Calvin and the others were still driving. Hobbes kept looking behind them, as if expecting to see the Eds. "If I know Eddy, he's not giving up."

"Yeah," agreed Toad, "he went through all the trouble making that billboard..."

"You heard Double D!" said Hobbes. "He just stole it directly from something without bothering to make any vaguely creative changes and then he passed it off as his own!"

Calvin rolled his eyes. "People do that all the time!"

Toad looked behind them. "Uh...guys?"

"What?" said Hobbes.

"We're being followed!" Ed, Edd, and Eddy were zooming after them in Edd's car.

"Hobbes was right," Calvin said sarcastically. "Give the tiger some tuna."

Hobbes looked up and slowed down. "Tuna? Really?"

"Drive, Hobbes!" cried Calvin.

Hobbes swerved in the direction of the Eds, causing them to swerve as well in order to avoid them. Hobbes then drove away.

"Hey!" yelled Eddy. "Not funny! Keep driving!"

Hobbes saw a nearby building and drove into its' storage basement. "Good thing they keep their doors open!"

They continued through the storage area, with the Eds in hot pursuit. Toad and Calvin dumped some boxes in the way and escape. "That was too easy!" said Calvin.

Hobbes heard something in the sky. "It didn't keep them down for long!" he said. "Look!" Edd had installed a propeller in the car and they were flying after them.

Calvin began to steer. "Move over, Hobbes! This looks like a job for Speed Calvin!" Calvin went into a fantasy about him as his ego, Speed Calvin.

"Speed Calvin races along the tracks," narrated Calvin. "His finish line is the talent show...but enemy racers want to stop him! Will our hero let himself be defeated? Probably not."

Hobbes interrupted him. "Oh, stop the fantasy and get us out of here!"

"Pushy," said Calvin. "Okay, I have an idea!" Calvin drove under some trees. The Eds flew after him, but got stuck in the branches.

"That was pretty cool," said Toad, "but we should hide out somewhere."

"Like where?" asked Calvin.

"The football stadium is up ahead," said Hobbes.

Calvin shuddered a little. "I still remember battling the Koopas there that one time...okay, let's hide out for a few minutes." They drove inside.

Hobbes gazed around the stadium. They were currently driving right under the bleachers. "You know, we never got a really good look around this place. We've got a while before the show; let's just hang out."

"Good idea," said Calvin.

"You mentioned something about getting me tuna before..."

"Give it a rest!"

"Ooh, the locker rooms are up ahead!" Toad cried, a bit too enthusiastically.

"Yeah, we could turn that into a GROSS headquarters for our meetings!" Calvin steered them inside.

Hobbes was nervous. "There could be jocks in there...like the bullying kind..."

They peeked in to see a group of blue ghosts pounding away at an organ they had set up. One ghost was tall and thin and had a face like a skeleton. Another was fat and looked happy. The last one was short with a long beard and ball and chain. The tune they were playing was "Grim Grinning Ghosts."

"They don't look like bullies to me..." said Toad.

The thin one looked up. "Hey, who the heck are you?"

The fat one waddled over. "A boy, a tiger, and a mushroom? Here I thought we were weird."

The short one came next. "Aww, cute wagon."

The thin one laughed. "Wait, wait, wait, I know what's going on. You obviously think that we're the football player and you want an autograph! Well, we're not! We're GHOSTS! Straight from the Haunted Mansion at all them Disney theme parks! We're known to our many fans as the Hitchhiking Ghosts."

"But not Hong Kong, unfortunately," the fat one said sadly.

"Cool!" cried Calvin.

"I'm Ezra, the leader," said the thin one.

"I'm Phineas, the lovable one!" said the fat one.

"And I'm Gus, the...Gus," said the short one.

"We've dealt with ghosts before," said Hobbes.

"Who?" asked Phineas. "Maybe we know them."

Calvin thought. "Uh...their names were Boo, Wendell, and Quiver."

"Buncha dorks," remembered Gus.

"They're not like us," grinned Ezra. "We're...better."

"Excuse me," said Hobbes, "but if you're so much better, why aren't you over at some Disney place instead of here?"

Gus sniffed. "I like the smell of sweat."

"Eww!" cried Toad.

Ezra rolled his eyes. "Ignore Gus. See, we have a thing called 'rehab' where our attraction goes under repair. Rather than hop from park to park, we ghosts decided just to take a brief break. But why choose some run-down house that everyone thinks is haunted to hang out? We want PRIVACY! So we chose some campus stadium's locker room! Who'd look for ghosts here?"

Phineas hopped around, raising his hand. "Oh! Oh! Oh! Pick me! I know!"

"Yeah?" said Ezra.

"Them!" said Phineas, pointing to Calvin, Hobbes, and Toad.

"I told you we should have chosen that broken men's bathroom at that rec center!" Gus whispered to Ezra.

"Trust me, you wouldn't be better off there," said Calvin. "See, we're sort of on an adventure..."

Ezra sat down. "Why didn't you say so! As Disney characters, we LOVE adventure!"

Calvin began the long story. "It all started when me and Hobbes..."

"Don't tell them all that!" interrupted Toad. "You'll bore the readers!"

"Wait, I have an idea," said Hobbes, pulling out a computer. "The ghosts can just read the story the internet!"

The ghosts checked the site out. "Nice site...I never went to it before. Okay, here's the story...only three reviews? Ouch, that stings. We only appear in high-quality popular stuff. 'It was yet another morning of yet another day at camp. These things would get tedious for some. But not Calvin and Hobbes...'"

Ezra read the whole thing. When he stopped, he saw that Calvin, Hobbes, and Toad had fallen asleep.

"Wow, you're boring," said Gus.

"Am not! But this thing really eats me up!"

Phineas sighed. "I know I'D call Snoopy 'Sugar Lips.'"

"Not that!" cried Ezra. "These three little guys just want to enter a show and that Eddy jerk is after them! I say we help 'em out!"

"I have an idea!" said Phineas. "It's in the luggage!" He ran to their pile of junk and began to sort through it. "Let's see...Deed to Toad Hall, magic lamp, poison apple, enchanted candlestick, that caterpillar's hookah pipe, talking gargoyles, here it is! Something to replace that wagon that Eddy recognizes!"

Ezra looked at the vehicle Phineas had chosen. It was the dome-like car used at their Haunted Mansion. "A Doombuggy! Now you're talking!"

Gus started playing the organ as screeching spirits rose out of it.

Ezra: Everybody's dead here, all the blood was bled here

I wanna have a swinging wake
Crazy as a banshee, nothing is too bland, see?

I have fun for all our sakes
I'm just happy and grinning, us ghosts are always winning

And my grin's like a Cheshire Cat
Afterlife's pleasure, something I can treasure

Can you picture that?

All Three: Can you picture that?
Phineas: Let me hitch a ride now, at your car's inside now

There it is I'm moving now!
Really nothing to it, anyone can do it

It's easy and we all know how
Ezra: Now begins transforming, and that stuff ain't boring

As you pass, I tip my hat
To show our affection, we show our reflections

Can you picture that?
Gus and Phineas: Fact is there's nothin out there you can't do

Yeah, Yale Gracey will believe in you
Gus: Beat down the walls, begin, believe, behold, begat

Always to our liking, we enjoy hitchhiking

Can you picture that?

Spirits: Can you picture that?
Gus: We love our Mansion, and we're ballroom dancin'

Listen to those spirits jam
Phineas: Happy and satiric, belting out weird lyrics

Sorry, that's the way I am
Ezra: Lost my heart in Texas, Northern lights affect us

I keep it underneath my hat (Trippy...)
Aurora Borealis, shining down on Dallas!

Can you picture that?
All: Can you picture?

Ezra: You gotta see it in your mind!
All: Can you picture?

Phineas: You know it's quick and easy to find!
All: Can you picture?

Gus: You don't have to buy a frame!
All: Can you picture?

Spirits: Can you picture that?
All: Can you picture that?
Ezra: Linus sits with Sally

Phineas: That is our finale
All: Can you picture that?

Gus: Maybe our song should have made sense...

Ezra: That's no fun!

Calvin was stunned when he woke up. "Wow, thanks for the car! Eddy will never know it's us!"

"Bye, guys!" called Hobbes as they drove away. "And thanks!"

"If you ever want to drop by Luigi's Mansion, tell him Toad sent you!" called Toad.

"Bye!" waved Phineas.

"See ya!" smiled Ezra.

"Have fun storming the castle!" called Gus.

"Wrong movie, Gus," sighed Ezra.


A lot of the Hitchhiker's jokes are ones you'll only get if you're a big Disney fan. However, if you like them, then you should read some of my Disney fics. The ghosts on is a refrence to how the Electric Mayhem Band read the Muppet Movie script in the movie.

Also, Speed Calvin shows up again. I was actually never too fond of the egos I created myself, but I keep using them for some reason (Aqua Calvin has no personality, the only reason he's ever used is because of his cool sub). Thankfully, Speed Calvin is cut short. According to a bit of the original script that I read on the there were more chase scenes in the early movie drafts, so some Eddy bits have been added here for a more cartoonish feel.