Chapter Six - It Falls On Me

This chapter is dedicated to my little sister, Ash90, Imaginer.012, musiclover103332, TheGorl, Dannielle-Jayde, spiffy2143, LunePrimus,dragon fier 20, WinkingSkeever, Faith the Border Collie and everyone else whose left a review and didn't let me forget this story, I truly appreciated it and I'm sorry for keeping you guys waiting.

As soon as Harry came out of the pensieve he stepped back as Professor Snape returned. He was ready for the scolding. He knew he deserved it for prying into the professor's memories once again.

"Sir, I didn't mean to look inside your pensieve! I was waiting for you and it was just there!"

The professor didn't say a word, his obsidian, black eyes were cold and void of emotion as he stalked towards the desk and grabbed the pensieve. Harry hated when Severus shut down his emotions to him, it was scary not knowing how he was going to act. So he waited in tensed silence, wondering if the professor would have an angry outburst that Harry experienced the first time he jumped into Severus' memories.

Once the Pensieve was locked away in its cabinet, the professor finally faced him, and said in a calm voice, "This is not the first time I've found you in my thoughts."

Harry examined Severus' face, and again he saw it. It was a look Harry couldn't quite understand. He knew the professor was holding back. He was hiding something. Harry averted his eyes away from the professor. He didn't want to see it again. He didn't want to be reminded of the familial relationship they had and the fact that it was cracked down the middle, possibly beyond repair. That thought made Harry's heart beat faster than usual, it was so fast that he felt his anxiety start to rise.

Things had been so complicated lately with Severus. It was hard to imagine how close they were during the end of summer, hard to believe that Severus Snape was beginning to be like a father figure to him. Why was everything so hard? Nothing was ever easy. It always had to be complicated. His parents, Sirius and now Severus! And the thing that was making it hard for Harry to breathe, was the fact that he didn't know what to make of Severus' calm tone. Harry was expecting a Dursley-like punishment, or maybe get things thrown at him like last time this happened, and preferred it, only to get it over with. Beatings and chores were normal for him, not a professor who was supposed to be a father figure with unreadable emotions. He wanted to trust Severus. If he could, then perhaps things could be better. When he told Severus on that last day of summer at the beach that he trusted him, Harry lied, or maybe it was only half the truth. Harry left out the word wish, I wish I can trust you, and he left out the word try, I'm going to try to trust you. All he said that day was I trust you. But It was a lie. He couldn't trust Severus, but he wanted to, he wanted to so much it hurt.

And as if it were never there, the look was gone, and his eyes were cold and unreadable once more. Severus stayed in front of the closed cabinet that hid the pensieve right behind his desk. Harry had backed away so that the desk was separating them, so that way he had closer access to the door, just in case.

"Take a seat, Harry, if you are worried about me throwing things at you, then you have nothing to fear. I'm not mad at you. In fact, I left that open for you to see those memories."

Taken aback, Harry ran his hand through his hair. He kept his gaze down on the floor. He wasn't sure if he should be mad at the manipulation or feel relieved that he wasn't in trouble. "You left it out on purpose, knowing I wouldn't resist looking inside?" Harry choked out. "You could've just told me to look inside instead of tricking me!"

Severus sat down at his desk. "Would you have listened?"

"Yeah…I might have…," Harry muttered, sitting down at the chair across from Severus, the large stone desk separating them. He felt his muscles loosened and become less tensed now that the possibility of getting punished had passed. Trying to calm himself down, Harry gazed around the office. It wasn't so long ago when he first arrived here last summer beaten and broken. So much has changed since than, yet this office was still the same. The desk was cluttered with stacks of student scrolls and books. A jar of quills sat at the corner next to a few opened pots of black and red ink. All around the walls, shelves hung with jars of things, green glowing things. He was too afraid to ask what they were. The fire was blazing softly in its grate, its orange and yellow flames dancing. Harry pulled his gaze back to the desk, refusing to look at the professor, just in case he saw that look again, just in case there was another sign that Severus was hiding something. Severus didn't say any more. The silence was heavy in the air. Harry knew he didn't believe him.

Harry sighed, "Okay, maybe not." He couldn't take the silence anymore. He just wanted to go back to Gryffindor tower and lay in his bed, where he could be alone and away from the Potions Professor who didn't understand.

"I wanted you to see…" Severus began.

Harry scowled. Not this again! he thought. His anxiety rose higher. He began to rub at his arm under his robes, out of sight. The burning pain from his nails scratching his skin seemed to help.

"How your mother was there for me. she entrusted me…"

"I don't want to talk!" Harry interrupted. The growing anxiety was causing him to act disrespectfully, but he didn't care at the moment. He just wanted to leave. "I'll rather just serve that detention I owe you. That is why I'm here, isn't it?"

Severus frowned at his words. "I was planning on you doing your detention another night, however, if that is your wish…" Harry can feel the professor study him with his dark gaze. It irritated Harry to no end. He was tired of the professor looking at him like that, like he was trying to figure him out!

"Can you stop looking at me like that!" Harry snapped. "I've already made it clear, I don't want to talk. There is no point to it. I already know you won't help me with Draco. And I know you're hiding something, but you won't admit it!" He continued to dig his nails into his skin.

Harry didn't need to look at the professor to know that his body went rigid. He could just tell. Severus Snape may be known for being a master at hiding emotions, but he still had his slip-ups. Harry knew him well enough by now to catch those rare moments. Severus composed himself once more, his voice calm, controlled, as he said, "and what makes you say that?"

"I just do," Harry muttered, still purposely keeping his eyes away from the professor.

"Harry, you need to learn to be more respectful towards me, I will not tolerate this behavior no longer. I think another detention will do until you learn to control yourself! And take your arms out of your robes! I'm not as dim-witted as you think!"

"Professor! Another detention?"

"Arms out now, Potter!" Severus snapped, all manner of control and patience was out the window, just like Harry, Severus had a short fuse.

This was so unfair! He was being treated like a little kid! Harry couldn't believe he had another detention. He had to spend another night with Severus Snape forcing him to talk about things he didn't want to talk about!

"I'm waiting!" Severus snapped.

Harry glared at the professor as he took his arms out of his robes.

Severus scowled at the sight of his red skin. "I will keep assigning more detentions until you learn to lose that attitude! I know you don't want to talk. I know you still can't trust me! However, I'm not going to allow you to push me away! I know this started with the issue of Draco. I've told you, he is not going to be left to fend for himself. Albus and I are handling it!"

Harry shook his head, his hands on the desk started to fidget with one of Severus' quills. The anxiety was getting worse. He needed to cut. He really needed to feel the pain he was feeling deep inside. He didn't fail to notice that Severus skirted around Harry's accusation of him, it proved he was hiding something. And it hurt that he couldn't trust his new dad, no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't, it was pulling them apart.

Severus took the quill out of Harry's hand. "I'm rather fond of that quill, if you don't mind."

"Sorry, sir," Harry muttered.

As if the professor were reading Harry's mind, he asked, "why can't you trust me on this?"

"I just feel like Draco's going to be sacrificed for the greater good. Whatever is going on, I know he's a Death Eater. What if Dumbledore uses that and then Draco's stuck on the wrong side, just like you. I can't trust you when you say he's going to be okay, because I know the danger he's in, and I don't see a way out for him."

"You need to have faith, Harry, in me and Professor Dumbledore. You forget Draco is my godson, whatever happens to him, I'll be there to protect him. You have my word."

Harry didn't know what else to say, he was tired, tired of arguing with his dad. He wanted to trust him on this so much, it hurt him deeply to know that he couldn't. This was the repercussion of growing up with the Dursleys, they stripped all trust away from him as they raised him with nothing but abuse and neglect. He loved Severus as a father, he really did, but trust was a whole different matter. It was going to take more time, a long time, for Harry to fully trust the adult figures in his life.

"I really want to trust you, dad, I really do but it's hard," Harry muttered. "I'm not even mad at you anymore. I'm sorry for being an asshole…." Harry felt shame redden his face. Looking back on his behavior, Severus was right to put him in detention. He could never control his emotions.

Severus picked up a quill from his desk. Harry watched him tap it with his wand, so the sharp point of the quill became round and smooth. He then reached over and handed it to Harry. "I don't care for this one, you can fidget with it as much as you like. I'll rather have you fidget than you scratching yourself."

Harry took the black quill. It was old, a little bent, and missing a few feathers. The point was smooth so he couldn't hurt himself with it.

"I know it's hard after what you've been through," Severus said. "You need to remember what you learned this summer. Do you remember that day on the beach? You told me you trusted me. Despite of those words not being true, I know you wanted them to be, so I need you to at least try. I can't have you pushing me away, and then end up resorting back to your old habits."

The anxiety inside Harry began to grow once more. He just needed to cut…He began to fidget with the quill. It wasn't a good alternative, but at least it gave his hands something to do other than scratching.

"You are not here for detention, you are here because I wanted to show you those memories in my pensieve. I wanted to show you how I grew up with barely an ounce of love, just like you. I know the pain, I understand it, I've lived with it. I know it's hard trusting the adults around you when you grew up not being able to trust the ones that raised you. I wanted to show you what Lily and I meant to each other, and how she wanted me to guide you, to protect you. She trusted me to you, her son, and so you can trust me."

"Sev .…" Harry began, but Severus held up his hand.

"No, I'm not finished. Remus told me about last night. I thought I told you to stay away from Draco."

Harry shook his head, fidgeting with the quill in his hands. "It was nothing. We just ran in to each other." He avoided Severus' disapproving face. He forced himself to not roll his eyes, as he said, "I can't avoid him forever! He is in some of my classes."

"I know you were following him! I also saw the scratches you left on Remus' arm."

Harry scowled, "it was an accident! I didn't realize what I was doing. I lost control."

"Be that as it may," Severus drawled. "I need you try and get your emotions under control. What you did to Remus was unacceptable! You need to apologize to him and thank him for taking care of you as soon as possible! And I will not allow you to be following Draco around, not when it will just end in you two dueling in the corridors! Stay away from him, do I make myself clear?"

Harry looked down at the now broken quill, "yes, sir," he said.

Severus reached over with his wand, Harry flinched a little and hoped Severus didn't notice.

"Reparo."

Harry watched the quill repaired itself.

"Care to explain what happened last night?" the professor asked.

"I don't want to talk about it." Harry muttered, he really didn't want to have this conversation. He was already embarrassed how Remus saw him yesterday. He just wanted to forget last night ever happened.

"Do I need to keep repeating myself for you to get the message, Potter? I need you to make an effort or this is never going to work!" Severus snapped.

Harry looked taken aback, "so what you'll take back the adoption?"

"No!" Severus shouted, causing Harry to flinch again. He finally looked at the professor who had his face in his hands. It was a few moments of silence until Severus finally put his hands down and looked at Harry, who averted his eyes away once more. He kept his eyes on the quill in his hands. He couldn't look at Severus, for he didn't want to see the secrecy and anger in his eyes.

"Harry, I didn't mean for you take it like that. That's not what I meant. You're my son and that's never going to change, no matter what happens. You can be angry with me as much as you want, to the point where you won't speak to me, you will still be a son to me and I will still love you."

Harry didn't reply, just kept his eyes on the quill, trying so hard to believe his dad, but ugly thoughts swirled in his head, You have a secret. I cannot trust you, what if you are lying right now? Those thoughts made him feel so guilty, he felt ashamed, and so he held his tongue, not saying a word as he tried to ignore those thoughts.

"I want you to look at me." Severus reached over, pulled the quill out of Harry's hands, setting it down on the desk. He then lifted Harry's chin, so their eyes connected. "Do you understand?" Harry searched his dad's eyes for any sign of secrecy that Harry had lately seemed to always find. But this time, there was none, only sincerity, love and concern.

"And don't you think I haven't noticed you flinching. Remember that I am not your uncle. I am never going to hurt you the way he did to you. I just meant you need to try on trusting me if we are ever going to be happy. If you don't, you are just going to push me away, and we'll constantly be fighting. Do you really want that sort of relationship for us?"

Harry pulled his face away from Severus' hand, feeling hot tears behind his eyes. Severus was right. He finally had a family and he was just messing it up.

"Don't push me away, kid, just tell me what happened," Severus said softly.

Harry sighed in defeat, Severus was right, he had to try… "I wasn't following Draco. I was going back to Gryffindor tower after my lesson with Dumbledore. I ran into him in the corridor. I tried to talk to him, but he was acting like his old, bastard-self."

"Language!" Severus sighed exhaustedly.

"Sorry, Professor," Harry said quickly before continuing with his story. He didn't want to stop now that he was finally telling Severus what happened.

"He wouldn't listen to me. We argued and he attacked me. I just wanted us to talk to each other like we used to during the summer, but he wouldn't drop the act. After Draco left, I think I had an anxiety attack that caused me to black out, because next thing I knew, I'm in Remus' office," Harry finished.

"Remus told me he found you hiding in the corridor, you were scratching yourself up."

Harry felt his cheeks blush in shame for what he did to Remus. "I remember him talking to me, I don't remember attacking him. I just remember him calming me down. I feel bad for hurting him. I lost control…."

"Remus knows you didn't mean to hurt him. He's very worried for you. Don't begrudge him for telling me what happened, I know you would've preferred me not knowing, but Remus thought this was best. Harry, even if we are fighting you need to still come to me when something like this happens and if you feel like you can't, then go to Remus or even your friends. I don't want this to happen again. What if Remus had not been there? What if someone else found you?"

"I know...," Harry said.

"Now tell me what triggered your anxiety last night?"

"I already …," Harry started but Severus interrupted him before he can finish.

"I want you tell me exactly what you were feeling that caused you to black out. I'm looking for what triggered you."

"I was upset after Draco left, my plan to talk to him failed. He didn't want to talk or have anything to do with me. I know he's in danger and he's feeling alone. He's pushing me away because of it, I can't let that happen. It was the pain I felt from him turning away from me, I kept remembering the first time we became friends and it just triggered it."

"Harry," Severus said. "It's not that Draco doesn't want to be friends with you anymore. He's stuck in this situation where if he fails, his family is on the line. He feels like he has no choice. Dumbledore and I are watching him. We will not let him succeed Voldemort's task."

"What is the task?" Harry asked.

"I cannot say, you know that."

"Yeah…." It was worth a try. Things would be so much easier if Harry wasn't left in the dark. He knew it was not Severus' choice, but Dumbledore's. He was the one in charge, the one keeping Harry in the dark. He wished the old headmaster would have more faith in Harry and tell him what was going on. The quill broke in half once more. Hot tears started to pour down Harry's face. He wiped them away, hating that he was starting to cry. He tried to hold it in, but it was just too much to take.

All the bad feelings that triggered him last night started to resurface; memories of he and Draco talking in Harry's bedroom, playing Quidditch at the Burrow, doing chores together, laughing at the kitchen table and doing homework together. He found a best friend in Draco that summer and now it was gone, as if the bond they developed was nothing. And what hurt so bad, was the fact that if it wasn't for this war, they would've been best friends from the start. They were divided because Draco was forced onto the beliefs of his parents, and now he was stuck on the wrong side of the war. Harry really could not see any way out for his friend, just like he couldn't see a way out for himself. He knew in the end it was going to come down to him and Voldemort. He and Draco's friendship was doomed from the start.

Harry hoped Severus and Dumbledore had a plan. At this point, he was starting not to care if they left him in the dark about it. What was the point of all this anyway? There was no guarantee that Harry might survive the last battle, and somehow, he was okay with that. For in the end, Draco was what mattered to Harry. Draco's life along with the people he loved. As long as they survived this war. Perhaps he should stop punishing Severus for the secrecy. It just wasn't fair, nothing ever was. Harry wanted his dad and him to be okay again, and to do that, he had to take that first step, and accept that Severus was forced to have secrets and Harry had to trust him.

"Harry, come on, son, I'm here," Severus got up from his chair and leant down to eye level to Harry.

He pulled Harry's hands apart. He didn't realize he was scratching himself again. His chest was tight with the pressure of not breathing.

Am I having another attack? What is wrong with me! Harry felt more tears run down his face.

"Look at me, son," Severus said gently. He placed one of Harry's hands on his chest. Harry felt his dad's beating heart. It began to calm him down as Severus then instructed Harry to breathe. After a while the pressure began to release, and Harry let out a deep breath. He then flung himself at Severus, hugging his dad hard, burrowing his face into his chest where he could feel the soft robes against his cheeks and smell the scent of herbs used for potions. It began to calm him, and he stopped crying. Severus hugged him back until Harry began to pull away, rubbing his eyes.

"I'm sorry." Harry's voice cracked; his throat was on fire.

"There is no need to apologize." Severus got up and sat on the chair next to Harry's instead of his usual place behind his desk. "Give me your arm."

Harry did what he was told and watched as Severus lifted his sleeves and healed the scratch marks and red skin, until there was no sign of Harry's most recent breakdown.

Severus then took Harry's hand and did an unfamiliar wand movement, then tapped his hand gently. Harry watched his nails glow bright pink, brighter than usual. After a few moments when the glow began to diminish, Severus performed the same spell on his other hand.

Harry pulled his hand away and watched the fading pink glow, then looked at Severus in confusion. "Sir?"

"I've been doing research over the spell for weeks. Last night I finally perfected the change I created on the movement to make it stronger, hopefully it can withstand your accidental magic when you get emotional."

"You spent weeks researching for me?"

Severus nodded, "I needed to find a way to help you with this habit of your's. Your accidental magic is uncommonly strong and unfortunately tied to your emotions. All the stress lately from the war is making you regress; I will not allow that."

Harry nodded.

"You understand you are on probation again for hurting yourself last night, that means restriction of your wand," Severus said.

"Professor, I need my wand!"

"I'm sorry, kid, but you broke your word," Severus said. "You promised me you'll try to stop, and that you will go to me or Remus if needed."

"I know…" Harry stopped himself from saying anything more. He knew the professor was right. Harry had promised and he broken his word. Severus warned him of the consequences.

"Now, I've worked out a plan," Severus explained. "Remus will oversee to your wand, to not cause any suspicion from the Slytherin students about me going soft on you. You will have access to your wand during school hours. You are not allowed to go off alone with or without your wand. If you need to step out of class, you leave your wand with your professor and make sure you always have one of your Gryffindor friends with you. At the end of your last class, you will take your wand back to Remus. If you need to to do homework with your wand, you'll join study hall so that way you are in everyone's line of sight. This castle is large and I won't be able to watch you every second with our course schedules, this is important that you follow the rules and that you come to me, Remus or even your friends when you're having trouble. Is that clear?"

"This seems like too much trouble, I don't want to be a bother to you or Remus," Harry said.

Severus stared at Harry and said so sincerely. "You're not a bother to us. You are important, your safety is what matters most to us and we'll do anything we can to help you."

Harry stared down at his hands and nodded, he could feel his cheeks burning red. He'll never get used to people caring for him.

"Dobby!" Severus suddenly called. The house-elf appeared less than a second with a loud crack.

Harry looked at Severus then back at Dobby, wondering what this was about.

"Yes, Master Snape, sir? And Harry Potter!" The house-elf squeaked, turning around and catching sight of Harry. His eyes grew wide and his lips turned into a huge smile.

"Hi Dobby," Harry grinned.

"It's good to see you, Harry Potter!" The house-elf greeted, bowing at Harry.

"There's no need to do that….," Harry stated feeling embarrassed with his dad watching.

"Dobby, gather up Potter's belongings in his trunk and bring them to me," Severus ordered.

"Yes, Professor Snape, sir," Dobby disappeared and was back within minutes with Harry's heavy trunk.

"That will be all, Dobby." Severus stood up and opened the trunk.

Dobby bowed low to the ground and was gone with another loud crack.

"Professor, do you really have to do this again?" Harry groaned. He didn't want his things to be sorted through again.

"Harry, like I've said before, you broke your word. I warned you of the consequences! What would've happened if Remus haven't found you?" Severus rifled through his belongings confiscating the items that could be used for self-harm. "This time, I'm leaving you your cloak on Dumbledore's orders."

"He wants me to keep my cloak?"

"He fears you might have need of it for protection and I agree. I don't want you to be defenseless, keep it with you at all times, especially when you don't have access to your wand. If you use that cloak to hide while you hurt yourself, I will know!" Severus added with a scowl.

Harry sighed in exasperation, "yes, sir."

Once Severus was done taking certain items out, he vanished them to a locked cabinet then sent Harry's trunk back up with Dobby.

"Are we done now? Can I go to bed?"

"One moment…," Severus said. "Hand me your wand."

Harry held on tight to it. He just gotten it back and now he had to give it away again.

"Harry…," Severus glared at him, holding out his hand.

"Fine," he muttered and gave it to Severus, feeling a sense of loss without it. At least this time he'll have access to it during lessons and study hall.

Harry then stood up, walking towards the door. He didn't want to watch Severus store his beloved holly and phoenix wand away.

"And one more thing," Severus said before Harry could place his hand on the door. "Before you go, I want you to think carefully of what you saw in the pensieve tonight. Your mother entrusted me to watch over you, your father entrusted Remus to watch over you. If you cannot trust me or Remus, then trust your parent's judgment. Remember, everything I do is in your best interest and for Dumbledore and his plan for the outcome of this war, which is to be successful. Do you understand?"

"My mum... when she died …were you friends again at that time?"

"We were, but not as close as we once were."

"And she still wanted you to protect me if anything happened?"

"She never once had doubts. She was certain of her choice to trust me to you and your dad always entrusted Remus to you if anything shall happen to Black. I'm sorry that things didn't turn out as they wished. We just had no say against Dumbledore's plans for you after they died."

"You and Remus should've fought against him. I would've been much safer with you guys than the Dursleys. You let me go to them, you didn't keep me safe." Harry regretted saying it but it was true, and he saw the pain in Severus' eyes as the words were spoken.

"I know, Harry, believe me, that's one of our greatest mistakes, but now I'm trying to make up for that."

"I know and that's why I'm trying to trust you."

"I know you are and I'll be here waiting, for however long it takes."

Harry nodded, still at the door, and for once at a loss of words. He was moved by what his dad had said to him.

"Have a goodnight, son."

"Goodnight, Sev."

Harry opened the door and left the office, feeling a little bit better than he had in days. Severus was right, he was just pushing him away instead of trying to trust him. He made a promise to himself that he would try, and he would also follow Remus' advice and keep an eye on Draco through the map. If anything suspicious happens, then he would let his dad or Remus know, because he had to trust them, he had no other option.

And true to his word, Harry stayed up half the night watching the map, tracking down Draco but he couldn't find him. It was so strange. Perhaps it was a glitch in the map, but the map never had problems before. It was a legacy left behind by the Marauders, it was flawless. No it couldn't be a glitch… Draco was up to something. And he made it a point to tell Remus about this as soon as he could tomorrow before falling asleep with the map in his hands.

Harry may have forgotten to do what Severus instructed, to think about the memories that were shown to him in the pensieve, yet his conscious refused to let those memories go. For dreams of Lily holding a newly born Harry and placing him in the arms of a young and hesitant Severus, swirled around in a foggy haze, before everything began to go dark. And now Harry was standing alone in a dark circular room that looked vaguely familiar with a winding staircase. Draco was there, standing next to him, eyes wide in fear as a shrill laugh came from somewhere above of which Harry couldn't see.

"Draco!" Harry shouted, but his friend never gave a hint or sign that he knew Harry was there standing besides him. Draco began to fade away, leaving him alone and screaming, causing the Harry in the waking world to toss and turn in his sleep as he dreamed of Draco fading away, out of reach where Harry couldn't find him, leaving him alone.


A couple of weeks went by and Harry found himself weighed down by a heavy weight of stress on his shoulders. With Ron's help to activate the map with his wand, Harry spent the last few nights watching Draco, trying to figure out why he kept disappearing on the map. He hadn't had a chance to speak to Remus about the map due to problems like having to complete all of Severus' detentions of scrubbing cauldrons. Hagrid being mad at him, Ron, and Hermione for dropping his Care of Magical Creatures' class. Remus' DADA class was intense, yet, still everyone's favorite class. Remus seemed to have intensified the course for the 6th years, teaching the class the best spells to use in dueling and how to defeat dark creatures. The homework he assigned kept them up all night in the common room and library. Severus' Potions class was tough as well but with the help of the Prince, Harry was able to keep up, although, he never missed the suspicious glances Severus sent Harry every time he inspected one of his potions.

Not only were his lessons intense, to everyone's surprise, and to Severus' dismay, Dumbledore had hired a second Potions Professor to take over the younger students' Potions class. Severus wouldn't give up his 5-7th years with exams coming up. Harry had never seen Severus in such a foul mood, he seemed to take this second Potions Master as an insult. Dumbledore claimed that Severus could take a load of coursework off so that way he could be more useful to the Order of the Phoenix. Severus was offended, but nothing could be done about it. All the students made sure they stayed out of his way in the corridors. Harry learned quickly that he didn't like Professor Slughorn. He seemed to be a collector of famous people and contacts. He even formed this new Slug Club. Harry, who now spent some of his time trying to avoid him, could see why Severus was always in a foul mood around Slughorn.

Right now, Defense Against the Dark Arts was almost at an end.

"That's enough for today," Remus said.

The spells stopped and students quieted down as Remus began to explain the homework. Once they were finally dismissed, Harry hung back to give Remus back his wand and he wanted to ask him a few questions about the map. Severus' plan had been successful. Remus oversaw Harry's wand and made sure it was where it was always supposed to be.

Harry stayed at his desk until the last of the students left the classroom. Ron and Hermione agreed to wait outside of class. On Severus' orders they weren't allowed to leave Harry alone. Once they received that order, Harry was forced to tell them what happened. Hermione tried her best to not cry and Ron's face was set in determination to make sure that it didn't happen again. They were also upset that Harry kept his self-harm from them and his following around Draco schemes. Pushing their disappointed and worried faces out of his mind, Harry watched Remus pack away his books and notes. He couldn't help but notice once more how tired and thin the werewolf looked. His hair was grayer, the bags under his eyes were deep and dark.

Remus suddenly looked up and smiled. "Harry, how did you like the lesson?" Harry could see his smile didn't reach his green eyes. They didn't bear their usual warmth. They were haunted, and he wondered if it was due to Remus being kept awake by nightmares like himself. He never did really discuss his time of captivity with Grayback.

"It was brilliant, Professor," Harry said, suddenly feeling a bit hesitant with what he wanted to say, Remus already had enough on his plate.

"Thank you," Remus said, leaning against the desk. "You'll find the spells I'm teaching useful if the need of them arises. The Ministry may disapprove of my curriculum, but I want you and the students to be prepared. I don't want to shield you, but rather give you a fighting chance with what is out there."

"Is that why you're so hard on us now? You want us to learn these spells because…"

"They might save your life," Remus finished, walking towards him. "Now Harry, what is it that you need to tell me, I can tell there is more on your mind than my lessons."

Remus stood in front of him, patiently waiting for him.

"I've been doing what you've told me," Harry said, taking the map out of the pockets of his robes. "I've been watching Draco. Has the map ever had a glitch or made mistakes before?"

"No, that's not possible. I spent years perfecting that map. There's no way for it to make mistakes. Why do you ask?"

"It's just when I'm watching Draco on the map, sometimes I can't find him."

"That's very peculiar, do you mind if I take a look?"

Harry handed him the map.

Remus took it, opening it up and spreading it out on Harry's desk.

"I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good," he muttered.

Harry watched as he examined the map, muttering a few spells and tapping at it with his wand every few minutes. Harry could see some of the moving dots on the page. Ron and Hermione were just outside waiting for him. Severus was in his office. He then searched for Draco until he found his dot moving in one of the corridors.

After awhile, Remus closed it up and handed it back to Harry. "It appears to be okay. That's very strange, it's never made a mistake before unless he's leaving the grounds, that's all I can think of. When he disappears, is it the same time everyday?"

"No it's very random. It mainly happens at night, sometimes it's during the day, always at different times."

"Keep watching, Harry, something is bound to pop up. The map doesn't make mistakes, that means it's something Draco is doing. I'll inform Severus of this so he knows what is going on."

Harry nodded, trying not to feel hopeless. He really hoped Remus might had more helpful answers to this mystery that kept him up at night and if he did, he wasn't telling him. At least he had gotten one theory that made sense, but it brought more questions with it. How on earth was Draco leaving the grounds so often without getting caught? He picked up his bag, made sure the map was hidden in his robes next to his invisibility cloak and handed Remus his wand. They were just saying their goodbyes when suddenly they were interrupted by a witch with mousy, brown hair.

It was Tonks, but she seemed sad, not her usual vibrant self.

"Remus …" she greeted then stopped at the sight of Harry. "Wotcher Harry."

"Hello, Tonks," Harry greeted. "How's Mad Eye?"

"Paranoid as usual," she said, glancing at Remus, her cheeks grew a bit pink, matching her now pink hair color.

Harry watched as their eyes met. "Harry, why don't you go on and catch up to your friends. I need a word with Tonks," Remus said, clearly dismissing him.

"Okay…"

Harry eyed them suspiciously and then left the room wondering why Tonks was acting all weird with Remus. They had nothing in common and in were no way connected. It was weird she was needing his company. He wondered if Severus knew about this sudden friendship. Was it even a friendship that was going on? He knew Severus and Remus were fighting recently and he hoped it wasn't because Tonks was coming between them, was his last thought before joining his best friends for lunch at the Great Hall.


The afternoon passed quickly for Severus, especially since he didn't have his first year class after lunch. Trying not to get worked up again over Albus handing over half his classes to Slughorn, Severus decided to visit Remus who should also be done with lessons for the day. He tapped at the portrait door of the werewolf's office and heard a soft "enter". Severus stepped into the office, finding Remus at his desk, sorting through an alarmingly high pile of student scrolls.

"I see you've fallen behind on paperwork."

Remus chuckled, "I've over reached a bit with homework this week, and I want to get all the grading done before the full moon next week. It scares me to think how big the pile will be if I don't finish these this weekend."

"Oh, I thought you might want to have a chat over tea, but it if you need help you need only to ask, especially now that I'm only teaching the 5th, 6th and 7th years."

Remus kept his eyes on the scroll he was correcting and chuckled at Severus again. "I take it you're still angry about Slughorn?"

Severus scowled at the reminder. He came here to forget about it, not discuss it. Yet since Slughorn had arrived, they've both been busy with lessons and the issues with Harry's recent breakdown and detentions, he hadn't yet to hear Remus' thoughts on the matter. Now that the chance had arrived, he became rather interested. So he held his tongue, restraining himself from snapping out a remark, and forced his voice down to a calmer tone than he originally intended. "Yes I am, you've never told me what you thought about this nonsense."

"I doubt it is only to give you more time for the Order. You've never had a problem keeping up with your duties before. I figure it has to be due to Harry's lessons with Albus. Albus must want something from Slughorn and the only way to get it is through Harry. You know how Slughorn is, we've had him as a professor during our time here. Slughorn loves to surround himself with students that have potential to become something great. No doubt he'll try everything he can to get Harry in his Slug Club, and Albus may use that to his advantage. I wouldn't be surprised if Harry finds himself having to work to get into his good graces very soon on Albus' orders."

"You should've been in Ravenclaw," Severus said, mulling over what Remus said. "How did you come up with this theory?"

Remus shrugged as he continued to write on the scroll he was working on. After a few moments, he said, "It's the only reason I can think of that makes sense. I mean why else would Albus pull Slughorn out of retirement?"

Severus sat down on the squishy and threadbare armchair in front of Remus' desk, mulling over what the werewolf said. It did sound like Albus to have some brilliant scheme up his sleeve.

"Now did you come here only to discuss matters on Albus and Slughorn or do you care for a cup of tea?" Remus asked, putting away the scroll and placing it on the small pile of graded assignments.

"I would care for a cup of tea with you Remus, only if you let me help you with your work."

Remus pulled out his wand and with a quick wave, the kettle was placed in the fireplace with boiling water.

"As long as your corrections are reasonable."

"I am reasonable! You're just too soft on these kids," Severus snapped as he grabbed a scroll, a deep red ink bottle, and a raggedy and bent looking quill.

Time began to pass and the pile of student work began to grow smaller than the pile of the graded scrolls. Remus suddenly stopped and stretched then refilled their tea cups. Severus put down his quill and rolled up Dean Thomas' paper which he gave a respectable A, it was really a D, but he kept true to his word to Remus that he'll be reasonable.

"Harry spoke to me today," Remus said.

"How is he doing in your class?"

"Excellent as always. He told me Draco has been acting oddly on the Marauder's Map."

"I still don't like that you encouraged him to watch Draco…I can tell he is losing sleep over it."

"I did it to give him something to do, to keep him busy and feel a part of your and Albus' plan. And to keep him from feeling left out and doing something drastic."

"You might be onto something," Severus said, they made eye contact for a second, holding each other's gaze for a couple of moments before Severus, growing suddenly shy, looked away. "What did Harry say to you?"

"Draco's been disappearing on the map. That map is perfect and never mistakes anyone's location. That means…"

"Draco is leaving school grounds," Severus finished for him.

Remus nodded.

Severus scowled, "I'll corner the boy as soon as I can and get the truth out of him!"

"Slytherins," Remus chuckled, tossing a scroll at him. "Always resorting to drastic measures, just don't traumatize the boy, Severus, you're scary enough with that scowl of yours."

Severus chuckled, he couldn't help it. It was rare to see Remus act like the Marauder he used to be, playful and a jokester. He used to have the childish air of the Weasley twins. It was sad to see that spirit gone, but worth everything to see it spark once in awhile in those eyes and that mischievous smile. Severus couldn't help but notice how he glowed in the half light of the dying candles. And before he knew it, he was saying, "I've been wanting to ask you if you wanted to go down to the Hogshead pub Saturday night after dinner for a drink. The pub is a bit run downed and usually empty, we shouldn't be bothered there."

Am I asking him out on a date? Severus realized in horror. Please say yes... he would surely die of embarrassment if rejected. He wasn't used to asking someone out. He wasn't used to showing someone this side of him.

"Severus, I'm touched," Remus looked at him, his eyes full of earnest and guilt. Severus' stomach churned in horror as Remus continued, his voice sounding very far away.

"I'm sorry, Severus, I cannot. You see, Tonks and I have made plans to have dinner at the Three Broomsticks tomorrow night."

Severus came back to reality, trying to ignore the sick feeling in his stomach of rejection. "Why are you going out with her?" He hated himself for saying those words. Why did he always get so nasty at times like this? The worst of him always showed when he was hurt.

"We are friends, and she asked, plus she's having trouble with coming to terms of Sirius' death. She wants to talk about it, and well, I'm the only one left that was close to him besides Harry. It'll be good for both of us."

So he's ditching me to be with a girl that likes him so they can talk about his dead ex!

"That's hogwash and you know it! It's just an excuse to talk to you, she barely knew Black. It's obvious she likes you!"

"Severus, don't say that!" Remus shot back, glaring hazel-green eyes didn't erase the rage growing inside Severus.

His hands were shaking, Severus stood up. He wasn't gonna do this, if Remus wanted to hang around with that love-struck clumsy witch then so be it!

"Enjoy your date, I'll be at the Hogshead tomorrow night waiting for you to come to your senses."

He knew he was being childish, but he couldn't stand that witch going after Remus! Why did she have to choose his werewolf out of any other eligible bachelor? It had to be Remus! He left the office before Remus could say another word, he just didn't want to hear it or be around the werewolf at the moment. He didn't want Remus to see how deeply affected Severus was by this.


Saturday evening was finally here and still no sign of Remus coming to apologize and accept his invitation. That means he chose the witch. Severus had spent the whole day grading and lesson planning. His brain felt like a pile of mush and the quiet corridors were now growing noisy from over excited students returning from a day at the Hogsmead village. Harry was returning among them with his friends. Severus had given him some pocket money that morning after breakfast for butterbeer, surgery treats and products from Zonkos, a poplar joke shop of the Hogwarts students. He usually disapproved of spending his money on wasteful teenage things, but he had done it in hopes that the boy will let loose for the day and act like a care-free teen. He couldn't help but remember how Harry had blushed and refused the coins at first, then accepted it when Severus scowled in annoyance. Harry stammered his thanks, then gave him a quick hug before joining his friends. A hug that took Severus by surprise, for the boy never initiated any sort of affectionate contact like that, and so Severus always tried to appreciate it during Harry's rare moments.

Severus pulled his attention back to grading essays. Ronald Weasley's was next. He ran his hands through his hair in frustration at Weasley's stupid, bullshit of an essay. His thoughts wandered to Remus and how he could make Severus blush with one glance of those forest-green eyes. He wasn't at all surprised that Remus hadn't yet to show himself. Severus deserved his absence for the way he acted last night. He couldn't contain his jealousy over the witch and it made him look like a fool. Maybe Remus was better off with her tonight. Severus stretched and rubbed his face at his embarrassment of his actions. Yes, he was a prat yesterday, but there was still hope. He glanced at the clock, there was still time for Remus to come by, and so Severus pulled himself together, focusing his attention back on the essay.

Once he couldn't bare to read and grade anymore, he decided that he had given the blasted wolf enough time, he wasn't coming!

Severus lit his path by the tip of his wand as he walked to Hogsmead. With a night as quiet and peaceful as this one, it was hard to believe that the wizarding world was going through a war. That outside these walls, there were people dealing with death, people living in fear. It was easy to pretend that things were normal when one can bury themselves with school work, but the war would always find its way through the castle walls, it made it self known each morning through the Daily Prophet. This morning it was the death of Hannah Abbot's mother. She was murdered by Death Eaters and Severus hated himself for not being able to save her. He had no idea that she was targeted. It has been awhile since he was called into service by the Dark Lord. A good couple of weeks of not being in mortal danger and he should be grateful, relieved even, but it terrified him. The Dark Lord's silence was something to be afraid of. And for the thousandth time, Severus wished to his very core that he can just take Harry and go into hiding. Just wait it out until the war has ended. Then reality brought him back to his senses and he knew those wishes were foolish and far fetched. For due to his dreadful connection with the Dark Lord, Severus could never escape the war and neither can his son. He hated that Harry was at the center of it without a choice, Severus had a choice and he made it and so, he had to pay for it.

Lost in his brooding thoughts about the war, they started to lead him to the terrible promise he must full-fill for Albus, of which he immediately shut them down, refusing to get lost in that. In doing so, Severus suddenly found himself in front of the Hogshead pub. He pulled up the hood of his cloak, not wishing to be seen or bothered by anyone before entering the worn down building. He ignored the strange and few occupants in the pub as he sat himself down at the furthest and darkest booth.

After Severus finished his first goblet of dark red wine, he had completely given up waiting for Remus to show himself. He didn't know why Remus suddenly needed the company of Nymphadora Tonks, wasn't Severus enough? She could never understand the trauma Remus had gone through during the past summer, how he fought against everyone, including himself for his life. She will never understand, and yet, Remus chose her company over him. Severus finished his goblet of wine at that thought, as if it would numb the gut-wrenching pain he felt from it.

As Severus started his second goblet of wine, a glass of honey mead suddenly appeared in front of him.

"Are you alright, Severus? You're looking a bit peaky."

Severus slammed his goblet down hard on the wooden and worn table.

"What are you doing here!" he snapped.

"Is it a crime to join you for a drink, Severus? I've just returned from the Ministry concerning Mrs. Abbot's death. Pomona as Hufflepuff head of house, accompanied Hannah home."

"I couldn't save her, Albus," Severus sighed, staring into his goblet of wine. He didn't want to see pity or disappointment in those piercing blue eyes he sometimes hated.

"I know, It's not your fault, Severus. No matter how hard we try, there are always going to be casualties."

"I haven't had a call in weeks, since that night…"

"That night you refused to take Harry to him?"

"I was punished greatly that night, I might still be getting punished for it. He may have believed me but there is still room for doubt. Why else would he be so distant to me?" Severus said, finally looking up at the old wizard who's cheerful manner evaporated from the melancholy conversation.

"I don't think he doubts you, Severus, I believe he is laying low in hope to spread fear among us. Abbot's death may just be the work of Death Eaters out of control and not under his orders."

Severus just shook his head and drank some more wine. Albus suddenly put a gentle hand on his shoulder, leaning closer to Severus, so he was forced to make eye contact with him. Severus was relived to find only sorrow and compassion, as Albus said, "Just be vigilant as always. As long as we follow the plan, things can go our way for this war and it will be all because of you and Harry."

At the mention of his son, Severus felt his heart squeeze in fear for him as they held eye contact for another moment before Severus looked away to sip his wine. He didn't need to raid Albus' brain to know what he was thinking. For in the end, it was going to come down to Albus, Severus, and then it would be Harry.

"You should be proud of your son," Albus said, taking a few sips of his mead.

"I'm always proud of him," Severus said. "And even if he chose to go into hiding instead of fighting, I'll go with him and I'll still be proud."

"Severus… you know that will never be a possibility, you know Harry better than anyone, he'll never run."

"I know! I just can't help but wish he wasn't too much like his bloody Gryffindor parents! Things would be very different if he was a Slytherin."

"Yes, different indeed….," Albus said, sipping his mead as they sat in silence for a few moments, then the old wizard added, "Alas, wishes won't save this war, Severus. It is up to us and what we are willing to sacrifice. You need to be prepared to do what you promised, no matter how painful it's going to be. Harry is strong. He'll get through it and I promise to you that he'll know in the end, you did it for him."

"That's all I ask, Albus. I made my promise to you, and I always keep my word. You have nothing to fear of me betraying you. I'm loyal to you until the end because I know you'll get us through this war, but I can't deny that it's tearing me up inside. I know very soon I'm going to have to fulfill it and it kills me to think of Harry and how it will affect him, especially after everything we went through that led to us becoming a family. It tears my soul to pieces to know I have to hurt my son this way."

Severus stopped to finish up his wine, he didn't know why he was suddenly revealing all of what was bothering him, maybe he should lay off the wine. Albus stayed silent, watching him with that same sorrowful and compassionate look. It was better than pity, so Severus felt comfortable enough to continue, "It pains me to admit this, Albus, tell no one or I'll look you in the eye and completely deny it. The promise I must do for you, it falls on me, the outcome of the war, it falls on me and that scares me, especially to do it alone once you're…once you're gone. And I know this is what you want, this is your choice. I cannot see the future but because you believe it must go this way, I know it will be okay, I know it's going to be bright."

"I shall never reveal the fears you carry, Severus." Albus finished his mead and clasped Severus on the shoulder once more. "Don't you worry my son, don't be afraid, we will do this together. I couldn't have had a better person to this with, to fight for the light with me."

And they sat together for a third round of drinks, no longer speaking about war or fear or betrayals and chasing the light, they were just two colleagues enjoying each other's company before heading back to Hogwarts.

Author's Note:

Hey everyone I'm back! I'm sorry for the long hiatus, it was due to school and then having two jobs so I needed a break from writing. Now things are calmer in my life so I'm continuing this fanfic! My goal is to at least get one chapter a month up. Please let me know if you guys spot any mistakes, typos, and especially grammar issues, cus I suck with grammar lol, and please leave reviews on what you guys think or what you hope to see! If it wasn't for your reviews asking me when I'm gonna post, I probably would've never started this again, so my sincere gratitude to you all! -Chase'sGirl19