stood up and grabbed floo powder from the mantel.

"Severus!" Remus said in alarm. "What are you doing?"

"Severus, stop!" Remus shouted. Severus turned around and grabbed Remus' wrist, looking at his scratched-up skin from Harry trying to break lose from Remus' grasp.

"He did this to you?"

Remus pulled his arm away from him, "Severus..."

"Gryffindor Tower!" Severus shouted and before Remus could stop him, the professor disappeared into the green flames. Remus cursed under his breath, praying the Gryffindors were all asleep at this late hour as he followed after Severus.

Remus found Severus in front of the sixth year's dormitory door.

"Severus," Remus whispered. "This is a bad idea."

"I just have to see him," Severus whispered. He held up Remus' scratched up arm again. "And this is unacceptable!"

Remus tugged his arm away stuffing his hands in his pockets. "It was an accident, he didn't realize what he was doing. Severus, I told you I've talked to him, he's okay for the night."

Severus frowned, "I just need to see for myself if he's okay."

Remus sighed in defeat and nodded his head towards the door. "Fine, go on then, open the door, but if those boys are awake you're on your own with explaining yourself."

Severus opened the door gently, luckily everyone was sound asleep. Remus leaned against the doorway watching as Severus sat down on Harry's bed. He watched the sleeping teenager for a few moments, before brushing the hair out of Harry's eyes. They fluttered open, staring at Severus with sleepy, green eyes. "I'm sorry, dad," Harry whispered as Severus examined his scarred-up arm. "Shh, it's okay kid, we'll talk about it in the morning. I just wanted to see if you were okay."

"I'm okay," Harry whispered, his eyes closing again. Severus gave a small smile at the young boy, as Remus walked gently to Severus and put his hand on his shoulder.

"Let's go before we wake anyone."

Severus nodded, before getting up and following Remus out of Gryffindor Tower. This time they walked back instead of using the floo. It was so quiet between them, but not in a tensed or awkward way. Remus could see Severus was lost in his thoughts. Remus reached out and grabbed his hand to show his support, Severus looked at him, tightening his grip. They kept walking.

"We'll help him through this," Remus said. "He's not as alone as he thinks he is. He has us."

Severus looked at him, "You're the only one I trust with Harry. I want you take care of him, if anything happens to me, take him, don't let the Ministry take control of him or Albus."

Remus looked at him strangely. "You're so sure something is going to happen to you…"

"I'm not sure of anything these days, I just want to be prepared."

The professor kept his eyes straight ahead, away from Remus' searching gaze. He wouldn't reveal anymore and seemed as if he just wanted the subject to drop, for his words were final, if anything shall happen to him, Remus was next in line to take care of Harry. Remus frowned looking at Severus, thinking if Harry was right. Was he hiding something? Did he know something about the war that he couldn't reveal? Whatever it was, he hoped it was in his best interest to protect Harry and nothing more. He decided not to press on further for answers he wasn't going to receive, so he continued walking besides him in silence.


They made it back to his quarters, the walk through the castle had calmed Severus down. The anger he felt towards Harry for losing control tonight and hurting Remus had faded. He knew the boy couldn't help it, he knew he hadn't mean to. Harry has been under a lot of stress, he could see it. The boy was tired. And the fact that they haven't really been speaking to each other lately didn't help at all. It was time to change that.

Once the door shut behind them, Severus turned towards Remus and grabbed his arm again, examining the bruised fingerprints and scratch marks. "I apologize for Harry's actions towards you," he said.

"There's no need, Harry was hurting. I'm just glad I was able to be there for him tonight."

"That's no excuse to be hurting others. I'm going to talk to him about this. Stay here, wolf," Severus muttered as he went into Harry's bathroom to retrieve the first aid kit.

He returned to find an empty living room.

"Where the hell is that blasted werewolf? I was only gone for a moment…," Severus muttered under his breath.

He checked the kitchen. No sign of Remus anywhere. He then checked his bedroom and found the wolf in front of his bookcase, examining his books. Severus stepped inside, annoyed that the werewolf just intruded into his private rooms. He bit back a stinging comment, he didn't want to start another fight between them. He stood in the doorway, not wanting to alert Remus of his presence yet. He wanted to try and see his room through Remus' eyes, he wondered what he was seeing, what he was thinking? It was strange how he used to hate this man standing before him and now here they were, in Severus' bedroom. And Remus was here, looking at his things, reading the titles of the books on his bookcases.

Severus cleared his throat. "Most of those books were my mother's. They are a bit outdated I'm afraid."

Remus didn't say anything, he continued to examine the books. Then looked at Severus' desk, the shelves with potions and ingredients and various items. He sat on Severus' bed and looked around the room. He didn't say a word, just kept looking at Severus with those eyes that made his legs go numb. He didn't say a word until he turned his forest-green gaze on Severus' books on the nightstand.

"May I?"

Severus nodded and watched as Remus lifted a book, carefully flipping through the pages.

"I forgot how much of a book nerd you were when we were at school," Severus said, wondering why he was feeling so nervous with Remus sitting on his bed, looking at his things, touching his books. No one has ever been in here before, not even Harry. It was as if Remus was searching for clues to who Severus really was.

"I used to hide behind them…," Remus said softly. He closed the book and gently placed it back on the nightstand. Severus watched as he picked up another one, reading the pages that were marked.

"I barely remember the boy I was before getting bit. It is like my life was split in two that very moment its teeth sunk into my skin. The boy I was before and the boy I became after."

Severus didn't say anything, he let Remus continue.

"And the thing that attached itself to my soul, it was the only thing my father saw in me," Remus looked at the first aid kit in Severus' hands.

"I don't need you to treat the scratches Harry gave me, they'll heal on their own soon enough. That should be enough proof I'm not like you or Harry. You shouldn't leave him in my care. I'm a werewolf, that's all they see, and that will be enough for them to keep him away from me."

"You're not just a werewolf," Severus said. "Stop being an idiot."

Remus shook his head. "That's all I am, Severus, that's all they see," he said. "You've seen me in my wolf form more than once. The first time, I've almost killed you. The second time, you saw me lose control and fight like the monster I am. You stopped me from killing Greyback, I hate to think what might've happened if you weren't there. You've seen the destruction I can do. Why are you not afraid of me? How can you trust me with your son?"

"Because he is like a son to you too. You're the only one that sees him for who he is, not just some pawn in this war. Not just a famous name. You see Harry and you care for him as if he were your own. He is part of your pack. The wolf will never hurt him."

Remus stared down at the book, Severus closed the short distance between them until he was standing in front of him and tugged the book out of his hands, placing it back on the nightstand.

"He should've gone to you after they died. He should've gone to you," Severus said softly.

"And would if he did… a werewolf raising an infant?" Remus shook his head.

Severus placed the first aid kit on the night stand and opened a salve, grabbing Remus' scratched, already healing skin and rubbed the salve into it. "Just to keep it clean," he said at Remus' exasperated look. When he was done, he put the salve away, wiping his hands clean with a hand towel. "Come let's go finish our tea."

"Severus..., it's getting late. Maybe I should head back to my quarters."

"I'm not taking no for an answer," Severus snapped and left the room, hoping the wolf would follow him.

Once their tea was reheated, they sat in the living room for the second time that night, sipping on the steaming herbal drinks. The warm fire in it's grate was crackling before them.

"Forgive me, Severus, the way I walked out of here last time, there is no excuse. I knew you were only trying to help, and I was so rude…," Remus said, looking down at his tea and taking a tentative sip.

"I accept your apology," Severus replied. "However, I want to know why you got so upset, I want to know why you haven't been sleeping. Your tired, Remus, don't deny it. Your mind seems to be somewhere else most of the time. I know it's from what happened over the summer, you've told me pieces of it, moments, but it isn't enough. I need to know more so I could help you."

Remus looked at Severus, the wolf was searching for something in him that he couldn't begin to guess at.

Remus didn't know, but Severus had seen some of his memories. He had seen images of what Greyback had done, what he made Remus do. Remus didn't remember how Severus had to pull him out of his memories, and he didn't want to reveal it now. He wanted Remus to find the courage to talk to him himself.

After a few more awkward moments of complete silence, Severus continued, "You asked me why I wasn't afraid of you. I used to be. That's why I hated you so much after that night I found out the truth about you. I was afraid because I didn't understand you. People are afraid of what they don't understand. They only believe what they want to believe and that is werewolves being monsters. Just because you're a wolf during every full moon, doesn't make you a monster."

"Severus, I had nothing to do with that prank, it was all Sirius."

"I know, Remus, I know you had nothing to do with it. I've grown a lot since that night and I learned to accept the truth I refused to see for years. Any guilt you have towards that night, I want you to let it go. The only one guilty was Black. You were a victim just as much as I, do you understand?"

Remus nodded, sipping his tea.

"I want you to see that you were also a victim to Greyback this summer. What had happened to you wasn't your fault. Whatever he made you do, you had no control over it. He hurt you, he made you believe you were just like him, but you are not. You are not a monster."

Severus watched as Remus placed his empty mug on the coffee table, he seemed to be contemplating what Severus just said. He could see the dull pain in the werewolf's eyes, the depression he was in and it hurt Severus to see him so broken like this. He wished he could just reach out to him and hold him close, but he couldn't. They were not there yet. It would just make things awkward between them for they decided to take things slow, friends first and maybe something more, and Severus wanted to honor that decision.

Severus did not say anymore, he waited patiently as he sipped his tea, only to do something with his hands. He wanted Remus to be the one to say something next. He wanted him to talk without Severus prompting him towards a subject.

"I know I've told you a little about what I went through with Greyback, you know a bit of what they've done to me, how I tried to fight back but I wasn't strong enough. There were days when I thought it was the end. Just lying there in that cellar, hoping someone would find me, trying so hard to hold on to that hope. I used to repeat to myself that someone was coming over and over until it became harder each day to say, it until I couldn't anymore, until I couldn't even believe it anymore. One day I woke up and I couldn't recognize myself anymore. It felt like I was trapped in this world, where nothing before that time mattered anymore, the life I lived, the school I went to, the friends I had, even Harry didn't seem to exist…It was only that cellar, the pain, the smell and that desperate thirst for water….and Kaylie…"

"The young girl that was brought here with you? Her death….it wasn't your fault…," but his words were lost on the werewolf, for he shook his head, refusing to believe Severus' reassurances.

"They made me do it," Remus' voice broke, his hazel-green eyes were dark, tinted with gold. "I had no choice. I wasn't strong enough to fight back …they made me do it…you must understand…"

Remus hands were shaking, his face pale as he remembered the event he was having so much trouble to reveal to Severus. "I could barely remember it. The memories are just small flashes in my head. It's hard to describe them. I need you to see them, so you can understand."

"Lupin, I prefer you just telling me. I don't want to intrude on memories that are personal to you."

"No, Severus, I need you to see, so you understand that I didn't have a choice. I didn't want to hurt them. I need you to see it." His eyes, stubborn, now blazing amber, connected with Severus' own and he knew what Remus couldn't bring himself to say.

"You don't need to convince me that you are not a monster…" he said.

"Just let me show you," Remus said.

Severus sighed in defeated. Blasted, stubborn werewolf he thought. "Okay, just look at me. Think of only what you want to show me. I'm going to use legimency. Is that okay?"

Remus nodded.

"Are you ready?"

Remus held eye contact, "yes."

Severus held out his wand as he met those hazel-green eyes now hidden by amber irises, the eyes of the wolf. And whispered, "legimens."

And Severus was pulled into the memory of the day Remus had lost all hope, when he lost the assurance that he was more than a werewolf, that he was human. Severus watched as they drugged Remus and forced him to fight and kill werewolf children, he watched him fought the young girl Kaylie. Severus could feel the hurt, pain, and guilt that Remus felt towards her death and the memory suddenly switched to a recent nightmare, of a girl, the ghost of Kaylie haunting Remus' dreams. Once Severus had enough, he pulled himself out of Remus' memories. He stared at those amber eyes. The wolf was showing itself in Remus' eyes and this time Severus was not afraid of the wolf. The wolf wasn't a monster, just a part of Remus and he wished so much that Remus could see it. He hated what Greyback did to him, he hated what Remus was forced to do.

"Their deaths were not your fault, you had no control. They drugged you. And Kaylie's death was certainly not your fault. I was there when you were found. I was the one who brought you and Kaylie to Hogwarts. I was there when they tried to save her, they did everything they could, but it was too late."

"You ever wondered how she acquired those injuries?" Remus snapped, shocking Severus. It was so unlike Remus to snap like that, to lose patience.

"She died by my hand!" Remus insisted. "I was the one who hurt her! They threw her in that cellar and chained us during the night of the full moon. We changed, and I killed her! That is why I haven't been sleeping, because every time I close my eyes I see her. I see her red eyes and her pale face, and she whispers to me that I killed her, I broke my promise, I let her down. I was supposed to get her out and I failed, and now she haunts my dreams and I deserve it because Greyback turned me into a fucking murderer! That's what I am, a fucking murderer. I don't deserve this second chance, I didn't deserve to be saved. Kaylie did, she deserved everything, and I took it all from her!"

"Remus, it wasn't your fault" Severus said. "It wasn't your fault that she was in that cellar with you. You didn't choose to kill her, it was Greyback. He was the one that killed her not you."

Remus ran his hands threw his hair, closing his eyes as he whispered, "Then why do I feel so bad about this? Why is she haunting my dreams? Why can't I let her go?"

"You have survivors' guilt," Severus said. "You survived, and she didn't. You feel guilty for living instead of her."

"She deserves life more than me, I promised to get her out, I promised, and I failed. It should've been me that died."

"No... Remus...," but Severus was cut off.

"You weren't there, Severus!" Remus had snapped open his eyes, his hands shaking. "You weren't there in that cellar, you didn't live with that smell of rot and death and human waste. You didn't lie on that floor, in so much pain you didn't dare move, you didn't kill innocent children, you didn't promise that girl that you'll get her out!"

"Indeed, I was not there, however, Lupin, I'll tell you again it wasn't your fault. You promised to get her out but you couldn't, it was something out of your control, its just the way it is. We can't change the past, only move forward. You need to learn to live with this."

"You don't understand," Remus said.

"Indeed, I do, much more than you know."

At that Remus finally looked up.

"I was the cause of the Potter's death," Severus choked out. He had never thought he'll admit this to anyone, least of all Remus Lupin who he used to fear and hate.

"Severus?"

"I heard the prophecy. The prophecy that led him straight to them. I told it to him, resulting in their deaths."

"Severus… you couldn't have known."

"Exactly, I didn't mean for him to go to the Potters that night and kill them. I didn't want that to happen, but it did, and now I must live with that mistake, no one knows except you and Albus…"

Remus looked at him, letting Severus go on.

"Don't you think it's hard to look at Harry every day, knowing I was the cause of his parent's death? It's hard, Lupin, but I can't change what I've done all those years ago, I must live with it. And when the time is right, after this war is over, I will tell Harry and if he hates me for it then so be it. I see a day where I wouldn't have to hide so many secrets of my past from him, I see it Remus, just like a day where you will not feel so broken over Kaylie's death. She saved you, she gave her life for you, and you should cherish that life not waste it with guilt."

Remus looked at Severus. "You're right, you're right, Severus, but it's just so hard, that Kaylie in my dreams, she's…. it's not who she used to be. She haunts me every night."

"It's not her, it never was, just your guilty conscious. Kaylie is in a better place, she is with her father, not here with this war hanging over her. Her death wasn't your fault, I wish that you could realize that. We did everything we could."

He stopped himself from saying it was her time, because it wasn't. She was too young, she lost her life when she was bitten only to die at thirteen. It was tragic, and Severus couldn't bear to say those words because those words were bullshit. It wasn't her time. She didn't deserve to die the way she did, but it happened, there was no changing it and he desperately wanted Remus to see that.

"I don't blame you for their death, Severus," Remus said. "You were young, lost… you loved her. I know you wouldn't have done anything to put Lily in danger."

"I know...I didn't mean for that to happen, but it did, and I can't change it. The only thing I can do now is look after her son and one of her best friends."

Remus smiled. "She was the only one I could study with at school, and actually get things done, the only one that I could talk to about being gay and crushing on Sirius. She hardly mentioned you after you two stopped speaking but I know it changed her, she became quieter, withdrawn for a long time until she fell in love with James and had Harry, but I could always tell that something was missing in her and it was you, your friendship. She died still loving you, Severus."

Severus looked at the wolf, unable to say anything more.

And the conversation began to cease as they finished their cooling tea. Severus watched Remus gazing at the flames crackling merrily in the fireplace, lost in his thoughts. Watching him, Severus suddenly didn't want Remus to go. His quarters suddenly felt big and empty. He didn't want to be alone tonight. And he hoped Remus didn't want to be alone either, so he broke the silence.

"You can sleep in Harry's bedroom tonight if you don't want to be alone. I'll be in my room if you need anything."

"Thank you, Severus, maybe it will help, knowing you're nearby…"

Severus couldn't sleep that night. The things that Remus said, seeing Kaylie in his dreams, believing he was responsible for that girls' death. This had to be a consequence to what the wolf went through during the summer. Severus climbed out of bed. He couldn't take the tossing and turning, the restlessness in his legs, staring at the walls, especially the one that separated him and Remus. Maybe some research would help him calm his mind…

Remus was already gone when Severus woke up that morning. He was a bit disappointment, he had hoped to see if the wolf was okay after their talk last night, it was intense, and he could sense the raw emotion in the air between them, the grief and pain in his voice and the haunted look in those eyes. He knew what Remus was going through. Severus went through the same thing after Lily died, always blaming himself, seeing her in his dreams….

Remus would be okay, he had a long path to walk but he'll be okay, Severus thought as he fixed himself a cup of coffee. He continued his research from last night, researching P.T.S.D symptoms and how to help the person going through it. Remus had some of the symptoms. Lack of sleep, refusing to talk about it, mood swings, nightmares and blaming himself for Kaylie's death. The way Remus would function normally but then had moments where the trauma he experienced showed through his walls. All these symptoms were normal for P.T.S.D. Severus knew Lupin could get through this and he was already forming a plan to help him. Severus poured another cup of coffee. He was exhausted from staying up those late hours, but it was worth it. After a few more moments of researching and drinking coffee, he glanced at the clock, it was almost eight in the morning. He was usually at breakfast at this time, so he'd decided to end the research for now and start heading up to the Great Hall.

Once he was showered and dressed, with yet another cup of black coffee in his hands, Severus went over to his desk in the living room, setting his mug on a pile of books. He dipped his quill in a pot of ink and began to write on some parchment.

Harry,

Come to my quarters for dinner. There are some matters we need to discuss

- S. Snape

"Dobby!" Severus called Harry's favorite house elf. Instantly Dobby appeared with a loud crack.

"Professor Snape, Sir, what can Dobby do for you?" bowing down, his large nose sweeping the carpet.

Severus always felt uncomfortable whenever a house elf or any creature or human bowed to him.

"Deliver this message to Mister Potter, make sure he reads it."

"Of course, sir." Dobby took the message and bowed to him once more before disappearing with another loud crack.


"Professor?" Harry sighed in annoyance. What was the point of inviting him for dinner if he wasn't going to be here. Harry checked the kitchen, the professor wasn't there. He might be brewing in his lab and forgotten the time. For he noticed Severus' bedroom door open. He pushed it open. The room was empty. Harry crossed the room to the door that was Severus' private potions lab. It was empty also. He then went into Severus' connecting office. He wasn't there. Defeated, Harry was about to leave when he noticed something glowing in a nearby cabinet. Harry knew the all too familiar glow, remembering the last time he came across a pensieve in Severus' office. He never been more afraid for his life when Severus had caught him, and he didn't want to relive the moment but Harry thought about what it might hold in its swirling glowing liquid. Maybe what Severus was hiding was kept inside that pensieve, safe and hidden. Maybe it had the answers Harry was looking for that Severus was too stubborn to reveal, maybe it would show Harry that Severus wasn't hiding anything and that he could trust him. Besides, even if Severus did catch him inside that pensieve, they were at a better place than they were a year ago. This time, Harry wasn't in his fifth year being forced to take occlumency by an equally reluctant Severus Snape.

Feeling like his reasons were justified enough, Harry opened the cabinet, revealing the pensieve he'd once entered almost a year ago. He couldn't believe he was dumb enough to be doing this again, but he had to do it. He wanted to trust Severus again. Harry dipped his face inside and he felt himself being pulled in and then falling through a swirl of colors and voices. After a few moments, Harry landed with a soft thud on his butt. His hands felt grass and a windy breeze played with his hair. He looked around and saw two children sitting in a meadow behind a row of houses. The sun was setting behind a young girl with bright red hair, the sun's rays turning her hair to flames. He crept closer until he could hear the murmuring voices of children, realizing she wasn't alone. A small, skinny boy wearing a large coat and messy, black hair was beside her.

"Mom…. Sev...," Harry whispered, realizing who they were.

"They are fighting again aren't they, Severus?" It was his mom's voice, her voice, even if she was a little girl. Harry couldn't help but move to a spot where he could take in her whole face. Despite of his being here to figure out what Severus was hiding, he couldn't help but let himself have this small ounce of pleasure to just see his mom.

The young Severus nodded, "I don't want to go back home. I'm tired of seeing him hurt her."

"I'll wait with you, Sev."

"What if your parents worry about you? I don't want to get you in trouble, Lily."

"And if I do, it doesn't matter. I'm your friend, that's what friends do, we are there for each other no matter what."

Harry then noticed the loud voices coming from a house not too far away, the voices rang through the evening air until it faded, followed by a slamming door.

"If you could be anywhere you wanted in this world right now, where would it be?" Lily asked, trying to distract her friend from the sound of his fighting parents.

Severus was now laying on his back looking up at the pink and orange clouds, as the sun continued its journey down.

"I want to go camping with you and your parents, even Tuney… and we could… I don't know be a family… and have a tent deep in the forest away from people so we won't have to hide our magic. And there are no dads that hit, only your's that will teach us how to fish and skip rocks. And no moms that cry, only your's that will cook us delicious food and kiss us goodnight. And our only worry is to deal with Tuney who would probably just complain about us and sulk. And I could show your mum all the herbs that are useful in the forest and the ones to stay away from. And we could all go hiking and swimming. Just a big family trip with no fighting or hitting or crying, no one bleeding…unless someone fell and scraped their knees. But it would be okay, cus your parents will patch us right up."

Lily then laid down next to her friend, taking in every word he said as the memory began to fade, the voices echoing around Harry, as it changed into another memory, and he wondered why Severus would try to hide that one.

Now Harry was standing in a dark room. There was nothing much but an old bed frame, a wardrobe with broken doors and an old nightstand that looked ready to topple over any moment. The wardrobe had a few articles of tattered clothing, broken toys and old books that looked well-read. Arguing disrupted the silence, a hall light was suddenly on, creating shadows and illuminating a path on the floor to the bed. And for the first time, Harry noticed a young Severus laying in his bed under the covers, looking at an old children's picture book of Hogwarts, his flashlight shining on the old pictures. The book, like all magical books and portraits, had moving illustrations. It was old and worn with gold pages. Severus' eyes were filled with longing as he studied the pictures. A big thump followed by a scream, a drunk man's shouting caused Severus to flinch, dropping the flashlight to the floor. Another loud thump followed, louder than the last one, causing Harry to turn around to glare at the door. The walls were paper thin, allowing Severus to hear everything that was happening on the other side.

The sound of feet hitting the floor and a window opening, pulled Harry's attention back to Severus. He was surprised to see the young boy climbing out. Without a moment to waste, Harry followed him out, curious to see where Severus was going. He followed him away from the row of houses, past an old park, through a small bout of tress and into a small middle-class neighborhood. It wasn't long until Severus stopped walking, sneaking behind the back of a house and started throwing pebbles at a second story window. Harry then saw a pale face and long, red hair as Lily opened the window and looked down. Severus then began to climb up the vines. And Harry realized this was a nightly routine, for hardly any words were spoken between the two. Harry followed Severus up, finding the two young kids sitting in a makeshift fort with sheets, pillows and twinkling fairy lights. Severus was laying against the pillows, clutching the book to his chest.

"I left before my dad grew tired of hitting her and came to me," Severus was muttering.

"You'll be safe here…what is that you've got there, Severus?" Lily asked.

Severus gave her the book. "It was my mum's when she was my age. I found it in the attic. She doesn't know I have it. Can I keep it safe here? If he found it…it'll be burned in the fireplace."

Lily nodded, looking through the book.

"That is the world I want to be in, Lily, with our own kind, where we don't have to fear doing magic, where there are others like us…."

The memory started to grow fuzzy again, making the voices blend together and the colors merged. And Harry wasn't prepared for the quick flashes of memories. Memories so dark and full of fear, of pain, of Severus constantly hiding while his parents fought. Memories of Severus being hit by his dad and the mistrust in his eyes that grew stronger with each passing memory, of hopelessness and pain. Harry was starting to feel triggered by those memories, for they were so like his own, so like his own childhood. The memories finally began to slow down until it was just Lily and Severus again, this time on the astronomy tower, a vast sky of stars scattered above them.

"Promise me, Severus," Lily was saying. "That you try to stay away from those Slytherin goons of Malfoy's. Promise me you'll try… I'm your friend too, Severus, you don't need them. You have me."

Severus didn't say anything, only looking at the sky and the stars reflected in his obsidian, black eyes.

Then once again, the memory changed, and now Harry was standing in a white room. A baby was crying, as a young woman with red hair, green eyes was singing softly to a newborn baby in her arms. A knock on the door made Harry turn around to see Severus, who looked as if he were barley twenty.

"Severus…," Lily said, looking at him with surprise.

Severus stood by the doorway, his hesitant eyes on Lily, uncertain of what to say and his hands hidden underneath his dark robes.

Lily chuckled, "Come in, Sev, I promise I won't hex you."

Severus didn't say anything. Still looking nervous, he sat himself down on the armchair near Lily's bed.

"I heard you're going into hiding."

"Dumbledore reckons it's the best shot we got in keeping him safe," Lily replied.

At those words, Severus' eyes traveled down to the small baby.

Suddenly strong hands grabbed Harry by the shoulders and turned him around, until he found himself facing a much older Severus Snape.

"Professor!" Harry gasped.

Severus' black eyes were swirling with emotions Harry couldn't read, causing him to lose control and let fear take over, he was sure he was going to get punished by this. Flashbacks of how angry Severus was the first time Harry was caught in his pensieve invaded his mind, the anger in his eyes and his voice as he shouted at Harry to get out of his office. His chest started to feel tight, his vision growing foggy, trying to calm down, Harry closed his eyes and held his head in his hands trying to breathe, but it was hopeless. Gasping for air, he felt his arms being tugged away from his head and held close to his sides.

"Harry, breathe slowly, remember in, out, in out."

He felt his hand being placed firmly on a warm chest, he could feel a beating heart. The rhythm began to calm him as he followed the rise and fall of Severus' chest. After a while his vision began to come back, and he stopped gasping for air.

Severus was on his knees, one hand holding onto Harry's arm, the other holding Harry's hand to his chest. Harry could still feel Severus' heartbeat, bringing him back to reality.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Harry, believe me, you are loved, very loved, and I will never punish you the way your uncle did."

Harry only shook his head.

"If you cannot believe me, turn around," Severus said, letting him go and standing up.

Harry turned around to see Lily placing Harry in Severus' arms for the first time.

Harry watched the nervousness grow as Lily directed him into the right position, and once the baby was settled safely in his arms, Severus looked at him, eyes growing soft. He carefully moved aside the tuff of jet-black hair. Baby Harry yawned and held on to Severus' pinky finger in his chubby fists, causing Severus to laugh until tears were threatening to spill.

Lilly looked on, smiling at her best friend holding her son, and Harry knew at that moment, their friendship had rekindled, and everything bad that had happened between them now was forgotten.

"Sev, if anything shall happen to me and James, I want you to be the one to look after him."

Severus didn't take his eyes off the baby.

"I will do everything in my power to protect him," Severus said, "even if it costs my own life."

Severus placed a hand on Harry's shoulder. "It's time we go," he muttered, pulling Harry out of the pensieve, away from the memory and back into Severus' office.

I hope you guys like Chapter Five! Don't forget to review! I would love to know your feedback! =)

Chase'sGirl19