Disclaimer: Don't own, never will, just playing...
Author's Note: And so Section 3 begins... onto the future, could be a long journey! Remember if you'd like to read the entire thing again, including uncut bits, please visit my CJ website.
Fallen - Part 26
Joseph cradled the infant in his arms, marvelling at the way she neatly tucked into both of his hands, her entire body in his hands. He stroked her foot with his thumb and she kicked slightly, gurgling something and moving her head in her sleep. The pink suit she was safely comforted in seemed to him like the perfect kind of haven: warm, fluffy and secure.
Taking his eyes momentarily from her face he looked out of the window, the rain still fell albeit a little more lightly, yet the winds howled through the grounds and rattled the windows.
It was November, three months since he'd left Clarisse, three months since he'd seen her or spoken to her. Now he was a grandfather and more than anything he wanted to share that piece of information with her.
Amelia was two weeks old now, this tiny girl had brought him back to life; he loved her immediately, instantly, without thought, so much joy wrapped up in something so small. He knew that Philippe was already making plans for the Christening, that Pierre would be Godfather, it would an intimate family occasion… but goodness how he longed to invite Clarisse. To have her by his side sharing in the most natural and unforced of joys.
He gently kissed the baby's forehead and swayed her gently.
"You seem to be in love?"
He turned at the female voice behind him and smiled at Helen, she'd been here for the past two months, hiding away in the palace until the birth. He had just about gotten used to her American accent ringing through the halls, a strong change to those Europeans that surrounded him.
"You see more of her than I do."
He observed how she stood at the opposite side of the room from him, how she wrung her hands together nervously.
"I apologise, I can't resist holding her for a while." He moved closer to her, sometimes he forgot just how young she was, a child herself faced with the responsibility of raising her own. "Helen, you still seem nervous around me." He said gently.
"Sorry… It's just… kinda weird."
"I'm 'kinda weird?'"
She laughed at his use of the slang, "No, not you, the situation."
He glanced down at Amelia's face and indicated for Helen to sit, lowering Amelia into her arms and sitting beside her.
"Helen we've never really had the opportunity to talk, properly."
"I guess not, you want to question me?"
"Hardly, I'm really not that much of an ogre you know!" He chuckled attempting to lighten the mood. "I want the best, for all three of you. I know this is huge responsibility, being a parent is big enough but this… all this… Philippe will one day be ruler of all this, when I'm dead and buried."
"What an awful thought."
"But the way it works, we accept it."
"It seems so."
"But you have a choice, you know that, and I will support you either way, Amelia and yourself will never need to worry or want for anything, you are part of this family, you always will be. Whether or not you and Philippe decide it will work."
She looked up at him, raising a questioning eyebrow.
He shook his head, "I know, I didn't always think this way, I'm a stubborn old man… honestly I struggled with it all, it wasn't what I'd hoped for."
"Something changed your mind?" she looked down at Amelia.
"Somebody changed my mind… a woman made me see that this lifestyle isn't the most appealing. There is more to life, more to being alive, she made me see that… How I could be…"
He realised Helen was staring intently at him and he pulled himself back out of his reminiscing mood.
"Well, I'll leave you two alone, work to do." He rose to leave.
"Who was she?" Helen blurted out.
"Sorry?"
"This woman? Who was she?"
"Oh, a friend."
"You disappeared this summer, top secret where you were, Philippe complained about it, he didn't know where you'd gone on vacation. I remember when you got back you were different… sadder."
He sighed. "Not anymore." He glanced to the window. "Would you like some tea Helen?"
"Sure, would you like a listening ear?"
"I'm not sure I have much to say, much of interest."
"Perhaps not but don't we all need a confidant every now and then, even Kings?"
He nodded slowly then picked up the telephone receiver.
In a second tea and cakes had arrived and Joseph dismissed the maids and poured.
Seating himself across from Helen he sipped his tea, wondering where to begin. Presently he found his voice.
"She used to work here, before you arrived."
"And?"
"And, without too much of a preamble, I fell in love with her. Hit me unexpectedly, out of the blue, never felt like that before, never met somebody who had that affect on me."
He sipped his tea and Helen remained silent watching him.
"I think she felt something too, at least I hoped, we got closer. Then…" he half-heartedly smiled. "Then I wrecked it, one thing and another, you being pregnant and my reaction to it, the way I treated a staff member… it's unimportant now, but it was the reason she left, it built up, you know."
"Yes."
"When she'd gone…" His voice sounded oddly detached from him, as if it were someone else's.
"You missed her?"
He nodded solemnly.
"And went after her? That's where you were this summer, with her?"
"Yes…" his seemed to find his voice again. "With her, and I found something I never even knew existed. More than love, more… I don't know, I can't explain it." He shrugged. "But she doesn't want this life, being royal and all that comes bound up with it. She wants to retire, enjoy her time, do what she wants and all the rest of it. You see a monarch doesn't usually retire, they just die."
"Perhaps the system needs shaking up."
"I agree, it's too late for me now, but for Philippe the system should change. I wholeheartedly agree."
He fell silent and finished his tea, she watched as he fiddled with the handle on the china cup.
"So that's it, you never see each other again?"
"Seems so."
"Have you kept it touch, contacted her?"
"Not to speak too, I sent her flowers last month for her Birthday, a silly postcard… a while ago now, I knew it would make her laugh."
He smiled at the memory, spotting it in some hotel lobby and immediately thinking of her. Taking it on impulse, scribbling his name on the back and having Richard post it before he changed his mind.
"I'm in London next week…" he looked to Helen but of course she didn't understand the relevance of that. "She lives in England." He explained. "Southern England, it will be terribly strange flying there and not seeing her, knowing she's there… ridiculous really."
"Do you think she would see you?"
He looked up at the young lady, it suddenly struck him how odd it was sitting here revealing it all to her, he hadn't told a soul about any of it and now suddenly here he was sharing his innermost feelings.
"I mean, if you asked her, she might meet you, a date."
He smiled again. "I don't think she'd meet me for a 'date', not after all that happened."
"How do you know?"
He paused and shook his head.
"I mean for sure, how do you know for sure if you don't ask her? You can ask, she can only say no."
"That's what I'm afraid of. Besides it's been too long since I spoke to her, I can't face calling her up, it isn't fair, out of the blue like that."
"Then find another way. Really if you feel so strongly about it all, about her, then you should try… ask her to meet you for dinner, ladies like being spoilt with an expensive dinner."
"Hmm, I guess, Clarisse isn't like that though, doesn't fall for the normal charms."
"Clarisse, that's a very beautiful name."
"She was, she is, incredibly beautiful."
"I'd like to meet her…"
"And I'd like her to meet my little granddaughter, but things happen for a reason."
"Perhaps you going to London for a meeting is happening for a reason… more than politics."
"Alright everyone, you've done excellently tonight, I'm very impressed. Can we head to the changing rooms now, sensibly… and with relatively little noise. Thank you."
Clarisse rose from her position in the stands and moved down along the side of the pool towards the instructor.
"Well Ms. Arcenciel… what did you think?"
"They are all very sweet, and so small… and call me Clarisse, I think I've been coming here long enough now Harry don't you."
"I guess so." He chuckled lightly and they headed out to his office. "So what about it?"
She sighed. "I don't know, I mean, I've never been very good with children."
He smiled. "Well, you don't have to like them, just teach them… keep them under control. Some of the parents, as you know, don't feel entirely comfortable with a man teaching the 11 to 15 year olds, you're more than capable of working with them. It's three hours a week, nothing serious, no competitions, no intensive training."
"Thank goodness."
He chuckled again. "You're a formidable opponent for anyone I think Clarisse, they'll like that, they'll love that you're not me, and the parents might stop complaining. You're a respectable lady."
"Ha! For now, I'm sure they'll find some gossip to dig up on me, I'll think it over, give me a couple of days and I'll let you know. I was planning on being completely selfish and having all my time for me, but now I find I'm bloody well bored!" She smiled then shrugged. "Maybe I will, maybe this will be fun."
"Thanks Clarisse." He reached forward and shook her hand.
The evening air was sharp and Clarisse tugged her gloves on as she crossed from the leisure centre to her car. Slipping in behind the wheel she turned the key in the ignition and put the heating on full, the windows were frosted over, a couple of hours in the car park and the windows were frosted over!
Resting her handbag on her knee she dug out her phone and flipped it open checking for any missed messages. There were none, dropping her phone back into her bag she pulled out the three unopened letters that had arrived that morning and scanned them. The electricity bill, some leaflet informing her she'd won a cruise and one… one with a European postmark.
She found that she was trembling as she tore it open, his handwriting, she recognised it immediately. That elaborate swirl, the fancy penmanship, the headed paper. It was short, barely a side, her eyes flew over the words, then returned to the beginning and read it all again.
She was suddenly startled by a knock on the window next to her. She eased it down.
"Everything ok love?"
Yes, everything's fine Harry, fine."
"Car giving you trouble, this freezing weather."
"Not at all, I just," she shrugged. "Just giving it a moment to warm through."
"Good, well I'll be off, see you next week."
"Yes. Night."
She watched him head across the car park to his land rover and dropped the letter onto the seat next to her, attempting to forget about its contents at least until she got home.
The cascade of hot water was blissfully relaxing, closing her eyes she allowed it to massage her temples and run its way down her body. She could still smell that odd mixture of chlorine and shampoo, the loudness of the girls splashing their way through the water. She wished she were in the pool now, surrounded by a world of silence, her mind calm and organised… unlike this whirl of bombarding thoughts that occupied her brain right now.
"Clarisse!" Rose's voice boomed up the stairs. "Clarisse, damn it you're late!"
"I'm in the bathroom." She called in return.
"What the hell…" Through the frosted glass she could just about make out Rose's form as she swung open the bathroom door. "You're late and you're still in the shower!"
"I'm sorry, I got distracted."
"How?"
"I just, sorry…"
"Martin is waiting in the car, we're supposed to be meeting Jeff in under an hour."
"Oh, I told you no more ill-advised dinner dates with you and Martin and making me sit with the unfortunate Jeff, it will never work."
"He's a nice guy."
"Yes, he is."
Rose sighed, placing her hands on her hips. "But you my dear still love somebody else."
Clarisse switched the shower off. "Oh don't start again. No more meddling."
"Alright, even if it's for your own good… I'll go tell Martin to meet Jeff alone, they can have a guy's night out. I'm not really feeling in the mood anyway."
"Rose, I've ruined your evening."
"No you haven't, I happened to notice you have an unopened bottle of Moet in your cellar, I suggest you crack it open."
"That's a limited edition from France, supposed to be for special occasions."
"Bugger that, don't be so by-the-book all the time and let's just get pissed on over-priced bubbly."
Clarisse wrapped a towel around herself and stepped out of the shower. "You have that bossy tone that's meant for me."
"I know," Rose crossed her ankles and twisted the car keys dangling from her finger. "You drive me insane. Here's what we are going to do, I'm going to drive Martin to the restaurant, come back, get drunk with you, convince you to get off your arse and do something, and when Martin rolls in at 2a.m. you are going to tuck us both into bed!"
"Oh I am! Well that hardly seems like a recipe for welcome houseguests."
"Tough." She kissed Clarisse's cheek. "Get dressed and find some glasses. I'll be fifteen minutes."
"Okay, okay…"
"Do you think it's still snowing?" Clarisse whispered into the silence.
"Probably, I hope Martin can get a cab home."
"So do I, I'm certainly in no state to drive in this weather.
"And I just don't want to." Rose laughed then hiccupped. "Oh dear, too much Champers darling!"
"Indeed." Clarisse rolled over in front of the fire, crossing her legs and closing her eyes as she turned her face to the warmth of the fire. "I got a letter."
"What kind of letter… ahhh you mean from 'him'."
Clarisse didn't particularly like the tone in which Rose said her last line but she ignored it.
"Yes him. It came today."
"And?"
"And he'll be in London, next week."
"Oh?" Suddenly interested Rose hoisted herself up and folded her legs beneath her.
"Some meeting or other, conference I don't know."
"I'm guessing he wasn't telling you this for the good of his health."
"Hardly, wants me to join him."
"Seems a little presumptuous after everything that's happened, sex on tap!"
"That's not what he meant!" Clarisse exclaimed. "Well, I don't think… dinner, he wants me to have dinner with him one evening, says he'll pay for my journey there and back and accommodation if I wish to stay for a few days. Just wants to see me, to talk… to catch up."
She turned onto her back and shrugged as she stared up at the ceiling.
"I don't know. It's too strange, I won't go."
"Of course you won't because that would mean admitting to yourself that you care."
"Oh don't start this again, guilt tripping me."
"I wouldn't dream of it my dear, all I'm saying is that perhaps its time you admitted…"
"Don't." Clarisse warned getting to her feet.
"…admitting that you are in love with him."
"What for?" she shrugged. "What's the point, in the end, it won't help either of us."
"I disagree, I think it will help you immensely."
"How could it possibly?" She drained her glass and reached for the bottle emptying the last of its contents into her glass.
"Because Clarisse it would somehow allow you to feel what you've never felt. To love and be loved in return, properly, not some fictional association with what you think love could be… not some screwed up half relationship with a no hoper. He would love you."
"This isn't some normal guy! You know. This isn't just me thinking 'gosh I'd really like him to move in with me'. It's too hard, too much."
"He would do anything for you, if you told him how you felt, if you admitted you love him, for gods sake he would move heaven and earth for you. Without a second thought."
"And maybe I don't want that. Maybe I don't want him to be able to do that, Rose this isn't easy, will never be easy. What the hell do I do? Throw myself at him, throw myself to the lions for savaging?"
"Maybe you could just be his once-in-a-while companion." A deep voice suddenly cut throat the darkness of the room. "Ya know, his secret lover, kinda exciting don't you think, a billionaire lover."
"Bloody hell Martin you scared me half to death!" Rose exclaimed throwing a pillow in the direction of her husband. "How long have you been there?"
"Only a minute or so, good job I got here, you ladies sure do make a mess out of everything."
He strode across the room and slipped down onto Clarisse's couch kicking his shoes off.
"It's bloody freezing out there, taxi only managed it so far had to walk the rest of the way, you sure pick some place to live Rissie."
"Oh don't call me that, you know I hate that." Clarisse pouted.
"Always have, are you making an old man a coffee then."
"I'll make the old man hot chocolate."
"Ahh that's more like it." He rubbed his hands together. "Drop of Brandy in it."
"You see this is why I remain single, men demand too much."
Rose smiled and moved to sit by her husband. "You shouldn't have walked in the snow, silly man."
"Would you like a drink too Rose?" Clarisse asked.
"Yes thanks dear."
Clarisse paused by the door and turned to watch them, Martin with his head back on the couch, eyes closed, pretending to ignore Rose as she rubbed his cold toes.
She couldn't help but feel that this was what she wanted, something as small and insignificant as that.
Within a few minutes Clarisse returned and sat by the fire again with her own drink.
Finally she said, "He isn't a billionaire anyway."
"Oh I do apologise Ris, a millionaire."
"Stop calling me that!" She glared at him.
"Well then, let's be logical, because you two can both pretend I know nothing about this… but I have eyes, and ears, and I've watched it all unfold. So come on Clarisse, either you made a mistake and tumbled into bed with his Royal Highness orrrr…"
"Or?" Clarisse whispered.
"Or you just admit that it wasn't sex, it was love."
All three were silent; Rose leant back against Martin's legs and felt his hand come to rest on her shoulder. Both stared at Clarisse's back, she in turn stared into the fire.
Finally she said.
"It is love, is…"
"Then go, what's stopping you, think about it logically Rissie, like a man, it's not difficult. You want to see him, he wants to see you, you don't want anybody to know…" He shrugged. "Doesn't take a genius to figure something out."
Please let me know what you think, thanks xx Rhonda
