A/N:Hi everyone! Hope everyone is doing well. This chapter isnt a long one but its not that short either. I'm currently about half way through on the next one. As always shoutout to Sheri and thank you for reading!
Chapter 32
HEALING
BELLA POV
I ran along the path around my house pushing myself to beat my score. I had made it a competition lately trying to beat my score from the previous day. So far, I was doing it. When I came near the old boat house, I knew my lap was about over. I pushed myself harder, my shoes digging into the concrete of the path. As soon as I hit that invisible line, I stopped looking at my watch. I did it! I beat my score!
I grinned, feeling accomplished and took my water from my waistband to take a sip. I heard footsteps coming from behind me but I wasn't alarmed knowing who they belonged to.
"Damn, B, you beat your record!" James said with a laugh. I nodded and I felt pride in that.
"Wished you would take me up on a race!" I mumbled, finishing off my water.
"I don't want you to get mad if I win," James said with a cocky grin.
"Oh, please," I laughed as we walked back towards the house. My legs were like jelly and burning as I walked. I tried to walk normally but you could tell they were stiff.
"You okay?" James asked. "Did you overdo it?" I shook my head but then decided to tell the truth.
"Maybe a little bit," I said as honestly as I could. I knew that if I told him then he would tell Edward and then Edward would try to convince me to stop running or whatever else I may be doing.
I had been treated like a fragile glass lately and I didn't need that. I had been given the all clear by Dr. Stevens. It had been about eight weeks since New Year's Day. She told me I could resume all sexual activities and if we wanted to try again it would be okay. I wasn't ready for that by any means, so I was currently on birth control. However, Edward and I had yet to resume our physical relationship. I missed Edward in that aspect, I really did but right now he was on a mission to make sure I healed mentally and physically.
"How's the ribs?" James asked as we reached the front steps.
That was another thing, my ribs had been fractured a bit on New Year's but according to Dr. Stevens, they seemed fine. I had a bit of a problem when I overdid it like running lately but it was getting better by the day. However, I wasn't going to quit running. It got me out of the house for a bit. Granted, I could leave if I wanted to but I was still struggling with it, so going outside to exercise seemed to help that problem.
"They are okay," I said, opening the door and being hit by a wonderful smell. Ms. Cope must have been cooking something delicious.
"Mmm! Shit smells good," James said and I giggled. Having James back with me was amazing. He kept me distracted and I enjoyed his company. He was like the big brother I never had. Edward had yet to find me another guard so James volunteered which was fine because I don't think I was ready for someone new.
Losing Zafrina hurt. I had called Senna to pay my condolences the day after Rose left 5 weeks ago. She thanked me and I told her I was sorry. She told me it wasn't my fault. Zafrina was a protector and died doing what she loved doing. It didn't make me feel any better about it though. I still believed it was my fault. I wanted to visit her grave but unfortunately that was outside the gate. I had yet to leave the gate since that visit to the police station. It was funny though, I used to hate being here and now I loved it. Being inside Edward's fortress as I started calling it made me feel safe.
"I'm going to shower and then I'll be back down soon," I said to James as he went towards the kitchen and I headed for the stairs. Reaching my bedroom, I quickly stripped off and put my sweaty clothes in the hamper. Starting the shower, I waited for it to heat up a bit before stepping in. The heat from the water relaxed my muscles and it felt amazing.
I went to wash my hair first feeling relief as I moved my hands through my scalp. I closed my eyes enjoying the feeling. When I opened my eyes, I looked down and saw blood. "No!" I gasped. "Shit!" I closed my eyes again shaking my head. When I opened them again, there was no blood. Holy fuck another flashback, I haven't had one in about two weeks. Damn it!
I leaned against the shower wall to catch my breath. Memories raced around in my head of that horrible night. I shook my head and started humming a song while I picked up my washcloth and started to wash my body. It helped because I was no longer thinking about that night.
I toweled off and wrapped it around me while I stepped out of the shower. Wiping the mirror with my hand, I looked at myself. Grief sucked, truly sucked. I hated how in one moment you could feel fine and then the next you're right back to that place no matter how much time passed. It had been the same with my mom as well. I had been thinking of her a lot lately probably because I knew her death wasn't an accident now.
Edward had asked me if I wanted him to look for the mechanic. I never answered his question because I didn't know how to answer. I knew what looking meant and what would happen when he was found. Edward didn't have to vocalize that part. Could I condemn a man to death? On the other hand, I did want him to pay for his.
He also asked me about my real father. Now this one was a bit trickier. I was curious, very curious but at the same time did I really want to find him? He either left, my mother left, or he didn't want me at all. Then there was this bank account and it had me rethink things. Why would he possibly send money to it if he didn't care? I am leaning more towards my mother running away and he found her. I don't know. It's all confusing and I will probably never find any answers. Edward also told me the last time anything had been deposited was a few days after we were married and that's it. It had me thinking he was probably dead too.
I pushed all that away and left the bathroom. My stomach growled so I hurried up and put on some clothes and made my way downstairs. James was chowing down on some food when I entered the kitchen. Ms. Cope saw me, and her eyes brightened as she sat a plate in front of me. She had been coming two sometimes three days a week. I didn't leave the house so her presence wasn't really needed since I could cook but I did have days where I didn't feel doing anything. Like I said, grief sucked.
She also went to the store for me so there was that. I tried not to laugh at myself when I thought about it. Months ago, Alice had told me her cook did all the shopping and stuff. I liked doing my own, however since the incident, I was afraid to leave and the store was definitely a no for me considering I had gone to one the day it happened.
"Better eat up, B, I'm on my second plate," James said as he dug into his food again. I grinned. He could be such a boy at times. Ms. Cope had made some beef stew, mashed potatoes and pasta salad. She had been making some big lunches lately but I think she was just trying to help me out so I didn't have to make big dinners. It didn't really mean anything since Edward wasn't here for lunch so I had to make somewhat of a big dinner. It could also have been she was trying to fatten me up since I didn't really eat a few weeks ago. I don't know her reason but I didn't question it. It honestly didn't bother me.
We ate in silence as Ms. Cope cleaned up the kitchen. She had put leftovers in containers and cleaned them off. My stomach suddenly started feeling off. I had almost finished my plate when I excused myself from the kitchen table.
"You okay, B?" James asked with concern. I nodded telling him I would be right back. I dashed up to my room and headed to the connecting bathroom. Quickly pulling my pants down, I found out why. There was a smear of blood on my underwear, and I felt stupid for not knowing why my stomach was off. Cramps.
It had been a while since I had a period. The last time I bled was after I lost my child. I guess being depressed, my body being out of whack and recently starting birth control my period had been delayed.
I had honestly forgotten about it to be honest. I went to grab a pad realizing I only had one in the cabinet. Damn it! I quickly wiped and put the pad on and washed my hands before making my way back downstairs.
"Ms. Cope!" I shouted once I reached the bottom step. I turned right to head to the kitchen and almost smacked into James.
"B!" His eyes looked alarmed but he was focused on me. "You, okay?"
I nodded. "I need to speak with Ms. Cope. I need her to run to the store for me," I said as I looked around for her.
"She just left, B, is everything okay?" James looked concerned. There really wasn't anything to be concerned about but me bleeding through eventually. I have heavy periods, so I was in need of getting some products soon.
"Um, yeah," I trailed off awkwardly.
"Come on, B, talk to me," he said as he pulled the gun out from behind him.
"Whoa! No one is in danger!" I tried not to laugh at him. "I um," I don't know why it was hard for me to say what I needed. I guess since James was a guy. "I need to go to the store; I need some stuff," I said quietly.
James stiff stance relaxed, and he put the gun in his back pocket. "That's all?" I nodded, not really wanting to tell him the real reason. "Let me tell, E." I nodded and went to put my shoes on.
Of course, he would need to tell Edward. I literally haven't left the house or It's grounds. I just hope Edward didn't rush home. He had put things on the back burner for a while staying home with me and I may have heard some family giving him grief because it had been weeks since so I didn't want him to come home because it would feel like my fault.
"B, you ready?" James asked and I jumped not hearing him behind me.
"Shit!" I said as I turned around, James looked worried but he didn't voice his concern.
"I didn't hear you," I said nervously, forcing a smile on my face. If James knew I was fibbing he didn't show it. "I'm ready."
We locked up the house and I felt my phone buzz while walking into the garage. I got in my SUV on the passenger side while James slid into the driver's. I pulled my phone out of my pocket when we left through the gate.
"You, okay?" It was from Edward.
"I'm okay, need some pads. It can't wait. Ms. Cope has already left." I quickly replied and stared out atthe passing scenery.
James hummed along to the song on the radio as I tried to think of anything but what was happening right now. My phone buzzed again, and I hurriedly took it out.
"You could have called her back and made her get them. No need for you to over do it." -Edward
I released a breath that I didn't even know I was holding and my phone buzzed again.
"I'll leave and get them, tell James to turn around and take you back home." -Edward
That was the last thing I wanted right now. I could do this; I know I could.
"No, I can do this. I'll text u later." I quickly sent it, and then looked around noticing we had come to a stop. I saw where we were, and I quickly shut my eyes.
"Can you go somewhere else?" I said taking deep breaths. We were currently at the store that I had gone to the day it had happened.
"Sure." I heard James say from the side of me. There was no judgement in his voice, no frustration or no anger.
I could feel the car backing-up and driving away. After feeling like we were far away I opened my eyes. We were currently headed towards the city. I knew there was a small locally owned market up ahead right before you entered the city. My bet was that's where James was headed.
"I'm sorry," I said, turning towards James. He quickly glanced at me before putting his eyes back on the road.
"Why are you sorry, B?" He let out a chuckle. "It's fine, you are a strong woman, you will get through this."
I shook my head "I don't feel strong." I don't know what it is, but I felt like I never had to act different around James. I never felt that I had to act like nothing was wrong. He felt like a friend, even though I knew he was one of Edward's men. Just something about James was human.
"You are," he said as he paid attention to the road. "Not everyone could come back like you did. At least without some serious therapy or meds perhaps."
"Well, I did somewhat have therapy." Rose's face flashed in my head she definitely gave me some tough love when she was here.
"You know what I meant, B, like from a therapist." I nodded, I did know but I had no professional help, so I guess by those standards I was doing okay? I knew deep down I wasn't, but I was dealing with things in my own time.
"Only a certain few know this, but my mother killed herself," James said, and I let out a gasp. I quickly touched his arm and then quickly removed it. If it bothered him, he didn't let me know it did. I also shouldn't have done that; it was crossing a line. Yes, I've hugged him before, but I didn't want things to be weird between us.
"I'm sorry," I apologized for both. He shook his head.
"It's fine," he replied softly. I didn't know which one he was talking about. "She couldn't handle my father's death and I was the only one that tried to help her." He let out a breath as he pulled into the parking lot. He shut the engine off and turned towards me. "I found her in the bathtub with slit wrists." I started crying, I couldn't help it. "It took me the longest time to come to terms with it. I tried to get her help but she refused. She didn't have any friends and no family was left. Just me," he whispered. This was probably the first time I had seen James vulnerable. "I hated myself for not trying harder, you know?" he whispered.
I shook my head. "You can't make someone get help if they don't want it," I said remembering my schooling and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I may have gotten out of the house but was I really trying to move on? Was I trying to get better? I needed to try to move on from this. I would always remember it, but I needed to get better for me.
"I know. I just wished I would have pushed harder, you know? Tried to make her see a shrink or something. I wished I would have stayed over that night." James let out a moan.
I hated that this happened to his mother. James was so easy to talk to though. I wonder what he would have been like as a therapist. I tried not to giggle, picturing him sitting in a chair with glasses asking how people felt.
"You can't blame yourself and think about the what if's…." I trailed off and then laughed at myself. "Look at me, I need to take my own advice." I let out a chuckle.
"B, you've been through a lot of shit and you have been dealing with it for years," he dragged out the word "years" to emphasize his point. I nodded. I really had. It's a wonder I didn't break down sooner.
"And for earlier, touching my arm in a kind gesture? It's fine, no worries. Just don't do that shit in front of everyone," he mumbled out. "Especially Ed."
I nodded, "I wasn't thinking. It used to be a natural reaction for me before all of this happened." I waved. "I liked to help and comfort people, that's why I went to college to help people."
"It's fine, I consider you a good friend too, B. You're like the little sister I've never had." I felt tears prick my eyes. It made me feel good knowing people who hadn't been in my life long loved and cared about me. Then the ones who had been there since the beginning didn't. It had become a strange turn of events but there was a saying in some cases where time doesn't mean shit.
"You know what's funny? I always thought of you lately as a brotherly type," I giggled.
"No shit?" James asked and laughed. "Well, I'm glad we are on the same page, B." I nodded. If anything, James had always made me feel welcomed.
My phone then beeped with a message and I knew it was from Edward. Checking it, he was asking me if I was okay. I replied fine but I hadn't even got out of the car yet.
"So, are we doing this, B?" James asked from beside me and I looked at him. He was nodding towards the marketplace store. I took a few deep breaths. I could do this right? The first step was getting out of the car but I was hesitant to do that.
"B, if you're not ready I can go in and grab what you need." I turned towards him again.
"That would be crossing the line I think," I said bluntly and for some reason Benji's face came up in my head. Why though? Was it a warning? Why was I suddenly thinking James had an agenda now?
"I can do this," I mostly said to myself, taking a breath but I know James heard me.
I opened the door and stepped out of my SUV. I closed the door behind me and leaned against it. Why was I so afraid to get pads in public? Why was I so afraid to be around people? Was it because I sometimes saw Jacob's face? Charlie's?
"B?" James softly asked. He was standing on the sidewalk. "I can do this, you know. Whatever you need."
I turned towards him, "Wouldn't that be taking steps back? Didn't you say I was strong? Besides, wouldn't this be crossing lines?" I asked him and he looked confused. "I need pads!" I all but shouted getting noticed by a woman walking back to her car.
"That's all?" he said. "You are strong and how would that be crossing a line?" He gave me a glance as he looked around, not even bothered by the woman getting into her car.
"Wouldn't that be like Benji?" I said shamefully. I hated that I had that thought but there was no way James was like him.
"Whoa!" James let out a laugh. "B, Benji was crazy, okay? He was in love with Alice or thought he was. He had an unhealthy obsession and thought he was supposed to be with her, okay? I care for you like a sister or a friend. I don't want to fuck you or want you in that type of capacity," he said. "I mean you're attractive and all," he added. I guess not to make me feel bad but I waved him off.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, my head is still fucked up." He nodded. "I'm overthinking things, I'm still touchy I guess," I finished lamely. I guess all of this was finally hitting me.
"I totally get it; you need another outlet. Something to keep you busy besides running, cleaning and cooking all day." He gave me a smirk. Geez when he said it like that it made me look real boring. "First though, am I going in or you?" He rose his eyebrow as if to challenge me.
I could do this; I know I could just get the pads and pay for them and leave. I just didn't think I was ready to do this by myself. "We both are," I told James and he nodded. We both headed into the little market store together. James was behind me but not too close. I thought he was giving me space somewhat. Laurent would have been right on me.
I found the aisle I needed and headed towards it, avoiding anyone I passed. I was afraid to look at anyone's face, afraid I would see Jacob's. Grabbing what I needed I headed to check out. There wasn't a line and the man behind the register smiled and greeted me. I smiled and greeted him back and was relieved when I saw his face, no one else's.
Grabbing my bag and heading out of the store I felt so much better. There was a skip in my step as I headed to my SUV. I heard James' chuckling behind me. When we both got in the car, I couldn't keep the smile off my face. James was still grinning, but I think it was more for my benefit. I felt such relief at what I did.
I pulled my phone out as James backed out of the parking spot. I had a message from Edward asking how things were. I texted him telling him what I did. There was an instant response. He must have had his phone in his hand. He told me he was proud of me, and he would see me at home.
"Good job, B, you did well." I smiled at James when my phone went off again. This time there was a call and it was Esme. I haven't talked to Esme in a few weeks. She came over after Rose left and helped out some. She was also told who Jacob really was to me. Well, why he wanted me and I'm sure she knew Charlie wasn't my father. She had really helped me with some things since, and she couldn't quit apologizing for her actions in the beginning. She said I had needed a mother's love and she had been anything but. I told her she had made that up in spades lately and I was thankful she was here now.
"Hello?" I answered the phone.
"Bella, dear!" Esme's soft voice said from over the line. She seemed excited about something. "How are you?"
"I'm fine, Esme, how are you?" I asked. It was odd that she called. She usually texted me saying she didn't want to overcrowd me but every now and then she would call but like I said this was strange.
"I'm good. I was wondering if I could come over and talk to you about something?" My heart started beating real fast what could she possibly want to talk to me about?
"What if I came over there?" I asked. "I actually just left the store."
Esme gasped quietly but I heard it. "Whatever works for you. See you then."
We hung up and I turned to James. "I need to go to the in-laws," I said and it made me feel good that I didn't have any hesitation about going. Maybe I was getting better.
"Will do." He turned around and headed towards Carlisle and Esme's home.
I texted Edward letting him know where I was going just in case he went home and there was no one there. He asked if I was okay with going and I told him I was more than fine.
It didn't bother me that I checked in with Edward. It would have before all of this, but since that day I wanted someone else to know where I was. Edward and yeah, we all knew what happened.
I shook my head, trying not to think about that day. I was still having trouble dealing with it. Trying not to think about it, I wondered what Esme wanted to talk to me about. It was a bit strange because I couldn't think of a single thing she wanted to discuss. It had me confused honestly however I really hoped it wasn't about the baby.
Edward and I still haven't crossed that bridge. We have talked about Jacob, Charlie and what I should do about his house. Tanya and what happened at the lunch Edward went to, my real father and the bank account but we have avoided the baby every time. I just don't think either of us are ready yet. It's a touchy subject and I wanted to heal some more before I could discuss it without falling back into a deep depression again.
Granted, I was still dealing with depression but not as bad as a few weeks ago. I was also very proud of myself because I wasn't freaking out right now. Even as we pulled up to my in-law's gate. The gate guard let us in, and James pulled up around the drive near the front doors. After he stopped, I noticed Alice's car off to the side.
I let out a sigh. I don't know why I didn't think she would be here. Per James, which he had heard via Emmett, Alice and Jasper were back to living together but sleeping in separate bedrooms. Edward was still tense with her. She called me and texted me several times since New Year's offering her condolences and everything but Edward was still angry with her, so I haven't answered her calls. I did text her though, but it was still a bit awkward between us.
"I feel like this is a set-up," I mumbled but of course James heard me. He glanced at the direction I was staring at.
"We can leave right now," he said. He hadn't even turned the car off yet.
I shook my head, biting my lip and I tried to push all the nervousness down. "No, I can do this." I opened my door and James shut the car off. I walked up the steps to the big doors of the Cullen Mansion.
After the butler let us in, James said he would be chilling nearby. I gave him a nod and made my way into the kitchen where Esme and Alice were fussing over the stove.
"He said it was too salty last time," Alice said as she looked at her mother who was holding the shaker.
"He told me there wasn't enough salt!" Esme exclaimed. I guess they were arguing over Carlisle's food. I chuckled a bit and it got the attention of Esme.
"Bella, dear!" She came up to me to give me a hug, salt shaker forgotten. Alice quickly dipped into the pot and poured what looked like some type of soup in a bowl and put it on a tray. She gave me a head nod and headed out of the kitchen.
Esme pulled back from the hug and gave me a smile. I smiled back. "Hold on just a minute dear, let me make sure Carlisle has his food." She turned back around noticing the tray gone and I heard her mumble, "Alice".
I tried not to giggle when she faced me. "You hungry? I made my Italian veggie soup, granted it's not as meaty. Carlisle is still having issues with solids. "
"Sure." I made my way to the table while she went and made me a bowl.
After she brought two bowls to the table, she left and brought back two water bottles and sat back down. I took small sips of my soup as there was more broth than anything. Esme seemed hungry as she quickly ate the soup. I took my time waiting on what she needed to say and also to use my soup as a distraction in case she wanted to talk about something heavy.
When she was about half-way done, she turned towards me. "So, I guess you're wondering why I needed to talk to you?"
I put my spoon down for now and gave her my attention. I nodded, for her to continue. "As you know I run the Cullen Foundation." I nodded. I knew about it before I even met Edward. I once did a paper on it at school.
"Well, I'm currently distracted, let's say from running it fully at the moment. Alice helps but there's only so much free time." I think I knew what she was hinting at, she wanted me to help out with Carlisle. I mean I would love to help but I didn't know how Edward would feel about that. That was another subject that hadn't been discussed, Edward and his father.
"You need help with Carlisle?" I said as I took a sip of my soup.
"Oh goodness no, that's not what I'm asking," Esme said as she grabbed my hand. I tensed up but relaxed. She saw what she did and quickly pulled away. "I'm sorry dear I wasn't thinking." She now looked a little sad but quickly put a smile on her face.
"It's fine. I'm slowly getting used to quick movements," I muttered nervously.
She gave me a sad smile but quickly took another spoonful of her soup before settling her gaze back on me. She looked serious.
"I'm asking you to run the foundation temporary for me." My eyes bugged out, never in any thought did I think she would ask me that.
"Esme, I-I don't know what to say." My soup now forgotten. I was a bit bewildered at the suggestion.
"Don't say anything yet, dear, think about it. I talked with Alice, and she even said you would be a great person to do it. You care about people, you have the education, you now have the resources."
I thought about it, really thought about it. "I only have an associate's degree though. I can't believe you want me to do this!" I exclaimed a bit. An associate degree only went so far in the world and a mother-in-law trusting me with a huge thing like this?
"You're the only one I want to do this. I trust you to help and find who needs the help the most right now." Wow I felt like we have gotten closer in the last few months but, dang, helping with her foundation?
"I'll think about it," I said. I was leaning more towards yes but I needed to think it over - list the pros and cons of the situation.
"Of course, dear, there is no rush." She smiled and I heard footsteps enter the kitchen behind me. Alice returned and she looked a bit frazzled. She searched the kitchen until her eyes landed on us.
"He wants you." She stared at her mother. Her mother let out a sigh and headed out of the kitchen. The kitchen was now tense. Alice seemed still upset about whatever happened with her dad moments ago.
"You okay?" I asked her as she stood by the sink her back turned towards me.
"Yeah, I guess. I don't really know." She let out a laugh. "Some days it seems like he is getting better and then some days it seems like he is worse."
I nodded; cancer was a bitch. I remember volunteering at the hospital to avoid going home to Charlie. It was horrible what cancer did to some of the patients that I sat with. One day they would be absolutely fine and then the next it was like who was this person? It was probably worse for Carlisle since the cancer he had was on his brain.
"I'm sorry," I simply said. There was nothing I could really say to that.
Alice nodded and sniffled. "Did mom ask you?" She turned around and faced me now.
"She did." I gave her a look over. She looked okay but I could also see the dark circles around her eyes.
"You should do it Bella; I really think you would be great at it." I really thought about her words. I hadn't signed up for any college courses yet. I missed the deadline during my "time" so I was just slowly trying to get better right now. I tried to find distractions to keep myself busy during the day, but this could be one If I chose it.
"Thank you, Alice. I honestly don't know what I've done to show that I deserve this," I questioned. It sort of felt like it came out of left field.
"Bella." She touched my arm gently. "You are probably one of the strongest women I have ever met. To endure what you have? Geez, I don't think I could have dealt with it at all." Yes, I was aware that everyone pretty much knew of the whole situation with Jacob taking me and how I knew him before. I think the most inner family knew Charlie wasn't my father. The families knew I lost a child but how Edward and I met and what happened the night in question still remained to only a select few, those being Edward, Emmett, James, Laurent, Rose and me. I think Jasper was only aware of some parts and not the full story.
It actually didn't mean anything now since we were in love and actually held a future together. I also believed the only ones who know what I really went through the last few weeks were Edward, Emmett, James, Rose, Jessica, and Ms. Cope. I think everyone else just thought I was having a tough time and didn't like leaving because of what happened.
"Thank you, Alice. I will truly think about this and let you guys know soon." Even If I did say yes, I would definitely need help. I maybe could find some programs, charities, etc. to be involved in and support but I didn't know a thing about the business side.
"If I do say yes, what about the business side of things? I don't know where to begin or how I would go about that." I admitted, honestly.
"Bella, you would have mom's assistant to help you out of course. Don't worry, Mom wouldn't leave you high and dry. Also, your husband owns his own business and invests. I know he would help you out and Emmett and I also have businesses," she finished.
"I forget sometimes that Edward owns his own business," I said sheepishly. I really did.
"Oh," Alice giggled. "Yeah, because of the other business." She did air quotes and we both laughed because we were both referring to his mob side. In all honesty though I have never been to Cullen Enterprises so I only knew what I was told.
"I'm glad you guys are giving me this opportunity, it means an awful lot."
"Well, it will be good to see what you come up with. I know Mom tries to help everyone but there's only so much she can do, you know?" I nodded, I understood.
"How's Jasper?" I decided to change the subject clearly still on edge about the offer. I couldn't think of anything at the moment so asking about her husband seemed the way to go but then again it could be a touchy subject.
"He's fine. We are getting stronger every day," she said quickly, and I wasn't sure if she was being 100% truthful.
"I'm glad." It was awkward again, good going Bella. Feeling tired, I decided I was ready to go home. "Tell Esme I'll give her a call." She hadn't come back down, and it didn't bother me that she hadn't. I'm sure she was trying to spend her last moments with her husband.
I started to walk out of the kitchen when Alice came running towards me. "Bella, it was really good to see you and I'm truly sorry for everything you have been through." She gave me a smile and it looked genuine.
"Thanks Alice," I said as I left the house. It had become dark outside but not too dark where I couldn't see. James wasn't near my car, so I decided to look for him. Walking a bit down aways, I heard laughter from the nearby garage.
James was laughing with a couple of guys. I knew one was Carlisle's guard, Bernard, and the other looked to be Esme's. They both quit laughing when I approached and gave me a nod making James turn around.
"Ready to go?" he asked, and I nodded. He gave the guys a wave and we headed out.
****BID****
After arriving home and taking a shower, I received a text from Edward. He was going to be late. I understood and texted him I would probably be asleep when he got home. I didn't hear back from him for the longest time until I made sure to leave a plate of leftovers from today's lunch in the microwave. I sighed. It was so weird being in this house all alone for some reason.
I was wearing my silk long sleeve pajama set and was so bored walking around the kitchen. I wasn't that hungry either and decided to get a snack. I decided on ice cream, yes ice cream in this 30-degree weather. After eating a small amount in the bowl. I decided to head to bed knowing James was outside wandering about I felt safe.
I made my way upstairs to my bedroom. I sent Edward a text telling him I loved him and goodnight as I crawled under the covers. His reply came instantly, and I smiled at his words. I put my phone on the side table and went right to sleep.
I was outside running again, the wind whipping my hair everywhere until I saw it. Blood. It was everywhere, even down my driveway near my house. It took me a minute to realize where it was coming from but I followed the trail until it came to the garden where Mike the gardener laid dead with a knife in his chest. I ran towards my home but tripped over something. It was the body of Leah, bloody and broken. "No!" I shouted and I ran until I bumped into someone's chest. He smelt familiar and I then started breathing heavy. No, there was no way he was here!
"Hello Isabella," Jacob said as I finally looked at him. He was all bloody with gunshots wounds everywhere. "No!" I screamed as I tried to get away.
I shot out of bed, and someone engulfed me in their arms. I knew it was Edward by the feel of his chest. "Shh, I got you," he said quietly as he kissed me on the head. "It was just a nightmare." I had wrapped my arms around his neck as I laid my head down on his shoulder.
I don't know how long we stayed like that. I know we held each other until my breathing became normal again. Once we pulled back, I stared into his eyes. They looked tired, like he had taken on the world today.
"I missed you," I said aloud as I touched his face. He let out a small smile and kissed my lips. He didn't go much farther than that. He never did but it wasn't like we could get into it since my friend was visiting. He asked me about my dream as we laid back down. His head propped up on a pillow as he stared at me.
I told him my dream, told him who died and Jacob being there. He reassured me that Jacob was dead. I knew he was but it didn't make my dream any less scary. I excused myself to use the bathroom and change my pajamas because they were soaked in sweat. After putting on some short-sleeved ones, I headed back to my side of the bed. Edward had the covers open, and I slid right in and laid my head on his chest. He wrapped his arm around me, and I never felt more safe at that moment.
"How was your day?" he asked
I moved my body up to where I was facing him. "It was good," I admitted. "I had a little hiccup but otherwise I did fine." I smiled, pretty proud of myself today.
He smiled back, "I've missed that." I looked at him in confusion.
"Missed what?" I laughed.
"Your smile," he said and I smiled wide for him while he kissed me on my forehead again.
It became so quiet then but I enjoyed the silence. I knew I was probably going to end up saying yes so I told Edward. "Your mother asked me to help run the foundation," I muttered out and Edward went still.
"She what?" he said a little loud and I couldn't help but feel like he didn't think I could do it.
"Temporarily," I said, really not sure why he was sounding angry. "I think until your father is better or..." I trailed off. I didn't want to say it. Edward nodded; he knew what I meant.
"Are you going to do it?" he asked, sounding much calmer now.
"I'm thinking about it." I looked at him again. "Why did you seem angry when I said something?" I propped my arm up this time.
"I wasn't angry, Bella, it's just I don't want you to have any setbacks," he muttered.
"I don't think I will, I think I'll be okay. It might just be what I need to move on," I said as I laid back down on my pillow. "It'll keep me busy."
Edward pulled me into his arms and gave me a kiss. "All I want for you is to be happy."
I sighed against him loving feeling his warmth and embrace. "I am happy, I'm just a bit hurt," I said, knowing he knew what I meant. I was doing good, just still mourning.
We stopped talking then just enjoying each other's embrace. There was a lot I wanted to talk with him about but it could wait for now. Just being in his company was enough for me at the moment. I truly did miss my husband.
"I love you," I said softly. You could hear the sleepiness in my voice. I knew I was minutes away from passing out.
He chuckled. "I love you," he said as he leaned down and gave me a kiss. He said something else but sleep overtook me so it wasn't clear.
Thanks for your support! Next chapter we will dive back into mafia things and Bella will be getting ready to run the foundation!
