In the Shadows - chapter 5
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Kara sat in the waiting area, as she had for the past twenty minutes, knowing this was all just a big frakking waste of time. Adama had insisted she see Cottle for a psych evaluation - fearing her mental state was not one hundred percent. Well no kidding, she thought. How could it be, considering the life we live! But it had gotten her out of hack after only twenty four hours, so there was at least one positive thing about it.
"Well Captain, it's not often we see you around here," he said sarcastically.
"Hey, it's been a while," she responded defensively.
"True. Have you been behaving yourself or are you just patching up your own hurts now?"
Kara glared at him.
"I thought so." He checked the papers Adama had sent down. "So, the Admiral thinks you're losing your marbles, does he?"
"He does not!" she said hotly, standing up quickly.
"Relax Captain, I was just joking." He turned and led her to a curtained off area for more privacy. "Living here is enough to cause anyone to go stark raving mad," he murmured under his breath, but Kara heard him and smirked. Cottle annoyed the hell out of her when she was a patient, but really, of all the people she knew on this ship, his personality was the closest to hers. In different circumstances she'd have liked him.
As they sat down, he pulled out a clipboard and a pen, ready to take notes. "So, how are you feeling these days?
Kara eyed him with a frustrated look. "Much the same as you I suppose - tired and crabby."
"Physically okay other than being tired?"
"If you consider that I've pulled about ten shifts in a row and had maybe three hours sleep in five days good, then yes, I'm okay."
"Being sarcastic isn't really going to help you, you know."
"Maybe not, but it feels good."
Cottle smirked. "Let's cut to the chase here shall we? You don't want to be doing this, and I sure as hell don't either, so let's get to the point and you tell me what's bothering you."
"So you're my frakking shrink now?" There was open hostility on her face now.
"You know, if I were anyone else you'd be in big trouble for swearing at me."
"You're not anyone else."
"No, and be glad I'm not. As far as we know, there are no shrinks left, so I'm the closest thing. Do me a favour as my first case and be helpful will you?"
Kara chuckled. "That would be a first."
"Every treads virgin territory once in a while. I suspect it's been a long time since you were there."
Kara's mouth dropped open. "Did you just ...?"
He nodded.
"Fine," she huffed. "I can't sleep."
"Why not?"
"Dreams ... nightmares."
"About ..." he prodded.
"Caprica."
"I imagine it wasn't pretty." Kara nodded sadly. "So what exactly do you dream about Caprica?"
"Sam."
"Sam. Who the hell is Sam?"
"Samuel Anders."
"The pyramid player?" His look was one of disbelief as his shaggy eyebrows raised.
"That's the one."
"Why would you dream about him?"
"He's alive."
"Really?"
"Most of the team is. They were high altitude training during the first attack and they've formed a resistance group with some other survivors."
Cottle was watching her narrowly. The picture was beginning to come clear. "So, you met while you were on Caprica, I take it?"
Kara nodded.
"Tell me about it."
She hesitated for a moment, then launched into the whole story. It felt good to tell someone about it. Of course, a good chunk of her problem wasn't Anders - it was Lee. But there was no way this side of hell she was going to talk about that with him.
"So is there anything else?" Cottle asked when she was done.
"The usual stuff - you know. Being sick of working all the time - getting irritated with the people you work with - that sort of thing."
But Cottle read between the lines, as usual. "So, you and Captain Adama still aren't getting along?"
Kara's eyes narrowed. "It isn't a problem."
"Are you sure?" The way he said it told her he didn't believe her.
"It won't affect my job," she said firmly.
"Maybe you should resolve your differences the normal way for you two - a good knock-down fist fight. I've got bandages," he added, grabbing a box off a nearby shelf.
Kara threw him a dirty look and hopped off the bed. "We're fine. Are we done here?"
"Just a moment." He disappeared from view and came back a minute later with a small vial full of pills.
"What? No , I don't need ..." Kara began, backing away and shaking her head.
"They're sleeping pills for frak's sake. Just take one when you're off shift and make sure the CAG knows you're unavailable. One of these will knock you flat for eight hours, so DON'T TAKE MORE THAN ONE AT A TIME!"
She reached out and took them, nodding slightly.
"I want to see you in a week for a follow up." His voice brooked no argument.
"Understood," she replied, heading out the door.
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The pills were as good as the doc said they'd be. Two nights in a row Kara took them, and she slept like the dead. No lying awake, no dreams, no hallucinations. It was frakking fantastic. Kara hadn't felt so good in weeks.
Except for Lee. He was mainly ignoring her, but when he did have to talk to her, he was cool and professional, treating her like someone he was meeting for the first time. She'd tried a couple of times, calling him back when he'd walked away, but he refused to talk to her, using the excuse that he was too busy and didn't have time to talk. Kara caught him the second time, hot and heavy with Dee in an under-used corridor and threw him an evil look. He'd pulled away quickly upon hearing her footsteps, but after meeting her eyes, turned back and pulled Dee to him, kissing her passionately and allowing his hands to roam over her body.
Ouch, Kara thought, turning quickly and walking away. Not like I was expecting him to dump her and come running to me - yeah that'd be so Lee - but at least being civil would be a start! It wasn't exactly unexpected behaviour for Lee though, given the way things had been going lately, but it was still enough to drag Kara's spirits back down into the abyss they'd been heading into.
She sat on her bunk absently staring into space, vial of pills in her hand. She'd just come off shift and was ready for a good night's sleep, despite the fact that it was only eight o'clock in the evening. Oh well, I've got the early shift in the morning, so maybe it's best I hit the sack now. She knew there was a game on and that Helo expected her to be there, but she just couldn't seem to drum up the enthusiasm to bother. She didn't want to be with other people. She didn't want to be alone. Truth be told, she didn't really want to be at all anymore.
She glanced at the pills in her hand and an idea suddenly came to her. If one pill caused oblivion for eight hours, more would offer comfort for longer, wouldn't it? So she shook a few into her palm and swallowed them instantly. A few minutes passed. Nothing happened. So she swallowed a few more ... then another couple.
Suddenly an intense pain gripped her chest and a strangled cry forced itself up out of her throat. Unfortunately the room was empty, and the hatch was shut securely so no one could hear her. She stood involuntarily and clutched at her chest, gasping for air. It felt as though someone was tightening a huge vice grip around her and she was slowly suffocating. Meanwhile, her heart was pounding a mile a minute, and she was beginning to feel dizzy. Her vision grayed at the edges and then blacked out completely, and she fell in a heap on the floor, empty pill vial rolling under the table.
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Present time ...
Lee pushed open the hatch, heart pounding in anticipation of spending some quality rack time with Dee. They hadn't had many opportunities to be alone together since the beginning of their relationship, but this evening he was pretty sure the bunkroom would be deserted.
"Voila," he said with a flourish as he ushered her into the senior officer's quarters, but unfortunately his prediction that the bunkroom would be empty was proven wrong. Starbuck was passed out on the floor beside her bunk.
Lee sighed and pushed past Dee, who had stopped in surprise, and knelt beside the prone woman. "Oh Kara," he whispered, shaking his head with pity. "What are you doing? You're going to kill yourself one of these days." He slapped her cheek gently to bring her round. It was then he realized she wasn't breathing.
"Oh gods," he said, face paling. He felt for a pulse but found none. "Oh my gods! She's not breathing ..."
TBC
