Part 9

It had been years since Joseph had taken the back stairs at the opposite end of the palace. Years since he'd walked the staff corridors, he'd certainly never done it at 1:30 in the morning dressed in his pyjamas. But somehow in the past month he managed to make the trip twice and there was only one explanation for his out-of-character actions, a woman.

The higher members of staff had the larger rooms hidden away from the others. Clarisse was situated across from Richard's suite. Tip-toeing across the hallway Joseph took another deep breath and tapped on the door.

Standing there for what seemed an eternity he assumed she must have already gone to bed and turned to leave when the door creaked open slightly.

She looked as bad as he felt. His gaze softened as he took in her desolate expression but she stood up tall and pulled her dressing gown together.

"Yes?" She said harshly.

"We need to talk." He whispered.

She didn't respond, merely stood watching him, at the way his hands knitted together as he folded and unfolded his fingers.

Eventually she stood back from the door and granted him access to her room.

It was the first time he'd ever visited her there, the first time he'd ever looked over the place she inhabited, the place she slept and worked and bathed. Her heady perfume hung in the air overwhelming him, her clothes for the following morning were hung ready even down to her shoes placed precisely in front of the wardrobe. It didn't surprise him; in fact it made him smile.

"Erm, may I sit?" He asked indicating the chair by her desk.

"Feel free."

"Won't you sit?"

"I prefer to stand."

"All right, Clarisse why do you think I'm here?"

She could hardly believe his question. "Why do I think you're here? Well let's see, does it have anything to do with the fact you haven't spoken to me in over a week, you've been seeing some woman behind my back, you've played me for a god damn fool. And really, well, I don't know why I'm so surprised!" She folded her arms, staring at a spot on the wall above his head rather than at his face desperate to maintain her stony calm.

"Okay." He said softly. "Then let's deal with it one at a time shall we. Playing you for a fool whilst I see another woman isn't true."

"I saw…"

"I know what you saw, and I'd prefer it if you let me finish. Charlotte is going to be joining the staff; you barged in on her interview. Unorthodox I know but I needed somebody quickly."

"For what?" She snapped.

"Personal assistant."

Her eyes narrowed. "What about Richard?"

"I'll explain later… look, I know I upset you last week and I'm sorry, more than you'll ever know. It's been hell this week not seeing you, speaking with you."

Some of her resolve softened and her arms fell to her side.

"I've been in the States with Philippe, meeting this woman, Helen."

"And?"

"He's coming home soon… alone."

"How wonderful you successfully reminded him of his duty." She almost spat the last word out.

"No, not exactly, nothing is settled, we all need time." He rubbed his forehead. "God you must understand how difficult this is for me, there are things going on at the moment that I've never had to deal with, never expected would ever happen, and it's driving me crazy. I haven't slept in three days."

Her heart tightened as she watched him.

"I never expected Pierre to abdicate, I never expected Philippe to fall in love whilst on holiday. I never expected to have to raise two sons alone and deal with this alone. To meet somebody like you… everything at once, it's caught me off balance."

He looked up at her, searching her face. "I'm sorry I hurt you, nothing would be further from my mind, my intentions. I wish this were simple, I wish I weren't who I am and have to keep turning my personal feelings off but I don't know how else to deal with these things. I wasn't brought up to address emotional issues, easier to switch it off." He shrugged. "But you, you've touched a part of me… and I can't." He sighed. "I need you, I've missed you."

"I missed you too." She said gently. "But you hurt me, you shocked me. I'd never seen that side of you, I suppose in a way I'd forgotten who you are, what you'd been raised to do. To rule. And I'm not sure I can be part of that, ever, or that I can accept you as being this cold, emotionless person when you need to be."

"I know nothing else."

"I understand that. Really I do. I'm not blind, I've moved in these circles long enough to realise how it works."

"The way I feel when I'm around you…" he faltered. "I can't even explain."

She moved forward and reached down for his hands. "I never expected this to be easy Joseph, I guess I got so caught up in what was happening between us I didn't stop to consider what it all meant. There really is no future for us."

"Don't say that please." He almost pulled her down to him. "I can't imagine not having you in my life, not now." His chin rested on her head and he closed his eyes breathing in the scent of her hair.

She lifted her head to speak but his mouth shakily found hers, searching her kiss, searching for her consent. Her hand reached up and slid over his shoulder giving her leverage as she met his mouth with hers. He moaned into her mouth and his arms were suddenly around her body clinging to her, holding her against him.

"I'm sorry, god I'm sorry…" he mumbled between kisses. "I love you, Clarisse."

"I know."

He held her face in his hands, stroking her skin tenderly. "That night when you left me, I paced around for hours hoping you'd return, wondering whether I should go after you. And then Philippe needed me and I…"

"You did what you had to." She smiled. "Oh I'm sorry for barging in on you, I must have looked so bossy, the poor girl will be terrified of me."

"Mmm." He leant forward and sought her kiss again, more demanding this time, more intense.

Holding her hands he stood up with her and they moved backwards to the bed. Falling together their bodies quickly moved together, legs and arms cradling the other close.

"I've been so lonely without you." He breathed moving to kiss her neck.

"I'm sorry I doubted you." She replied pulling him back up to her and meeting his mouth with hers again.

His hands slid over her body, feeling her curves through the silk of her dressing gown. Blindly he pushed the material aside and kissed the tender spot at the base of her neck. She moaned her approval and his hands moved up over her ribcage, his thumbs just tickling the underneath of her breasts.

Her leg tightened over his drawing him closer and he moved up her neck adorning her face with kisses, she ran her hands down his arms, feeling the well-defined muscles there. Feeling his hands move over her she felt as if the bed beneath her had fallen away and she were drifting.

His hand closed over her breast and she gasped and pulled back from the kiss.

"I can't," she said breathlessly. "I can't."

Joseph pulled himself back from her, heart racing as he desperately fought to control his body. He kissed her shoulder. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to push you."

"You didn't. I wanted…" Her breath caught in her throat as she urgently tried to communicate her reasons

"It's fine, really, we got carried away."

"I don't mean to lead you on."

"I know that."

"But I just… it's silly, it's stupid of me. I can't escape the fact that it's only been two months, and…" she swallowed trying to control her erratic breathing and voice her fears. "And I can't erase from my mind the thought of who you are and what you… what you expect from women."

An expression of hurt crossed his face and she cupped his cheek. "Oh I didn't mean that, I want to trust you completely but it's so difficult, not just because of who you are but the fact I've been alone for so many years. I'm scared that if we sleep together you'll have what you want and this wonderful relationship we're building will be shattered."

He took hold of her hands and kissed them. "Then we won't. You're far too important to me to risk losing. Just let me hold you."

"It's late." She said gently as she turned in his arms.

"I know, just for a while then I'll go, you relax me."

She smiled as his arms settled over her waist and his chin against her shoulder. Stroking his arm she listened as his breathing settled into a steady rhythm, the feel of his heart beating against her body felt so unbelievably right she couldn't even begin to explain it.

"I love the hairs on your arms." She said absently.

"How so?" He asked amused.

"They're so soft, and smooth." She added stroking them backwards and blowing on his skin.

"It's that your seduction technique Miss. Arcenciel?"

"Hardly." She exhaled heavily. "I'm not at all sure I have one. Do you?"

"No, I've never had the need for one, arranged marriages take care of that for you."

"But surely King's are supposed to have some fun aren't they… sow their wild oats and all that."

"Really," he laughed after a few seconds. "And tell me dear lady just what fun are Queens supposed to have according to your laws?"

"Ahh well Queens don't have any fun at all, in my country they lay back and think of England."

He laughed harder, she felt his chest vibrate against her back and he kissed her neck.

"I guess that works." He said honestly.

"Did you love Isabella?" She whispered, almost unsure about asking him such a personal question.

"Yes I did." He replied. "I loved her very much."

His honesty surprised her but she remained silent and continued stroking his arm.

"But it was different, it was something that grew slowly out of respect and admiration and companionship. You…" He squeezed her tight and nipped her ear. "You have swept me off my feet."

She giggled. "And there I was thinking it was you that was supposed to do that to me."

"Oh and I haven't…" He grabbed her waist and swung her over on top of him. "Are you ticklish Clarisse?"

"No." she lied resting her hands either side of his head to steady herself.

"I think you are." He smiled cheekily tracing his index finger down the side of her body until she squirmed against him.

"Stop…" she warned, her voice dropping.

"Make me."

"My room, my rules."

"Oh all right." He agreed settling his arms over her back and drawing her body into his.

"You should go." She said lazily tracing patterns over his exposed chest.

"Are you getting bored of me?"

"Not quite yet." She teased. "But I worry of somebody noticing you aren't in your room."

"I know. I certainly don't want to put you under any pressure, we can take this as slowly as you want."

"Thank you, it is still all rather surreal. I've been doing this job for years, I've heard of many affairs between 'the classes', I've never heard of a royal actually genuinely caring."

"Well this royal does…" he took a deep breath preparing to continue but she interrupted.

"Ahh but I don't see you as a royal. You're just you."

"And I like that."

"Hmm." She kissed his forehead briefly before moving from his body. "Go."

Groaning he rolled his legs off the side of the bed and tightened the belt on his dressing gown. "I thought relaxing with you, clearing the air would help me sleep. Whilst in fact it's going to prove even more difficult tonight."

She rested her hands on his shoulders and rubbed his muscles. "Try and have sweet dreams." She kissed his head. "And I'll see you tomorrow."

"Early morning walk?" he asked hopefully.

"Afraid I can't, busy morning. Perhaps later."

"Yes, all right, I'm going to be tied to my desk for most of the day, come see me when you can."

"I will."

He turned his head slightly to look at her. "Promise?"

She smiled, her heart almost leaping out at the look in his eyes. "I Promise."


If you enjoyed it please, please, PLEASE leave a review for me :-) xx Rhonda