Support (Chapter Eight)
Haley looked at Nathan. She didn't like that silly grin of his. "Why?" she asked. He looked at her in confusion. "I mean, why are you visiting me?" Haley asked.
"Because no one else is just visiting you. Taylor's visiting you, yeah, but she works here too, so she comes to see you on her breaks. Your doctor comes to see you, but only to tell you test results and other people visit you to lecture you or are here to visit Peyton and occasionally talk to you," he said.
"So?" she asked.
"So, I think you need someone to just talk to you," he said.
"Why you?" Haley asked.
"You want me to leave?" he asked.
"I didn't mean it like that, Nathan. I meant that after everything that's happened between the two of us, including the past two days, why would you want to do something nice for me?" Haley asked.
"Because it's not about what's been done to me. It's about what's best for you," he said. Haley's eyes narrowed.
"So, you're doing this because you feel sorry for me? Is that what you're saying?" she asked. He shook his head.
"Why do you automatically assume that when someone wants to help you it's because they feel sorry for you?" he asked.
"Because that's usually the reason and the pity in your eyes is making me think that," she replied.
"Did you ever think that it's concern?" he asked.
"There's also pity, Nathan," she said.
"Well, I'm not doing this because I feel sorry for you," he said.
"Then, why?" she asked.
"Because I care about you, Haley," he admitted. Haley's face went slack for a second.
"I'm sorry. I can't believe what I just heard," she said.
"What?" he asked.
"You did just say that you cared about me, right?" she asked. He nodded. "After everything I did to you…" she started but her sentence trailed off. He grabbed her hand.
"Haley, I'm not saying that what you did didn't hurt me. It did. A lot and I'm not going to pretend otherwise. But it's been nine years," he said.
"And you're over it?" Haley asked.
"I wouldn't say it like that. When you put it that way, it sounds so cavalier. I would say that I'm past it," he said. Haley smiled.
"Did you just use the word 'cavalier'?" Haley joked. He laughed. He knew what she meant. The last time they'd spoken, he had never used very big words or descriptive words. He'd needed a tutor in English, but now he'd been through college and thanks to the help Haley provided when she tutored him before she left, he passed with a decent grade.
"Nine years, Hales," he reminded her. She laughed. "What?" he asked.
"I haven't been called that in a long time," she said.
"None of your friends know about that name?" he asked. She shook her head.
"One calls me James. She calls everyone by their last name sometimes," she said.
"She and Whitey would have a lot in common. Usually, he'd call me Scott or N. Scott after Lucas joined the team," Nathan said.
"How is Coach?" Haley asked. Nathan smiled at that too. Haley had hardly ever called him "Whitey", she said that it seemed disrespectful sometimes to her.
"He's good. He's in Florida right now," he said. Haley nodded.
"And your parents?" she asked. He looked down.
"They're fine. How are you?" he asked. Haley shrugged.
"Treatments rough? He asked. She smiled at him, but then he bit his lip as he realized that he'd brought up her illness. "Haley, you don't have to talk about this if you don't want to," he said. Haley smiled.
"Nathan, I don't mind," she said.
"Are you sure? I don't think I'd be so eager to talk about cancer if I had it," he said. Haley shrugged.
"I've had a long time to deal with this, Nathan. I think that's what most people don't realize," she said.
"Deal with it? You make it sound like it doesn't change your entire life," he said.
"Well, what I meant was that I've had a long time to accept my fate," she said. He looked away from her for a minute. He couldn't help that a tear was rolling down his cheek. He didn't wipe it away. He turned back to her and he knew that she saw it when her expression changed.
"You know, I really don't understand you sometimes. You talk about the fact that you're going to die like it's so trivial," he said.
"Everyone dies, Nathan," she said simply.
"Not at twenty-five, they don't, Haley. I just don't get why you're acting like it's not a big deal," he said.
"I don't like the idea of dying than anyone, but its better that I accept it than cling to a false hope, Nathan," she said.
"What about that transplant?" he asked. Haley smiled.
"You heard that, did you?" she asked. He nodded.
"Kind of couldn't help it. You guys were pretty loud," he said.
"Then, you know that I've decided not to have the transplant," Haley said.
"Your doctor said that he'd give you some time to think it through, didn't he?" Nathan asked. Haley nodded.
"It doesn't mean I'm going to change my mind, because I'm not," she said.
"I think that you will," he said. Haley shook her head.
"No, I won't. I'm not going to hurt my family," she said.
"But it could save your life," he said.
"No, there's a slim possibility that I could survive a little longer, Nathan. There is no guarantee that it can cure me and I'm not going to put my family through that either," she said.
"We're talking about your life here, Haley," he said.
"Yeah and this is my decision to make. It is my life!" she exclaimed. Nathan sighed in frustration.
"Look, I understand why you didn't tell the rest of your family now. I really do. I know that you don't want to hurt them or make them question that you love them. If you go through with this and tell them, yeah, they're going to wonder why you didn't tell them and they might think that you didn't trust them or something else like that. But you'll be there to explain why. If you don't go through with that transfusion and you die, your family is going to be devastated when they find out that you had leukemia and never told them. And you won't be there to explain why you didn't tell them," he said. Haley was speechless.
