Here's the next chapter sorry for the wait. Life has been kicking my ass real hard so its been a minute. I've gotten the next chapter about half way done so shouldn't have to wait long for it!
TRIGGER WARNING: You find out what happens to Jessica in this chapter so here's your warning. I mentioned what happened to Jess a few chapters back.
As always thanks to Sheri!
Also thank you for reading!
Chapter 30
Five Stages of Grief Part 2
BELLA POV - NEW YEARS EVE-3 Weeks Ago
James slowly drove us away from the house. We were heading to a hotel where Dr. Stevens was currently at. I was thankful because the pain in my side was hurting pretty bad at this point. I could hear Leah in the back whimpering, and I wanted to comfort her, but I just needed to stay still until I saw the doctor.
Pulling up to the hotel, James parked and then came around to help me out. I gasped as I stood, and James gave me a concerned look.
"You alright?" I didn't bother giving him an answer because Leah had left the car and ran towards him. He pushed me back some as I heard her yelling as she went to attack him.
"Leah!" I shouted while James told me to go inside to room 4. "She's gone through a lot," I said but I did what he said not looking towards them. I made my way to Room 4 and knocked. The door opened slightly before opening all the way and I was met with the eyes of Jasper.
"Oh, thank god," he said as he pulled me in. He called for Dr. Stevens which made me feel relieved seeing her.
"Mrs. Cullen," she said, giving me a nod. I smiled back and looked at Jasper.
"It's good to see you, Bella," Jasper said while offering me a smile. "Ed, just called and he needs me to go do some things," Jasper said while James walked in the room with a struggling Leah. I moved out of his way even though it hurt to move as quickly as I did.
"Yeah, you might want to tell him we may need Seth." Leah thrashed in his arms. I went to him, hurting as I walked. "Leah." She looked at me, but I don't think she really saw me. She seemed to be in some type of trance. "Leah," I repeated as James sat her down, she looked at me and then began attacking James all over again.
I stepped back, noticing the pain in my side intensifying. I saw Dr. Stevens with a syringe giving me a worried look as she passed. "Sit down, Mrs. Cullen." She went and grabbed Leah's arm and put the syringe in with James holding her still.
"What's that?" I asked as I sat down. My answer was confirmed when Leah suddenly calmed down and her eyes shut.
"We need to leave here quietly, Bella, Leah needed to be sedated. We couldn't take any chances of her raising alarms," James said as Dr. Stevens helped me up and into the room beside this one.
"I need to check Mrs. C out before we leave," she said as she closed the door.
"Let's get you settled. Can you tell me what happened? I noticed you walking stiff." I told her my injuries, that was it. I wouldn't go into detail of everything that happened. I know she was on Edward's payroll but I just didn't know how much information to give her.
She had this portable monitor she wrapped around my belly. I heard my baby's heartbeat and sighed in relief. He was okay. I didn't know what I was having but, in my head, I pictured a baby boy. "I'm going to check you over, okay? If that's alright?" she asked, and I nodded. She began with my head. I tensed at the spot near my ear, I hadn't noticed it before but apparently, I was injured in more places than I thought. She put a blood pressure cuff on my arm and pumped it up. Now, that I was laying here I had started to feel more pain than usual. "A little high, but I'm sure after whatever you just went through it wasn't going to be normal." The dress that was barely hanging on showed the bruises that had begun to form on my stomach.
She touched my side the one where the pain was coming from, and I tensed the fuck up. "Shit," I mumbled.
"I'll have to wait till we are back in Seattle to check about this but I'm most certain it's your ribs. I'm going to guess either cracked or broken. She said as she made her way down. "I'm going to examine you now," she said as she lifted whatever was remaining of the dress and that's when I felt it. The intense pain that had started in my back had radiated across my stomach and sides.
"Shit!" came from Dr. Stevens mouth as she looked at the portable monitor. What was happening? What was going on with me?
"Mr. Hunter!" she shouted as she pulled the scrap of the dress down after she examined me. I felt something between my legs, and it hurt like hell.
James came in with a worried expression until he saw me. "Oh, shit!" he mumbled but looked at the Doc.
"Call Mr. Cullen, tell him he needs to be here," Dr. Stevens said as she pulled many pads and other items from her bag.
"What's happening?" I asked as my breath hitched.
She looked at me with uncertainty. "You're bleeding."
"No! Stop it!" I yelled as I began to cry and shake. I knew what bleeding meant; I knew what this pain now meant.
"No!" I yelled as my whole body screamed in pain. I couldn't hear much after that, it was like I seemed to block out the voices. I felt something prick my arm and I fell asleep.
NOW - 3 Weeks Since New Year's - Anger and Bargaining
I quickly sat up as I yelled, covered in sweat, and glanced around the dark room. I was breathing hard, but it wasn't just my breathing that I could hear.
"Bella," I heard a familiar voice say as I reached the lamp by my bedside. Turning it on, I saw my best friend sitting beside me. Her beautiful golden hair tied up in a bun with strands falling out. She wasn't wearing a stitch of makeup and she still looked very beautiful.
"Rose," I croaked out my voice dry and raw. I went to her and pulled her in for a hug. At that moment I realized just how much I missed physical contact. "What are you doing here?" I pushed back my oily mess of hair.
"I came to see you," she said in a sigh. "I haven't talked to you since it happened."
There it was, the dread feeling, the lonely feeling that was currently in the pit of my stomach. I didn't want to talk about it, but it was all I could dream about. I nodded at her, not sure what to say. "Come on, B," Rose sat up from the chair she was sitting on to sit beside me on the bed. "You got to get out of this room."
My eyes flashed to her and narrowed. "He called you, didn't he?" I said as my anger rose; he was too chicken shit to say anything to me, be there for me but he would call Rosalie to do his dirty work? I mean how else would she know I've been living in this room?
"Whoa B, calm down," she said as she patted my arm. I gave her a look to not fuck with me. She rolled her eyes. "He did, but I haven't heard from you since it happened, and I was worried."
I shrugged, "glad someone is," I muttered.
She lightly punched my arm, "B, have you even seen your husband?" she asked, and I looked away because the truth was I hadn't. "That's what I thought, he's at a loss of what to do." She said staring into my eyes.
I didn't know what to say to that. It didn't feel that way to me, he seemed to be distant to me, so I was repaying the favor. "So, you're on his side?" I didn't even know we had sides, but she was my friend and it felt like she wasn't here for me to help but to scold me.
She huffed and leveled me with that gaze of hers. "I'm on no one's side, I'm here to help you and if that means getting you to pull your head out of your ass then so be it." We had a stare down; she didn't back down and neither did I.
"B," she said, clearly irritated but she huffed out a breath and I looked at her. "Look, I know you're hurting. I'm not trying to be difficult but staying in here, not living, not talking isn't going to help." A lone tear went down my face, I knew what she said was true, but it was hard.
She rubbed my arm, her voice now calmer than before "That man downstairs, who is one of the toughest, baddest, and most likely still a bastard who used to grate on my nerves is hurting too," she said with a sad smile.
I didn't think that any of this would bother him. I had been waiting for him to talk to me, but had I even tried to talk to him? "I don't know, Rosalie; I don't know anymore." I felt a little shitty I hadn't thought that he was hurting at all. "Have you tried to talk to him about..." She gestured to my stomach and my eyes went down. "I don't think I'm ready to talk about that." I trailed off looking everywhere but at Rose.
I heard her sigh "Okay, so how about something small then?" I looked at her again and she gave me a small smile. "Small?" I asked raising an eyebrow.
She sat up from the bed. "Take a shower because you stink," she said with a laugh. "Then leave this room and come down and get some dinner that Edward made." Edward made dinner? Could I leave this room? I was seriously thinking when I noticed Rose looking at me worriedly. "Even if it's just to go downstairs, at least you left." I nodded. Maybe it would help. Maybe I wouldn't be so lost in my thoughts if I did something. I gave her a small nod and she smiled at me. "I'll be downstairs," she said as she left, closing the door behind her.
I rose up from the bed and headed to my dresser. Pulling out some yoga pants, a t-shirt, bra and some panties and headed to the bathroom. I turned on the shower to the highest setting and stripped out of the sweats I was wearing. Once I was done, I stepped in the shower. It was hot but it was like I couldn't feel it. I felt cold, to be honest, which is insane since all I did was sweat lately.
I scrubbed my body; Rose was right I was smelly. I then noticed my razor laying on the bar in the shower. I really did need to shave but I wasn't up to that. I went for my shampoo and began to wash my hair. Halfway in, a painful memory struck. The night it happened, Edward and I were in the shower together at his penthouse. Edward was washing my hair, holding me while I cried. I slid down the shower wall and crouched as the water poured on me from above. Tears pooled in my eyes and ran down with the suds from my hair.
EDWARD POV
After Bella's breakdown the other night, I was at a loss of what to do. When I came back after making her some tea, the other night I was pushed away. I think that's what hurt the most, her indifference. I had been waiting for her to talk to me, open up but nothing. If anything, I just wanted her to speak. It broke my heart to see that shit.
I was willing to let the reins loose and let mom come as well. I wasn't sure about that either. I wanted my wife to open up but if I started letting all these people come over, she may just shut down. It was a double-edged sword honestly. I pulled at my hair which was such a common sight these days, I was expecting someone to say I had lost half my hair. I hated this, hated this with a passion. I had no control over the situation. I didn't know what direction to go.
Calling Rose was hard for me, I'll admit but after telling her the gist of it she got up and left. That spoke volumes to me. Rose was in law school and left to come here. A true friend to Bella. When she arrived, she had a bag and carried it to the third floor where Bella used to sleep. There were rooms she could have slept in on the same floor as Bella and I but I don't think she minded. Since she had arrived, she had been in my bedroom sitting by Bella. I really hoped inviting Rose would help and not backfire on my ass.
I was baking some chicken, when I heard walking. I turned to see Rose quickly wiping her tears away. I had hardly ever seen the woman cry, so it had me alarmed. Had something happened to Bella? She looked at me and I guess the expression on my face had her backtrack.
"No, she's fine, well physically," Rose added, and I nodded. I guess she had never seen Bella like that. I turned back to the chicken that I had pulled out of the oven. Rose had gone to finish tossing the salad that I had started.
"I stripped your bed and put the sheets in the washer." This time I gave her a look of concern. Bella hardly got up from the bed unless it was to use the bathroom. "I hope that wasn't overstepping, but I left the fresh sheets at the end of the bed." I shook my head; I didn't think she was overstepping at all. It had been a few weeks since they had been changed. "So, if she wants to go back to bed, she'll have to put them on herself," Rose added, taking the salad bowl to the kitchen table.
"Rose," I started, and she held her hand up. "Can I say something?"
I nodded but felt some slight anger in me. Bella was in mourning, and at this point I didn't know how to help her, but I didn't think tough love was going to work.
"Obviously your way isn't working." She looked at me as she took the platter of chicken to the table as I went to get the glasses from the cabinet to finish setting the table. I had to admit, Bella just seemed to push further and further away from me. "So, I thought maybe if I was the one who was a little hard on her she'd come out of that shell," Rose added. I gave her a look and she held her hands up in surrender. "It got her to take a shower, didn't it?" she finished, and I gave her a look of shock. "I waited outside your door a bit to see if she would, moments later I heard the shower get turned on." She smiled and I could feel my mouth rise at the corner a bit.
"Well, I'll be damned." That's all I could say. I sat the glasses on the table and Rose followed with the plates.
"The real test though is if she'll come downstairs.," she said, freezing as she said it. I heard the stairs creak from down the hall and my guess is Rose heard it too. "Just act normal," Rose whispered.
Easy for her to say, I haven't seen Bella leave the room in weeks. I avoided looking down the hall because if I did, I would see her. My foyer was open so after you got off the stairs or came in from the front door you could see down the hall on both sides. My senses were also trained well so I could hear her feet moving slowly towards the kitchen. I wanted to look at her but for some reason I couldn't. Trust me, I wanted to look at her so bad but wanted to keep things normal right now. I felt like if she saw me before she arrived, she may run back upstairs. It still bugged me that she had pushed me away. She wasn't in a hurry though; I could count five more steps to the kitchen but she was taking her time to get here. I sat the forks down at the table when Rose broke the silence, Bella had finally made it to the kitchen.
"Hello sunshine," she said. "You smell so much better!"
I went to give Rose a look but then I saw her. She was staring at Rose, with a smile tugging at her mouth. Her hair was still wet, and she was wearing one of my t-shirts which made me smile. I went to pull her chair out for her when she finally looked at me.
I offered her a smile and she said, "thank you," when she sat down.
I pushed the platter of chicken towards her, and she gave me a smile. I was so glad because I hadn't seen that in a long time. What did Rose even say to her? It was like she had done a whole 180 in hours. Rose was also staring at her, but it was a different look like she was trying to figure Bella out. Bella also grabbed a little salad from the bowl as well and she started cutting her chicken.
Rose and I pushed food to one another, acting oblivious to the tense atmosphere around us. I was cutting into my chicken when I peeked at Bella eating a bite of hers. I watched as she took a bite and for some reason, I wanted her to love what I cooked. I hadn't really cooked a meal before, but I wanted her opinion on it. The closest thing I had come to make was sandwiches.
"This is really good." She took another bite. "You made this?" she asked, looking at me.
"I did, I'm glad you like it." She nodded. I was just happy she was eating, instead of playing with her food or only eating a few bites. I was also happy to hear her talk.
Rose chatted lightly to Bella, and she would murmur words but didn't really engage in conversation with Rose. That still bugged me, but I wouldn't push her if she wasn't ready to talk. It was just part of me though that felt that I had done something wrong. Her distance, just her overall not acting the same.
I'm not an asshole, I know she lost a baby but at the same time I did too. It just hurt honestly; this whole thing sucked. I was brought out of my thoughts when there was a knock at the door. Bella stiffened and Rose gave me a look. Shit! I forgot about Emmett coming to drop off my money. Rose got up to answer it.
I turned to look at Bella, "sorry, I forgot Em was coming by." She visibly relaxed.
"It's okay, I mean it's your house," she said as she sipped her water.
Why would she refer to it as that? "It's our house," I told her as I grabbed her hand that was resting on the table. She tensed but then relaxed as she nodded.
"Yo!" Emmett's big ass mouth yelled as he came into the room. "B!" he shouted and leaned down to give her a peck on the head. She relaxed after a few minutes and played with her food. To the outside world besides Rose, me, Jessica and Ms. Cope everyone else thought Bella just didn't leave the house.
"Don't you look beautiful," he complimented her. She looked up at him and smiled.
"Aren't you a good liar?"
He laughed "I don't lie B," he said as he walked around the table and sat down beside me. Rose gave me a look when Emmett started staring at her.
"I didn't know you were in town." He stared at her as she sat down beside Bella. Bella had let go of my hand and she looked from me to Em again and I shrugged my shoulders finishing my food.
"I got in yesterday evening." I then noticed Bella looking confused before it hit her. Yes, baby you have been sleeping that much. I bet she thought Rose had just arrived.
"It's good to see you," he finished as he started eating. I gave him a look and he shrugged. Emmett could never read a room. Rose gave him a smile before turning to give Bella her attention. Bella looked a bit uncomfortable, but she wasn't running. She pushed her plate away telling Rose she was full. She still had some chicken left but it was probably the most she had eaten in weeks.
Emmett being who he was, had already scarfed down his food and was chugging his water. Rose gave him a look and rolled her eyes. Bella was fighting a smile on her face, but she looked relaxed for the first time in a while.
"Hey you big oaf!" Rose said as she gathered the plates. "Come help me wash." Emmett seemed to be mesmerized by her order. If anything, he enjoyed it. He jumped up and gathered everyone's plates. I held onto my glass of wine while Bella tried to look everywhere but me.
She sipped her water and looked around. I gathered she was checking things out but was being subtle about it. "Ms. Cope not working?" she wondered, giving me a side glance as she sipped the rest of her water. "Jessica?"
I gave her my full attention. "No, I have given them a few days off," I answered, judging her reaction.
"Oh, I was just wondering since you made dinner," she finished.
"Yeah, I've been winging it for a few days now." I let out an awkward laugh. Why was this so tense? Why was talking to her weird?
"You did a good job; the house looks good as well. Clean." she added, and I could tell she felt awkward the way her posture was. "I'm sorry I haven't helped." She quickly wiped a tear away and gave a look towards Em and Rose who were a few feet away washing dishes in their own world. "Looks like you were doing fine on your own," she added and gave me a look.
Two things happened at once: one her comment hurt but it also made me mad. She didn't know how I had been doing. She had been holed up in our room. That being said, I had been here waiting on her to want me, to need me, and yet she was acting like I hadn't done that. The truth was I wasn't fine on my own. I just kept the house clean and cooked so whenever she was ready, she wouldn't have to deal with it at first. Plus, it was my home too so I needed to contribute.
"I'm sorry that sounded bitchy," she said while I had been lost in my thoughts. I looked at her then in her eyes. They were full of pain, but her face told a different story.
"It's fine." It wasn't fine, but I really didn't want to fight with my wife right now. Especially when she had just made progress in leaving the bedroom. I didn't want to send her back and put even more space between us.
"Thank you for supper, it was delicious," she said as she slowly rose. My anger fading some, but I jumped up with her wondering what the next move was. This whole situation was foreign to me. I could calculate an enemy's moves from so many different standpoints. I could pinpoint each step they made, where they were going, and what they were going to do next. But my wife wasn't my enemy, and I couldn't pinpoint what would happen next and what I could do about it.
"Want to watch some tv?" I suggested. Anything to keep her from going back to the bedroom. She looked hesitant. Why?
"I'm pretty tired." I struggled to not roll my eyes. I was understanding but that's literally all she had been doing. I nodded but my anger rose, and my knuckles turned into a fist. I had been patient, understanding and why?
I stood there while she made her way up the stairs. When she had reached the second floor, I hurried to follow her. I could no longer take this; no longer could I wait. She had just reached our bedroom door when I caught up to her. She quickly turned towards me, a little frightened but relaxed when she saw me. I did too, but then I remembered why I had come up here.
"We need to talk." I tried to keep my voice controlled but looking at her face it had been anything but that.
"I'm not ready to talk about it," she said as she opened the bedroom door. I followed her in, tired of her shutting me out. I noticed the sheets on the bed had been changed already. She must have done that before she came downstairs.
"Fine, we won't talk about that," I said, referring to that night. "I…," I started to talk but my throat suddenly became dry. "We need to talk about this though." I gestured to the room hoping she knew what I meant. "I need you to talk to me, Bella." I huffed out a breath. "Look, I know you're hurting, I am too but I need you—," I quit talking when I noticed the look on her face. It was one of rage and disbelief. The room started to fill with tension. I had no clue why she was giving me that face and I didn't like receiving that face in the current situation.
"You're hurting?" she gasped, giving me a "go to hell" look. "You are?" She let out a bitter chuckle. My body suddenly reacted. I didn't like the way she was talking to me. "I lost a child. I did!" she pointed to herself.
"SO DID I!" I yelled, no longer able to keep calm. I had been waiting all these weeks for her to talk and now that she was, I wanted her to hush. "If you hadn't been stuck in here avoiding me and the outside world you would know that I've been hurting too!" I felt my emotions rising, her face didn't change, she didn't even look sad. She looked angrier like what I just said didn't have any effect on her. It didn't even bother her.
"Are you serious right now?" She gave me a cruel smile. "You? You were over him right after it happened! You went back to work, you didn't even cry! I sat here and mourned while you were off doing God knows what! "
Her words pierced me because she had no fucking idea what she was talking about. "Your so fucking blind and you don't even know it." She gasped but she never cried, she still gave me that "go to hell" look. If she wasn't the one, I was pissed at, I would be proud of how she was standing up for herself for once without the tears.
"I cried; you might not remember since you were very upset that night. I cried as soon as I returned to Seattle, I cried with you Bella! The night it fucking happened I cried while I held you in the fucking shower!" I yelled, swiping the tears threatening to fall. She looked at me in confusion before realization set on her face.
"I haven't even been able to mourn the loss, because I've been taking care of you! I've been waiting for you to talk! I've stepped out twice since it happened! Twice! Yet you throw that in my face? Are you fucking real right now?" She didn't know shit. She didn't know anything because she didn't bother to ask!
"Edward," she said quietly now, her face filled with remorse, but I couldn't go to her. I had to leave before anything else was said that I would later regret. With one final look at her, I left the room. "Edward!" she screamed but I could not look at her. The tears threatened to spill. I could hear her following me, but I had to get out. I had to leave. I felt like I was suffocating in this house all of a sudden.
I quickly moved down the stairs until I reached the first floor. "Ed!" I heard Emmett call from down the hall, but I left out the front door before he caught up with me. I could hear crying and a voice I loved call out to me, but I had to ignore it. That voice was also responsible for what was going on now. I heard another voice trying to calm the woman I had fallen in love with, but the cries were too great. "Edward!" Emmett said and I could literally hear him behind me.
I had made it to my car that had been left in the drive and quickly climbed in. Emmett had caught up with me and ran to get in the passenger's side.
Shit, I left it unlocked. I banged my fists on the steering wheel when I heard him get in. "Fuck," I said as I sat back in my seat.
"If you drive off, I'm going with you," he said beside me. After taking a few deep breaths I looked at him.
"I would rather be alone." I said, leaning my head back.
"I think you being alone isn't what's good right now," He voiced, putting his large hands in his lap. I gave him a look, but his eyes rose, offering a challenge for me to disagree. He was right, for the first time in my life I didn't want to be alone. I just couldn't do it in front of Bella.
"Drive Ed. Do what you gotta do but I'm going with you," Em whispered, and I wondered where the fuck my brother was. Who the fuck was this logical mature man sitting next to me right now?
I huffed a breath, neither one of us talking. I could feel my anger diminish a bit. I wouldn't leave tonight but I wasn't ready to go back inside. I was pulled out of my thoughts when I saw a car approach the gate.
BELLA POV
I sat on my bed, my head hanging down. Rose was beside me holding my hand. "I'm so stupid," I muttered rubbing my eyes.
"No, you're not," Rose confirmed. I shook my head, all this time I wasted thinking I was alone, and I couldn't see Edward was hurting too.
"So selfish." Rose gave me a look as to shut the fuck up, but I couldn't. "I…," I let out a cry. Rose started rubbing soothing circles on my back. "I just—I." I let out a strangled cry. Everything that had happened in the past 4 years, the time I met Edward, and up to now became clear to me that I had never processed anything that had happened. I never dealt with any of it, I had been in survival mode all this time. I didn't have to be though, I hated that I had gotten to this point to realize I had Edward to lean on and I hadn't wanted him for that. I pushed him away thinking he didn't care that he wasn't hurting. I was wrong, so terribly wrong.
"He's going to leave me; he is going to leave," I started bawling then, not caring that I looked pathetic then. "Just like my real dad left, just like Mom left."
Rose's eyes blinked in confusion. "Sweetie, your mother died in a car wreck and your father well…," Rose trailed off. She knew Charlie was dead but not how he died. She wasn't aware Charlie wasn't my father.
"Charlie isn't my father," I said quietly. Rose's eyes rose in confusion, but she shook her head. "Everyone leaves me, what is wrong with me?" I said to no one. I just cried. I was feeling everything at once. All the emotions from the past few days. Everything. "My body even hates me; it doesn't even want a child."
My sobs became so loud, I could barely hear Rose over them. She was talking to someone, I didn't know who, but I quickly turned towards the door.
There was Jessica, in some pants and a shirt. She came towards me, with a small smile on her face. "Mrs. Cullen," she greeted me. I couldn't even acknowledge her because I couldn't stop crying. "I'm here to help, you aren't alone," she said as she sat on the opposite side of the bed and held my other hand. My head was in Rose's lap as she soothed my hair.
We stayed like that for hours it seemed. I laid there until my breathing became normal and my cries were sniffles. "I begged that night," I said quietly to the room. "I begged that I wouldn't lose him." I let out a sob. "I didn't beg hard enough." I started crying again. I felt something hit me from above. I opened my eyes and saw that Rose was crying. I lifted my head off her lap. "Rose?"
She turned towards me and quickly wiped her eyes. "I'm going to make you some tea," she said as she sat up on the bed. "I'll make you a cup as well," she turned and told Jessica as she hurried out of the room.
"Mrs. Cullen," Jessica said from beside me. "Please call me Bella." I've told her so many times, but I understood that she was set in her ways. She nodded.
"I'm ready," she said simply. I didn't know what she meant but then I really looked at her, she looked determined. She didn't look weak or scared at the moment. She looked fierce. I searched her eyes, and I knew what she meant. It wasn't long ago in this very room she told me.
I sat up straighter and grabbed her hand tighter, a bit bewildered by the strength I suddenly had. "I'm here, just like I told you I would be." I gave her a smile. She smiled back and squeezed my hand.
She pushed her hair back with her other hand that wasn't holding mine and took a deep breath "I was a normal girl, I went to school, had friends. My parents didn't love me like they should've." She took another breath before continuing. "I moved here after my mother died. My dad cared more about his drink and drugs anyways." She let out a bitter chuckle. "I stayed focused on school until one night some classmates invited me out to a club."
She let out a sigh but jumped right back into her story. "I was hesitant, of course. I never went out when I was younger. So, I decided to let go and have some fun." She let out a shaky breath. "I always told myself I would never drink seeing my parents and what it did to them, but just this once I was going to let go." She laughed bitterly.
"The girls that I went with quickly left me as soon as we began to drink. I think I was on my third drink when I saw him. He was charming of course, considerate, so nice. I played right into his hands." She let out a sniffle but continued to give me a smile. "I dug the attention he gave me, never having it before and it felt nice." She rubbed her nose. "I remember him handing me a drink and me taking it, not even thinking when I did. It's the stupidest decision I've ever made." She stopped. "No, going in the first place was the stupidest decision I ever made."
"He slipped you something," I said, as she slowly nodded. "I was already tipsy when I took that drink. I wasn't thinking clearly. When I woke up, I was tied to a table."
I gasped knowing what was coming. She had told me it happened but now she was telling me how.
"I woke up to a rather large man standing in front of me with a ski mask on before I saw HIM again." She took a few deep breaths before she turned back to me again. "He made the large man rip my clothes off." A lone tear escaped from my eye.
"He didn't even hesitate, he forced himself inside and I felt myself being ripped apart." She choked a bit on her words no doubt flashbacks going through her head. "I screamed for him to stop which just pissed him off more. He slapped me every time I screamed. I couldn't stop though, it hurt so bad. He told me I was alone; I would always be alone. But I would always be his." She had a few tears come out but still smiled at me.
"When he was done, I thought it was over, but when the big one unzipped his pants, I realized it wasn't over." She took another breath. "It was far from over." Jessica started crying then a little more heavily, but she remained calm. "If I thought I had been ripped open before, it didn't compare to what happened next." She moved slightly on the bed. "He didn't waste time, before he pushed himself in, everything inside hurt. I started screaming again only this time the other one who just raped me began to burn me with a blowtorch. It took me a while to realize I needed to stop screaming for him to stop the burning."
I put my hand on my mouth. This was truly horrible to hear. She didn't deserve this, no one deserved to be hurt like that. "When the bigger one was done and he pulled out, his penis was covered in blood." She let out a breath. "I needed to pee then, so they untied me so I could. It hurt so bad. When I was done, they wanted to play a game with me. They wanted to see if I could run and escape. They taunted me the whole time. I tried to run, but I wasn't successful. When they caught me again, that's when they started kicking me hard, punching me, and burning me again."
I had fresh tears fall, unable to keep them from coming out, as she took a minute to compose herself. She let go of my hand then and pushed her hair behind her ears and started pulling at her nails before she focused back on me.
"I thought they were getting ready to kill me." She said in a small voice. "They laid me on the table again but didn't tie me up. They turned me over and proceeded to rape me from behind. HE the man from the bar was in my ear as he pounded into me hard saying I would always be his. I thought at this point if I didn't fight it, they would hurry up and end it. Boy, was I wrong." She cried a little bit more, but she remained strong.
"There was another one," she said as she looked at me. "He was wearing a mask as well. However, they forced some pill down his throat before he turned me back over and took me." She let out a sigh. "He wasn't into it, he told me sorry he had to before he…" She didn't finish her thought, but I knew what she was trying to say, "I just laid there, waiting for it to be over wondering why this was happening to me."
I did too, no one deserved this especially not Jessica. "I don't remember how long it was before both Mr. Cullen's and Laurent found me. I don't even remember the three men leaving. I don't remember crawling to the other end of the large room. I don't remember Mr. Graves covering me with a blanket or some doctor looking at me."
She gulped a bit before continuing. "I remember Mrs. Cullen helping me after the doctor checked me out. She helped me take a shower, since all the men scared me. They broke two of my ribs, I had a concussion and there was a lot of damage down below. I was in some clinic they had for a while. They hired a nurse to stay with me 24/7." Esme helped her? Why didn't I know this? Granted, I guess it never came up. The two Mr. Cullen's? I thought she meant Edward and Emmett. I now know she was talking about Edward and his father.
"Mr. and Mrs. Cullen helped me a lot when I was discharged. They helped me buy a cottage not far from here. I thought it was a lot considering I was a stranger to them. I didn't know how I was going to pay for it until Mr. Cullen offered me a job." Now she was talking about Edward.
"He had limits of course, as you know. It didn't matter to me though; I wasn't going back to my old life. I had no one. He made sure I was protected."
The tug in my heart was even worse. My husband gave off a vibe but deep down inside I knew he was a good man.
She then turned towards me and really looked into my eyes.
"It wasn't long after that when I found out I was pregnant." I quickly gasped and looked at her. She gave me a small smile. "I was in a constant state of panic since the attack. I was always in fight or flight mode, scared that HE would find me." She cried a bit and I soothed her by rubbing her back.
"I was worried of course, that he would always find me even with Mr. Cullen protecting me. Now that I possibly carried his child made that worse." She let out a bitter laugh "I don't even know if it was his, all three of them? Yeah, in me," she said, making a gesture but I knew what she meant.
"I was 10 weeks when I started bleeding." She continued crying a bit more and I held her hand again tightly. "It killed me," she added. "I couldn't get over it for the longest time. It filled my every thought." She wiped her eyes. "I wanted to die, but I was a coward to even do that," she added, chuckling bitterly.
"I made it through though. I still have days where I think about what my baby would have looked like. He or she would have been 2," she finished. "Then seeing him at your wedding brought everything back, but Mr. Graves helped me." I nodded, figuring Laurent and Jessica were getting close.
"If it makes you feel better, he's no longer here," I said, and she nodded knowing who I was talking about. It didn't take a genius to know the meaning of what I was trying to say. I know she signed stuff for Edward, so she couldn't say anything. Heck, I didn't even know anything really but that he died in an explosion.
"It does help some," she said quietly. "I'm so sorry Jessica." I truly was. No one deserved what she went through.
"Don't you see Ms. Bella?" I looked at her. "You aren't alone, you can make it through this. We all are here beside you," she said proudly, and I had to blink to make sure this was the same Jessica. The one who would freak out at loud noises, cringe if she was touched.
I smiled at her. "Thank you." I rose up with her from the bed. "Can I hug you?" I asked and she hesitated but slowly nodded. I gave her a hug and I had to admit it felt good to have some type of human touch. When we pulled away from each other, she smiled at me and left my bedroom. Rose hadn't returned with the tea so I wasn't sure what happened, and I didn't know if I should be worried.
I went into the bathroom and washed my face. My eyes were very puffy and rimmed red. When I went back into my bedroom, I had stopped walking. Edward had entered and shut the door. He was holding a mug of tea from the smell of it. He just stared at me, and I stared back.
I wasn't sure of what to say, to be honest. I mean to say "I'm sorry" didn't feel like enough. Granted, I needed to start somewhere, but I also knew forgiveness and peace wouldn't come in one night.
"Rose made this," he said in a soft voice as he handed the mug to me.
"Thank you," I said, grabbing it from him, touching his fingers as I took it. I felt a familiar jolt like I usually do when we touch. I looked up at him, he hadn't really budged from his spot but looked deeply in my eyes. "I'm sorry." I said hesitantly. His face didn't change.
I pushed back tears. Why couldn't I see what was in front of me all this time? I felt arms grab me and pull me in and then the tears broke through the fucking dam. I sobbed as he held me tighter. I had my head resting on his shoulder, my face in the crook of his neck. He kissed my forehead and continued to hold me.
"It may not seem like it, but we'll get through this," he said quietly as he leaned down and gave me a kiss on the lips.
I nodded, elated from his words. We needed to talk about a lot of things and maybe I wasn't ready to talk about the baby but there were other things I needed to tell him. Granted, right now wasn't the time.
"I love you," he whispered. drawing me out of my thoughts. I smiled up at him "I love you too."
Thank you reading!
