Returning to camp, Meleezon spied the local warrior woman, Kashya, wandering in circles while reading a book.
"Oh, is that this month's copy of 'Cosmedieval'?" asked Meleezon excitedly,
"No, it's the diary from one of my lieutenants," replied Kashya. "From just after she got corrupted."
"Any juicy goss then?"
"Not so far. But this part is interesting:
'Dear Diary,
Today, Andariel corrupted me and made me the head of my own undead army. It's not an awfully bad thing, you know; being corrupted. I've had a real craving for human flesh, but other then that I just want to conquer the world. But like, doesn't -every- girl want to do that? Nothing new I say. Anyway, I'm off to the graveyard to raise some more Undead. Maybe I'll return soon and kill that cow Kashya. She always thought I was her best friend. Yeah right, like I ever meant it when I said 'Guys like butch chicks!' Ha, what a blonde…"
"That b-tch!" yelled Meleezon, "Where is she? I'll show her how dumb we blondes aren't… I mean... wait..."
Kashya raised an eyebrow, and smirked secretly.
"No doubt she's in the graveyard. Do stop by and pay her a visit. I'll give you a mercenary to help you out with the rest of your quests if you do."
"Why not give me a mercenary now? It'd make it far easier."
"If you do it alone, I'll tell everyone you're not as blonde as they think."
"Done. I'll be back in five minutes max."
---Fast Forward – The Cold Plains---
On her way to the inevitable confrontation with Blood Raven, Meleezon ran into yet another Necromancer.
"Hi! I'm Shogun Folk," he said, extending his hand.
"Another Necro?" said Meleezon in surprise. "I thought you guys were rare, if not extinct, especially in hardc... I mean in this land where death is final."
"Err... yeah," said Shogun, pulling his hand back. "So… what are you doing at the moment?"
"Oh, just off to kill some nasty Rogue raising the Undead in a graveyard."
"Sounds cool, can I come?"
"You don't have a corpse fetish like the rest of them, do you?"
"Eerrr…no. Absolutely not! How could you think such a thing? Although, If you do happen to spot a zombie with particularly attractive feet, could you perhaps point it out for me?"
"Right… um… let's go…. kill Blood Raven."
---Fast Forward---
Meleezon thought about the possible tactics she could use to defeat Blood Raven and her army, and decided that the Undead Hoard protecting her should die first. However...
"Which are the good Undead? I can't tell yours from hers!" screamed Meleezon in frustration, trying to attack yet another friendly skeleton and failing.
"Mine are the white ones," Shogun replied.
"Gee thanks. If I was colour blind I'd be screwed."
"You'll never stop me!" cackled Blood Raven, "…until I've used all the corpses in this graveyard. Then we might have a problem."
By this time the graveyard was full of the Undead; Zombies and Skeletons were beginning to over flow out of the gates and despite all the confusion, Shogun seemed strangely calm.
"Um, Shogun, isn't this getting a bit drastic?"
"Never fear. Ouchus Maximus Hurtyous!"
A strange red glow took hold of Blood Raven.
"Hahaha! You're a Curse B-tch!" Meleezon laughed.
"Yes, yes I am. But try attacking Blood Raven, you should be pleasantly surprised."
Meleezon, curiosity getting the better of her, boldly dodged the Undead and unleashed a volley of blows upon the corrupted rogue.
"ARGGHHHH!"
Blood Raven's limbs were easily cleaved from her body and she fell to the ground in a pile. The magics binding the Undead to her dissipated in a wave of lightning, and they toppled over, as dead as her.
"Hooray!" Meleezon said happily. "That'll teach you to call people blonde, I sure proved you!"
Shogun raised an eyebrow.
"Don't you mean-"
"No. Shut up. Don't talk and maybe I'll forget you were going to say anything." She kicked a zombie to make sure it was absolutely dead. "Well! I guess we should head back and get our companions."
Shogun, who had busily been organizing Blood Ravens body into funny poses, jumped up looking slightly embarrassed.
"Oh. Yeah sure. Let's go."
"Shogun, put Blood Ravens foot back"
"Fine."
---Fast Forward---
"What? What the HELL do I need with a Rogue who can shoot bolts of fire? How pointless! Give me another one!" Meleezon yelled at Kashya.
Kashya quivered in fear at the mighty Meleezons wrath, and pulled another Rogue out of the line of mercenaries.
"This is Divo. She knows how to use Cold magic."
"That's better," said Meleezon, pleased. "Hello Divo, ready for some action?"
"Ew, get away from me you sicko, I'm no lesbain."
"That's... not what I meant..." started Meleezon.
"You're not my Mum. You can't control me!" Divo tried to run away and was inevitably pulled back by the 'invisible leash of service'.
"Hah! Yes I can. As long as I have this contract, I own you till I get bored and trade you in for a better model, or you die. In which case, I'll resurrect your ass. You can't escape."
Divo scowled and promptly ignored Meleezon. Shogun had his new Rogue too and was deep in conversation regarding the various gases that accumulate within a corpse.
"Hey Shogun, I'm going to go find and free Cain now. Apparently Scary Dude just couldn't cut it. You wanna come?"
"Hmm? Oh yeah, sure. Just gimme a few minutes. We're having a... good discussion here."
Meleezon smiled at Shogun and snickered.
"Oh, are you? Is that a wand in your pocket or are you just happy to have a Rogue companion?" she winked.
"A wand," replied Shogun.
Humour is wasted on morticians.
Next Blog: "Stay awhile and listen, or I'll bust a boot into your scrawny ass."
