Disclaimer: All Characters belong to JK Rowling.
Thank you svirelka for beta'ing
The boy he didn't know
Chapter XIII
November 2
If I even for a second believed that the moment we shared on the train changed my world… Then this night changed my universe.
You probably panicked when you saw me standing there, your eyes were wild. Not by madness, but by emotions. If there's any difference. I'm not so sure anymore.
Stuttering my name like that and I… I just – nothing.
I felt nothing. Just indifference. Because every time I get my hopes up, that maybe you'll show yourself just a little, I'm left with nothing.
You looked so crushed standing there, swaying in the wind, like you'd fall if it became too strong. You looked so fragile… And I felt nothing.
I don't for one second believe that I stopped caring, no, I think it was my way of coping.
Fooling myself into not caring, hiding it deep inside me. Stupid I know, but what could I do? I know that it would've eaten me from the inside sooner or later. It doesn't matter now anyway. And besides, it wasn't like I could control it either.
"Potter," I nodded, feeling nothing as you lowered your gaze to the ground.
"I just…" You looked so uncertain. "Wh-what are you doing here?"
"Same as you I suppose."
That got a reaction. Your head whipped up so fast that I could almost hear the 'snap'.
"No."
If you'd whispered that little word, letting it out in a breath, as almost every other word you say, but those two letters… that wasn't the boy I thought I knew.
Confused, worried and maybe a little… scared, I swallowed and asked in a voice that I hoped sounded normal, "You're not here to look at the sunrise?"
Your eyes lost its hardness, but your body remained tense and I was just waiting for you to bolt, preparing myself for the emotions you would leave behind you.
That's why I was totally unprepared when you suddenly walked past me, not sparing me a glance, staring at the black sky, ignoring the look of total disbelief and surprise that grazed my face.
Turning around I saw you standing on the spot you always stood, as close to the edge as you possibly could without falling.
Swallowing audibly I slowly moved to sit beside your standing form, praying that I was the only one that could hear my frantic beating heart.
We stayed like that for a long time, or it might've just felt that way, but I don't think so, the sky had started to light up, though not revealing the sun yet, when you took a deep breath, letting it go with a drawn out sigh.
"I knew it was a lie."
Slowly raising my head to look at your face I gazed upon you silently for a moment before in a soft voice asking, "What are you talking about?"
You swallowed.
"I knew that you couldn't be here for the same reason as I."
Your voice was so calm, steady and confident.
Mine however, wasn't.
Answering in a tight voice I managed to bring forth some words.
"Aren't you here to look at the sunrise?" Not realizing that I was repeating my earlier unanswered question.
And for the first time since you walked past me, you lowered your gaze and looked right into my eyes, showing so much that I pulled back a little from the sheer emotions swimming in your emeralds.
Giving me a sad smile before your eyes diverted from mine, ignoring my desperate attempt to make you stay, you transferred your gaze towards the ground and the smile you held almost turned grim.
I stopped breathing.
"No…"
"Harr –"
"It was never really about the sunrise –" You interrupted my whisper, I'm not even sure you heard me. "– It was about the edge."
And I didn't understand, not the slightest and still, my heart stopped beating.
TBC
Author: Oh my, this took so much longer than I though it would. I hope you guys haven't given up on me, because I will finish this fic! It was the first one I ever started on, and mark my words "it will be compleated!"
Anyway, it's nearing it's end now, I'm thinking another chapter and then a epilogue, but nothing's decided yet. But I do have the next chapter in my head, so it shouldn't take that long time to finish it. (can't promise anything, but as things are, i almost can)
Huge thanks to all readers, please leave a comment if you liked it, reviews warm my heart
Love in heaps to Schnookums AKA Clalyan, you're the plot queen, I'd never been able to do this chapter or the next one, or the privious one adn so on and so forth.
