Disclaimer: Don't own any of these characters, merely borrowing for selfish reasons.

Author's Note: Okay so this is probably the end of the first 'part' of the story - hopefully you will stick with me for the next part :-) Enjoy


Fallen - part 11

Two days later, after managing to avoid Joseph at every turn, and Richard for that matter, Clarisse was called to his office. She knew exactly what it was about, she'd expected it, but that didn't make it any easier.

Somehow she managed to hold off until after 6p.m. partly apprehensive about facing him again, partly downright terrified of seeing him. Unsure of what to say, of what he would say, torn between wanting him to leave her alone and wanting him to be broken in half by their growing void.

"Come in." He barked from behind the other side of the door startling her out of her musings.

Steadying herself, making sure her mask was in place, she prepared herself for being face to face with him again and slowly pushed the door open.

"Come in Clarisse." He muttered without even looking up at her.

He was scribbling something down, she watched and waited as he finished and screwed the gold lid back onto his pen. At the way he slid his glasses off and deposited them on the table before rubbing the bridge of his nose. She chose not to notice the weary look on his face, the dark circles beneath his eyes, the redness of them.

"Well…" he said slowly, folding his hands together and very gradually lifting his face to meet hers. "Would you sit down please." He indicated a chair and she quickly sat down, crossing her ankles and placing her hands in her lap.

"I won't accept this." He said solemnly holding up a letter. "I won't."

"That's my decision."

"It's ridiculous, it's a joke, and it won't wash with me."

"You can't simply choose to ignore it."

"Oh believe me I can, in fact…" he began tearing the letter into pieces. "We might as well just burn this now."

"Then I'll print another copy. And another. And another."

"Clarisse…"

"As from today I have two weeks left to work here, then I leave."

Her words hung in the air heavy and awkward, the torn letter fell to the table and for a second Joseph slid his head into his hands.

"I made a mistake." He finally croaked out. "It was short sighted and it was stupid and now I'm paying for it, believe me, on all sides. But you can't leave over this. You can't simply walk away."

"Tell me how I can possibly stay now. I'm living the week from hell, nobody has spoken more than three words to me in the last two days."

"Then come to me, tell me how I can help, I want to help."

She shook her head exasperated. "God don't you see, it's because of your help that I'm in this position."

"All right then blame me, lay it all on me, make me suffer but don't leave."

She bit down on her bottom lip, his utter resolve that he could fix this so simply annoyed her even more.

"I have to go away tomorrow, Spain, state banquet." He stated.

"I know."

"Please don't make any decisions until I get back."

"I've already made my decision your majesty." She repeated.

"Clarisse… god a week ago we were cuddled up on the couch in my room barely dressed."

"Don't." She closed her eyes. "That's not fair."

"Then for gods sake tell me what is fair! Is it fair to turn your back on us."

"There is no us." She stood up and walked across the room in an attempt to put some distance between them, she couldn't take the way he looked at her with such intensity. "That's what I've come to realise, there can never be an us, it was a dream, a fantasy. I'm too old to simply play around."

"So this is playing around?" He sat back in his chair stretching his legs out, laughing sarcastically. "This is all just some game."

"You know exactly what I mean, midnight dates, dancing, giving me expensive jewels, cuddling on your couch… it's ridiculous. I'm too old for that, what's the point if we don't even have a future together. I need some kind of security."

"I've given it to you, I've told you I'll take care of you."

She groaned in frustration. "That's not what I want, I don't need your money, your status. I want somebody to grow old with, somebody to retire with, settle in the country… as small as that idea may seem."

"It doesn't seem small at all, it's what I want to." He finally stood up. "Unfortunately I don't think it's very likely that I will ever have that opportunity, certainly not anytime soon looking at the state of my sons lives."

His demeanour had altered slightly, gone was the pleading look in his eyes replaced with an acceptance of the inevitable.

"I can only repeat how much I want you to stay, that's all. I'm not sure what else I can do."

"Nothing," she assured him. "My decision has been made."

"Oh Clarisse." He moved forward and reached out to touch her but she backed away.

"It's easier if we don't do it that way."

"So I'm supposed to treat you as another employee?"

She nodded. "It will be easier, for both of us."

He swallowed, with some difficulty she thought. "All right, fine, well then. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." She met his gaze, wanted so desperately to say more but somehow held back. "Have a good trip."

And with that she marched out of the room without a second glance in his direction.


Somehow, despite everything, she was glad of the fact that he was away for the majority of her last two weeks. That way she could forget about him and pretend their 'relationship' never took place. That those weeks of love and happiness simply didn't exist. That made it easier to go, easier to visualise a new life outside of the Genovian Palace.

So much of her time was dedicated to putting everything in order she didn't begin to consider what she would actually do with herself when she did leave. It was with a sudden shock that she found her time was up and she would be leaving, leaving a job she'd truly loved doing, walking away from a man who… she couldn't even allow herself to finish the thought.

The last of her packing was done and her once beautifully decorated room was now bare. Two day ago the majority of her belongings had been taken into storage and she would send for them when she actually found somewhere to go. Her suitcases stood by the door and all that was left out were essential items for the following morning, clothes, toothbrush, make-up.

Around 11p.m. she made her way down to the kitchen, went to make herself a cup of tea but thought again and boldly opened a bottle of wine. What did it matter now?

"Pour me a glass too would you Clarisse."

She smiled without turning at the voice behind her and took another glass from the cupboard, carrying it over to the table.

"There you go Richard."

He slipped down onto one of the stools.

"Shall we have a toast my dear," he said softly, holding up his glass. "To forgiveness."

She clinked her glass against his. "Forgiveness." She took a drink. "What is it I'm actually forgiving?"

"My jealousy, the horrible comments I made to you in December, if I'd been more of a man then I would have ignored your relationship with his majesty and not caused so many ructions, problems for us both." He took a drink of his wine. "I lose my job, you walk away from yours… and him."

"Well, if we're blaming ourselves, if I hadn't been so stupid…" she shook her head. "I should never have allowed anything to start with him, and I'm the one who is sorry because it is purely because of me that you lost your job, and I regret that more than anything. You certainly never deserved the treatment you received from myself or Jose… his majesty."

He was silent for a moment before picking up the bottle of wine and refilling both of their glasses. "Well then, let's forgive each other and drink to new beginnings or some such rubbish."

She smiled. "Yes, some such rubbish."

"Where do you plan to go? Home?"

"Not yet, away somewhere, have a break then perhaps go and visit my sister, I haven't decided yet. And you?"

"Spain actually, in a few weeks. I have some connections there."

She nodded. "Good. I hope it works out."

"And for you too."

Placing her glass down and running her hand through her hair Clarisse leant back in her chair. "Goodness what a terrible mess." She sighed. "Such a mess."

Richard said nothing in response, only continued to sip his wine in quiet reflection.


"So that was it." Rose stated, her voice cut through the cool night air as she crossed the lawn towards Clarisse. "You never saw him again."

Clarisse didn't turn but instead continued staring into her half-empty wine glass. She moved along the bench as Rose got closer and made room for her.

"What are you doing out here anyway, aren't you entertaining?" Clarisse said finally glancing up at her sister.

"I might say the same to you, won't you come back inside? It's turned cold out here."

"I will, later, I just needed some air."

"Painful memories?"

Clarisse nodded. "Yes, I didn't realise talking about it all would make me feel… well, I thought I was over it."

"So answer my question, you never saw him again?"

"Who, Richard?"

"No, his royal highness."

"Don't call him that."

"Joseph, he never even bothered to come and say goodbye."

Clarisse took a gulp of her wine. "He did actually." She looked up sharply as another figure crossed the lawn.

"What's going on out here then?"

"Martin dear, we're just having a little chat." Rose smiled standing up and meeting her husband halfway. "Won't be long."

"Okay, but we're attacking the dessert so if you miss out don't say you weren't warned."

Clarisse couldn't help but laugh as Rose tutted her disapproval but was won over with a quick kiss.

Rejoining her on the bench Rose sat closer and rested her hand on Clarisse's bare arm. "You're cold."

"I know… hence the fact I have no husband teasing me over dessert."

"That's hardly what I meant."

"But it's true, I accept that." She took a deep breath. "Goodness I'm still so tired, I think I might skip dessert and go home if you don't mind."

"Of course I don't mind, but you are more than welcome to stay here you know that don't you."

"Yes, I know." She looked sideways at Rose and shook her head. "All right, I saw him that last night. I was taking a stroll through the gardens; it was cold, unbelievably cold. I got close to the fountain and he was there, almost waiting for me."


Clarisse stopped when she spotted him; reluctant to argue again she considered turning away and sneaking back without him seeing her. Then she felt her heart pound, her blood quicken and she hesitated, it was too late, he'd heard her footsteps and turned to face her.

She couldn't make out his face in the darkness, couldn't begin to guess his expression. He got up from where he sat on the fountain edge and moved towards her.

"May I call you Clarisse?" He said throatily, recalling their first meeting there.

She tried to speak but her voice eluded her, her mouth was dry, he was close enough now for her to touch him. His eyes shone as he smiled at her.

"Yes…" she mumbled. "Yes you may."

"Do you recall meeting her that night?" he turned away from her slightly gazing thoughtfully at the fountain. "Sitting here with you has become one of the most vivid memories of my life."

"Don't do this!" She blurted out. "Please don't. It isn't fair." She made to move past him but he caught her arm.

"Stay, just for a moment, you might have said all you need to but I haven't… permit me two minutes at least then you never have to see me again."

Pausing she gathered her resolve and turned back to face him. "What can you possibly have left to say?" She said harshly.

"Clarisse, please, don't be so cold… this has torn me apart, don't you realise that. I dare not think past tomorrow, that I'll never see you again." He swallowed. "And yet, I realise that you're right, it can't work, because I'm too selfish."

"Not selfish Joseph, you aren't that, you are just…the King, for goodness sake, I can't believe I'm even saying that. You are the King, and I am no titled lady who can ever grow old with you and share my life with you. As much as I might want to." She straightened her shoulders. "So, I leave tomorrow and we move on and forget."

"How can I forget? Tell me, what magical remedy is going to dissolve these feelings?"

"In time." She whispered and moved to walk away from him again but again he held her arm, tighter this time.

"Clarisse." His voice sounded desperate, cutting through her.

"Let me go, please."

"I love…" He swallowed, suddenly realising how contrite his words must sound to her. Instead he leant forward and gently and tenderly kissed her lips, he was shaking as he held her. "Vous prenez mon coeur avec vous."

She didn't realise her eyes were closed, but when she opened them again he had let go of her and was walking away. She didn't even try to stop the tears that slid down her face, who could see her in the dark night?


"So that's it." Clarisse said coldly. "That's my big romantic story." She turned her head slightly. "Rose, are you still awake?"

"Yes, yes I'm sorry." Rose hastily wiped at her face. "I'm sorry, I can't begin to imagine how you found the strength Clarisse."

"Oh don't be silly, it's just one more failed relationship."

"Don't try to tell me you've had that kind of intensity with every man you've dated. That you've felt that way about every man…"

She shook her head. "No, I wouldn't tell you that."

"Then don't brush this aside as some silly passing thing."

"But it's over now!" She stood up quickly. "It's over, and I've let go, Joseph was wrong, I am cold, it's how I get through."

Rose was silent for a second, struggling to find some way to break into her sister's resolve.

"Why did you go to France? Why didn't you come back here to me straight away?"

"I needed some time alone."

Rose stood up and grabbed Clarisse's arm forcing her to look at her. "Tell me you didn't go to stay with him."

"Rose." She struggled to pull her arm loose.

"For gods sake tell me you didn't go and stay with him."

"What does it matter if I did?" She finally succeeded in yanking her arm free.

"I can't believe you, I honestly can't. Clarisse you divorced him over thirty years ago. Yet still you do these things… you still let him into your life, did you tell him about all this?"

"Of course not." She snapped. "I'm not stupid."

"Did you sleep with him again, just like you did the last time you paid him a little visit?"

"That was ten years ago."

"Answer the question."

"Yes!" She suddenly shouted. "Yes, I slept with him, and what the hell does it matter, I'm single, he's single. And you know what Rose it felt good."

"Good! You're in love with Joseph and don't you dare try and tell me you aren't. Yet you keep him at arms length, yes blame him for screwing up your relationship but you have to accept you played your part. You're still the same, you fall in love with this man and you keep him at a distance yet Stephen, who has always treated you so very badly, so selfishly, you sleep with him when he snaps his fingers."

"You make it sound like I have no control."

"You're fifty-five now Clarisse, not twenty-five. You can't allow some selfish bastard to keep taking advantage."

"He didn't take advantage, I wanted it. All right, I wanted it. It takes away the pain…" She swallowed suddenly realising what she'd said. "I need to go home, Rose, thank you for dinner it was lovely." She crossed the lawn quickly.

Rose followed her. "Oh Clarisse, please, don't leave now. We need to talk about this."

"Not tonight, I'm sorry you disapprove Rose but you know Stephen did help me, he really did."

"Instant gratification isn't helping Clarisse… it's stalling."

Clarisse closed her eyes briefly for a second then shook her head. "Goodnight. I'll call you."

She paused at the kitchen and collected her bag before making her way around the side of the house to her car. Rose was wrong, there was no point in dwelling on anything, on analysing what happened with Joseph. It was easier to move forward.

"And I won't look back
And I won't regret
Though it hurts like hell
Someday I will forget.
Don't call me, don't write
Don't show up in the middle of the night
You know that we need it
Some time and space to breathe in.
This is letting go…"


Well i hope you enjoyed that - please leave me a little review! Thanks x R