Disclaimer: Princess Diaries 1 & 2 are owned by people much richer than me - the usual applies...
Author's Note: A rainy day and CJ get a little closer
Fallen
part 16
It rained on Wednesday, heavy thundering rain that at times tore across the sky and pummelled the earth, then rested into a dull thudding downpour. Unrelenting and wonderfully atmospheric.
Still Clarisse couldn't help but loathe the fact that her delicate gladiolas were being savaged and she spent a great deal of time staring out of the window at the flowers, hoping they might survive nature's ravishing.
"Another game?" Joseph asked moving up behind her.
"Hmm, why not? You will continue to win though; I seem unable to penetrate your barriers. More tea?"
"But of course."
Clarisse refilled the teapot and carried it to the kitchen table where the chessboard was set out, as it had been for the majority of the day.
"I've never been very good at this you know, seems too mathematical."
"You do well." He said lining up the pieces again.
"I do well up to a certain point, I can take your pieces, defend my own for the most part but never quite finish it off and win."
"That comes with practice, the more you play, the better you will get at backing me into a corner."
"Perhaps." She poured the tea and took a sip before lifting a pawn and moving it forward.
"Control the board." He said gently moving his own piece.
"I know." She contemplated her next move, hands folded propping her chin up. "Sorry about the weather, no walks today. It always seems to happen this way in England, three days of sunshine followed by a day of rain, we like to keep it even."
"Hardly your fault. Besides I've rather enjoyed playing Chess with you."
"Only because you win." She lifted her Knight.
"Ahh but you won at Scrabble, twice."
"What can I say…" she smiled endearingly. "I'm a walking dictionary."
Joseph made another move and left Clarisse to mull over her next one. He watched her closely, not overtly staring but every now and then glancing up at her face. He had been there a few days now and things seemed to be easing out, he sensed that comfortable rapport they shared becoming apparent again, he even dared to hope that she still cared for him.
He couldn't help but find his mind wandering back over the wonderful times they'd shared, the evenings they'd danced in his suite or walked through the grounds. Each and every time he did though he couldn't help but wonder how, if ever, they could get that back and if they did how would it exist? Just what would she be to him or he to her? How could they function in any kind of relationship when they were both geographically and socially so far apart?
"Are you still angry with me?" he whispered.
She didn't look up from the board but continued to stare at the squares in an attempt to figure out which direction he might take the game. He considered asking again when she didn't reply but realised she had heard and was simply thinking on her reply.
"I understand your reasons a little better…" she finally said not looking at him. "I understand you did it for your country and your son's well being… I might not agree, but I understand."
"But are you still angry with me?" he swallowed. "Over the way I treated Richard, the way I handled things with you… badly."
"Not angry no, I was at the time, hurt and upset… but mostly disappointed, with you and myself." She lifted another pawn and moved it into play. "Angry at myself I suppose more than anything, for foolishly believing that you and I could have some kind of relationship. I should never have allowed myself to get close to you in that situation. Should never have allowed it to go so far."
"But how could we have played things out differently? You avoided me for so long." He quickly interjected.
"But I should have left, when I realised that you were attracted to me… more than attracted to me, after your confession in the kitchen that night I should have left."
"Why didn't you?" he asked softly, his attention no longer on the game.
"I didn't want to." She shrugged finally lifting her face up to look at him. "The truth is I enjoyed having your attention, in some selfish vain way." She sighed leaning back in her chair. "I never admitted that to myself, couldn't see it until I was away from the palace, away from you. I admitted it to Rose, I wanted you to want me, it made me… you made me feel like I really existed, that I mattered."
"You do." He realised his voice sounded odd, that his head was getting heavy. "You fulfil me Clarisse." He slid his hand across the table to reach hers. To his surprise she didn't pull away.
"Why are we doing this?" Her voice was barely audible as their fingers folded together. "We've been over this again and again, there is no future, nothing to be done. If you'd never come here I would have moved on with my life, I would have pushed what happened between us back into my mind, another failed relationship."
"I've always believed everything happens for a reason. If I'd never come here then we would also never have had closure, I would have always wondered just how much you hated me."
"I don't."
"But I thought you did, I would have gone on believing you did. If you'd never come to the palace, if I'd never met you then I would never have known this pain at being away from you, the injustice of not being able to be with you. But I would also have never known what it is to really love somebody, really love."
"Joseph…" she sighed pulling her hand from his.
His head dropped forward as she stood up, one hand leaning on the back of the chair for support, her other running through her hair.
"I'm sorry." He finally said. "I didn't mean to make you feel awkward."
"I know." She opened the back door for a second and took a deep breath of the cool rain-filled air. "It's your move."
Joseph shook his head and glanced down at the board blindly lifting his knight and moving it. Clarisse moved back to the table and leant down simply lifting a pawn and taking his knight. He groaned and looked up at her smiling face.
"Unfair, my concentration is shattered."
She shrugged. "It's a cut-throat game."
He was about to reply when they both froze and looked at each other.
Clarisse was the first to move darting to the still open door. A car had just pulled into the driveway behind Clarisse's. Luckily she had moved Joe's car into the garage days ago.
"It's Rose." She said turning to him.
"Well, I suppose now is as good a time as any to meet her."
"But she doesn't even know you're here." Clarisse said folding her arms around her stomach. "I should have told her."
Joseph stood up. "I'll go upstairs until she's gone."
"No, no. Stay." She glanced back down the driveway as the car door opened and Rose stepped out opening an umbrella. "Just give me a moment to explain."
He smiled nodding his head in understanding. "I'll go freshen up." He quipped.
Gratefully she watched as he retreated from the kitchen.
She felt almost flushed as she waited for her sister to appear in the doorway, wet and flustered at the weather, the humidity no doubt bothering her.
She held onto the door and waited for Rose to join her.
"Goodness Clarisse just when I think summer has arrived." She bustled into the kitchen dropping her umbrella into the sink and removing her coat as she approached her sister and kissed her cheek. "How are you dear, and where have you been hiding these past few days?"
She halted as she hung her coat up and noted the chessboard lay out on the table, obviously mid-way through a game.
"Do tell me you aren't playing yourself."
"No." Clarisse moved to sit down and Rose sat across from her expectantly.
Taking a deep breath and folding her hands together Clarisse watched as Rose cupped the half empty mug of tea in front of her and noted it was still warm.
"Joseph." Clarisse whispered his name.
"What? Here? Now?"
Clarisse couldn't help but smile at her sister's outburst. "Yes, here, now. He arrived Saturday night, unexpectedly." Clarisse let out a deep breath. "I never expected to see him again Rose, let alone on my door step."
"Good lord, me neither. Well…" Rose sat back in her chair. "Bloody hell."
Clarisse laughed again. "What a wonderful way you have of bringing things into reality."
"Where is he?" Rose whispered leaning across the table.
"Giving us a few moments."
"And how are things going, what the hell has happened, what have you done?"
Clarisse shook her head at her sisters jabbering. "Nothing, nothing like you think anyhow. We've talked, trying to sort things out, been for walks."
"That's all?"
"Yes that's all, absolutely that's all." Clarisse glared. "Just, just be fair, nice."
"I'm always nice. What do you think I'm going to say to him?"
"What are you going to say to me?" Joseph said from the door in a perfect soft accent.
Both women turned to look at him. He was smiling lightly, his eyes shining, Clarisse had to admit she felt rather proud as he stood there looking terribly handsome.
He stepped forward and held his hand out.
"Hello Rose, it's a pleasure to meet you… finally."
She tentatively took his hand. "And you err…"
"Just call me Joseph."
Clarisse blushed and quickly stood collecting the tea things from the table. It hadn't occurred to her until now just how completely ridiculous it was to have a monarch standing in her kitchen, shaking hands with her sister, drinking tea from her mother's old china cups.
"Erm, should we move into the lounge, it might be more comfortable." Clarisse said quickly pouring the cooling tea into the sink.
"It's fine here, we've been fine here all day." Joseph smiled endearingly at her as he sat down in her recently vacated seat across from Rose.
Goodness he was so charming, Clarisse thought, he had so much practice at winning people over, so many situations where he had needed to be, he did it without effort now.
"More tea then?" She smiled in return.
"Yes for me too." Rose spoke up almost grinning at her sister before turning her attention to Joseph. "So then, how are you finding England?"
"Beautiful." He said sincerely. "Very beautiful, even the rain, and of course I have a wonderful host."
"Of course. You look well, better."
"Ahh, you saw the reports as well."
"Yes, yes I did. Were you ill?"
Joseph laughed and leant across the table conspiringly. "Only a little, though it was self-induced. I was purely to blame."
"Oh?"
He shrugged. "The fault was mine."
Clarisse quickly placed a tray in front of him and glared at him momentarily.
"I'll pour." He said to cover her embarrassment.
"Thank you. And cakes too dear," Rose winked at her sister. "We have important company."
Clarisse moved to sit next to Joseph, mentally thinking of some line of conversation she could introduce that would be safe.
Joseph beat her to it.
"So, Rose. Clarisse tells me you're a grandmother."
"Yes, only once so far though, thank goodness, she's a handful."
"Joyful I bet."
"Absolutely. Do you have grandchildren?"
For a second Joe almost faltered but he regained his composure so quickly only Clarisse was aware of the slight change. "Not yet." He said honestly before taking a sip of his tea.
"Clarisse is wonderful with her though, especially the finger painting."
"I can imagine that, her creative side finally allowed to blossom."
"Very funny." Clarisse turned in her seat so she was positioned sideways and could see both Rose and Joseph and still glance out of the window when she needed the escape.
"I'm sorry dear, you're far too easy to wind up." Rose giggled.
"Yes, yes, I know."
"Okay we'll change the subject." Rose smiled. "So, I'm sitting here with royalty, tell me of somebody famous you've met."
"Famous?" Joseph laughed. "Such as?"
Rose was blabbering on listing celebrities, Clarisse actually felt rather uncomfortable, to her disdain she wished they were alone again, in fact she longed to be alone with him again.
Joseph must have sensed her unease and to her surprise reached across and squeezed her hand where it lay on the table. Rose noticed but said nothing. As quickly as he'd touched her he let go again and returned his attention to Rose.
"Well, I've never met Madonna I'm afraid. But yes I have shared many a dinner with Bill."
"You mean Clinton?"
"Yes, him. Although I must say President Chirac has better chefs."
Rose laughed again. "Oh but of course they are French. How's the Italian food at the embassy?"
"Good, good, the wine is divine. Actually I have a standing order, I'll send you some to try."
They laughed together and Clarisse shuffled in her chair, she wasn't sure what it was she didn't like about the fact her sister was getting on so well with Joseph but it bothered her.
"Well," Rose said finishing her tea. "The reason I came to see you Clarisse, it's Mark's birthday next week as you know and we've decided last minute to have a little dinner tomorrow night. Family thing."
"Oh" Clarisse glanced towards Joseph.
"You're perfectly welcome to attend of course." Rose nodded towards him. "But of course you don't have to, awkward I suppose."
"It's fine, I wouldn't wish you to miss it Clarisse, I'll be fine here, go."
Clarisse bit down on her bottom lip, she didn't like the idea of abandoning him whilst she went out for the evening.
"You are welcome Joseph, honestly." Rose added again.
"I don't wish to ruin the night, be the topic of conversation."
"Nor me." Clarisse said abruptly standing up and moving across the room.
"Why would you be?" Rose stood and went to stand next to her. "We don't have to announce anything."
"They will know who he is. They surely must."
"Perhaps, but if we say nothing then neither will anybody else, he's just your guest, we let it stand as that and nothing more."
"I don't want to intrude Rose." Joseph said honestly. "But I would enjoy spending time with you all. If you don't want to Clarisse I understand…"
Clarisse shrugged. "If that's what you both want then fine, come along, meet them all."
"You're uncomfortable with it." Joseph stated. "I won't come." He stood up. "You should go though, no need to miss it because I'm invading your life."
"Joseph…" she grumbled as he left the room. "Damn it." Clarisse cursed under her breath.
Rose coughed and leant next to her sister against the work surface. "Things going well then."
"There's nothing to go well because we aren't going anywhere. He's here, we talk, we smooth things over, he leaves. Over and done with. What's the point in having him meet the family?"
"None at all I guess, but he wants to, and I think you would like him with you too."
Clarisse said nothing but continued staring at her feet. Finally Rose collected her umbrella from the sink and moved to get her coat.
"Oh I'm sorry Rose, I feel like a teenager getting advice from Mother."
"Mother gave poor advice and you know it."
Rose slipped her coat on. "8:00 tomorrow night, bring wine." She stepped forward and kissed Clarisse's cheek. "And bring him, he seems lovely, and quite plainly infatuated with you my sweet. That is good, honest advice."
"It's a ridiculous fantasy."
"That it may be, but enjoy it for a few days huh, just see what happens."
Clarisse nodded grudgingly and waved Rose to her car. Alone again she felt the silence of the room close in around her, it was still raining though and she concentrated on the sound of it rather than focus on what had just transpired.
Guilt beginning to tighten in her chest she made her way into the lounge, it was empty, as was the dining room and office. Climbing the stairs she found the door of the spare bedroom slightly ajar. She pushed it further; Joseph lay on the bed staring at the ceiling.
"Sorry," he said motionless. "I should have stayed away, not met her, I didn't mean to push you into this, especially when I know it's not what you want."
She said nothing, only moved to sit on the edge of the bed.
"You look tired."
He shrugged and she rested her hand on his forehead.
"You feel hot too, can I get you anything?"
"No, I'm fine, didn't sleep well last night."
"You're sure that's all?"
"Yes I'm sure. Rose is wonderful, very bubbly."
"She is, though I'd say loud."
"No, full of life, fun." He sighed and closed his eyes. "You're right, this is ridiculous, I should never have come here. I'm not sure what I thought would happen."
"I'm glad you came, we needed to talk." She stood up and moved to straighten the curtains. "I'm going to take bath before dinner, sleep for a while, I'll wake you later."
He settled back into the pillows and closed his eyes.
"And pick a shirt for tomorrow night, Rose will expect you to dress for dinner."
He smiled as she left him alone, she had actually asked him to go with her… well, in a roundabout way.
After her bath Clarisse prepared a simple platter of cheeses, biscuits and fruit. Accompanied by a good bottle of wine it was all she had the energy to prepare, funny how a lazy rainy day playing chess made her tired.
She carried the tray of food into the lounge and set it down on the coffee table, Joseph stood by the window with his back to her.
"I know they tell you it rains in England, but goodness it's washing your garden away."
"Please don't remind me, I dread to think what state it will be in tomorrow morning." She poured two glasses of red wine and moved to stand beside him handing him a glass.
"Thank you."
They stood in companionable silence as the sky cracked open above them and rumbled with thunder. Clarisse shivered involuntarily as a shot of lightning lit up the darkened night.
"I always loved storms as a young boy, I remember sneaking out to sit in the grounds and watch them."
"Didn't your mother chastise you for it?"
"Hardly, my nanny."
"Ahh," Clarisse nodded. "You've never spoken of your childhood to me."
He shrugged and took a sip of his wine. "Royal childhoods are never normal are they, mine wasn't the exception. Being groomed from birth for one job, spending years away in some foreign country locked up in an old boarding school. I don't believe I ever really knew my parents."
He took another sip of his wine. "In some way I think I always promised myself that it wouldn't turn out that way with my own children, but of course, life transpires as it does and the pattern is repeated."
"It isn't too late to change the pattern." She said gently.
"With Philippe you mean, I don't think he even knows what he wants himself. There is no changing things now, the baby is due in less than a month, he's in San Francisco with Helen for the birth."
"Will he return?"
"I hope so, I pray… he wants to marry her, I've given my consent."
She nodded a feeling of warmth spreading through her at his words. "Good."
"Perhaps, I'm not entirely sure it's what she wants though, not from the conversations I've had with her. We shall see."
"You will be grandfather." She nudged his elbow.
"I know, at only 54, surely I'm still too young for that."
"I think you'll find nowadays being a grandparent is something that is coming earlier and earlier in life." Another streak of lightning flashed across the sky. "I think I should switch the lights off." Clarisse said handing Joseph her glass to hold.
He waited as she moved between the rooms turning the lights off before coming to stand next to him again.
"Are you hungry?" She asked retaking her glass.
"Only a little."
"We can light the candles to eat if this weather continues."
"I wish we were by the sea, raging away."
She glanced sideways at his face oddly illuminated by the storm and realised just how alone this man was in the world, so many people fussing around him endlessly yet which one actually knew him? A dull pain clamped down on her chest, pity, she felt sorry for him, sorry for the life he'd had, the life he was never given the opportunity to have, the choices he never had the chance to make.
In a second she had moved across the room and lit a candle and turned the stereo on.
He turned to face her as she moved back to him and took his glass, placing it back on the coffee table.
"Dance with me." She said softly as the music began to creep into the room.
He said nothing, waited as she lifted her hands and slid her fingers around his. Her body moved closer to his, she was warm and smelt of a fresh summer morning. He found his eyes closing, his body giving itself up to the dance.
His feet seemed like lead at first, barely able to move on the carpeted floor, it was she who led. The simple piano tune filled his senses as he listened to the words being sung so gently, reverently. It wasn't invading music, it was music that weaved its way around him and he was glad she had chosen it.
"It's a funny thing, I look at you, I get a thrill I never knew, isn't it a pity we never met before. Here we are at last, it's like a dream, the two of us, a perfect team. Isn't it a pity we never met before? Imagine all the lonely years we've wasted, me with the neighbours, you at silly labours. What joys un-tasted, my nights were sour spent with Schopenhauer. Let's forget the past, let's both agree, that I'm for you, and you're for me. And it's such a pity we never, never met before. "
"I'm so grateful for knowing you Clarisse." He whispered into her ear. "You've given me so much."
The music swelled around them and he found his feet, elegantly spinning them around together in time with the beat. Her hand felt tight in his, her head on his shoulder, she was so close, he could feel her heartbeat, perhaps kiss her cheek…
"Imagine all the years we've wasted, fishing for salmon, losing at backgammon. What joys un-tasted, me at the Prado, you in Colorado. Happiest of girls I'm sure to be, if only you would say to me, that it's such a pity we never met before. What an awful pity we never, never met before."
When the words ended she was the one to step back from him, to his surprise he found she was smiling.
"I think we should have something to eat."
They sat on the floor and ate together, finished off the first bottle of wine and opened another. As the night progressed they remained sitting on the floor, leaning back against the couch and chatting.
Joseph told her of his time at school, the memories he had of his parents, private family moments that no historian would ever have recorded.
"You do have happy memories of them." She said yawning and leaning her head back on the couch.
"I do, a few, too few."
He glanced down at her, she was almost asleep. Taking her glass from her and standing it on the table he watched her for a while, cradling his own glass in his hand, needing something to hold, afraid he wouldn't be able to resist touching her.
Her face seemed to him utter perfection, he longed to trace his finger across her cheek, down her brow, her nose. To watch as she fidgeted at the ticklish sensation. To once again feel that beautiful mouth against his; it seemed to him she was smiling, her full lips curved wonderfully. Perhaps she was aware of him staring at her, gingerly he moved his hand forward casting a shadow across her face, she never moved. There were gentle lines at the corners of her eyes, evidence of the laughter she had experienced over the years. Tenderly his fingers touched her hair, hardly even moving, feeling the silky strands slide against the tips of his fingers.
Once again the thunder struck outside, louder this time, closer to them. Momentarily he glanced to the window, when he turned back to her she had shifted, her head slid down and to his joy rested against his shoulder. He brought his arm to rest across her body; she curled her legs up beneath her and leant fully against him.
He knew he would have to wake her soon; they couldn't stay here all night. For one thing they would ache terribly. But goodness how he would suffer those aches and pains for the bliss of spending the entire night next to her here. He allowed his eyes to close, his mind to drift away for a while. If only life could always be like this.
Almost forty-five minutes later he awoke again, his arm was numb where she leant against it and his legs complained at the hard floor. Clarisse still slept next to him, though her arms hugged her body, she must be cold. Manoeuvring himself from her he gently rested her head back on the sofa and moved away, standing and stretching his legs.
It occurred to him that finally the rain had stopped, when he went to the window the sky was now calm and tranquil. Not even a sign of the heavy clouds that had dominated the view all day, it was clear and strangely brighter than it had ever been during the daylight hours.
It was almost 2a.m.; he really should wake her and go to bed. Yet when he watched her sleeping there he couldn't bear to. The candle was almost burnt out, the glasses empty. He tidied the remnants of their dinner onto the tray and carried it back through to the kitchen before returning to the lounge.
He leant over Clarisse and once again touched her hair, giving in he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, she didn't stir. His strong arms easily slid beneath her body and effortlessly lifted her up. He held her almost protectively against his chest and carried up the stairs to her bedroom.
It took mere seconds for him to settle her on the sheets, she curled on her side and he covered her. He considered removing her dressing gown but realised she would find that terribly unnerving the following morning if she knew he'd done it.
Leaving her alone he went to his own room and undressed climbing into bed. He left the curtains open and for many hours stared out at the sky wondering just how he was going to leave her in a weeks time. Essentially nothing had happened, nothing more than two people inhabiting the same space, eating and talking together. Yet now he couldn't imagine not seeing her everyday, not sharing every morning with her.
The thought stung and remained with him far into the coming dawn.
Well i hope you enjoyed that... please leave me a little note & let me know what you think about how things are going. Thanks xx Rhonda
