Fallen - chapter 19

It was a persistent knocking that roused Clarisse from her deep and pleasant sleep. She turned in Joseph's arms, shielding her eyes from the bright sunshine that streamed through the gap in the curtains, and glanced at the clock.

10:30.

There was another knock and she heard voices in the garden. Joseph stirred next to her, enfolding her in his arms and bringing her back close to his chest as he kissed her neck.

"There's somebody outside." She whispered.

He moaned, he wasn't coherent yet she thought as she glanced over her shoulder at him.

"Stay here; I'll just be a moment."

Reluctantly he let go of her and she slid out of bed, collected her dressing gown from the floor and disappeared from the bedroom.

A few minutes later she returned and crawled back into bed.

"Now let's try again." She whispered, moving back into his embrace. "Good morning."

"Good morning Clarisse." His eyes were open now. "Who woke us?"

"Neighbours, something to do with a fence coming down in the storm and would I mind if they went over my land for some reason or another… I wasn't really paying attention, as long as they don't disturb us again. I was sleeping rather well." She snuggled next to him, closing her eyes and resting her head against his shoulder.

"As was I."

Their bodies were already silently communicating, arms, hands, legs, feet, caressing the others. Skin alive at each and every point they touched.

"Would you like something to eat?" She mumbled against his chest.

"I can wait."

She lifted her face up. "I can make you something, if you like."

"No," he stroked her cheek. "I'll make you something later."

"Mmm, okay." She smiled as his lips touched her forehead and his arms circled her waist. "I seem to have rather misjudged you."

"How so?" He whispered his voice deep with desire.

"You are insatiable."

"Hardly." He brought his hand to her hair, his fingers tunnelling through the strands. "It's the effect you have upon me."

"Flatterer." Her voice was barely audible as she kissed his delicious mouth, his goatee tickling her chin, she didn't mind, she giggled.

"That's hardly encouraging." He nipped her chin with his teeth.

"Sorry, your beard." She stroked it with her fingers.

"You dislike…"

"Oh goodness no, I love it." She rolled onto her side guiding him over with her, they lay facing each other.

Clarisse pushed the sheets down from their bodies, sliding her palm over his chest where the sunlight caressed his skin. His fingers still toyed with her hair, his other hand reached to her chin, his index finger trailing down her neck, over her chest.

"Freckles." He breathed leaning forward and kissing her there. "Such beautiful skin."

Part of her felt rather unnerved by his open adoration but she couldn't deny that the majority of her was enthralled by his unadulterated appreciation of her body.

His head fell back to the pillow and he stroked his open hand over her breast, she shivered as his fingers closed over her nipple. Her eyes fluttered closed and she gave herself up to the sweetness of his touch, the feel of his body firm and taut beneath her hands, his fingers gently and slowly waking her body.

The sunlight was warm on her skin, floating over her just as his mouth moved to lick her other nipple. She traced her fingers up his arms, past his elbows, the feel of his biceps stretching as he cradled her body. Up the back of his neck she trailed her fingertips then back down again until they rested firmly on his shoulders.

Joseph moved his mouth to her neck and gently suckled on her skin, he felt her lift her leg up over his, heard the distinctly feminine groan emanate from the back of her throat.

He opened his eyes and stroked the hair back from her flushed face; she was rubbing herself against his thigh.

"My love." He breathed, stroking her swollen lips with his thumb. He clearly saw her lips twitch in a slight smile, despite what she said she enjoyed hearing those words. He kissed her nose. "You're so incredible." Kissed her mouth. "So perfect."

"Not perfect." She groaned opening her eyes and reaching around his back, wrapping her arms around him.

"Yes perfect, this incredibly perfect mouth, I want to spend every second kissing you." He stroked his thumbs over her cheeks. "Perfectly flawless skin. But, your eyes…"

"They aren't so perfect?" She pouted in mock disapproval.

"No, they aren't. They're beyond perfect. If I could bottle and sell the way I feel when you look at me then I'd be a millionaire."

She grinned. "You already are." She tightened her leg over his. "Stop flattering me, you don't need to right now. I'm here."

"But I enjoy it."

"I enjoy it too." She leaned into him and kissed his mouth, stroking his tongue with her own. This time he groaned.

She felt his arms around her body holding her firmly against him, one hand stroke down her spine and between her legs. She knew she was already wet, the thought made her strain for his touch even more.

Wrapping her leg higher around his waist she reached for him, stroking him once, twice, three times before guiding him to her entrance. He held back.

"Too soon…" He mumbled kissing her head.

"I don't want to wait." She replied, her other hand cradling his head and bringing his mouth to meet hers.

They moaned into each other's mouths as they joined, he was already so hard, so hot, throbbing inside her. She would have liked to stay that way forever.

She leant her head back taking a gulp of cool air, feeling his eyes on her breasts as she arched herself against him. Drawing her hips back she felt him move inside her, heard the deep groan that came from the back of his throat.

"To think we waited so long for this." She gripped his shoulders bringing her body back up to meet his, his hands were on her hips guiding her back and forth onto him.

Their bodies rocked together, fingers stroking each other's skin, legs locked together as they loved one another.

Clarisse trailed hot kisses along Joseph's forearms, his neck, his face. His hands were sending delicious shots of fire through her body, his fingers between her legs teasing and manipulating her into a long, slow orgasm.

She heard him desperately fight to hold onto his breath as she was swept up in the pleasure, finally his heat filled her and he gripped her tight against him, repeatedly whispering her name.

Joseph flopped back onto the bed. "I never dreamt anything could feel this good."

Clarisse leant over him and kissed his stomach, up over his chest until she finally reached his mouth.

"I did." She rested on top of him, folding her arms beneath her chin.

He stroked her hair. "Not disappointing?"

She giggled. "Why would it be?" She glanced up at his face. "Tell me Sir just how many partners have you had?"

"That's an awfully impertinent question." He smiled his fingers winding into her hair.

"Well…" she kissed his chest. "…sir. I find it difficult to believe that somebody as attractive and charming as you spent fifteen years after his wife's death without having any sexual urges."

"I didn't say that I didn't have… urges, as you eloquently put it. I just didn't act upon them."

"You can't have been short of offers."

He laughed. "I think it was my cold, aloof exterior that put them off. Though there was a maid who once offered…"

"Really!" She giggled. "Well, how lucky."

"I didn't take her up on it, goodness no. Richard discreetly had her transferred."

"It's a good job you have that man."

"Indeed." His fingers tickled down her back, resting just above her backside.

"So, how many?"

"Clarisse…" he grumbled. He couldn't help but smile at the sparkle in her eye. "There was nobody between Isabella and you."

"Okay… ahh, so there was somebody before your wife."

He grinned shaking his head. "Yes, alright, yes there was somebody before Bella. She was an older woman."

"Ohhh."

"Seduced me at the Christmas party. Told me to visit her room that night."

"Well, that one night must have taught you a hell of a lot."

"Not one night."

"Not?"

"No, every chance I got!"

"Wow Joseph you rampant young man."

"Don't say it like that."

"Its fine, it's normal, a young man having some fun, I would think it strange if you hadn't. Besides, I'm certainly pleased that this lady taught that young man a few things, and I'm sure Isabella was too."

He stroked her hair again, she noted the softness of his eyes, the smile had faded.

"You still miss her?"

"Yes, she was best friend, my only friend for so long."

"You were her first?"

He nodded.

"How strange for her, to only know one man."

Joseph didn't say anything simply continued stroking her back with his fingertips, the sunlight felt warm and comforting on him.

"Now, how many for you?"

"Lovers?" She blurted out looking up at him. "Well, that's a difficult question."

"So many you've forgotten?"

"Hey! No!" She slapped his chest.

"I was joking, joking." He laughed as she slapped him again.

"Hmm, let me think." She rolled off of him and lay on her back, mentally flicking through the list in her head. "Nine, yes, nine."

"Wow, a few more than me."

"But not that many, not when you consider I am a normal person – unlike you – and I have been single for most of my life."

"Stephen was your first?"

She shook her head. "No, I had a boyfriend here, at school. Edward." She said in an elaborate voice. "His parents were very rich; father was a lawyer you know."

"Oh very nice."

"He was, and he was my first, when we were seventeen. He was lovely, but of course I went to France and fell in love with it and ended up staying there for University and I met Stephen and the rest is history."

"You broke poor Edward's heart."

"He wasn't in love with me, it was a teenage thing. Besides he's married to a wonderful lady called Rachel, they have five children." She turned to face him. "FIVE." She mouthed. "Can you imagine!"

Joseph laughed and took her hand, folding his fingers with hers. "Tell me about Stephen."

She let out a long slow breath. "Well, where to begin. He swept me off my feet; I fell instantly and passionately in love with him. He was so full of life, so exciting and unexpected and French, very French." She smiled. "For a while everything was wonderful, we married, much to my parents utter disapproval but they came to Paris and were very gracious at the wedding."

"It wasn't until a year after the wedding that I realised something wasn't entirely right with the situation. I needed to work, to pass my degree; he was out every night partying. It went on, things degraded and it began to dawn on me that my husband being drunk every night wasn't exactly normal."

Joseph lay silent next to her allowing her to go on as and when she was ready.

"Unfortunately I fell pregnant."

"You did?"

"But I lost the baby; I was distraught, lying in bed in some godforsaken hospital. And I realised I didn't want him there, how awful is that? I called Rose and she flew over that very night, some saviour I guess."

She smiled weakly.

"Rose took me to a hotel when I was dismissed from hospital, she went to the apartment we shared to fetch my things, found Stephen… spending quality time with some young lady. It wasn't the first time I'd known him sleep around, yet somehow Rose knowing made it devastating. She convinced me I was living a lie, I left him, I returned to England. Divorced him a few months later and that was that. A chapter over."

Joseph sighed deeply. "Hell of a way to begin life. You were what then?"

"23 and already a divorcee. Still, I put it behind me, picked myself up and got into the royal circle." She turned over and rested against him again, draping her arm leisurely over his body.

"So I guess the next man I dated was Colin who I met at College, he was very quiet and gentle and caring. Just what I needed I suppose, to ease me back in. Unfortunately that quiet, gentle, caring life can only last for so long, and I'm embarrassed to admit I got bored."

Joseph chuckled. "Now that's the Clarisse I know."

"Well, I briefly dated a very fun loving guy, David, he was lively and we had a good time together. Unfortunately he had two major faults, one I wasn't at all attracted to him and our sex life was very one-sided. Secondly, his fun-loving began to remind me of Stephen, so I ended that one."

"A wise decision, you don't want too much bore or too much fun."

"You're mocking me?"

"Never." He kissed her head. "Go on."

She took a deep breath. "Daniel, Daniel was wonderful; I probably would have married him. We dated for seven months, then it became apparent he wanted more than I could give."

"How so?"

"Children, I couldn't have them, after the miscarriage… well, complications. Plus I wasn't entirely sure that I loved him, no I did love him I just wasn't in love with him. I didn't get that overwhelming feeling that I got with Stephen, no hearts and flowers and pulsing sensations. But it turned out fine, we remained friends, he got married, we still keep in touch. After we broke up I went to work at Windsor, the career was taking off."

She kissed his chest. "What number am I on?"

"Five down." He said shakily. "Clarisse, you never mentioned before, about not being able…"

"I got over it a long time ago." She shrugged. "Some people are meant to be parents and others aren't. I can't change it and frankly now I wouldn't wish too, I've enjoyed my life."

"But…"

"No," she lifted her head to look at him. "Joseph, there is no 'but', I shirked nothing, I could have adopted, I didn't, there it is." She smiled. "Okay."

He nodded shakily reaching to her shoulder. "Okay."

"Right, goodness." She closed her eyes and was silent for a few minutes before she casually drawled out the name. "Jake."

"Hmm?"

"Jake, was number six. And he was damned gorgeous." She rolled onto her back smiling broadly. "I mean he was absolutely gorgeous and I was immensely attracted to him, we had the most amazing sex."

"Really… I hate him."

Clarisse laughed. "Relax dear; our physical attraction was all we had. It was a purely casual thing, I was very busy with work and he was a diversion every now and then.

"Clarisse you played the game."

"Only for a while. Besides I was taught my lesson."

"I'm intrigued."

"Well Jake was fabulous, unfortunately he moved away. I was single for a while, I didn't mind it, I like being alone."

"But?"

"But, I also enjoy company and one of the fine ladies I worked with suggested I go on a date with this guy she knew, John. So I did, and we dated for a while and we got on fine, he was intelligent, I could really speak to him, communicate with him you know."

"I do."

She buried her face in his chest suppressing laughter.

"What's funny?"

"The downside was it was the worst sex I've ever known." She stretched on her back. "I mean really bad, obviously he enjoyed it."

He turned onto his side staring at her, one arm propping his head up as he queried her remark.

"Well you know he kept… you know… before I even, well I never actually got there, that was the problem. Even worse, he didn't even realise that anything was wrong. He was sated and content."

Joseph chuckled. "I didn't realise men could still get away with that in this day and age."

"They can't." she said sarcastically. "Needless to say it didn't last long. And furthermore he put me off; I was single for a good few years."

"And who was the lucky man to tempt you back?"

"Alexander, now he was divine. We lived together, the first man I'd lived with since Stephen. Were together for almost three years."

"A long time."

"For me yes. He was perfect, caring, fun, intelligent, extremely hard working and I liked him very much."

"Liked?"

"Hence the problem, I didn't love him. He wanted to marry me, wanted the whole commitment and forever thing, and I wanted to give it to him but I just… I had a choice, marry him and be happy just being together, having that security… in the end I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life with somebody I didn't love."

She turned over again, side by side with him. "And then of course there's you."

"Ahh, and do I get a one of these erm… run-throughs, mental tick boxes?"

"Not yet."

"Not yet?" he whispered as she leant closer to him.

"Not yet." She kissed him slowly and leisurely. "So you have my life story in lovers."

"I do, did you break up with Alexander before you came to Genovia?"

"No, we broke up in 1996."

"96, you mean you were single for almost ten years, no partners at all?"

Sighing heavily Clarisse returned to lying on her back. "I didn't say that."

"You said there were only nine."

"There are only nine."

"Meaning you slept with one of them again?"

Her voice was shaky when she spoke again. "You have to understand Joseph that, that Stephen and I had an extreme relationship, odd and crazy, but somehow we were always drawn to one another. After I divorced him, he married again, within two years she'd left him and he was actually heartbroken, he called me, begged me, and I went to visit him. Ended up staying for almost two weeks."

"And sleeping with him?" His voice was oddly low, lacking in emotion.

She nodded. "Yes, you have to understand that no man has ever made me feel the way he did. It went on after that, when I was down, when he was, we would turn to each other, I know it sounds cheap and awful but it's the way things turned out. Every few years we'd meet up. It was somehow something secretive and exciting and just… erased whatever was going wrong."

Joseph lay on his back, a deep sigh escaped him. "Well."

"Well indeed." She settled next to him and for a few moments they were silent.

"When you left me…" Joseph's voice was gruff as he attempted to speak again. "You went to France."

She groaned and turned on her side, lifting herself up to look at him. "I'm sorry."

"You went to France and slept with him didn't you?"

She nodded mutely.

"Why?" His voice was in danger of failing him altogether. "Why after all we went through together, why do that?"

"Because it's who I am, I'm cold Joseph, I erase what's gone before and move on… and I needed to forget you, to forget that year."

"So you slept with him! Because he makes you feel like no other man ever can."

"No, no man ever could… until you. You made me feel all those things again only more intense, more magnified."

He moved to roll off the bed but she caught his arms. "No listen Joseph, you have to let me explain. I went to France, I stayed in Paris for a couple of weeks and then I went to see him. I slept with him, once, and I cried the entire time. Can you imagine that."

Shakily she let go of him, yet he remained sitting on the edge of the bed, his back to her.

"I cried, I couldn't get you out of my head, the entire time I was wishing it was you, wanting you to touch me, to be making love to you not fucking some charmer who can offer me nothing." She swallowed. "Because he can't offer me anything Joseph, he can't, not anymore, because he means nothing to me. Nothing."

She sat back waiting for his response. She watched his shoulders droop, how he stared at the floor.

"I don't, I mean all the time we'd spent together, all the things we'd said, I'd said to you… yet you could just go and let him…"

"You don't understand." Her eyes filled with tears despite her hatred of such a sign of weakness. "Joseph, please, try and…" she moved behind him, her hands on his bare shoulders. "You must, I didn't do it to hurt you, I thought I'd never see you again, I wanted to forget, it hurt too much…"

"I was hurting too, I wanted you, you could have stayed."

"You know why I left. Don't do this now. Please." She kissed his head. "Please, we're here now, we're together now."

He turned and held her arms, slowly and tenderly kissing her forehead. "We're both so messed up, in one way or another."

"Yes, I suppose we are. That doesn't mean we can't be happy, and you do make me so very happy Joseph."

"And you do me." He kissed her mouth, she melted into him, her arms looping around his neck as she brought her body up to his, kneeling in front of him.

He held her tightly against him, stroking her bare back, almost groaning in frustration as he kissed her forehead.

"God I love you Clarisse, I'm so in love with you, so much…"

"And that's so terrible?" She attempted to smile.

"Absolute agony. I'm not sure you love me."

Her hold on him loosened a little.

"You never say," he shook his head. "You never have said the words, I wonder."

"I don't do that Joseph," she shrugged. "I just don't. It doesn't mean I don't show you how I feel. Let's just leave it at that for the moment, please."

He considered it for a moment, staring into her bright blue eyes, at the way she chewed down on her bottom lip.

"Madam," he finally whispered. "You do realise that right at this moment I would do anything you asked of me."

She giggled, light-hearted and full of joy, the seriousness of the last few minutes draining away as she took in his smile.

"I won't ask you to do anything, only I am getting rather peckish, we should eat."

He nodded stoically. "We really should eat, there's only one problem."

"Which is?"

"It means leaving this room and I'm not at all sure I'm willing to let go of you just yet."

"Oh dear, well then somehow we'll have to manoeuvre downstairs together."

"Deal."

"Deal, what would you like to eat?"

"I promised I'd make breakfast."

"But it's well past breakfast."

"Ahh, then I shall make lunch, and you can stand in the corner looking beautiful and watch me."

"My, what a romantic you are, and will you be making lunch dressed as you are?" She indicated his naked appearance.

"Perhaps, that depends what you will be wearing."

She laughed and kissed him one last time before climbing off of the bed; he lay back and watched as she crossed the bedroom and collected the pieces of clothing from the floor depositing them on the chair near her dressing table.

"I love that you feel you can walk around in front of me completely naked."

"Is there a reason that I shouldn't be?"

He sat up and moved across the bed, dropping his feet to the floor as she pulled her dressing gown on.

"Not one, I love it."

"Good, now come, I need lunch sir."

She moved to leave but he caught her hand. "Clarisse, thank you, for sharing all those things with me."

Moving into his body she leant against him, her hands resting on his shoulders as she kissed his forehead. "Thank you for listening."