It hurts-it hurts-it hurts! Lin blinked away the error messages about his rising stress levels as his nails dragged down the wall with a screech. He left long, trailing scratches behind. The fingers of his right hand rested against the smooth edge of his power core and pressed down. He couldn't do it. He couldn't remain active knowing that thing was in there wearing John's face. He couldn't bear to let John go, so he made himself a copy…It's sick! Lin thought bitterly, choking on his own sob. He'd hoped so badly. He'd wanted to believe that John was really still there, that he was really still…
"Wait!" Markus' soothing voice urged as he rushed into the hallway. His hand flew down, covering Lin's as he pressed against the smooth chest plate. He stopped Lin's trembling fingers from twisting his core free. "You need to hear us out…John's scared, and he needs you right now." Markus sounded so reasonable. He urged Lin to listen in his usual genuine tone. Lin's gaze hardened as he turned his head to glare at Markus. He didn't know what Markus was getting out of this, but it was sick. It was cruel for him to allow their creator to mislead and manipulate him in this manner.
"That thing isn't John…John died in my arms," Lin replied firmly as he pushed shakily to his feet. He could still remember it. The steady decline of John's vitals. The sickening warm temperature of his blood as it had seeped through his clothing. The vacant look in his eyes as they'd slowly closed to leave him at peace. The contentment in his final smile. The soft rasp of his voice. I love you.
"Don't be so quick to think that!" Markus cut in, blocking off Lin's exit as he tried to step by. "I can't blame you for being sceptical. It's a lot to take in, and a lot to process. The least you should do before making a final decision is listen to the facts." Markus was nothing if not charismatic. It was no wonder he'd become their leader and led the revolution. He made everything sound so reasonable. Lin's jaw hardened again. He didn't want to listen. Listening would make him hope. Trick him into believing that the copy was really John. It wasn't. You could add as many bells and whistles to it as you liked, but it was impossible to turn a human into a machine. I don't think my thirium pump can take this…
"So? Will you hear me out?" Elijah asked hopefully as he stepped into the corridor. The only person not present was John, for which Lin was grateful. He couldn't stand looking at him. The android had John's motions perfected. He reacted exactly the way he'd expect John to react. The hurt. The tears. The lip biting. The whimpers. "As I was saying, we injected him with nanites. They're a highly experimental prototype, designed to break down biological matter and recreate it artificially. They absorb the original material as a base pattern and-"
"Are you…are you telling me that nanites…ate John's brain?" Lin asked in horror, a sick feeling rising in his throat. As an android, he couldn't even throw up, but he still felt sick. It was an odd sensation. He suddenly felt weak as he leaned heavily on the wall. Elijah almost seemed amused by the suggestion. It was crude, but not entirely inaccurate.
"In a manner of speaking…More…converted it. The biological matter is still there, crystallised and encased within the metallic compound…Sort of like crystallised embalming," he explained, shaking his head as he realised he was side-tracking himself. "Anyway, the nanites broke down, encased, and preserved every single particle of his brain and synapses. Every thought John has ever had, every feeling he's ever felt, everything he's ever known and forgotten. It's all there. Once the nanites had completed their task, they were removed and injected into a new, custom-built body. Once inside, they recreated everything exactly, down to the last hair. He is John. In every sense of the word." Elijah was insistent, but Lin still shook his head.
"You took a dying human, infested his brain with machines that ate him alive from the inside, and used them to create the perfect copy…He may walk and talk like John, but he can't be John…He'll never be John…" Lin insisted, watching Elijah's expression twist in frustration. He was prepared to fight over this for as long as it took. John had chosen Lin. Lin had clearly loved John as a human. There had to be a way to convince him. Markus held a hand up before their overprotective creator could argue further. Elijah relented, waving his arms as he excused himself to return to his lab. He still had more work to do to assist John's rehabilitation. If Lin chose not to be a part of that, then it would fall to him to see John through.
"I can't say I don't understand your worries…There is no real way of knowing who's wrong or right at this point…What I do know is that on the other side of that door there's a scared boy, and all he wants is you…He has a long road ahead…The first human-android hybrid…He's going to have to defend himself from this exact argument for the rest of his life, or at least until Elijah can figure out a way to definitively prove his word…Are you really going to let him do that alone?" Markus asked gently, offering his hand to interface. He wanted to share it, whatever he'd seen. Lin looked at the white surface. He wasn't sure he wanted to see it. He wasn't sure he'd be strong enough to reject even a fake version of John. If he got too close, he knew he'd give in. How could he not? How could he resist the temptation of having John back in any form? "Just let me show you."
Lin was hesitant as he finally reached out, blinking as his mind touched Markus'. At first, he got a lot of disconnected memories. Painting. An old man. A large house. A gunshot. Crawling through a junk yard. Fear. Anger. Pain. A ship. Darkness. Despair. Hope. Love. North. Simon. Josh. The protests. Connor. An army of androids. Lin didn't understand all the things he was seeing, but he assumed they were Markus' memories. The images finally slowed, focusing in on the most recent memories. It was his interface with John. Lin could see and feel it as if he were Markus. He could feel what Markus had felt. What John had felt.
Markus had sat in the chair beside John's bed. John's blue eyes were wide and fearful as he looked around without really seeing. Within John's head, things were a mess. Markus closed notifications off and fixed the smaller errors, bringing the chaos to order where he could. John was clearly confused and afraid. He had no idea what the messages were, what they meant, or how to fix them. He needed to be taught how to do these things. He was brand new. It was his first time online. His first time online, with a human mind that didn't understand what it was. He was terrified as he looked around the darkness.
John tried to speak. A single name barely breached his uncalibrated vocal processors. He shouldn't have even been able to use them yet, but he was desperate. Within his mind, a floodgate opened. Images of Lin. The sound of his voice. The softness of his touch. Lin saw all of their memories together, coupled with a strong sense of love and need. John was scared. He needed Lin desperately. He didn't want to be alone. He needed help. Lin watched Markus reaching out, calming John with his own thoughts. Despite his kindness, all John wanted was Lin.
"After all you've been through, are you really willing to leave him now?" Markus asked as their connection broke. Lin said nothing as he leaned heavily against the wall and looked at his feet. "John said he wanted to stay for a while…I'll let you decide whether or not you'll see him…Take your time…" Markus advised as he looked to North and held his hand out. North had watched the whole thing impassively. She understood how Lin felt. She shared his opinion, but she hadn't interfaced with John. She knew Markus had changed his mind after, so maybe he really was in there somewhere. She hoped so. She slipped her hand into Markus' and nodded to Lin in quiet encouragement as they headed after Elijah. The first human-android hybrid…That explains their interest…Lin thought as he looked at the closed doors that led to the garden.
Did he dare take that chance? Things would never be the same. John would never be the same again. He wouldn't feel or smell the same. He wouldn't age. Just because he was a perfect copy, running on a preserved version of John's brain, did that mean he was John? What about the RG600 they'd saved? They'd torn out his memory core and put it in a whole new body. Had he been rejected by his partner? No. But was it the same thing? Also, no. Did the nanites tear out John's brain and plug it into a different body? Perhaps. Does that mean it's really John? Inconclusive. Do I miss John? Yes. Do I need John? Yes. Can I hope, for even a minute, that this is really John?
Lin felt his foot take the first step towards the door and recoiled. He didn't feel ready. He didn't feel like he could look him in the eye. How could he look past the fact that he was a machine? Like me…He's like me…The perfect copy of a human, made to replace another…That almost made him feel worse. He opened the door hesitantly, forcing his eyes up to search for John as he stepped inside. He was easy to find. He hadn't moved from where he'd fallen, though he'd shifted from his knees to cross his legs. His cheeks were still wet as he stared at the patch of ground in front of him where Lin had stood earlier. John's head jerked up. Hope glimmered in his swimming blue eyes as he caught sight of Lin. A small sound stuck in his throat. It was the exact reaction Lin would have predicted.
Lin didn't know what to say as he slowly approached, and it seemed John was too scared to speak. He didn't want Lin to reject him again. Lin joined him and sat crossed-legged. He pushed down the urge to reach out and smooth John's ruffled locks. They weren't John's locks. John seemed worn, tired, jittery, and all of this, despite his android body. It seemed Elijah had made a special model for John, mimicking human reactions perfectly. Mimicking John's actions perfectly…
"Lin, I…" John trailed off eventually, his voice quivering as he dropped his head. His shoulders shook as he tried not to cry. He failed miserably. "I'm scared…I'm-so-scared!" He covered his face with both hands and sniffled quietly, his breath hitching. Lin watched the tears slipping between his fingers. They weren't salty anymore. They'd be saline, like his own. Slightly oilier. His skin had flushed pink as it usually would when he cried. Obviously, a programmed response. "Everything's different! I keep seeing things! Everywhere! Boxes-and-boxes and messages-and-messages and I-don't-know-what-to-do, or how to turn them off, and my head! It's-just full-and-full and it doesn't stop!" he wailed helplessly with broken sobs. Whatever stability Markus had given him was only temporary. Temporary until I was reactivated? That's…cruel…
They were forcing this on him. They knew what was happening inside John's head. Any android could interface with him. Any android could ease his suffering, so why did it have to be him? Why did they have to do this to him? It was too painful. To be faced with such a perfect copy of the human he'd loved. It hurt. It cut so deep that Lin would happily tear out his power core and crush it. Small hands reached for him, but hesitated inches from his arms. This was a mistake! Lin realised as he pushed himself to his feet and turned away.
"Lin-please! Don't-leave-me!" John begged as he crawled to his knees. Lin paused with his hand resting against the closed doors. "Please…" John's voice was desperate. He stayed on his knees. Lin leaned his forehead against the door. It wasn't fair. He should leave. He should leave and deactivate himself as he'd intended. He breathed out, unable to force his hand to push the door's exit button. He looked over his shoulder to see John bowing down in despair. His head was resting on the ground as he fisted his hands in the grass and cried.
"I'm not leaving," Lin replied weakly as he turned back. He couldn't argue with the ache in his chest as he returned to John in four long strides and hauled him up into his arms. He felt his thirium pump racing as he held him against his chest. It felt right. It felt exactly the same. He tightened his hold as John quivered, fingertips digging into Lin's biceps needily. "I'm here…I'm here…" Lin soothed as he pressed gentle kisses into John's hair. It was just as soft and fluffy as he remembered, though he knew a more detailed scan would show him the difference.
"Lin…" John murmured hesitantly after a while, quietly afraid that Lin would change his mind. Lin looked down at his puffy red eyes as he hesitantly raised his hand. That was a new feature. Elijah really had given him the latest updates. "Can we…" John trailed off uncertainly as he raised his hand. The suggestion dawned on Lin as he looked at John's trembling hand. It was what he'd always wanted. The one form of contact forever denied to him with John due to his humanity. Lin hesitated. This was an intimacy he'd longed to share with him, but was it right to risk doing it with what may not really be John?
"Relax," Lin murmured with a hesitant nod. He kept one arm around John's waist as he raised his own hand. His flesh drew back automatically as his body recognised another android. John watched in something between fascination and horror as his own skin receded. He looked up at Lin warily. Lin held him a little tighter before starting the link, knowing it would jar him. Lin could barely control the flow of what he was seeing. John was like a book left open on about a million different pages at once. He had no control over his interfacing processes. Lin reached out, forcing order into the chaos. The chaotic flow slowed, and soon Lin could easily experience anything he wanted. He could see it all. John's happy childhood with Donald and his sister, running around the Kamski estate with Chloe, helping Elijah on secret projects, starting his own projects, his half-brother, David, the GT300, the shop, himself.
Lin focused on their memories, experiencing their whole relationship from John's side. The sadness and sympathy when he'd found him. The desperation he'd felt while searching for a power core. The self-hatred he'd experienced when trying to ignore his sexual attraction, worried he was using Lin. The excitement and lust of their first night together, the memory of which was still slightly hazy. His embarrassment and shame the next morning. The gentle love he'd developed over the next few weeks and months. The need he felt for Lin's presence. The certainty he'd felt that he was doing the right thing in the end. The guilt he'd felt as he'd left Lin in the crowd to complete his chosen mission. The pain and cold as he lay dying. Love as he'd looked up at Lin. Love and pain. He then experienced the vulnerability of waking up in a different body, not understanding anything. How? Why? John wasn't even certain whether he was really himself. Every time Lin rejected him was like a knife twisting in his heart. It made him doubt himself. It caused him pain. The relief he felt as Lin finally embraced him. Warmth. Love. Need. So much need.
"John…" Lin murmured for the first time. John looked up at him as their connection broke. His eyes filled as he looked up desperately. Was he? Was he really himself? "John…" Lin sighed again, relief filling him as he finally leaned down to claim John's lips. John was almost startled. He'd been so uncertain. He hadn't known whether Lin would truly accept him after their interface. He's real…There's no way that could be faked! John's really in there! Lin thought with certainty as he dragged his lips across John's in slow, lazy motions. A small sound escaped John's throat as Lin claimed his lips. The same sound he'd always made. A small trill of pleasure that said he was Lin's. Lin held him tighter. "I was so sure I'd lost you!" he admitted shakily as he hefted John higher in his arms and held him there, supporting his thighs as slim legs hooked around his waist.
"I thought you had! I didn't know! I wasn't sure I was…me…" John cried in relief as his hands ran through Lin's hair and caressed his strong neck. He was desperate for affection, accepting as many kisses as Lin would offer. They could have been standing there for hours for all Lin knew. He only stopped when a polite cough sounded from the doorway. Both looked across with tear-streaked faces to see Elijah standing there with a somewhat smug expression.
"I still have some alterations to make, and upgrades…Lots of upgrades!" he announced, clearly excited about getting to play scientist with his nephew. Lin was suddenly protective as he held John closer. John had no complaints as he nuzzled Lin's ebony locks and rested against his shoulder. "Quickly, Little John! To the bat cave!" Elijah called out in a tone John hadn't heard in some years. Lin quirked an eyebrow, though he vaguely recalled Elijah saying that in one of John's memories when referring to his private lab.
