Chapter Seven - I See You

The days passed with Severus avoiding Remus. Every time Severus had the misfortune to pass the werewolf in the corridors, he always made sure to look away, avoiding that hazel-green gaze. Every time he felt them on him, he lost all feeling in his legs, his heart threatened to beat out of his chest and it took all he could to keep moving and not go to him. Severus wanted to apologize for his behavior but he couldn't do it. His pride stopped him. He knew he was being a stubborn fool. These was always his flaws, prideful, stubbornness, a bloody temper and they always got in his way. And what was worse than Severus seeing Remus in the halls, was when they were assigned guard duty together, patrolling the corridors with the members of the Order of the Phoenix. From Severus' post he could sometimes see them patrolling the corridors together. The witch was always besides Remus. He was always making her laugh as Severus watched jealously from the shadows, wishing he was the one in Tonk's place, laughing at Remus' Marauderish behavior; that was so rare to see these days. He noticed that Tonks was bringing that playful side out of Remus again. He looked happier around her, joking and laughing. It seemed to help his depression a bit. Severus hated that affect the witch had on him.

It should be me! Severus would think, watching them together as Remus' smile would brighten up the cold halls of Hogwarts. Why couldn't I have that affect on him? What does he see in that blasted, clumsy witch? And he felt like this was a Lily and James Potter situation all over again. The person most dear to him was falling for another. And Severus was forced to watch in the shadows, forgotten.

Severus spent several sleepless nights such as this one, tossing and turning, berating himself for being jealous, foolish, prideful and a coward. Why couldn't he just be brave and admit he was wrong and apologize? He hated himself for being a coward. It was hard to go through the day without a single smile across the room from Remus. It was hard to think that he once hated the wolf with a passion and now he'll give anything for that smile. Severus turned on his back, staring up at the ceiling and wondered if Remus was awake several floors above thinking of him, like Severus who was desperately trying to figure out how to apologize. And most of all would Remus forgive him?

Severus had only managed to sleep a couple of hours before his alarm forced him awake. Feeling like death, he dressed in his usual black robes, ate breakfast alone in his quarters this time because he couldn't bare the sight of Remus yet or feel the loneliness from the absence of a smile. He was feeling grumpy from the lack of sleep this morning and that was the last thing he could bare. This morning there was to be a staff meeting with the Order before classes started and Severus was dreading it, for it would force them in the same room together. He just wanted to skive it off but he would certainly hear it from Albus.

Moments later, Severus arrived to the staff room where most of the staff were already congregating amongst each other. Thankfully, Remus hadn't arrived yet, so Severus could settle down and get ready for the meeting in peace. His arms loaded down with books and scrolls for his classes that day, he made his way to the far right corner to his favorite armchair and placed his load on the side table. Before sitting down he decided to grab a cup of coffee from the coffee/tea bar. As he was pouring black coffee in a mug, Minerva McGonagall made her way over from the group of professors towards him. Severus sighed inwardly, he wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone.

"Severus, it's nice to see you out and about this morning, where have you been hiding lately?"

"Minerva, pleasure as always to see you as well. I've been rather busy keeping up with the higher division coursework. I'm so glad Albus decided take the load of the younger students off me, if he hadn't, I most likely wouldn't be faring as well." His voice dripped with sarcasm that Minerva didn't miss, causing her to smile.

"Oh, Severus, Albus has his reasons, you know that. He doesn't think you're an incompetent teacher."

Severus just shook his head and gestured to the empty armchairs. "Care to sit with me?" he asked. Maybe her company wasn't all bad. He always did prefer Minerva's presence more than his other coworkers.

"I'll love to, Severus," she poured herself some tea, and together they made their way to their seats.

Once they were settled, Severus asked, "Now Minerva, what is it that made you seek my company this morning?"

Minerva frowned at the question, her lips so thin in her grimace, that Severus knew whatever was bothering her couldn't be good. "It's about Draco Malfoy," she said, the frustration she felt with the boy was heard in every word of that sentence.

Severus felt his stomach churn over in frustration of that kid, he can guess where this conversation was heading, for he also was having problems with him during lessons. He hadn't even had a chance to talk to Draco either for he was always avoiding him.

"He hasn't been turning in his assignments and he's not paying attention in class. He is distracted, tired, unfocused and more ruder than usual, and I'm sure he's been acting out in his other classes as well," Minerva continued.

As the formidable witch spoke, out of the corner of his eye, Severus noticed Remus enter the staff room with Tonks besides him.

And it took everything in him to not react...

It took everything in him to keep his gaze on Minerva. He was glad he was holding a cup of coffee, for it prevented his hands from shaking from nervousness.

When Minerva paused, he realized she was waiting for an answer, and so he cleared his throat, forcing his voice to sound strong and collected.

"Yes, he's been like that in mine as well. I've noticed his behavior."

"Good, then maybe you can talk sense into that boy," Minerva said as she took a tentative sip of her hot tea. Severus sipped his coffee as well, barely tasting it as he regained his composure, hiding his feelings under his mask.

"Now, I know Malfoy has always been difficult to deal with," Minerva continued. "However, he's never let his grades slip. That is why I always gave him the benefit of the doubt to not suspend him for his past antics, because he was always serious about his studies. I've talked to the other professors and they all say he is falling behind due to missing assignments. Now, don't feel like I'm berating you, Severus, but this behavior has gone on long enough. We all hate to see him lose his way like this. I'm really hoping you can talk sense into Malfoy and get him back on track, before it's too late for him to catch up."

"I hear you, Minerva, and I will talk to him. I don't care what is going on with him, this behavior is no excuse. I shall assign him detention until he catches up. In those detentions he'll complete all of his missing assignments. I'll talk to him as soon as possible."

Severus knew exactly what was going on with Draco, but he didn't voice it to Minerva. Draco's task sounded like it wasn't going well. That meant Severus' time was running out to stop Draco from doing something stupid, and so he made it a point to talk to the boy by the end of the day.

"Thank you, Severus, I'm sorry to burden you this morning."

"Don't apologize, Minerva, thank you for telling me all of this. I'll make it a point to talk to Malfoy by the end of the day."

Minerva nodded her thanks, and together they enjoyed each other's company by talking about their lessons and the students. Severus always loved receiving advice from the formidable and wise witch, whose teaching experience was something Severus always respected. He was glad of the chit-chat, for it allowed Severus to regain his composure and not lose it in front of the entire staff and Order members. He couldn't bare the thought of them seeing him blush over a bloody werewolf!

Remus and Tonks took seats at the opposite side of the room among the Order members. He could feel Lupin's eyes on him, but Severus kept his attention on Minerva, never once backing down. The jealousy and rage that started this argument resurfaced, reminding him why he was angry at the wolf. He knew he was being petty and childish, but Severus had dealt with rejection all his life, until he grew close to Remus, who welcomed him in with open arms, giving him a comfortable friendship that allowed Severus to open up and show his true self underneath the hard iron mask he always wore, only for Lupin to crush it at the first witch who took an interest in him.

"Thank you for meeting me all here today…" Albus began.

Severus let Albus continue on about himself having to leave during certain periods throughout the school year, no one bothered to ask why, for they knew it was important information that couldn't be revealed. Extra patrols and guards needed to be stationed during his absences, as if all of them didn't have enough to do already, especially the Hogwarts professors.

Albus' words were soon lost on Severus. He couldn't pay attention. It wasn't like him to neglect his duties and act like a love-struck teenager, but he couldn't help it. Remus Lupin would one day be the death of him.

And how could one simple conversation between them on a Saturday evening turn into this? How did it lead to them not speaking to each other? There were a million different ways how that evening could've ended, a million different ways on how Severus could've reacted to Remus going out with Tonks, but he chose to act out aggressively on his jealousy and pride.

Now in this full room of professors and Order members, Severus was sitting not next to Remus, but with Minerva. He imagined a different reality where Severus acted better that night. Remus could've been sitting here in this chair, passing whispered conversations and jokes, or sharing the advice and conservations about students and lessons with Severus and Minerva. Severus so much wanted to be in that reality. Why couldn't he just gain the courage to apologize and admit that whatever was going on between them, was more than friendship? They have kissed twice in the past, that must mean something...

And it was killing Severus to think about that, killing him slowly as he wondered what was going on in Remus' head. Was he hurting as well or was he happy with her? He didn't want to know the answer to that question. Maybe it was for the best that he chose her, after all Severus couldn't offer a future for him because of Albus…

Albus soon ended the meeting to Severus' relief. He chased away the thoughts of Albus' task. He didn't want to dwell on that hopelessness. He wanted to enjoy life with Remus and his son before that happened. He was determined to not let that stop him from living in the present with his son and Remus, he was going to spend his last months being happy. That way they could remember the good times with him, and he hoped to Merlin that would help them eventually see the truth.

Severus picked up his scrolls and books for his lessons, said his goodbyes to Minerva, and was out of that room before anyone else had the chance to speak to him.


Severus trudged on through his morning lessons, really feeling the affects of the sleep he's been losing and the stress from the disastrous meeting. It took all he could to push back his feelings on seeing Remus with her to the back of his mind, just so he could focus on his lessons and get through the day. He made sure his emotions were in check, his mask on, for he didn't want any of his students to notice something going on with him. That was the last thing he needed. He worked hard to be the scary, intimidating Potions Professor, and Merlin, he wasn't ready to lose that title, even for Remus bloody Lupin!

It was the last lesson of the day, sixth year Potions with the Gryffindors and Slytherins. At a last moments decision, he decided to change the lesson he planned which was to have the students brew Amortentia, the strongest love potion in the world. It was known to give off a smell that reminded you of the person you loved.

Severus had spent yesterday evening brewing a batch for this class and was sick of smelling chocolate and dusty book smell, parchment and ink, and a foresty-wild kind of fresh scent he couldn't figure out. He knew that scent was Remus Lupin. It reminded him of their evenings drinking tea in the wolf's office. He knew he had feelings for him, knew the wolf made him feel things he hadn't in a long time, but he wouldn't go as far as to call it love. That possibility scared him. Falling in love was something he didn't want to think about, especially since he couldn't have that future. It just pained him, the scent teasing him with something he could never have.

And so, he couldn't bare to smell that addicting scent again. It would just cause another sleepless night. So Severus decided to have the sixth years practice brewing any potion they've covered in the last weeks, anything they've had trouble with.

Over at the Gryffindor table, Harry was sitting among his friends. Severus decided to stroll by them to see how they were faring on their potions. He paused by Granger's potion, which was almost acceptable but not quite there yet. He stirred the ladle and muttered advice to her. She nodded and began to work on improving her potion. He passed by Weasley and rolled his eyes at the mess. It was supposed to be a simple Wit-Sharpening Potion, they just covered that last week. Instead of the bright yellow it was supposed to turn into, it was a very murky and ugly dark green, there was no saving it now.

He made the potion disappear. "Try again. Have Granger help you," was all he said. He did promise Harry he'll act more civil towards his friends during lessons, but it wouldn't stop him from letting them know their potions were rubbish!

He then went to Harry's cauldron. "You're brewing Veritaserum?"

Harry nodded. "Yes, Professor."

Severus bent over the cauldron and stirred it once. To his surprise, it was turning out well. Which meant Harry did every step perfectly. And this wasn't as easy as the Wit-Sharpening Potion, even Severus had to modify the instructions for Veritaserum a bit when he was a student. Severus gave Harry a suspicious glance. How was he so good at Potions all of a sudden?

"Weasley! On second thought, you should ask Potter for help, since suddenly he's a genius at Potions." His eyes met Harry's as he said those words. The boy just looked away, his cheeks red.

He's up to something…

"See me after class and bring me your Potions book."

It was strange that Harry who was always so abysmal in Potions, (Severus had to tutor him during the summer), was suddenly producing better brews than Granger and Draco, the two smart kids in his sixth year lessons. No amount of tutoring would ever had brought Harry up their level in a short amount of time

He then moved his way to the Slytherin tables, where he found a sleeping Draco; his cauldron not even on. He picked up the boy's closed Potions book and slammed it hard against the table, causing a loud noice that silenced the room, startling the Slytherin awake.

"Hey!" Draco shouted.

"Office! Now!" Severus snapped, everyone stopped what they were doing, watching the scene in silence, for no one dared to mess around or fall asleep in Professor Snape's lessons.

"Here we go…", Draco muttered as he stood up.

Hearing the muttered cheek from the boy, Severus grabbed him by the scuff of his robes and dragged him to his office.

"Ow! Hey! Get your bloody hands off me!" Draco shouted.

"Nobody move!" Severus shouted. "Continue working on your potions. If any of you leave this classroom, detention for the rest of term! Parkinson as Head Girl of Slytherin House, you're in charge!"

"Ow! Professor, let me go!"

"Get inside!" Severus shouted, shoving him in his office and slamming the door shut. He took care putting up a silencing charm, knowing how sneaky and nosy his son and his friends could be.

"Skipping class, not doing your homework, missing assignments, your foul attitude, and now sleeping in class! What's gotten into you?!"

"It's none of your business! Besides, I don't think I'm cut out for this school thing anymore. I have bigger and far more important things to do than sit here brewing stupid potions!" Draco shouted. His eyes were bloodshot, his blonde hair always carefully styled was disheveled; looking a bit like Harry's.

"I don't care what the Dark Lord has you doing, it's not an excuse to be goofing off at school!"

"What's the point! Soon there probably won't even be a school to graduate from!"

"Detention, Malfoy! I don't want to hear anymore of these excuses! You're going to spend three days out of the week with me and your professors for an hour or two making up all the assignments you've missed. Until you're caught up, your detentions will end!"

"Fine!" Malfoy scowled. "If that's it then, I need to get back to my potion!"

"What potion? You insolent brat! You haven't even started yet! And that's the first thing you're going to be doing when you spend detention with me!" Severus shouted.

"Fine! Can I go start it then?"

The boy glared at him with tired blue eyes. Severus could see the circles under the boy's eyes. He hadn't been sleeping, his skin pale and he did look thin, which meant he hadn't been eating. Maybe he was wrong to be so harsh on him. Severus shook his head, feeling his frustration at the Slytherin fade.

"Draco, I know of your task. I can help you, you don't have to do this alone."

Draco only scoffed at his words.

"Just so you can steal all the glory and prove to the Dark Lord your loyalties? No this is my time, don't take it away from me, it's the only way!"

"That's not my intention!"

Malfoy shoved his way past to the door.

"Look, Professor, I'll do the detentions, I'll turn in my assignments, only so you and my professors can get off my back. Don't worry about me, I have a plan. I don't need your help, I can do this. And tell your bloody son to keep away from me!"

"Draco!"

But the teen left and the bell rang, signaling the end of lessons.

"Fuck!" Severus shouted.

That conversation didn't go as well as he hope it would. It went so disastrously wrong due to his bloody temper, he'd lost any chance he had in helping him. It just ended up with Draco pushing him away even more. Although that didn't mean that Severus was going to stop, he wasn't going to give up on his godson. He gave himself time to calm down before heading back to the class, he heard the students packing away and cleaning up their cauldrons.

"Bloody teenagers!" he muttered, having enough of being in their company.

"Pass up your viles and go!" he ordered, standing at his desk. Students scurried up to his desk, leaving their flasks.

"Potter! Your book!" he snapped out when he caught Harry and his friends placing their potions on his desk.

"We'll wait for you outside," Granger said. "Come on, Ron!"

"Are we really going to leave him with that…"

Severus raised an eyebrow, daring Weasley to continue.

Granger looked at Ron then at Severus. "Ron! Come on!" She grabbed his arm and pulled him away. Harry stood by the desk, looking down, clenching a Potions book to his chest.

"Leave!" Severus snapped to the last of the students, once the door was shut Severus snapped, "Your book!"

Harry pulled his gaze away from the floor, glaring at him. For once Severus didn't care if this led to an argument. He was angry enough and was tired of walking on eggshells with this boy. Harry was up to something and he was going to find out what it was! There's no way he was suddenly a genius in Potions, no bloody way! Harry handed Severus the book, keeping his glare on him as Severus flipped it open, revealing its clean pages. Severus checked the front cover finding a name written inside.

Roonil Wazlib

"So this is your copy of Advanced Potion-Making, Potter?"

"Yes," Harry said.

"The very one that I purchased for you at Flourish and Blotts, that very copy?"

"Yes!"

"And you are quite sure that this book here in my hand…," he raised up the book, "is that copy?"

"Yes!"

"Then why does it have Roonil Waslib inside the front cover?! Tell me, Potter, is that supposed to be you?"

"Yes! It's my nickname!" Harry shouted with conviction. Severus for once couldn't tell if he was lying and he certainly wasn't backing down if he were.

"Your nickname? Funny, I've never seemed to hear anyone call you that," Severus flipped through the book once more before slamming it shut.

"Well it is," Harry retorted, not batting an eye.

"Do you really think I'm stupid enough to believe that? If I find out you're lying…."

"I'm not lying!" Harry interrupted. "As it is my book, so I don't know what you're looking for. What's gotten into you anyway, you're in such a rotten mood!"

"Stay out of it, Potter! Now tell me, why are you suddenly a Potions genius!"

"I don't know…I guess you did a great job tutoring me this summer."

Severus noticed Harry didn't look him in the eye.

He's fucking lying!

He didn't need to try Legilimency on the boy to find out he was a bad liar.

"If I find out you're lying or doing something you shouldn't be doing, something stupid, you and I are going to have words! And then you'll be stuck in detention from now until you graduate, Potter!"

"I'm not doing anything!" Harry shouted.

"Get out of here!" Severus snapped, tossing the book back at Harry. "I expect you at my quarters for dinner this evening, we have Occlumency tonight, plus there is something I want to talk to you and your friends about, so bring them."

"I can bring Ron and Hermione? I'm not sure if they would even want to come after today."

"Just do as I say!"

"Okay okay, I'll tell them!"

"A little respect would be nice, kid!"

"Yeah, well it's hard when you're snapping and being foul! How am I supposed to respect you when you're not respecting me?"

Severus sighed, "Look, I'm sorry okay, it's been a rough day and I didn't mean to be harsh about your sudden talent for Potions."

"You just can't accept the fact that I may be good at it."

"Don't push it!"

They stared at each other and Severus tousled up Harry's messy, black hair, erasing some of the tension. "I love you son, no matter how much of a git I acted today."

"I know, Severus."

"Go on, join your friends, they are waiting for you."

Harry handed him his wand and left the classroom.


Severus spent the rest of the afternoon completing the Wolfsbane Potion for tonight's full moon. The Wolfsbane was meant for Remus to keep his mind during his time as a wolf. A few years ago when Remus first taught here, he was able to change in his quarters behind closed doors, curled up in his bed as a wolf to sleep the night away. This time at the request of parents and the school board, Remus had to do his changes in the Shrieking Shack; far away from Hogwarts.

Severus hated that Remus had to go back there every month. He wondered if the werewolf was reminded of his friends, reminded of the last time he changed there three years ago. Just as Severus was reminded of it every time he went down there, to aid Madame Pomfrey in caring for the injured werewolf on the morning after every full moon.

Severus remembered clearly that night at the Shrieking Shack, of he confronting Sirius Black and Remus, then getting knocked out and waking up to a werewolf ready to attack before it was lead away by another howl. That night Severus lost control of himself in his rage over the Marauders. He forced the embarrassing memory away, trying not to dwell on it. It was humiliating and painful and never again will he lose control like that. Black always brought that side out of him. Severus had to repeat to himself that it wasn't Lupin's fault, it was Black, it was always him and now he was dead. Black, always so reckless and cruel, got what was coming to him; something he'll never reveal to Harry or Remus.

Lost in his bitter thoughts on Black and his terrible memories of the Shrieking Shack, Severus lost track of time. He hadn't realized how much time he spent brewing before he realized it was time for dinner, which meant Harry was due to arrive soon. It also meant his time of avoiding Remus was coming to an end, for they would be forced to confront each other when Severus had to give him the Wolfsbane Potion tonight.

Severus stirred the potion a few more times before pouring it carefully inside the vile and corking it. He was just placing it on his desk besides a letter; to retrieve later for Remus. When he heard the portrait door in the living area open, and the voices of Harry and his friends broke the silence of his quarters.

"So this is where he lives?" Weasley said. "It's bloody cozy, mate."

"Ron…," Granger sighed in exasperation. "He might hear you. He was about ready to hex you after class from your stupid remarks!"

"Yeah, he's not gonna yell at us again is he? Cus, I'm leaving if he does," Weasley said.

Harry laughed, "I told you it wasn't a dungeon and don't worry, he acts all scary and tough but he's really harmless."

Bloody teenagers….Severus thought as he made his way to the living room to see that Harry had left his book bag and robes on the floor by the door. The three were standing in the living room, Granger and Weasley looking around the room. Granger's eyes on his bookcases.

"Bags and robes in your room, Harry," Severus said.

"Okay okay…come on guys, I'll show you my room!" Harry said as he picked up his things and went to his room.

Severus noticed the pride in his voice as he said it. And realized this was probably the first time for him to have friends over and a room to show off.

"And hang it all up!" Severus called after him.

After several long moments, Severus figured the boy had enough time to show his friends his room and hang up their stuff. "Come join me at the table!" he called out.

Harry sat at his usual seat at the kitchen table, Ron and Hermione choosing their seats. Today's dinner was chicken pot pie, courtesy of the Hogwarts house-elves. Severus and Harry decided to have Friday dinners every other week. Harry always had a choice to either return to his dorm after or spend the weekend at Severus' quarters, that way Harry was taught Occlumency and Severus was able to do a mental health check on him.

Today Severus had asked Harry to bring his friends, he wanted to discuss with them the seriousness of Harry's self-harm and what to do to help them. Harry needed all the support he could get. Severus didn't want what happened a few weeks ago to happen again, where Harry had a panic attack and Remus found him alone cutting. He wanted his friends to be there for him, help him when Severus and Remus weren't there, especially in the future after Severus completed Albus' task. Harry would need his friends more than ever once that happens.

"Thank you for inviting us today, Professor Snape," Granger said as Ron and Harry began to dig into their food.

Severus nodded in response as he took a bite of his own pie. He watched his son for a few moments, he was glad Harry was starting to show more interest in food lately. It was a mission to get him to eat something when he first arrived.

The conversation soon turned towards Quidditch. Harry was made captain recently by Albus and today was his first day of tryouts. The three teens all told him about the potential Gryffindor candidates for the team, but were careful not to reveal too much, for Severus was the one who oversaw the Slytherin team. Severus didn't say much. He just listened as Harry and Weasley complained about McLaggen making a fool of himself on the Quidditch field. He also noticed how easily Granger and Weasley would start arguing and Harry would roll his eyes and distract them with something else to talk about.

How long has that been going on? Severus thought as he quietly finished his food.

Once they were done with dinner, Severus had enough of listening to the banter between the Gryffindors.

"Come on, Hermione! Admit it, McLaggen likes you! And I mean, you are into brainless Quidditch types…"

"Shut up, Ron!"

"I'm surprised he was even able to block almost every quaffle; he kept looking at you, Hermione!" Harry laughed.

"Okay enough!" Severus snapped, all three teens stopped and looked at him. Harry's face was growing red. "Lets all go sit in the living room, I have something important to discuss with you two concerning Potter and his self-harm."

"Professor…!" Harry gasped.

"Potter!" Severus silenced him.

Harry crossed his arms to his chest but didn't say anymore, Severus knew this was going to cause an argument later. He could see Harry was closing up, for the boy was looking down at his lap, his cheeks burning in embarrassment.

"Sir, I'm so glad we are doing this, even if you don't like it, Harry!" Granger said casting him a worried look.

"Yeah, mate, we want to help you," Weasley said, although he was looking as uncomfortable as Harry.

Harry didn't say anything, still avoiding eye contact and looking down.

Severus sighed, he had a feeling this might happen. This conversation was going to be hard, but he had to do this.

"Go sit down both of you, Harry and I will be there in a moment."

Granger and Weasley nodded, casting concerned glances at their friend, before following orders.

Bloody Gryffindors...

Once they were gone Severus stood up in silence, watching Harry who barely moved.

"Look at me, son."

Harry shook his head.

"Potter!"

Harry slowly looked up. Green, glaring eyes finally meeting Severus' own.

"Sir, this embarrassing! I can't do this! I can't talk to them about it. We barely do and when we do, it's usually because Hermione pushes it, and it gets all awkward… they don't understand."

"That's why we're having this conversation. So that they do understand, and that you can rely on them as friends to get you through this."

Harry shook his head. "I'm fine!"

"No, you're not fine! Listen, I know it's going to be hard! It's going to be humiliating, but it has to be done! And you're going to go in there and sit with us! We are having this conversation! We have too, just in case Lupin and I are not with you….." Severus stopped, he had to reign in his temper before they both started yelling their heads off at each other.

At that thought, Harry's body loosened from the tension and his glare soften. "Just in case you guys aren't around because of the war…"

Severus nodded.

"Fine…," Harry muttered and got up from the chair and walked to the living room with a determined air of just getting this conversation over with. Severus was just glad he got the kid to cooperate.


"Okay, so you two know about his habit and his wand privileges being taken away. First things first, I know I already have you two watching him, and I thank you for taking on the responsibility. Now, I had Harry bring you here tonight so I can to talk to you about what to do if he has a panic attack or if you catch him cutting."

The Gryffindors nodded, listening attentively. They were both sitting on the sofa. Harry was sitting on the armchair while Severus sat on the other. Harry had taken off his shoes, so he could pull his feet up, wrapping his arms arounds his knees and resting his chin on his lap, avoiding eye contact with everyone, his face blushing.

"If Harry starts to have a panic attack which you'll know by the faraway look in his eyes, clammy and pale skin, and him not being able to breathe…"

He stopped for Weasley's face was starting to turn red. Granger was now the only one listening attentively.

"Weasley!"

Weasley flinched, startled at being singled out, glancing at Harry then at Severus when Granger elbowed him.

"I think you've seen it, so listen closely! I want you to tell your parents this, if Harry ever shall stay at your place."

"Yes sir," he muttered.

Harry just hid his face in his lap, his face beet red as Weasley's.

"Now when Harry has a panic attack reassure him that you're there for him, you're not going anywhere and he is safe, keep saying that, tell him how much he means to you. And keep talking in a low and calm voice so you don't startle him. He may fight you or flinch away but try to keep contact with him, stay calm, and he likes it when you put his hand over your heart, the beating of your heart is what calms him down and guides him to breathe by saying in and out."

"Sev…, please stop… this is embarrassing!" Harry whined, his voice was muffled from his covered face.

Severus glanced a warning look at him. "I apologize for embarrassing you but this is necessary for your own safety. I've already written a full letter of this for Lupin."

Harry just sighed in defeat.

The letter was on the desk, next to the Wolfsbane Potion. Severus couldn't bring himself to tell the wolf this after their argument. After that lonely night in the Hogshead pub, he couldn't sleep and he kept thinking of Albus and his conversation. He realized once he completed the task, Harry was going to be alone without him, and more than ever, he'll need Remus and his friends to get him though it. Severus wanted to make sure they were all prepared to help Harry through the aftermath of his fake betrayal to Albus. He wasn't going to leave Harry truly in the dark, he was going to guide him as much as possible before that terrible future.

"And now for the cutting, if you catch him cutting or he says he wants to cut or shows any signs of it, you need to distract him or give him other alternatives for instance…"

He passed out pamphlets with a whole list of ideas, courtesy from Madame Pomfrey. Every staff member of Hogwarts had basic training on mental health and child abuse and what do since they've dealt with over a hundred students from different types of backgrounds. Severus had continued his extensive research on the subject despite of the basic training he already had. He had started during the beginning of summer, but was then forced to stop when things started to pile up. For instance: The camping trip, Draco staying over, finding Lupin and helping Madame Pomfrey with his recovery, the weakness of his magical core, and the situation with Greyback; his books were left forgotten on his desk in his office.

After his talk with Albus in the Hogshead, Severus couldn't sleep, couldn't shut his mind off; for he was so worried for the state his son might be in after Severus performed the terrible task. He was afraid it would trigger him greatly. And he was tired of not knowing how to handle this, of being ignorant to Harry's situation. It was time he did something about it, so he started spending all hours of the night reading and researching cases on child abuse. He started going over Hogwarts records on students who had a history in cutting and mental health problems. Severus realized the steps he was doing wrong and what to work on, for instance instead of forcing Harry to stop cutting himself, he had to find other alternatives to distract him. Now he was passing on this knowledge to Harry's friends, and later to Lupin when the time came.

"Severus! Pamphlets?!" Harry said in horror, finally showing his face again.

"Harry…," Severus only said, and when Harry didn't say anymore he continued, "now about the cutting, if he says he feels like cutting or shows signs of needing too, then you need to distract him, help him create a happy place in his mind, or exercise: like Quidditch, running, swimming, dancing and music can help a lot. Malfoy's favorite was a pillow fight. Also creative art can help and if none of those tactics work, then you can resort to minimizing the harm: having him snap a rubber band against his skin, pinching, holding ice, screaming in a pillow or punching one… it's all there, so just look through those and let me know if you ever have any questions."

The Gryffindors looked through the pamphlets, Granger asking questions as Severus continued the conversation. Weasley didn't say much, just flipped through the pamphlet. Harry had barely moved, keeping his face hidden in his lap once more, hugging his knees tightly to his chest.

Once the conversation ceased and Granger had no more questions, Severus stood up and knelt down in front of the boy. He gently put his hand on Harry's head, his fingers running through the messy black hair. Harry flinched, shrugging him off.

"It's just me, son, relax please," he said softly, aware of the gazes of Granger and Weasley on him. He was slightly embarrassed for letting them see this side of him but Harry needed him more.

Harry slowly looked up, his face still red. His green eyes wide and bright with humiliation.

"I have something for you to make up for this horrifying conversation about you."

"Nothing could ever make up for this!"

"Well I'm your dad now so it's my job to embarrass you!"

Weasley laughed, "He's right about that mate, my mum does this to me all the time."

"It's part of the parent-package-deal," Granger smiled. "Come on, Harry," she said. "It wasn't that bad."

Harry untangled himself, running his hand nervously through his hair. Severus stood up and handed Harry his wand and that changed his son's mood instantly.

"Sev!"

"I can't keep your wand forever and I hope this shows you that I'm willing to do whatever it takes to help you with this. I know you need this for lessons and to protect yourself, I feel better now that your friends are now knowledgable to watch and help you for me when Lupin and I cannot."

"Yes, sir," Harry held tightly to his wand before putting it away.

"Now I have one more thing to say before you guys can go hang out in your room. Harry, what are your thoughts on restarting the DA club?"

"I don't know, I haven't thought about it, I mean the purpose of it was to rebel against Umbridge's teaching methods. There's no point in starting it now that we got Professor Lupin."

"I think you should reinstate the club. It will be good for you and your peers with extra practice," Severus said, he had to admit, that club was very useful last year. It kept some of the students from falling behind last year due to Umbridge. Plus the boy was a natural teacher, just like Lupin. He had a gift of making things easier for a student to understand. Severus didn't want to say out loud that it was for the best to practice their dueling skills for the war that was coming closer each day.

Harry ran his hair nervously through his hair again, he didn't seem to share the same views as Severus. "Can I think about it, Sev? It's a lot, especially how hard lessons are now," he said dismissively.

Severus only nodded. "I understand, son, just let me know what you've decided. You three are all excused."

"Thank Merlin, it's over!" Harry muttered, getting up from the chair and picking up his shoes.

"You've could've fried an egg on your face!" Weasley said as he and Granger both stood up as well and all three headed to Harry's room, where they hung out for a few hours. Once Weasley and Granger headed up to Gryffindor tower. Harry stayed behind to practice Occlumency with Severus.


At the end of the lesson they'd decided there was enough time for a game of Wizard's Chess before Severus had to leave to hand over Remus the Wolfsbane and the letter. He had been dreading that part all evening.

"You did well today during your Occlumency lesson. You're approving slightly," Severus said as he then directed a pawn forward.

"Just slightly?" Harry asked, observing the chess board.

"Not everyone is a natural, it's a hard subject to learn. My goal is to teach you the most basic protection against the Dark Lord's mind."

Harry nodded, ordering one of his pawns forward, ignoring its tiny protests. One of Severus' pawns immediately attacked it, smashing it to pieces.

"What was with you and Draco today?" he asked, frowning at his smashed pawn.

"I caught him sleeping in class," Severus rolled his eyes at the audacity.

"He always looks exhausted," Harry said. "Is the task not going well?"

Severus sighed, "Harry, let's not talk about this tonight." He didn't want to bring up that conversation, not when the evening was calm and they were for once enjoying their time together.

Harry rolled his eyes, and before any of them can say anything else, there was a knock on the portrait door. They both looked at each other. Severus wasn't expecting any more company tonight. He stood up and went over to the portrait door and opened it.

"Lupin," he said in surprise. It was indeed the werewolf, with his hands in his threadbare robes. Dark circles under his eyes and looking pale as ever, causing his scars to stand out. His eyes were no longer the hazel-green from this morning, but completely golden. And Severus knew the wolf was feeling pain and restlessness from the upcoming change.

"Good evening, Severus, I've come for the Wolfsbane Potion," he said curtly.

"Come in then," Severus stepped aside and let him through, closing the portrait door behind him.

Harry stood up, "Remus!" he said in greeting.

Severus left to his office to retrieve the letter and potion. He uncorked the vial and carefully poured it into a goblet, his hands shaking at the thought of Lupin here in his quarters. The moment he'd been dreading all day had finally arrived and he didn't feel ready, nor knew what to say. He came back to the room to hear Harry apologizing to Remus about scratching him, and thanking him for taking care of him that night Remus found him in the corridors after his fight with Draco.

"It's okay, Cub, you don't need to apologize, I'm just glad I was able to be there to help you," Remus smiled gently at the boy.

"Harry, can you excuse us for a moment, I have something to discuss with Lupin," Severus said, keeping his voice from shaking. He hated that the wolf could have this affect on him, that he could turn him into an anxiety-ridden mess.

Harry nodded. "Goodnight, Remus. I'll visit you after okay?"

"I'll be looking forward to your company," Remus hugged him.

Severus just watched in surprised as his son followed his orders without complaint, which was rare of him. Although, he didn't miss the look his son gave him before heading to his room and closing the door.

A tensed silence suddenly filled the room where neither of them could look at each other. Once Severus couldn't bare it anymore, he cleared his throat and said, "you know you didn't have to come all the way down here for the potion, I was going to bring it to you."

"Fancied a walk in the dungeons this evening…," Remus shrugged, not looking him in the eye, hands back in his pockets. "Can I just have the potion? And I'll be on my way."

Severus thought about keeping it from him, just to make him stay and talk to to him but he knew that would be childish, foolish…, he handed the wolf his bloody potion….

Remus took the goblet-filled potion, their fingers touched briefly and eyes met. Severus found himself lost in those golden eyes before quickly looking away. He watched the werewolf drink the potion in one gulp and grimaced from the bitter flavor before handing him back the now empty goblet.

"I guess I'll get going then…" Remus said softly.

"Here take this," Severus said offering him the letter, another excuse to make him stay.

"What's this?" the werewolf asked, taking the letter.

"I had a chat with Harry's friends discussing on how to take care of him if he shall have a panic attack or how to distract him from cutting just in case… This is a copy of the information I told them for you."

"You think I'm not cable of handling Harry without you?" Remus looked up at him, his golden eyes taking Severus' breath away.

"I didn't say that!" Severus snapped as he pulled himself together. It was so hard to not just pull him close.

Remus shook his head. "Thank you," he muttered, storing the letter in the pockets of his robes.

"I'm off then…" He seemed to be biting back words he wanted to say but that's always been typical of Remus Lupin, avoiding confrontation whenever he could.

Severus watched him go to the portrait door, fighting with himself to tell the werwolf not to go. To stay; don't ignore the argument brewing underneath unsaid words.

Don't sweep me under your rug. I won't let you…

And with that thought, Severus found himself shouting, "Remus! Wait, don't go just yet, you still have time to talk."

Remus was about to open the door, then stopped, sighing deeply and said, "There's nothing to talk about, Severus. It's okay… I'm giving you a pass."

"A pass? No. I'm not going to let you ignore this argument, like you always do to avoid confrontation!" Severus shouted as Remus turned around facing him, his back to the portrait door. "I can see you haven't changed from school. You still don't speak out to others. You hold it all in; let them do whatever they want because it doesn't matter if you are hurt, as long as they still like you right? Even if you weren't the only one hurt, but others as well?"

Remus flinched at those words, and Severus knew he hit a nerve. He did it to rouse him up. He wanted Remus to stop being so passive aggressive and just say what he wanted to say.

"You'll never let me forget that will you? After all this time, even if you say it's all forgiven, you'll always throw it against me!" the wolf shouted, stepping closer to Severus who was still standing by the sofas. "Look, I've apologized to you for letting my friends bully you, Severus! I'm sorry about that pranking disaster Sirius did, I'm sorry for nearly attacking you three years ago in the Shrieking Shack! I'm sorry for every hex, jink, and prank that you endured from us! We were stupid kids! What else do you want from me?" Remus shouted, his golden eyes flashing with anger. "And you never let me forget how I was the worst one because I just ignored it, doing nothing to stop it. I've apologized to you and I will keep saying it a thousand times over until you forgive me!"

"I'll forgive you when you stop acting like a fucking wolf cub with its tail between its legs! You're in Gryffindor, Lupin! Where's your bravery? Don't let anyone walk all over you; speak up for yourself! Tell me what you came here to say!" Severus stepped closer to him, this time there was nothing between them. They were so close that Severus could see Remus shaking.

The shadow of the wolf could be seen in his face with his alluring golden eyes, teeth sharper than usual, and he knew with the full moon being so close, Remus was fighting hard to reign in the wolf spirit inside of him. Perhaps the night of the full moon was the wrong night to pick a fight with him.

"Fine, Severus, if you want me to talk, then fine! You can't act like my friend and then be judgmental on my choices of who else I hang out with other than you. You have no say about who I can be friends with! And you cannot start an argument and just leave without even listening to me first! There's two sides of every argument and your's isn't the only one that matters. You tell me to stop avoiding confrontation, well fine… I'll work on that! But you have to admit that you let your emotions get the best of you and you draw your own conclusions. You don't listen to me," Remus said, keeping in control of his emotions.

His golden eyes were glaring into Severus. There was something about them that fascinated him. To see them so captivatingly golden, glowing almost, hiding the beautiful forest green. He had to admit the eyes of the wolf were just as beautiful, yet they instilled fear, for they gave off a raw beastly and wild power. Severus had seen Remus give into that power only a few times. And he knew the wolf was in those eyes. He fought down his sudden fear of the wolf's spirit being seen, he didn't want Remus to sense it. It would make him think he was a monster, something that he had been struggling with since his rescue from Greyback. How could his eyes be so beautiful, yet frightening at the same time?

"Lupin, I didn't mean to make you feel like that!" Severus scowled, forcing his gaze away from the wolf. "I was just annoyed that you rejected me for that witch!"

Remus shook his head in disappointment, his lips in a deep frown. "No, just stop. I don't want to hear you make yourself sound like the victim in this. Maybe this isn't working, maybe it's better we keep our distance."

"Remus, I wasn't going to make myself sound like a victim! If you'll just listen and let me finish!" Severus shouted, panic now rising in his chest, chasing away the irrational fear he had been feeling.

"I am listening!" Remus shouted, suddenly stepping away. "It's you, Severus! You don't listen to me, you just left that evening! So I'm doing to you what you did to me, I'm leaving!"

"Lupin, wait!" Severus shouted but the werewolf turned around, creating the distance between them. He slung open the door and took off, slamming it shut behind him.

Severus found himself alone in the living room, with the echoes of their argument in his ears. That was not how he wanted that conversation to go.

"Fuck!" Severus shouted, just realizing that Harry was in his room and most likely heard everything. He had forgotten to put up a fucking silencing ward!

Harry opened his bedroom door. Standing in his pajamas, black hair a mess and his Quidditch Through the Ages book in his hands. "Severus, you have to go after him!"

"For once, Potter, can you not stick your nose in other people's business!" he shouted, he just wanted to slam himself shut in his room and scream out every thought of the fucking werewolf he ever had out of his head and into his pillow!

I don't listen? He doesn't fucking listen!

Suddenly a sofa pillow whacked him on the head. "Severus, go!" Harry shouted, standing next to him, preparing for another attack. "Or I'll hit you again, I swear, even if it costs me being in detention forever!"

Those green eyes snapped Severus out of his anger, those green eyes that were also Lily's, reminding him of why he liked Remus Lupin. He wanted another chance to be happy and only Remus understood that. He remembered the talk they had after he heard Remus singing about letting go of Sirius, playing on that old guitar… and because of him… Severus found strength to let go of Lily. They needed each other, even if they had to fight for it. He wasn't going to let go of the blasted wolf over this stupid argument!

Harry whacked him again with the pillow.

"Okay, I'm going!" he snapped, "and go to bed!"

He dashed out of his quarters not waiting to hear a reply from the meddling boy. He sped down the corridors of the dungeons to Remus who was walking ahead in a fast pace.

"Lupin!" Severus called out to him, knowing the werewolf could hear him with his strong sense of hearing.

"Remus, wait!" he shouted again, praying no one else was walking in the corridors. He caught up, placing a hand on the wolf's shoulder, forcing him to turn around. "I don't want this conversation to end like this!"

"Severus, no!" Remus shook his hand off his shoulder, his voice heavy with emotion. "You don't understand what it's like to be me. I can't just say everything I feel or show anger without restraint like you can with no consequences at all. Growing up, I wasn't allowed to give into my emotions. I couldn't show it when I was angry or sad or frustrated, just in case the wolf showed itself in my eyes, in my face. I always had to control the wolf inside me. My father was always afraid that I'll slip up and someone would see. I don't blame him, it happened a few times resulting in us having to move. That meant I couldn't have friends, I wasn't allowed too. And when I met the Marauders at school, they were my first true friends I've ever had and I couldn't lose them. They were all I had, do you understand that?"

Severus only nodded. "I do understand, Remus! I understand what it's like to have a father who's always disappointed in you no matter what you do. I understand why you tolerated that bunch of delinquent Gryffindors, but if you could just listen to why I got upset with you about Tonks!"

"You're not listening!" Remus snapped. "And what you're doing, getting angry because I'm hanging out with Tonks, you're doing what my father did! Not allowing me to have friends! So am I only allowed to be friends with the people you approve of? That isn't a friendship! James hated you and he never forbade Lily to be friends with you, he never did!"

"No, I didn't mean for you to feel like that you dunderhead! I just can't stand the thought of you hanging out with that bimbo! She's a bloody kid and she likes you! What if she starts to think you have feelings for her?"

"Then I will handle that! It's got nothing to do with you!" Remus turned as if he were going to continue walking away.

Don't go! Severus grabbed his hand, holding on tight. Remus stared at their hands, his golden eyes wide as he then slowly looked up at Severus who said softly, "Then tell me, I'm listening to you, Remus, tell me why her?"

Remus took a deep breath, pulling his hand away. "You've always been among friends, Severus. Like I've said you don't know what it's like to be me. The world has always been open at your feet and I've always had limitations because of what I am. Having something as simple as a friend is something you take for granted."

"Remus, I was fucking bullied everyday of my life! Aside from Lily, I had no real friends at school. My childhood was rotten and I lost my only friend! How are we so different?"

"You have a choice to be close to others. You have a choice and you choose to be alone. You take it for granted."

"I don't have a fucking choice!" Severus snapped. What was he on about? Taking the choice of having friends for granted? Severus didn't have a choice! Not with this war and his position! If only he could tell this stubborn werewolf that but he couldn't.

Remus sighed, "All I'm trying to say is that I'm going to be friends with Tonks whether you like it or not. It's easy being with her. She doesn't care for what I am or has any grudges against me like you do. She sees me, not the monster."

"Remus…."

I see you… Severus wanted to say but the words got caught in his throat. His heart was tightening in his chest, causing him pain. He was choosing her…

Remus shook his head, misunderstanding the unsaid words Severus left hanging. "I know you're sorry, Severus, and you're right, but it's okay. I know I'm being a fool for ever thinking a girl like her can be my friend but I'm going to do it even if it ends in disaster. It's my choice, not your's nor anyone else's. I've said what I've had to say, let's not fight about it anymore. I'll see you tomorrow morning." And the wolf walked away, leaving Severus standing alone in the corridors of the dungeons.


Remus was sitting on the floor of the bedroom in the Shrieking Shack. He had taken off his clothes and they were folded neatly in the broken wardrobe, hidden and out of reach, along with his wand. He sat with his knees pulled up to his chest, his arms around them as he watched the full moon rise through the window, casting its light on his naked body. He couldn't stop thinking of his fight with Severus. The whole time they'd fought, Remus just wanted to take the words back. He felt bad saying that stuff, even if it were true. Severus' dark eyes were all he could see, dark eyes full of hurt and guilt. He didn't want to push the dark wizard away. There was something about him that made Remus feel things he hadn't felt in so long. Like being wanted for instance, like maybe he was worth something. That maybe he was more than just a werewolf, a monster, he was a human being worthy of love. But that scared him, it scared him so deeply. Only Sirius had that affect on him and it didn't end well. Remus was scared to let himself believe that he could ever be loved again. Maybe him saying those things to Severus was for the best. Whatever was happening between them couldn't happen…..

Suddenly intense pain enveloped Remus, sharp and burning. He started to breathe heavily, feeling his heart pumping fast. He closed his eyes tight. His muscles began to spasm, his bones began to move and break. He felt his teeth growing, and he opened his glowing, amber eyes and screamed himself hoarse. He screamed until his screams turned into howling, until the pain of the change began to cease and now he was a large, grey wolf. He whined out in loneliness, wishing for his pack. Thanks to the Wolfsbane Potion, Remus' mind was still there, infused with the wolf's, preventing the wolf to leave the shack.

The wolf jumped on the bed, circling around until he curled up among the dirty, ragged blankets. The emotions he was feeling before his change were still on his mind. As a wolf, it was hard for him to understand why he felt such guilt and hopelessness. He couldn't process the human emotions, he just wanted to run and feel the night breeze in his pelt. He wanted to feel the moon's soft power in his soul. Remus' presence in the mind of the wolf made him stay on the bed. He began to gnaw on his leg, giving him comfort from the endless restlessness, from the pain of complex human emotions he couldn't understand, from missing his pack and not understanding where they've gone. He gnawed and gnawed until the painful comfort of it began to lull him to sleep.

The next morning Remus opened his eyes, he had no idea where he was. His vision was slightly blurry from sleep. He closed his eyes again due to a throbbing headache. His leg felt heavy, stiff and numb. It reminded him of the endless gnawing he did to himself. Last night was bad, the emotions from his fight with Severus and the wolf missing his pack took a toll. He heard voices of people muttering softy, felt a gentle hand slide underneath his head and lift him up, pouring something down his throat.

I must be in the hospital wing…

Remus fell back to sleep, the pain becoming numb as he fell into dreams of himself as a wolf running through the woods, howling for his lost pack and of a girl whispering his name: Remus Lupin, you promised…and of attentive dark eyes watching him, always watching….

A/N: I really hope you guys liked my new chapter! It took forever! Lol, but I'm just glad I got it up. I feel like there might be some typos I might had missed so let me know if you see any. Please tell me what you think or any ideas you might have to make the story better and I'll consider it into my plans. Also, thank you everyone who left a kind review, I always appreciate them and they are the reason I keep on posting. Next update will be March 1st , hopefully earlier!3 -Chase'sGirl19