In the Shadows - the final part
ooooooooooooooooo
Kara pushed the blanket aside and swung her legs over the edge of the bed.
"Now you take it easy," Cottle warned. Kara just gave him a look.
"I mean it Captain - you're not cleared for duty yet, and I want to see you again in forty-eight hours. In the meanwhile, take it easy, and do some thinking. I think you've got some issues that need resolving."
"Really," she said dryly, pulling on her tracksuit. "Me? Issues? Whatever gave you that idea?"
"Funny Captain, very funny. We all have issues - yours just seem to be bugging the hell out of you these days. And annoying me as well."
"So are you," she said frankly. "Can I go now?"
"Try not to come back again except for your checkup, okay? You bug the hell out of me too."
Kara grinned. Much as she groused at the doc, she had to appreciate his rough personality. It was so much like her own. "Will do. I've got better places to be anyway."
"Like where? The brig?"
Kara shot him a dirty look and walked away.
oooooooooooooooooooo
Kara lay on her bunk, book in hand, ostensibly reading, but her eyes just kept sliding over the same paragraph over and over as her mind wandered. She was so lost in thought that she didn't notice someone standing in the hatchway watching her, until he spoke.
"I've just got one question."
Kara's eyes swiveled to the hatch, to find Lee standing there, looking uncomfortable.
"So ask."
He came in and shut the hatch, locking it with the metal rod the pilots used when they wanted privacy, immediately bringing back memories of the night they'd nearly slept together. Lee stood a few paces in from the door, still looking uncomfortable.
"Did you do it on purpose?"
Kara's brow wrinkled as she closed her book. "Do what?"
"Try to kill yourself." His voice was pitched low and even, but though he was halfway across the room, she could see his eyes were full of turmoil. She could always read them like an open book.
"Would you believe me if I said no?"
"I was hoping for an answer, not another question."
"You didn't answer mine either."
"I asked first."
If the situation wasn't so serious, Kara would have burst out laughing. This wordplay was typical of them - they never had real conversations, they just played games with one another.
"No."
"Maybe."
"Well that's decisive."
"No? You didn't do it on purpose?"
Kara gave him an exasperated look. "I said no."
"Well, it's not like you're always honest with me," Lee defended.
"Nor you with me."
They stared at one another for a moment.
"Isn't it time we were completely honest with one another?" Lee said finally, holding out the proverbial olive branch. "I know I'm sick of playing games with you."
Kara bit her lip, knowing this was what she wanted as well, but afraid of what might actually come out now that Lee was confronting her on it. Running the scenario through her head was a whole different story - she got to make up Lee's responses for him. It might be those responses would be totally different now that Lee himself was going to be giving them.
"Sounds good. You first."
Lee paused a moment, collecting his thoughts and taking a deep breath. This was it. It was time to go out on a limb and see if she hung him from it.
"I'm sorry." He stopped and tried to will his thumping heart to slow. "I'm sorry I hurt you. You were right ... about Dee. I was concentrating so hard on trying to make things work with her that I've ..."
"Why?" Kara interrupted.
"Why?" Lee was baffled.
"Why did you want things to work with Dee?"
"Isn't that obvious?"
"Do you love her?"
"Love? I ... I ..."
"I thought not. So why?"
Lee was beginning to get uncomfortable with her pushiness. "Why do you care?" he countered, beginning to sound exasperated.
"Why do I care?" She sat up and raised her voice. "Why do I care? Because I love you, that's why, you frakking idiot!"
"What?" Lee blinked incredulously. "But I thought ..."
"Well you thought wrong!" she said vehemently.
"But you said you were in love with Anders," he objected.
"I never said that. I said I was hung up on him. Yeah, I care for him, but the only reason I started anything with him was because I thought you hated me. You didn't even want to talk to me, so I thought ..."
"Gods Kara, the only reason i was so upset was because of Baltar."
"I guessed that part."
"We'd been ... we were ... well, it seemed like we were getting closer, and then at the ball things kind of ... and I thought you wanted me ..."
"I did."
"Then why did you ..."
"I don't know. I do stupid things when I'm upset and angry. I drink and then I do things I wish I hadn't."
"Why were you upset that night?"
"I thought ..." she stood up and crossed her arms over her chest, facing away from him. "I thought you wanted me too. I mean, the way you looked at me ... but then you just dumped me and danced with every other woman in the room. And I thought ..."
"I was just being polite. Sometimes it's a pain in the ass being the Commander's son." Lee walked up behind her and stopped so that when he spoke she could feel his breath tickle the back of her neck. "I wanted you that night, make no mistake about that. I was hoping we could ... spend the rest of the night together," his cheeks reddened though she couldn't see them, "but you were gone when I came back to look for you, and I was certain you didn't want me. Then to find out the next day that you'd slept with him ..."
Kara turned suddenly and saw his flushed cheeks and the pain in his eyes. "It was you I wanted to be with . You I was thinking of the whole time I was with him. Which," she added, "wasn't long. The man is as self-centered as he is crazy."
Lee couldn't help but smile - she always had that effect on him. He reached down and brushed her hair off her face. "Why couldn't we have just been honest with each other then? All of this wouldn't have happened."
"What about Dee?"
His flush deepened. "I ... I ... I guess I started seeing her because ... well, she made it pretty clear she was interested in me ... and I couldn't have you so ..."
"So we both ended up with the wrong people because we couldn't admit how we felt to the right ones."
"That sounds about right," Lee agreed, a rueful smile on his face. His hand drifted form her hair to her cheek and stroked the smooth, slightly freckled skin.
"So why her?" she asked softly. "Just because she made advances?"
Lee took a deep breath. "Partly that, but mainly because she was completely different than you."
Kara's face took on a wounded expression. "Oh, I get it. Because she's a lady and I'm not."
"It's not that at all Kara." He sighed and gazed away from her for a moment, as if looking for strength to continue. "I've been in love with you since the first time I met you." He nodded as her eyes opened wider in surprise. "Yes, when you were Zack's girlfriend. He wrote and told me about this incredible woman he'd fallen for and after meeting you and spending a few days together, I had to agree with him. I didn't like the fact that you were his instructor, but I had to admit that if I'd been him, I'd have done the same thing.:
He blushed. "Ever since then, I've always found myself attracted to women who reminded me of you. Blonde, and explosive. Now that we're stuck here together, I couldn't stop thinking about you though. I've wanted you since the first moment I saw you, doing push ups in your cell." Now it was Kara's turn to flush, remembering what she'd been thinking during that first encounter as well. And how she'd mentally smacked herself for being attracted to Lee.
"After you made it clear you didn't want me, I figured it was time I moved on. And finally tried being with someone as unlike you as possible."
"Yeah, you don't have to tell me, I know. She's nice and pretty, follows orders, doesn't swear or punch you ..."
"Yeah, and it turns out the fiery woman with vehement opinions who'll do anything to defend them is more my style. You know, the kind who follows her heart and doesn't take any shit from anyone?"
"How could you possibly prefer a woman like that to one who's so much more refined and genteel?"
"Passion."
"Passion?"
"I need passion in my life Kara. I don't know if you've noticed, but I tend to be kind of stuffy and do things by the book ..."
"Who, you?" Kara teased.
Lee chuckled in spite of himself. "You are incorrigible."
"It's one of the things you love about me."
"One of the many," Lee added, fingers trailing down her cheek and lightly stroking her lips. His eyes followed them and a hungry look came into them.
"So you need passion in your life to balance your usual tight-assed-ness?"
"I need you," he said, voice low and throaty. And with that, he leaned forward and kissed her, gently but firmly, fingers reaching around her neck to plant themselves in the hair at the nape of her neck. Her hands came up to rest on his chest as she kissed back willingly.
"I love you," he murmured against her lips a few minutes later when the kiss ended. "I fell in love with you the first time I met you, and I've been trying to forget you ever since, but I can't."
"Then stop trying," she whispered, and reached back up to kiss him again. Some time passed before they broke apart and folded themselves into a hug instead.
"I wasn't trying to kill myself, I just couldn't find a reason to live," she whispered, trying to explain more fully what she'd been feeling at the time. It was time for honesty, complete and full.
"Can I be your reason?"
"You always have been."
"Hopefully I always will be," Lee whispered, stroking her hair and loving the feel of it between his fingers. It was so soft and delicate, much like the hidden spirit of the woman who wore it, though outwardly she was all sharpness and angles.
Kara sighed long and hard in Lee's arms. Finally her love for him could be out in the open and not hidden in the shadows any longer.
The End
A/N : Thanks for all the lovely feedback. I've really enjoyed writing this story (though I'm glad it's finally at an end) and I'm glad some of you have enjoyed reading it.