Blog 4 – Oh My God, They Killed Divo!

Meleezon and Divo had been wandering for days, looking for something to do. And suddenly, to their surprise, they came across a book in the middle of the Stony Field.

"What exactly is this doing here?" asked Meleezon curiously.

"Don't look at me, I didn't write it!" said Divo indignantly.

Meleezon looked at her ditzy companion and shook her head. She opened the book and began to flick through some pages:

"Recipe of the month… how to please your Paladin… seven pros of demonic possession… hey check this out: "The Countess"."

Divo and Meleezon read through the story of The Countess together.

"Well, I can see why that submission won the 200 gold weekly prize," Divo said when they were done.

"Yeah. What a freak. Hey, how bout we go pay her a visit?"

"Uumm... alright. But I have this weird feeling I'm going get hurt during this quest."

"Oh nonsense… you'll be fine!"

---Fast Forward – The Black Marsh---

The Black Marsh proved to be challenging, as Meleezon and Divo alone crossed its swampy surface. In the distance, a small band of corrupted rogues could be seen. Divo immediately sprung into action.

"I'll free you sisters!" she cried, running towards them and firing her bow wildly.

"Ahhh.. Divo... I dunno if that's such a good idea. One of those Rogues looks like she might have special powers and -"

Thwack-wack-wack-wack-wack

-Divo has died-

"Hmmm... multi-shot even. Oh well, back to town"

---The Black Marsh - Take 2---

The Black Marsh proved to be challenging, as Meleezon and Divo alone crossed its swampy surface. In the distance, a small band of corrupted rogues could be seen. Divo pretended not to notice them and instead pointed out a large, run down pile of stone.

"There's the Forgotten Tower. Lets go plunder it for wealth, steal from the dead, defile coffins, and perhaps run into that skanky ho, 'the Countess'?"

"Sounds like a plan," agreed Meleezon.

They entered it's depths with steady hearts.

---Level 1---

"Look Divo, Rogues! Shall we go free them?"

"Ummm... later. I've just found a really interesting speck of dust."

---Level 2---

"Divo, watch out for those goatme-"

-Divo has died-

"Goddam it. Another 270 gold gone."

---One Trip to Town Later – Level 3---

"Ooohhh... ghosts! Are you scared Divo? ... Divo? Oh come on! No one could honestly get lost in a level this small."

---Level 4---

"Right, another Rogue. And by the look of all those colours on her arrows, I'd say she has the ability to inflict any elemental damage she wishes to her attacks. You stay here Divo, I'll go take them out."

-Thock-ock-ock-ack-wack-twang -

-Meleezon has 3 life left-

"Well... hmm... Hey Divo, that Rogue said you uncorrupted ones couldn't shoot for $hit"

"WHAT? That b-tch! I'll rip her freakin' hair ou-"

-Thock-ock-ock-ack-wack-twang-

-Divo has died-

"Oh well, least this time she was actually useful," Meleezon mused after picking through the Rogue remains. "And look! A shiny bow! That should make for a good 'sorry for tricking you into being a diversion and making you commit suicide' gift."

---Back at Camp---

"Meleezon, I've been asked to have a word with you about your treatment of hired colleagues. Apparently, and I'm not mentioning any names, but one or more feel that you've been letting them die a tad to often."

Kashya was trying to pull her 'I'm a tough Rogue and your an outsider' trick.

"Divo said that?" Meleezon asked, eyebrow raised.

"I didn't say Divo," replied Kashya.

"She's been my only hired companion."

"Ummm... yes... well... just treat them with a bit of respect hmmm?"

"Fine. Here's the resurrection money. Now Divo, come. Heel."

"Ahem," glared Kashya.

Meleezon rolled her eyes.

"Fine. Lets go Divo."

---Level 5---

"Now Divo, you have a shiny new bow. Be careful. I'm sick of paying to bring your arrow ridden corpse back to life."

"Maybe one day it'll be your arrow ridden corpse they find," glared Divo.

Meleezon laughed.

"Hah, didn't you read the fine print of our contract? If I die, you die. No matter how fit and healthy you are, if I drop stone dead, you'll follow. And there's no resurrection for you then."

Divo looked nervous.

"Um... are you sure you want to do so much fighting? Maybe you need a back massage? A foot rub perhaps? I can run around and crash tackle demons if you like?"

Meleezon motioned with her axe to a nearby doorway.

"Through there is the Countess. She likes to bathe in the blood of virgins."

"Oh, then you should be quite safe," retorted Divo

"It was to your brother," replied Meleezon.

"YOU B-ITCH!"

Suddenly a voice floated through the doorway.

"Care for a blood bath?" it asked.

Meleezon stormed in and took a battle stance.

"Your blood bathing days are over, whoare. I'm gonna..."

"Shhhhh! Do you mind, I'm on the phone," hissed the Countess. She was sitting in a bubble bath, phone to her ear. A switchboard beside her was alight with flashing buttons. Above read: "1800-SACRI-FICE: We'll Get Your Blood Boiling."

"And now I'm taking my finger, and gouging satanic symbols into my arm with the nail. Ooohh... yeah that feels so good," the Countess was cooing into the phone. "Would you like to touch me?... Ummm... sure, tentacle suction cups feel nice... I guess."

Meleezon stared in disgust.

"No wonder no one comes to this tower anymore. What a horrible display."

The Countess looked annoyed and hung up the receiver.

"Can I help you? I'm trying to run a business here. Do you have an appointment?"

"No," replied Meleezon, "But Divo here is really interested in what it feels like to 'swing the other way'."

"Hmm.. sorry not today. The 'Dungeon Mistress Meets Innocent Virgin' role-play isn't open during the week."

"I'm kidding. I'm here to put you out of business."

The Countess rolled her eyes.

"Typical. You start a business, slaughter a few virgins and everyone's out for your head."

---Fast Forward---

"Here Divo, catch"

"AARRHHH! Don't throw it around... IT'S STARING AT ME! Gross, I'm going to spew."

---Fast Forward - Back At Town---

"Hey everyone! I killed the Countess! I'm a hero!" Meleezon shouted while in the middle of the encampment.

Gheed, Warriv and Cain seemed unimpressed.

"Mmmm... yes. Well done. Thanks to you, now I have to spend my lonely Saturday nights willing a strong breeze to blow through camp when a Rogue walks by," mumbled Gheed. "Thanks alot."

Suddenly Charsi came running up.

"My hammer! My hammer! I've lost my wonderful hammer. I left it at the Cathedral!"

Meleezon looked surprised.

"How'd you just realise you'd lost it? It's been like 3 weeks. And I've seen you using one all the time. Where'd that go?"

Charsi looked embarrassed.

"Oh... that wasn't actually a hammer. That was a rock tied to some wood. I was hoping it'd do the trick just as well. I made this sword with it and it's perfect!" she said, holding out a mace for all to see.

"Fine, I'll go get your damned hammer. But I better get something good from it."

Charsi looked confused.

"Do you want me to give you something now or after you get back from the Barracks? Cause Gheed's done that like 3 times, and I swear he hasn't even stepped out of the gates once to fetch my hammer, like he promised. There's only so many 'favours' I'm willing to perform."

"Ummmm... I'll be back soon."

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