Disclaimer: All Characters belong to JK Rowling.
Thank you svirelka for beta'ing
The boy he didn't know
Chapter XI
November 1
I was just about to go back to the bucket, wet the rag and go back to my corner again, just like I had done for the past half an hour. And just as before, I kept my head down. Not looking at you, not once.
I never made it to the bucket. Your small gasp made me freeze on the spot.
I looked up.
No thoughts of darkness, edges or any pain were on my mind anymore as I saw you kneeling on the floor, gasping. Your face wretched up in pain. One hand pressed against your forehead and one on the floor supporting you.
I dropped the rag.
Taking a shuddered breath, I tried to focus my disordered thoughts.
I had promised not to be any nearer than possible to you tonight. Any night for that matter.
Knowing that I would fall if I came to close, fall, jump, dive… it was all the same. No difference. Because when it comes to it, it doesn't matter. When it comes to you, nothing does.
That was why I slowly, barely moving in the beginning started to move.
Towards you. Towards the edge.
Another gasp from you, and I moved faster.
The classroom was far too big and still far too small. Because I had no idea of what to do when I would reach you. But I did not care. Just as long as I was able to be near you. To be able to help you. You would probably push me away though. But at the moment I myself pushed that thought away.
But as I came nearer, I could discern the quiet mumblings coming from you.
"No…stop…leave me alone…no…" you gasped out as tears were rolling down your cheeks slowly.
I should have got used to it by now. Every time we talk you always say those things: "please leave me alone." Or: "please go away." Different words, same meaning. But I react the same way every time. And it is not a pleasant way.
Throat constricted of suppressed emotions, I kept walking, swallowing the hurt every time you opened your mouth: "Stop…please, stop".
But I didn't. I couldn't.
Kneeling beside you on the floor, I did exactly the same thing as I had done only some days ago.
I reached out my hand, jerked slightly when you gasped, but kept going.
"Ha – Harry?" choking on my own words as the knot in my throat only kept growing.
"…No…" You started to curl yourself, lying on the floor fully now, one arm wrapped around your legs, keeping them pressed to your chest, the other one still pressed to your forehead.
I couldn't take it, I knew you would shy away from my touch, but at that moment I didn't know who the touching was to comfort: you or me. I still don't but I think it was mostly for me, because you, I don't think I will ever be able to comfort.
Wrapping my arms around you quickly as to not let you get away, I pressed your back against my chest.
I held my breath that moment. I felt all the emotions running through me, for the first time I realized how vulnerable to your words I really was. To put it lightly, it scared me.
But this time, the tears that joined yours were not only the ones of sorrow.
You leaned into my embrace, putting your shoulder against my shoulder, your whole body shivering.
Just as mine was.
But then you let your hand fall on your lap were your other one was lying since you had let go of your legs.
And as I turned my head to look into you pain-filled face I gasped.
I had heard of it, of course there were rumours. Some said that you woke at night screaming, others said that you had acted crazy during one of Trelawney's classes. But I never thought much about those rumours. Not until now.
Your scar, as visible as ever on your slightly pale skin, was now practically glowing with an angry red colour. The colour of love. The colour of blood. The colour of pain.
Voldemort.
I have never been as scared in my whole life as I was at that moment. I couldn't help you. I could do nothing to ease your pain, and that, that hurt me more than ever.
So with nothing else to do I, as gently and carefully as I could, placed my palm upon the lightning-shaped scar.
As soon as my hand came in contact with the scar you drew a sharp breath and your wet emerald eyes snapped to meet mine.
Terrified, I took my hand back, thinking I might have hurt you. Heart hammering fast in my chest I searched your eyes for any more pain, found it, but not only it. I could clearly see the confusion swirling in those deep emotional eyes.
"Wha– …what d-did you do?" you stuttered, my pain growing as I saw your face constrict in pain once more.
"I am so sorry Harry," I almost sobbed. "I – I didn't mean it". I knew it was a bad excuse but I couldn't think of another one at the moment. How could some words make up to the pain I had made you feel?
"Wh-hat? No. P-put it ba-back". I shook my head wordlessly, refusing to ever hurt him intentionally.
"Please…" Only a breathed whisper, a whisper that reached my ears and made its way into my core.
My arm shaking badly, I did as you told me. How could I not? I would do anything for you. No doubt in my mind.
You did gasp as we came in contact once again, but this time I forced myself not to flinch away.
Only minutes later you stopped crying. I didn't. Silent tears still made its way down my cheeks disappearing in your raven locks that my head was leaned on.
One of your hands made its way to my arm which was wrapped around you, having found my hand you intertwined our fingers squeezing just a little, your silent 'thank you'. I didn't know for what, but I accepted it. The feeling of your hand in mine was above anything I could ever imagine. I smiled though my tears, pressed you tighter to my body and held on tighter to your hand.
"Harry I – "
"Mr. Malfoy, Mr. Potter detention is over, return to your dormitories". McGonagall stormed into the classroom not even bothering to look at us as she went toward her desk.
I cursed under my breath, she couldn't have picked a more wrong moment.
I think you were in shock.
I moved.
However I, with my whole heart, wish I didn't.
As soon as I shifted, you bolted. Leaping out of my arms you dashed for the door.
Leaving me alone again. Empty. Alone.
I didn't have time to feel anything, but as I slowly came back to my senses my body started aching. My heart the most.
Slowly as not to break my fragile body I stood up, went out of the classroom and stopped.
I could hear your footsteps echoing in the lonely corridor, taking you away from me.
To a place where I couldn't follow. I never could follow you, no matter how hard I tried. No matter how hard I still try. I am always a step behind you. Almost reaching you, but as my fingertips touch you I am pushed away. Never reaching you. But I don't give up trying.
Even though, I wish I would.
DM
TBC
Author:Oh my god, this chapter became so much longer than I had expected. I am so sorry for not updating earlier, I know I promised to do so, but now it's done at least. So I hope it was worth the wait?(reviewreviewreview)
I know some of you are probably confused by this chapter but don not worry, the answers will come later.
I have to say a very big than you to all my reviewers; it means so much to me to know that some of you actually like my story.
And of course I can not forget my friend Clalyan. Honestly I know that I would never have been able to write this without you. You help (I think I can almost say give) me so much with the plot and you have done so much here in these latest chapters. I can not thank you enough.
