"Ladies, ladies! How lovely it is to see you again… what happened to her?" Jerhyn asked, staring at the bandage around Divos eyes.
"She saw the light, and apparently it's not as good for you as once thought," Meleezon told him.
"Oh. I see. That's a shame. But isn't it wonderful to have the sun back? And we have Masti X here to thank for it."
"What? Masti, you didn't perhaps tell him you returned the sun all by yourself did you?"
"… No… not in those exact words anyway."
"Remind me to blind fold you and lead you through Atma's bathroom one day," Divo said angrily.
"Now, now girls, there's enough of me... er… the palace to go around. If you say it was all three of you that returned the sun, I'm not going to argue. You're all welcome to my slumber party. Please bring your own pillows and toothbrush. The Harem girls should be on the first and second floor I think."
"Oh goody!" squealed Divo in excitement, "We can stay up all night and talk about how spunky Barbarians and Paladins are, and read our favourite magazines, and eat ice cream…"
---Fast Forward – Harem Level 1---
"… and put on each others make up, and do each others hair and-"
"Eeerr… Divo, some how I don't think we'll be doing any of that."
"What? Why?"
"Cause it appears the Harem girls are all 'partied out'."
Meleezon, Divo and Masti had descended the stairs of the palace, and now stared at (except Divo, who was still in her own blind little world) a grisly sight.
Meleezon looked at the dead guards, the slaughtered harem girls, the entrails spelling "Hire a Real Decorator" on the carpet.
"Um… perhaps we should go back and see Jerhyn."
---Fast Forward – One Trip Outside and Returning with Jerhyn---
"Hmm… I see what you mean. You know, I did wonder why all the laughing and girl talk had died down. And those guards: I sent them down to see if the girls were alright and they never came back. I just assumed they got 'caught up in the festivities'."
"Jerhyn, when was the last time you entered your palace?"
"Friday, about 11 pm…. 2 weeks ago."
"Don't you ever need to sleep?"
"Oh no, I'm the Sultan! Sultans don't sleep. It affects our sanity," he said, before giggling, slapping his forehead and mumbling something about 'birds nesting in his turban'.
"Eeerr… right. So do you want us to find out what happened?"
"Sure, if you'd like. If you find any survivors, please send them back to me for comforting."
"You mean the Harem girls?"
"Or the guards. I don't really mind. See you later!" He skipped back up the stairs and disappeared.
"Well… it's good to see the countries in capable hands," said Meleezon. (Insert random George Bush criticism/joke here)
---Fast Forward – Harem Level 2---
"Geez, this place is a mess!"
"Yeah, every single one of those poor girls has been gutted and dismembered."
"I wasn't talking about that, Masti. I meant the décor. Look at those huge, luxurious curtains, the giant fluffy pillows, all topped off with tassels! Tassels upon tassels! Who ever wrote that message was right; Jerhyn should really hire a professional decorator."
The three women tip toed their way through the carnage… or rather, two tip toed while the third complained about how slippery intestines were. Upon reaching the stairs, Meleezon spotted a sign.
"Basement. 3 Levels. Contains:
Wine, Cold Meats, Grain, Prophylactics, and Inter-Dimensional Portal to the Beyond.
Message from Jerhyn:
"Leave my wine alone or I'll kill you."
"Well, I think we just found a clue as to what happened here," said Meleezon sarcastically.
"Yeah. One of the girls touched Jerhyn's wine and he got carried away and killed them all. Should we go make a citizens arrest?"
"Later. I want to check out this inter-dimensional portal. Sounds funky."
"Aww do we have too?" whined Divo. "That's three levels! Three! I'm blind; I don't fancy tagging behind you through three boring levels of a big boring cellar."
"Don't worry. I have a plan."
---Fast Forward - 2 hours later---
"… and that's my idea. What do you think?"
"… You know, you really could have simplified that whole thing down to 'split up and go down different stairwells, run as fast as we can until we find the portal.' We really didn't need the diagrams and PowerPoint presentation."
"Ok, maybe I got abit carried away. But I still think it'll work. Divo and I will go down this stairwell, you go down the one on the other side of the room. We'll use the Slick, Quick Hero Communication Channel to stay in contact.
"Alright then, see you down there."
---Fast Forward – Basement Level 1---
-KSHIK-
"Come in Masti. I think Jerhyn mightn't have been to blame after all. Me and Divo just ran into these really nasty four-armed dudes. They would have given me some trouble too, if Divo hadn't run into a pylon and activated a spike trap right beneath them. Talk about luck. How you doin'?"
-KSSSHHHH…IK-
"Can't talk right now, there're some rather unfriendly ape critters on this side, and they're not after banana's."
"Roger. I'll head down to the next level then."
"Hey wait, why don't you come hel-"
-CLICK-
---Fast Forward – Level 2---
-CLICK KSSHHHHIK-
"Yo Masti, how you going?"
-KSSSHHHHHHHH-
"Masti?"
-KSSSSSHHHHHHHH….IK-
"Here. Managed to get away by the skin of my teeth. No thanks to you."
"Hey, you're tough. I knew you'd make it."
"Gee, thanks. How things going?"
("Meleezon, help! I can't hold it off forever!")
"Nothing much. Divo is engaged in a life or death battle with a torch stand. Hang a sec…"
("Divo, it's a torch stand, give up already!")
("AAAHH! It's fallen on me! It's going to start mauling me! Help! I don't want to die again!")
-KSHIK-
"Sorry, I'll have to go. Have to rescue Divo from the Torch Stand of Doom. See you on level 3."
"No probs. If you need any help I'll gladly come and-"
-CLICK-
---Fast Forward – Level 3---
-CLICK KSSSHHHIK-
"Meleezonian Warrior to Masti Batio-"
-KSHIK-
"Don't even THINK about finishing that sentence."
"Heh, knew that'd make you respond quick. Where abouts are you?"
"Level 3."
"Well duh. Where abouts?"
"I'm very close to you… watching you."
"Are you behind me?"
"No, I'm in front of you."
-CLICK-
"AAHH! Geezus… don't do that. Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"
"Heh, think of it as a get back for that sentence you thought about finishing."
Meleezon, Masti and a triumphant Divo ("She really showed that torch stand who was boss," whispered Meleezon) stood on level 3 and gazed round them.
"Well, we're here. Now what?"
"Not sure exactly. Perhaps we should try that door there; the one leading into the giant room in the center of the floor."
They walked over and opened the door. A wave of repulsive smelling air and static hit them, and a deep voice boomed in their ears:
"Greetings Mortals. I am FireEye, guardian of the Arcane Portal. I am the servant to my master, The Summoner, whose will opposes all. He is the Alpha, the Omega and the Beta-tester, and has bestowed upon me powers greater –"
("Is this guy going to shut up?")
("I'm not sure… should we kill him?")
("I got a better idea.")
"- then you could ever imagine. I have bested heroes of infinite might, and been hailed a Champion of the Demonic Forces. If you wish to pass through, know that you shall have to face me in lethal combat, from whence – hey! Wait! Don't run past! I haven't finished my speech yet! We're supposed to engage in lethal combat! Get back here right now. Don't you dare activate that portal… I'm warning you… hey, don't even think about stepping through it into the Arcane Sanctuary… and definitely don't flip me off as you go throu – oh! That is it! Now I'm pissed. I'm gonna…hmmm. They've gone. Well… that sucks."
"… … … Sigh. I need a new job."
Next Blog: In space, no one can hear you laugh manically
