CHAPTER TEN

I stepped out of the shower and grabbed my robe from the hook on the back of the door and slid it on. I took the clip out of my hair and let it fall down, running my fingers through it. I placed the clip on the side and looked into the mirror. I sighed and stared hard at my reflection. My eyes were red and heavy, having got little to no sleep the previous night. I just laid there in bed, trying to analyse this whole situation with John. I was tired, but not just physically. I was tired of these mixed up feelings. I was tired of not knowing what to do. I just wished that it would all just go away, and that John could go back to the annoying, arrogant thug he'd once been to me.

I was thankfully pulled out of my thoughts before they could go any further by the sound of my cell phone ringing. I sighed and turned away from the mirror, hurrying in to the next room, grabbing my cell from the bed. I looked at the caller ID and smiled when I saw who it was. I quickly flipped it open and held it to my ear.

"Randy?"

"Hey, Beck." Randy said, almost relieved to hear my voice. "I heard what happened yesterday. I've been trying to get hold of you all day. Are you okay?" he asked.

I smiled at his concern. Randy had always been the one that looked out for me. "Yeah, I'm fine." I assured him. "Just a mild concussion. I have to take it easy for a few days, nothing serious."

I heard him breath a sigh of relief. "Thank God. You had me worried to death here."

"Aww, listen to you, all concerned." I teased.

"Yeah, yeah, just don't let it get out. I've got a reputation to protect." he laughed.

"Charming." I snickered.

Randy laughed. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Geez, Randy, you sound like my mother." I said sarcastically. "There's nothing for you to worry about. John took me to the hospital, they checked me over and said I was fine, okay? Nothing that a few days of rest won't fix."

"Okay, okay. You're fine, I get it." Randy said. I laughed and shook my head. "So...John took you to the hospital, eh?"

I rolled my eyes. I could just hear the smirk in his voice. "Yes, he was in the match when I got hurt. He just took me to the hospital to make sure I was okay."

"Awww." Randy teased me. "That's sweet."

"Shut up, Randy."

"No, seriously." he laughed. "John's a nice guy."

I didn't answer. I couldn't help but smile. Randy didn't know how right he was. John really was a nice guy. And it was sweet of him to go to the hospital with me last night. Even though we'd had that moment before hand at the arena, he was still willing to go with me and suffer through the uncomfortableness of the situation, just to make sure I was okay.

"Beck? You okay?" Randy asked, breaking me from my thoughts.

"What? Oh, yeah...I'm fine." I mummbled, shaking my head clear.

"No, you're not." Randy said. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm..."

"Rebekah." Randy cut me off in a stern tone of voice. "What's wrong?"

I sighed and ran my free hand through my hair. "Me and John...we..." I stuttered. "We kinda...kissed again." I said quietly.

"You kissed again?" Randy said in suprise.

I nodded but then realized that I was on the phone and Randy couldn't see me, so I quickly said, "Yep." There was a short silence before I spoke again. "But it wasn't like last time."

"What do you mean?" Randy asked. "How was it different?"

"Well, last time it was after me and John had gone out and it was just a kiss on the cheek to say good-night." I began. "But this time, It was a...proper kiss. And...it was more than just once."

"How many times?"

"Only twice." I said, as if that made things any better.

"What...I mean...how did you feel?" Randy asked.

I paused for a minute. "I don't know." I replied. "I'm really confused, Randy. I mean, it felt...it felt good at the time, but...but I just kept thinking that it was wrong...because it was Cena. It's like every time John's near me...all I want to do is...is just have him hold me and kiss me, but then when he does, it feels like I'm comitting some kind of crime by enjoying it. Like it's some kind of sin to want to him like that." I sighed deeply as all these emotions came pouring out of me. "Does that make any sense to you?"

Randy laughed softly. "Yeah, it makes sense."

I snorted. "Well, I wish it did to me."

I heard Randy's raspy chuckle come from the other end of the phone. "You really don't get it, do you?"

"Duh." I said sarcastically.

"Surely you've been in love before?" Randy stated more than asked.

"Love?" I asked in confusion. "You think that's what this is? You think I'm in love with John?" I laughed out loud, raising my eyebrows. "You're crazy."

"Am I?" Randy asked.

"Yes, you are." I insisted.

"Think about it, Beck." Randy began. "Do you get butterflies in your stomach whenever he's close to you? Do you get goosebumps whenever he touches you? When he's not with you, do you miss him? And when you do see him, does it make your heart flutter just being near him? I bet you the answer to all those questions is yes, am I right?"

I didn't reply. I just sort froze. I let what Randy had just said to me sink in, then it hit me...hard. That nervous, butterflies in my stomach feeling that I'd felt every time John had kissed me. The goosebumps that had sprung up on my arms each time John touched me, or was close to me. When he wasn't near me, I did miss him. I did wish that he were with me. Then when he did show up, it made me smile to know that he was there. Had I really fallen for John? It couldn't be...it just couldn't be. No...not John. Never. No way.

"Beck? You still there?" I heard Randy's voice say to me.

"Erm...yeah, I'm...I'm still here." I said. I took a deep breath before speaking again. "Randy, it can't be. I've been in love before and it's never been like this."

"Have you really been in love?" Randy asked. "Really?"

"I...I don't know."

"When was the last time anyone ever made you feel the way John does? Never, right? Love is when someone makes you feel special. It's when you want to constantly be with that one person. They make you feel good and warm inside. When they're near you, all you want to do is reach out and touch them, not even in a sexual way, just...so you know they're there, I guess. Love is when you wake up in the morning thinking about them and go to sleep at night thinking about them. Trust me, I've been there. Have you?"

I sighed deeply and collapsed down on to the bed. "No."

"Is that how it is with John?"

I paused for a moment. "Yes." I confessed.

"Then there's your answer, Beck." Randy said. I could tell he was smiling.

I was silent for a few minutes, taking in all this new information. "I...I have to go, Randy." I finally said. "I'll talk to you later."

"Okay. Don't avoid it though, Beck, that's how you get hurt."

"Thanks for the advice, mom." I said sarcastically, and heard Randy laugh in response. "I'll call you soon."

"Alright." Randy said. "See yah, Beck."

"Bye."

I hung up the phone and tossed it beside me on the bed. I laid there and draped my arm over my face. I took a couple of deep breaths and then sat up. For the first time in recent weeks, things were clear to me. Things were starting to make sense. It was true...and no matter how hard I tried to deny it, it'd always be true. I didn't mean for it to happen, it just happened, without me even having any control over it. Without me even knowing. But one thing I did know now was that...somewhere done the line...I really had fallen in love with John Cena.

I sighed deeply and just sat there for a little while, my head in my hands, just in silence, not even thinking. I suddenly jumped up from the bed. I hurried back in to the bathroom and threw my clothes on and clipped my hair back up again. I darted out in to the main room and towards the front door, grabbing my key as I did so. I flung the door open and closed it behind me. I stopped, taking a breath and leaning back against the door to regain some composer before started for the elevator. I had to see John. Now.

Ah, I love to leave y'all in suspense! lol. Hope you guys liked this chapter! Keep reading! R&R please!