In the Shadows - chapter 2

ooooooooooooo

Lee was finally back on his feet. He was working, though not back to flight status yet. Which was okay by him, it meant more time on Galactica - more time with Dee. He spent a fair amount of time in CIC while Kara and Helo took on the more active responsibilities of the CAG's job. It wasn't like he and Dee could do anything in front of the whole room full of people, but just being near her offered him comfort and strength. And being away from Kara was an added bonus. She hadn't come to see him once in the ten days he'd spent in recovery probably hoped I'd die, he thought bitterly, and wouldn't look him in the eye at all. When he talked to her (more like gave orders), she stared at a spot behind his head and answered only with 'yes sir' or 'yes Captain'. Nothing else. No personal words at all. Lee could hardly believe how cold-hearted she was. She certainly had me fooled - all these months I thought she actually cared. Things have always been difficult because of Zack, but we'd developed what I thought was a good solid friendship. It was all a lie, he thought sadly. All a lie. But then he'd remind himself that all that didn't matter - he had Dee now, and she was everything Kara wasn't. Sweet and caring, quiet and feminine, never liking to stir up trouble. No matter what happened, she would never turn on him the way Kara had.

But there was a part of him that still ached for Kara. he wished she'd come and talk to him, apologize, yell at him ... whatever. He missed her - annoying and difficult though she always was. She'd been like the other half of him since he'd come aboard Galactica. It had been tough fitting in and making a home here, and she'd been the only one to help. Remember, she was just using you - that's Kara's specialty.

"Frakking confusing," he growled quietly to himself, but Tigh was close enough to hear his muttering.

"Captain?" he asked, a questioning look on his face.

"Nothing," Lee replied, cheeks going pink. "Just talking to myself."

Tigh just looked at him like he had a few screws loose.

"Yeah? Frak you too," he said under his breath as Tigh walked away. For some reason he'd just been unable to stomach Tigh and his attitude lately. Guess Kara and I have something else in common, he thought, then reminded himself that he didn't want to think about her. Better to think of Dee. He glanced over at her and smiled briefly. They were having dinner tonight and he was very much looking forward to it. Not that they'd be completely alone, but they'd agreed to eat at a table off in the corner of the mess hall where no one usually sat. Then ... then he had secret plans to take her to the observation lounge. He hoped she'd be pleased with his surprise.

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"Okay Kara, what the hell is your problem?" Helo asked, after she'd chewed him out for the third time in one shift.

"Problem? I don't have a problem. You seem to be the one with the problem today," she snarled back.

"Come off it Kara, you can't lie to me."

"Frak you Karl."

"You wish, now tell me what's wrong and cut the bullshit alright?" He stood with his hands on his hips, staring at her. Kara smiled in spite of her pissy mood. It was either a very brave or very stupid man who'd stand up to her like that. Karl definitely fell into the brave category, and also the select few who knew her well enough to know when she was hiding something.

"Well, that's better," he said, smiling back. "What's bothering you?"

Kara looked up at him sadly, with dark, almost brown eyes. He made a sympathetic face. "It's Apollo isn't it?"

Her bottom lip quivered a little but she was able to keep the tears from her eyes. "I just can't believe ..." She stopped. How could she explain something even she didn't understand?

He watched her carefully. "Kara?"

She just shook her head.

"You love him, don't you?"

"Karl ..."

"No bullshit, remember?"

She stared at him for a full minute before answering. "Yeah. But I can't."

"Why not?" he shrugged.

"You know why."

Karl 'Helo' Agathon had been Kara's best friend since she'd come to serve on Galactica three years earlier. The two of them had hit it off as soon as they'd met and quickly developed an easy friendship. Kara had found herself needing to talk, and it had only seemed natural to share her sorrows with him, although she'd never told him why Zack had died - the first person she'd confessed that to had been Lee on the day the cylons attacked.

"Kara, Zack has been gone three years already. I don't think he'll have a problem with you loving his brother. Apollo's a good guy. Mostly anyway," he added, having felt Lee's wrath on occasion since returning to Galactica.

"I have a problem with it."

"I thought he was with Dualla though," he said, a confused look on his face.

"He is," she answered tartly.

He watched her carefully. "I see," was all he said. "Have you ever told him ..."

She laughed harshly. "Told him what? 'I love you Lee, but I feel so incredibly guilty about wanting to frak Zack's brother, so it's never going to happen.' What would the point be?"

"At least maybe if you were honest he'd know where you stand," he offered. "The truth is always the way to go."

"I was," she whispered reflectively. "It made him push me away."

"You told him about Anders," he guessed.

She nodded and the tears won their battle and began to pool in her eyes. "He won't even speak to me now."

"Did you ever go see him after ... the shooting?"

She looked at him sorrowfully. "I couldn't."

"Well maybe that's why he's pissed at you. You shot him and then you couldn't even be bothered to go see if he was okay? I thought you two were friends."

"We are! I mean ... we were ... I don't know what we are now. I did go a couple of times but ... she was there and I just couldn't ..."

Helo shook his head. "You two are really frakked up, you know that?"

"Gee, I hadn't noticed," she threw out sarcastically.

"So, what are you gonna do about it?"

"Do?"

"You have to do something. It's obvious it's eating at you ... and I don't need you riding my ass because you're pissed off at him."

"It's not just him," she said quietly, rubbing her eyes. He noticed again the dark circles under them. She really did look like shit lately - he knew she'd been pushing herself hard, both in the gym and on duty. Almost as if she was trying to purge herself of her personal demons.

"Anders - you still feel bad about leaving him."

"Bad doesn't even begin to describe it. I think I've become obsessed with it. Not to mention that whole situation with Scar. We lost so many promising people - good people," she said sadly.

Helo nodded, he understood. He'd watched the dynamic between crew members throughout the whole thing, and he knew she bore the brunt of the guilt - partially because she took it on herself, having been their trainer, but partially because Kat had been in her face constantly, blaming Kara for everything. If she could only walk a mile in Kara's shoes, he thought, but then again, she probably wouldn't make it. She was tough, there was no question about that, but no one was as tougher than Kara, and if she was coming unraveled ... well , look out. She was a ticking time bomb, and he it seemed, was the only one with the ability to diffuse her. Would have thought that would be Apollo's job, he thought, but Apollo was obviously a big part of Kara's problems. He hadn't been around to witness their developing friendship but from all he'd heard, it was something to be reckoned with. From Kara's reaction to the rift in that friendship, it obviously meant a hell of a lot to her.

He put an arm around her shoulders impulsively. "You're going to have to talk to him eventually if you want to work things out."

Kara sighed and buried her face in his chest. But she didn't cry, though the tears stung her eyes painfully.

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"Lee, I've really had a nice evening." Dee smiled at Lee, sitting beside her, arm around her shoulders. They tore their eyes away from the stars and stared at each other. Lee smiled back. It had been a nice evening. Dinner had been relatively quiet, and somewhat free of stares, and relaxing in the observation lounge was something Lee had never done in all his time on Galactica.

"It's different being on this side of the glass," he said, motioning towards the window. "I'm usually the one doing the entertaining."

"And you are entertaining. Watching you fly is like ... magic."

Lee felt an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach. She'd been trying to compliment him, but it had done exactly the opposite. How many times had she been here with Billy? Obviously quite a few from the sound of things. Well, Billy's out of the picture now and she belongs to you, he thought, but he knew that it was an unfair one. Billy was gone, true, but not because she'd made a clear choice between them. The discomfort radiating from her on Cloud Nine that fateful evening he'd been shot, hell they'd both been shot, had told him that though she was pursuing him, she really hadn't left Billy completely behind. And Billy ... he obviously hadn't known about her feelings. She'd dumped him right when he'd proposed to her - that had to hurt, but hadn't told him why.

"Lee, are you okay? Something wrong?"

"No, nothing," he smiled, forcing those uncomfortable thoughts out of his mind. "I've got to get to work soon though," he said, glancing at his watch. "I'm on duty in half an hour."

"Well, let's make the best of that time then, shall we?" she said, leaning close and half-closing her eyes.

Lee sighed inwardly and leaned towards her, joining his lips with hers. The kiss deepened and they began to explore each other's mouths, but something was missing. The fire, the passion that came with knowing you were with the person you were meant to be with. Like it was with Kara. It was fast and furious but oh, the fire! It felt like she was going to consume you completely - and be honest with yourself Lee, you wanted her to. So why the hell did you stop it and ruin things?

A few minutes later, Lee ended the kiss and pulled back. "I really have to go and get ready. Need to change and prep my ship before launch."

"Oh, okay," Dee said sadly. "I understand." Kissing Lee had been everything it hadn't with Billy. She'd cared for Billy, but somehow something had been missing with him. Wasn't love supposed to be fiery and passionate? Not calm and unemotional like it had always been. He'd been a good man - solid and dependable - the kind who would never have cheated on her. The kind who'd have been a good husband. But there was no fire ... no passion ... and so, she'd dumped him and moved on. This ... this was really living. But she felt as though Lee was holding back, as though he wasn't willing to throw himself body and soul into this. Maybe he just needs time - he's been through a really tough ordeal lately. Give him a chance to come around.

Lee took her hand and led her out of the lounge and then kissed her cheek chastely as he turned to leave. "Thank you for a really nice evening Dee. Can we do it again sometime?"

"Of course." She smiled and squeezed his hand.

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight. Be safe out there."

"Of course," Lee said, making a promise he knew he couldn't keep. They never knew when they went out if they'd come back, and she knew it too. "I'll see you tomorrow."

As Lee entered the hangar bay a short while later, he saw Kara, suited up and prepping her Viper. Frak! Did they have to fly together for the next three hours? What a way to ruin a good evening! But though he was irritated at the thought of spending so much time with her, his heart pounded in excitement too. Flying with Kara was always exciting, always challenging. She pushed the barriers all the time, even when doing a routine CAP. Nothing about being with Kara is routine - she pushes every boundary known to man, and then some! But it wouldn't do to be thinking thoughts like that. Kara was out of his life now, there was no chance for anything between them - not even friendship it seemed.

"You ready Captain?" she said, noticing him climbing into his cockpit. Lee just nodded brusquely. "Let's go then."

TBC