CHAPTER 9: Ups And Downs

Rin would have been lying to herself had she thought that all was well at last. That being said, most of it was well at last.

Since her conversation with Len two days ago, she went through a series of ups and downs. She woke up that Saturday morning and contemplated them as she laid in her bed, trying to make any sense of anything. Perhaps looking at the facts was a good way to start the process of actually making things better for herself.

Up: being able to talk to her brather and Gumi again; although Rin had to force herself a little bit to keep her cool, that evening chat was nice. Meg, as one would expect, steered clear of any mental health questions and instead questioned the twin about music as well as making her promise she would be there for her preview show on the upcoming Saturday. It would only concertn the housemates and two or three friends that the green haired girl managed to make since moving to the country. Rin was kind of looking forward to it.

Down: the fact that Len helped her see things more clearly made her also realise how much she didn't want to maintain a relationship with Tom. He was needy and at times annoying – and, most importantly, she had no real feelings for him, maybe other than a little bit of pity and occasional arousal. What sucked was, as much as she couldn't come up with an adequate reasoning to stay with him, Rin couldn't find a valid reason to not stay with him, either. His presence was... not quite comforting, but comfortable still. At least it was a better prospect than being lonely.

Up: she finally hugged Lily! Before the band meeting last night, Rin was with Tom: they had lunch together and then just hung out outside. She was trying to keep up with the conversation he was trying to have just so she wouldn't accidentally insult him, but by the end of the date, she was bummed out. Immediately seeing the person she actually cared about made her stop giving any fucks and just ask for that hug without second guessing herself. That was definitely a step in the right direction.

Down: ...she was still crushing on Lily, obviously. Their brief shared moment of warmth reinforced that, and while Rin had yet to come to terms with it, she felt as though she was overcoming that initial shock that it happened in the first place. Of course, now that she could allow herself to fantasise, there were immediate obstacles in the way. Such as: Rin couldn't know Lily would be into girls (not even focusing on the likelihood of Lily being into Rin in particular). They were also colleagues and a romantic notion would most likely offset their professional relationship; and on the other hand, she didn't even consider her a friend at that point.

Why, though? Rin thought. The answer was simple: other than that one short evening conversation weeks ago, they hadn't yet spent any quality time together outside the studio. To be fair, out of the whole bunch, the twin only considered Christopher a somewhat close friend, albeit mostly because he was so upfront and honest about everything which she admired. Jason barely spoke to her about anything non-music related, and Paul was older, stern and – she couldn't blame him – didn't quite share their passion for the project.

And when it came to Lily, Rin realised she didn't know her nearly as well as she would have wanted. Not counting yesterday, she had been purposely distancing herself from the bass player in hopes that her forced coldness would eventually suffocate her feelings. As it turned out, to no avail – so she stopped trying to destroy it for the time being.

The twin rolled around in her sheets. A desire came to her to ask Lily out, just as a friend. Of course she could perceive it as a date in her mind, but just trying to get to know her better as a person was a perfect excuse to do so to begin with. Besides, it would have been problematic to openly date someone else while she technically had a relationship with Tom; even if that didn't satisfy her at all, Rin still wasn't willing to cheat on him. She figured she wouldn't have trouble breaking up with him once there was a good chance of her finding a better partner.

How the fuck did we get up here? she asked in her mind and rubbed her eyes with her hands. It's all so complicated. Len and Meg had it so easy in comparison. Why can't I?

At least – or to add to her pile of problems, depending on the angle – the first Rest In Neglect public appearance was in the stage of full preparation. Any unknown band starting from scratch would have to go through years of playing small club gigs for maybe fifteen people, including someone's mom. Because Rin had experience and, more importantly, the management's trust, they could skip that first step of Suck. There were a handful of promising bands from Preston and Manchester with whom Rin's people (for the lack of a better word) got in touch, trying to get RIN to play a short set on their shows. At that point, it was just a matter of whether or not said bands planned to play any concerts in the area in early to mid July.

Rest In Neglect had five songs just about ready to be performed, and because it was the middle of May already, now was the time to perfect those songs as much as they could, adding changes and more nuance if necessary before they would just start grinding actual practice hours. In addition, they were expected to record rough demos of at least two original songs next week so that the management could at least send something to the bands they were trying to get to cooperate. Nobody would simply allow RIN to open for them if they had no idea what to expect musically.

The five songs were a sufficient amount: as an opening band, a 30 minute performance was just enough, and their songs weren't short by any means. On average, rock songs tend to fit between 3 and 4 minutes of length, but as Rin quickly found out, her creations usually attacked the five minute mark. That wasn't necessarily a bad thing, she thought that was the time necessary to throw in enough contrasting parts and ideas so that the songs wouldn't be too plain and boring. She was far from confident in her abilities to write guitar riffs so elegantly iconic that they could carry a whole song from start to finish, and that was okay. There was no shame in a more complicated musical language as long as the result stayed intact.

Before any of that, however, Rin could look forward to hearing Gumi's completely different repertoire tonight. The green girl didn't say it to her face, but it was apparent that she cared a lot about her opinion and didn't want to disappoint her. As a matter of fact, she had requested everyone leave the house in the morning so that she could prepare everything, practise some more and also go through a couple of nervous breakdowns.

The twin had a spontaneous idea. If she was to be out of the house until evening, she might as well try and see if Lily was free and willing to get asked out. A perfect opportunity – for Rin, at least.


As soon the door closed behind his sister at around half past eleven, Len breathed out and turned to face Gumi blinking at him. They were standing down by the staircase and just about to start preparing for the evening.

"How do you feel?" he asked her as he pulled her in.

Meg bit her lip nervously. "Now that everyone's gone and we have to actually start preparing shit? Let's say I'm happy I took your advice and I'm not doing this in a pub for an actual audience."

"We still count as an actual audience, though."

"Yeah, but I know you're not going to be harsh on me."

Len made his best effort to smile encouragingly. "Well, I've never seen you this nervous, I'll tell you that much."

She breathed out and slipped away from his embrace. "Let's go to the living room. I reckon we're going to have to organise the furniture a bit, I would like to think it through."

"We're going to need one more chair," said the twin once they walked the short distance and looked around the room. "There's going to be... five people, excluding you?"

"Six. Mary from work decided she wanted to bring her boyfriend," Meg replied and rolled her eyes. "I like her a lot, I didn't want to tell her no. She texted me this morning."

"Another clingy couple? We've already got us in the house."

"Pfff. From what I gather, her boyfriend is going through some shit with his parents and Mary didn't want to leave him by himself today. That's really sweet of her."

"Alright. Six it is, then," Len said, not comfortable enough with this topic to feel the need to elaborate. "That's three on the sofa, two in the chairs here... We'll have to bring two chairs from the kitchen, then. Have you thought about where you want to be?"

"Well," she scoped the room; "not by the window and certainly not by the entrance. I guess there in the corner will do."

"So that means we're going to have to rotate the sofa."

"Yeah. Or we could just bring many chairs and the sofa can stay where it is. What do you think?"

The boy attempted to imagine whether there would be enough space behind the sofa for six sitting people within a comfortable distance from Gumi once she positioned herself in the corner.

"There wouldn't be enough space for everyone. We'd have to move it either way so I think we might as well utilise it."

Meg was pacing across the living room, her imagination running wild. "I guess you're right. So, turn the sofa, bring in more chairs, and get rid of the table?"

"The table can go under the window for the evening. It won't be getting into anyone's way there."

"Most likely." She paused in her footsteps and took one more glance around before her eyes stopped at Len. "So... is that it?"

"For now. We can do this in the afternoon, there's plenty of time to change our minds a hundred times."

Gumi's posture visibly fell into a more relaxed state when she looked back at him. "I've got to say, I feel more at peace about it already, now that we actually started planning. I was afraid it was gonna be a lot more complicated than this."

"See? I was about to say, there's not much to worry about, honestly. Just prepare the furniture, some snacks, and then it's only a matter of you doing what you do best."

"Which is... being an annoying dipshit?" Meg grinned.

"You played all those songs for me a dozen times. I mean, bloody hell, I helped you write some of them." Len crossed his arms and looked at his girlfriend with a bit of pride in his gaze. "So when I tell you you're incredible and everyone's going to love you, I think I would know what I'm talking about."

She smiled, approached him and gave him a peck. "Thanks, buddy. I'm glad you stayed here to help."

"No shit. You'd just run around in chaos," the twin teased her.

She looked at him urgently. "Crap, Len. I'm actually going to perform for people."

"I know. And I'm proud of you."

Meg took his hand and dragged him towards the sofa where they sat down next to each other.

"Do you remember Ichiro's party?" she asked.

"That's an odd question," the twin responded. "That was the evening we almost lost Miku."

"Oh. You're right. Sorry, I didn't realise."

He briefly caressed her back. "It's fine. I also remember, before I got that text, we were talking about how you wanted to become an artist just like us."

"Yeah! And, well, it's not quite as I imagined it back then, but... here we are now, five years later." She laid her head on his shoulder. "I feel sentimental all of a sudden. I never feel sentimental. It's a strange feeling."

The two of them spent a few seconds lost in thoughts. Len didn't say it out loud, but he felt the exact same way. It might have been his empathy or the memory of him helping Gumi get her first vocal coach and teaching her to play the guitar from day one – as much as he could, given that the two of them didn't get to spend that much time together before, since he spent so much time on tour or recording.

"How is Miku, anyway?" Meg eventually asked. "Are you in touch?"

"Well, she's not suicidal anymore, if that's what you're asking," he pondered. "At least, she hadn't been after therapy. But we haven't spoken since the group broke up. Although, I think she's supposed to go on a European tour soon-ish. If she stops in the UK, I'd love to see her again."

"I'm glad she turned out fine."

"So am I. And, to focus on the task at hand, I'm glad you never gave up on your dream. And I'm flattered to be here to watch it happen."

"I love you," she suddenly proclaimed.

Had someone asked Len before about what he thought it would be like to hear "I love you" for the first time, he probably would have said it would be a life changing moment. A sign that the other person was really serious about their feelings which would in turn make him feel extremely accomplished and overall happy. Therefore, it surprised him how small of an emotional reaction these three words actually caused within him. It just felt right and casual as though it was the most logical thing in the universe.

He smiled and looked at Meg; she lifted her head and their eyes met. Yes. It just made sense.

"I love you too," he said.

"Sweet," Gumi grinned before stretching her neck out so that their lips could touch.

"You know," she whispered, and her hand started to play with his shoulder and chest; "not to ruin a romantic moment, but we've yet to do it anywhere else but the bed. I'm curious..."

Len showered her with passionate kisses in response. "Is that the actual reason you wanted everybody out of the house?"

"Not quite. But now that they are..." And she gave him that look that was impossible to say "no" to.


About thirty minutes later, an entirely different kind of confrontation was unfolding at the city centre.

"I don't exactly have agoraphobia," Rin spoke up while she was judging the front wall of an oversized looking restaurant; "but this place feels uncomfortably open to me."

"I can see that," said Lily in response. "We don't have to eat here if you don't like it. It was just the first place that I thought of on such a short notice."

"Yeah, sorry about that."

"No, I'm sorry. Would you like to keep walking and find a different place?"

"Please. And sorry to be a nuissance."

"Hey, I'm not quite keeping score or anything, but we have collectively said 'sorry' about ten times since we met today. Why are we being so apologetic?"

Rin laughed, and it was an honest laughter. "I don't know about you, but I'd just hate upsetting you."

"I feel the same way about you. So, I propose this:" and Lily glimpsed over with a cheeky expression; "let's walk up the street to see what we can find, and let's just assume we're not upsetting one another unless one of us speaks up about it, got it?"

"Got it. Sorry," the twin mumbled absent-mindedly. "No, wait, I'm not sorry! I mean... fuck, this is hard."

Now it was the bass player's turn to chuckle. "Relax. Everything is fine."

Rin sighed. "Sure. If you say so."

They walked side by side in a little bit of an awkward silence.

"So, this friend of yours," Lily eventually said. "How do you know her?"

"Well, for one, we're housemates," she explained. "We also used to go to school together, but we weren't all that friendly back then."

"And yet, you're both trying to get a career in music. That's a neat coincidence."

"I guess it is." Rin wasn't about to get too deep into it because then she'd be in danger of exposing her pop star past.

"How come you're not making music together? That would have seemed like a natural thing to happen."

"We're not on the same page. She's into pop and pop-folk, and I'm into... you know."

"Well, I don't think it's the matter of what you like as much as it is the matter of the music you despise. If you're open to anything, you can create some pretty unique art pieces."

"I don't dislike that sort of music, it's just not something I want to do." While they talked, the twin kept looking around for a restaurant that would call to her. "The problem I have with pop is that it's rarely authentic. It's an industry that fabricates emotion."

"Not all of it. But you have to choose carefully who you listen to."

"Yes, that. Maybe I'm biased, but I feel like the bands I like come from a place where they all said 'fuck y'all, we'll do it our way' and it worked. I sort of want that."

Lily looked at her. "Don't you think you're being overly judgemental? From what you said about Meg, she wants the exact same thing in a different genre."

Rin felt a pinch of embarassment in her stomach. "Alright, you got me. Truth be told, tonight's going to be the first time I hear her perform any coherent song, I've only ever heard some snippets through closed doors."

"Do you think it would be okay if I came with you? My interest is rising the more we talk about it."

The twin had to thought about it. "I would love to invite you, but Meg only wanted close friends there. I can ask her if you want, but chances are you're going to have to wait for a proper concert."

"That's fine. It's not that important."

Rin already had her phone out and writing a message to Gumi. "Unless she and my brother spend the whole time procreastinating, she can let us know before we're done with lunch."

"I'm sorry, spend the time what?" the confused Lily asked.

"Procreastinating. That's a word I came up with. It's when you procrastinate by procreating."

There were two full seconds of silence before the tall girl chuckled. "I don't know if that's awful, or amazing. Good job."

"Thanks." And the twin smiled, proud of herself merely for entertaining her companion. "Let's see if there's room for you, then."