SPECIAL THANKS TO Lord Dominusautem Tempus for providing me the transcript and detailed descriptions of each scene!
Sorry for the delayed chapter! Life always find a way to mess with me.
Pardon my grammar.
Team Fortress 2: Expiration Date
"That was awful." Marrow admits. He rubs his right arm softly, trying to quell the horrible scenes of soldiers dying horribly in mass. "Was any of our wars that horrible?"
Dr. Oobleck nods, "To an extent, yes. Compared to what we saw, our wars were relatively tame thanks to our limitations."
"Without the Creatures of Grimm to serve as a common enemy, humanity in that world turn on themselves," Vine said matter-of-factly. "It's a bit unsettling should we ever successfully fight back the Creatures of Grimm. What role would huntsmen and huntresses play if there's little to no Grimm left."
Vine's statement left a scathing question for the people of Remnant. Should the Grimm ever be defeated in the far-off future, what would the occupation of huntsmen and huntresses be from there on out?
Ozpin muses, "Hmm… That's an intriguing question."
"Well, we won't be getting there anytime soon," Coco murmurs to her teammates, before raising her voice. "So! What are we watching this time?"
"A strange dimension."
"A strange dimension?"
"It's the best we can describe it without going into extensive details."
"Another strange one again." Said Neptune, "Well, at least it won't be what we just saw."
"Let us begin." The room darkens and the screen flickers to life.
The screen fades into a shot of a desert road, similar to Meet the Sniper.
Light flute music plays with a soft drum accompaniment. A slow downwards pan to a crushed 'Bonk!' can is punctured by a brass flourish. Suddenly, a Red Bread truck screeches into view from the right, knocking away the can and fishtails, nearly ripping off its rear bumper, continuing down the left lane.
Cut to a right-side view of the van. The camera pans from the rear towards the front while a heavy drum beat plays. The logo is pock-marked with bullet holes and the white paint has been scraped off the sides.
"I never knew bread delivery can be so dangerous." Yang quips upon seeing the bullet holes and battered truck. "Did they drove into the wrong neighborhood?"
The camera continues panning and steadies at the van's open-air cab, revealing a sleeping Scout and the Heavy hunched over at the wheel. Interior shot of the cab. The windshield has bullet holes on the left and is completely knocked out on the right.
Blake immediately notices the giant bandolier strap across the Heavy's chest and his emblem. "I don't think they're an actual bread delivering service."
"Probably some sort of dummy company. Unless bread delivery is a dangerous thing in their universe." Qrow chuckles to himself. "Like driving bread through Grimm or bandit infested territory."
The Heavy's bulk is apparent on the left as compared to the Scout's relaxed pose with his feet on the dashboard. Fuzzy dice adorn the rear-view mirror. The Heavy continues to drive the van on the right side of the road when the dashboard monitor begins to softly beep.
"An age-old technology." Pietro rubs his chin at the sight of the dashboard monitor.
Cut to a side view of the right-hand side of the cab. The Heavy looks disapprovingly at the sleeping Scout before returning his eyes to the road.
The dashboard beeps again and the Heavy hits the Scout without taking his glance off of the road. Shaken, the Scout jerks awake.
"Gwaa! Bwaa! What?! What?" He glances at the beeping dashboard, "Oh."
Nora giggles, "You had one job."
"You can't even hold one job outside of hitting Grimm," Yang said in friendly banter with her Team JNPR counterpart.
"Psssh! Like you can do any better."
The Scout reaches over and with his right hand, pushes a button on the monitor. It is a video call from Miss Pauling.
"Scout, it's Pauling. Tell me you got the briefcase."
"Sounds like one of those spy movies." Neptune remarks.
Sun nods, "It kinda does."
"Yeah sure."
"And nobody saw you?"
"Ehhh." He raises his hands and shrugs his shoulders. "Basically nobody."
Her expression darkens "Scout, I'm here right now."
"Stealth is optional," Nora said wisely, causing half of her friends and peers to sigh.
"Well, that's a funny story..."
The cab's rear door abruptly opens and the Soldier steps out, and with his right hand, hastily pushes Scout's face into his seat. The Scout throws up his hands startling the Heavy and momentarily loses control of the van as the Soldier takes over the monitor.
"Hello, Miss Pauling! We killed everyone and took a briefcase!" He said brightly, brandishing a BLU briefcase.
"Not everybody, Soldier. You left seven witnesses, guys." A bloodied hand can be seen in the background reaching for help. Miss Pauling turns and shoots him with a silenced pistol. "Six."
"Mercy killing." Read Neo's sign.
"Well, that went dark fast," Weiss mutters.
Ruby groans at the coup de grace on-screen, "I was hoping it would be something less… Killing people, you know?"
"Perhaps the next viewing would be of interest to you, then." The Hosts replies, piquing some curiosity from Ruby Rose.
The camera cuts to a rear shot of the van pulling into a dirt road flanked by rocky cliffs and several Sentries and a RED-owned building in the distance. A dead BLU soldier can be seen draped on the roof of the van. As the van drives in, a wooden prop of a cactus with some desert plants pops up and a painted curtain background falls into place, disguising the entrance.
Miss Pauling continues talking as the camera pans.
Emerald raises an eyebrow at the blatant disguises, "Seriously? That's how their hide base of operations?"
"You'll be surprised for how many people fail to notice even the simplest things." Cinder reminds the former street thief.
"Yes. Of course."
"Look, just keep the briefcase safe okay?" Side shot of the van rolling down a ramp and pulling into a garage. The rear bumper falls off. "Have a good weekend, guys."
Front shot of the van pulling into the garage. A BLU Demoman's boot can be seen sticking out from underneath of the hood which has a hood ornament reading "SWORD". The Heavy looks harassed and bring the vehicle to a stop, causing a dead BLU soldier to slide off the roof. He leaves the keys in the ignition and exits the van.
"That must have been some chaotic fighting if there's a corpse on top of their van." Said Vernal, slightly amused. "And in their hood. Wonder how that happened."
"Did that body look similar to that helmet wearing guy?" Marrow asks, "Also, how can he see with the thing covering his eyes?"
Harriet shrugs, "Our Hosts did say this dimension was weird, and yeah. I did notice that. Almost an exact uniform, just blue. Huh."
"Goodbye, Miss Pauling!" His hand still covering the Scout's face. "I'm leaving the van now."
The Soldier disappears into the rear of the van and the door slides closed behind him. Cut shot to the Scout who looks relieved at the hand being removed from his face. He adjusts his hat and headset with both hands and looks back at the door.
"Bye, bye. Okay then." The Scout turns back to the monitor. "Hey, hey Miss Pauling! Before you go. Ahh– "
She turns her head slightly towards the monitor while dragging a body. "Uh-huh?"
He stammers and scratches his face. "Uh… Uhh…"
"Scout? What? Say something."
The Scout finally regains some confidence. "You're probably real busy this weekend, right?"
"Is he… Flirting with her while she's trying to dispose of the evidence?" Raven looks slightly nonplussed. It almost reminds her of Tai in their younger days.
Robyn shakes her head. "Not the time and place, idiot."
Miss Pauling finished dragging the body and stands up, wiping the dirt from her hands. "Funny you should mention that. "Um. Looks like I will be... Burying bodies all weekend." She grabs a Fire Axe and brings her face closer to the camera. "So, that you don't go to jail."
"Figures she's the group's cleaner." Roman comments.
"Oh, g-good. So... We're both busy."
Cut to Miss Pauling on the monitor looking at him quizzically in silence. He returns the glance awkwardly.
Mercury cringes at the painful interaction between the Scout and Miss Pauling. "This is awkward…"
"This is painful to watch." Said Yang, nodding in agreement.
Suddenly a siren can be heard in the background with guards shouting. Miss Pauling reacts and turns hurriedly from the camera.
"Oh! Got to go."
She disappears off-camera. Muffled shots can be heard and the monitor buzzes off.
"I wonder how she'll get out of the mess they made." Neo's sign read.
The Scout, with a pained expression on his face, leans back resignedly. "Lot of people busy with busyness."
The Heavy can be seen in the background, checking the fridge's contents. The Spy walks slowly, passing in front of the camera left to right, cigarette in hand.
"Asking out that dial tone again, I see." Said the Spy smugly.
"Go to hell, Spy."
"That's an obvious spy if you ask me." Marrow let out a short snort, "Oddly well dressed in an expensive suit with a ski mask? Something's out of place. Unless he's has a few tricks up his sleeves."
"He probably does." Said Clover, "Can't make any assumptions just by looks."
He drops his demeanor, looking dejected, and looks down. He then chuckles sadly to himself and gets out of the van. In the background, the Heavy takes a drumstick from the fridge and tosses it over his shoulder.
Ren had a look of disapproval, "That's a waste of food."
"Unless it's gone bad." Nora points out.
"Unless it's gone bad."
The camera pans slowly with the Scout walking left to right from the van to the table. A medium tempo jazz instrumental starts with the flute, piano, and drums.
He tosses the keys in the air and deftly catches them. Meanwhile, the Soldier attempts to extricate the BLU Demoman's body from the hood of the van while the RED Demoman takes a quick spin on the Teleporter and disappears. The Heavy manages to find a Sandvich and leans contently on the fridge door and takes a bite.
Dr. Pietro straightens up from his seat, "Did that one just teleported?"
"I believe he did." Penny tilts her head quizzically, "It's from that device on the ground."
"Indeed. That device you witness is a teleporter build by a single individual."
"Amazing! Built by a single individual? Their technology is certainly fascinating! How does it work? I probably wouldn't understand, but nonetheless…"
"The components needed to construct such devices and the extensive knowledge of physics has yet to be discovered in your world."
"Hey, look at all this." He gestures to the table which holds another Teleporter, a loaf of bread, and an ashtray. "What have you two eggheads been workin' on?"
The Medic and the Engineer are discussing something, but turn to Scout when he addresses them. The Scout tosses the keys, earning both glares at him, ignoring the keys which clatter to the floor.
"Nice catch."
"A medic and a construction worker? Who are these guys anyway?" Asks Coco.
"They are mercenaries working for a company known as Reliable Excavation Demolition, or RED for short."
"Mercenaries, huh?"
Harriet shrugs, conjuring up a sandwich sub to eat. "That explains a lot."
The Engineer turns to the Medic, then turns to address the Scout while the Medic steps back.
"Yeah. Listen, uh... We've been running some experiments on the teleporter." The Engineer gestures with his head to the Teleporter. The Soldier wanders over, interested. The Heavy remains at the fridge door, eating his Sandvich, but observing. "Well yeah. Y'all ought to take a look at this."
"You know… Teleporting sounds kinda dangerous." Jaune said to his teammates. "What happens if there's something on the spot where you're teleporting at?"
Pyrrha nods, "That sounds rather unpleasant."
The flute continues to trill in the background as the Engineer picks up his PDA and activates the teleporter; it starts whirring into action.
Suddenly, another loaf of bread appears, silently hovering. The Heavy is somewhat intrigued, but the Soldier is utterly amazed, reaching out with both hands to grab the loaf. The Scout, however, is unimpressed.
"That's convenient." Oscar can imagine how beneficial it is to transfer objects like food to their destination in an instant. "If something like that exists on Remnant, we don't have to worry about storing it for delivery."
"Wow. You can teleport bread. That is... Big news. Um. Is the Demo back with the beer yet? Cause I..." He turns back while the Medic breaks open the loaf with a sickening crunch. The interior of the loaf contains pulsating green lumps and teeth. The Engineer winces while the Scout yelps and throws his hands in the air. "Whoa! What the hell is that?!"
Everyone flinches at the unsightly sight.
"Tumors!" The Medic said cheerily, gesturing slightly with half of the throbbing loaf.
Cut to the Heavy, suddenly looking concerned, and stops eating his Sandvich. He eyes it worryingly.
Harriet pushes her sandwich sub to the side of her seat's tray table. "Great. I've lost my appetite."
"Maybe we're not ready for teleporting technology on Remnant." Oscar retracts his previous statement, looking at the mutated bread in disgust.
But an unsettling question dwells into the minds of everyone: What happens if you consume unmutated bread and use the teleporter?
The Engineer adjusted his helmet, almost mourningly. "Y'all know what this means right?"
The Soldier suddenly grabs the Scout by the neck and slams him onto the table.
"Arrghh! We cannot teleport bread anymore!" He nearly chokes the Scout and raises a hand as if to punch his face.
"I think there's an even more pressing matter than being unable to teleport bread." Glynda eyed the crazed mercenary with caution.
She can tell that this one isn't particularly right in the head.
The Heavy still leans nonchalantly on the fridge door, watching the outburst play out while the Engineer intervenes raising his hands.
"Whoa! Whoa... Not exactly, Soldier." He places his hand on the Soldier's back and smiles, "You teleport as much bread as you like." His smile fades and he removes his helmet. "That goes for all of ya. If there's something any of y'all wanted to do before ya... Well. Die. Now would be a... Good time."
Behind, the Heavy looks at his Sandvich, sniffs it, shrugs, and continues eating.
"Wouldn't they notice something is instantly wrong with their body if tumors started growing quickly?" Velvet meekly asks, "Or is the growth of the tumor gradual?"
"I'm afraid that's beyond any of our knowledge here." Port fingers his mustache slowly, "I don't think anyone here has encounter bread growing tumors from a teleporter before. I certainly haven't."
"How long before these... Tumors kill us?"
The Engineer turns to the Spy, languidly brandishing a cigarette from its case.
"Asking the important question there," Mercury mutters.
"Well, let's see." The Medic chimes in, thinking out loud. "We all use the teleporter, let's say six times a day..."
Cut to the rest of the team, Scout is still rubbing his sore neck, the Soldier stands stoically, the Heavy still leaning on the fridge door, Sandvich now half-eaten, and the Engineer replaces his helmet, backward as usual.
"Estimating to be three round trips a day." Penny thought out loud. "Perhaps morning, afternoon, and evening."
"Times four years. Minus... We're not bread. Hmm." The Medic turns abruptly, delivering his answer. "Three days. Yes." His answer causing the Spy to look startled, "We all have three days to live."
Winter had a puzzling look on her face, "How in the world did he get those numbers?"
"He looks like their physician, so he might have some medical knowledge of their personal wellbeing." Said Clover.
The Scout and Heavy look worried while the Engineer looks down at the floor.
The Soldier, confused, count off: One, two...
"Whooooooooo! Woooooo!" The Demoman appears in a flash from the idle teleporter.
He triumphantly celebrates his arrival with a crate of beer with limes wedged in the necks, his grenades on his vest removed to carry bottles. As his wobbles precariously on the Teleporter as it slows down, we can see that he is also festively clad in a sombrero and novelty Margarita shaped sunglasses while also carrying another beer.
"Hey. Someone knows how to party." Qrow raises his flask and takes a small sip out of it. "Wonder where he's been."
"Woo." The Demoman looks around at their faces "What?"
/-/
[RED BASE: 70 HOURS TIL DEATH]
Cut to the RED BREAD building. It is now night and a lone Level 1 Sentry guards the entrance. A march-like drum beat plays.
"So, they have around 70 hours to find a way to cure or remove their tumors." Weiss grimace at the prospect of being on borrowed time. Especially when the threat isn't something that can be resolved by typical means. "That must be very stressful. If that doctor rather… Unconventional diagnosis is true."
The scene cuts to a close-up of a poker table. A cigar smolders in the ashtray while the Spy unceremoniously drops a metal pail. It is filled with note cards. A literal bucket list.
Jaune frowns, "Wait. Are they…?"
"This is a bucket."
Most of the nine mercenaries are present at the poker table, barring the Medic and Engineer. The Demoman on the far right in the foreground grasping his bottle, everyone else is arranged counter-clockwise from him: Pyro, Sniper, Heavy, Scout, Soldier, and Spy on the right foreground. Everyone is wearing an odd watch with a large digital display. Half-standing, the Soldier examines the bucket.
"Dear God."
"There's more."
"No…!" The Soldier gasps, clearly astonished.
Nora couldn't resist giggling at the Soldier's antic along with some of the more immature and casual audience members.
The Spy pauses, eyeing the insane mercenary for a bit before continuing.
"It contains the dying wish of every man here." He turns to the Scout, "Scout. You did collect everyone's dying wish?"
"Oh, you bet!" He salutes.
"They've given up already?!" Weiss questions with a look of incredulity.
"Excellent. Gentlemen, synchronize your death watches."
A close-up of the watch: Red embossing tape declares it a 'DEATH CLOCK'. The display beeps as the various mercenaries set their watches. It reads 70:00:00. 70 hours left to live and counting.
"Yup. They did." Mercury's focus turns towards the deathwatch each mercenary has on them. "What are those? Wrist bombs?"
"It is a simple countdown clock." The Hosts assures him.
All the mercenaries are expressionless except for the Heavy who is on the verge of falling asleep with his arms folded. The Spy steps from the front of the table and walks from right to left, lit cigarette in his right hand, and the left firmly clasped behind his back. A Payload Pinball machine can be seen in the background.
"We have seventy hours to live. For most men, no time at all."
The Spy walks behind Heavy's back and places a hand on the Heavy's shoulder, jerking him awake. The Heavy momentarily looks guilty.
"You guys have roughly three days to live." Neptune points out, "That's still a long time to do something other than to give up."
Sun shushes his partner, "Shh. The guy is making his speech."
"We are not most men." The Spy now walks behind the table. The camera pans to a shot showing all the mercenaries gathered around the table intently focusing on his words. "We are mercenaries. We have the resources. The will. To make these hours count!" He gestures emphatically with his lit cigarette. "The clock is ticking, gentlemen. Let's begin."
The mercenaries' expressions show varying degrees of interest as the Spy draws a notecard from the bucket.
"Sounds hopeful in a hopeless situation." Raven snidely remarks.
"Our first dying wish is Scout's." He gestures at the mercenary in question, "He's..." The Spy examines the card. His brow wrinkles." ... Drawn a picture of me getting hit by a car."
The drawing is somewhat crude. The muscle car is drawn in much greater detail than the Spy who is thrown up into the air, becoming disemboweled with blood spurting everywhere.
"That's not very nice, but the car is well drawn." Penny compliments, "I wonder what car model it is."
The Spy peers closer, "I have something radiating off of me."
"Yeah, those are stink lines." He turns to the rest of the mercenaries in a mock whisper. The Heavy is mildly amused. "That's why the car hit him. Cause he smells."
The Spy rolls his eyes and draws another card "Yes, I see. Here you've drawn me having... Sexual congress with the Eiffel Tower." Somewhat bemused, he tosses it and draws another while the Scout giggles. "Eiffel Tower having sexual congress with me." He tosses, ignoring the giggling Scout, and picking out another card. "Both of us relaxing post-coitus."
The Demoman confusingly mouths "post-coitus" and the Scout is nearly in tears with laughter.
Several audiences let out a laugh while others shake their heads in disapproval or were covering the younger and innocent members' ears.
Winter sneers, "How vulgar."
"Yang! I'm practically an adult now!"
"Not to me."
"Um… Weiss?"
"Sorry, Oscar." The heiress mouths, "This is for your own good."
Now, the Spy was looking increasingly irritated.
"I'm crying and the Eiffel Tower has stink lines coming off of it." He angrily throws the card down. "Did anyone besides Scout put a card into the bucket?!"
The Heavy and Sniper are slightly amused, while the Scout is near breathless with laughter. "Oh man, Classic Scout."
But not a single one of the mercenaries had a card in the bucket.
"Guess they're content with living out the rest of their life," Fox noted the mercenary's demeanors. "That or they've done a lot of things till the point they no longer care."
Yatsuhashi let out a grunt, "I can't tell if that's sad or fulfilling."
"Fantastic. This was a huge waste of my time."
"You did not read mine!" The Soldier said, pulling out a card.
Nora gasps and dramatically points at the metal bucket, "He wants the bucket!"
"How do you…?" Pyrrha starts.
The Spy let out a sigh, "Does it say you want the bucket?"
"Yes!"
Disgusted, the Spy slides the bucket over as the rest of the mercenaries gets up to leave. The Soldier greedily grabs the pail with both hands, quickly making his exit. The camera moves to an overhead shot of the now-empty table as the Spy pulls his Cigarette Case from his jacket and draws a cigarette.
"I'm guessing their minds are on a similar wavelength." Ren hypothesizes, half-jokingly.
"Great minds think alike," Nora said proudly.
"See you all in hell!"
/-/
The camera switches to the mercenaries walking down a hallway.
The Soldier stops and examines his new bucket next to a sign pointing to the "LAB". Mid-tempo mysterious music plays with rhythmic drums, piano, and plucked strings as the Engineer and Medic walk by pushing Teleporters and piles of bread on two carts to the lab. A loaf of the bread falls off of the pile and Soldier gasps and grabs his bucket more tightly.
The camera spotlights the loaf with ominous bass piano notes. A grin appears on his face as he stares at the fallen loaf.
Yang rubs her chin, "Well that's certainly foreshadowing something."
The screen cuts to black.
/-/
[SPY'S SMOKING ROOM: 58 HOURS TIL DEATH]
The next scene cuts to a rear shot of the Spy sitting back in his leather armchair. The room is dimly lit with moonlight and the warm glow of the fireplace. The Spy swirls his cut crystal glass and takes a drink whilst reading 'Dapper Cadaver Monthly' magazine, as the track of the same name plays in the background.
Someone knocks on his door.
"Go away." He flips a page and frowns.
The Scout opens the door and peeks in. "Hey, ah, you got a second?"
"This isn't going to go well," Roman said with an amused grin.
"Oh, Scout. Please. Go [bleep] yourself."
'Oh, now you censor curse words.' Tai thought to himself.
"Yeah. Hey, that's, that's funny." He looks a bit nervous, "Um. Anyway, I–" The Spy suddenly lunges towards the door, slamming it shut on Scout's body. He leans on it trying to force Scout out. "Wait! Wait! Wait! Ow. Come on, Spy." The Scout begs, failing to notice that the Spy has raised his knife threateningly. "I'm wedging my head through a door here to tell you I'm sorry."
The Spy rolls his eyes and gets off the door, lighting a cigarette. "Make it quick."
"He was this close to ending you before your terminal illness." Vernal snickers, "Guess they don't mind putting each other out of their misery."
"After what he pulled, I doubt anyone would be so professional." And Raven certainly wouldn't be merciful should something like that happen within the Branwen Tribe.
"So, I… I did write down a last wish." He brings out a card, "I'd uh. I'd like to go on a date... With Miss Pauling."
"Huh. That is something you don't want to put in a bucket list in front of all your co-workers." Neptune glances at Sun and shrugs, "Unless you're open about it."
"You?" The Spy turns around with a perplexed expression, "You're terrible with girls."
"What? No. No. No. Spy, look at this. And this. And this here. Spy, look at all of this." He gestures to different parts of his body and spins around, "Heh. No. I'm great with girls."
"I doubt it," Glynda said with a flat expression.
Scene flashes back to a cheap fast-food joint. Scout and a busty, blonde-haired woman are standing at a counter with buckets of "Conquistador Fried Giblets" brand chicken drumsticks.
"We both got buckets of chicken. Wanna do it?"
The blond woman shrugs. "Eh, okay."
The scene switches back to Spy and Scout.
Robyn lets out a snort, "Yeah… No."
"But you, Spy. You are amazing with ladies. You know, classy ones. The kind that smells good, and can read. And that always have their glasses on just kind of crooked. You know? The ones that don't go for a guy like me."
The Spy looks at Scout with a smug grin. "Hmm, and why is that, do you think?"
"C'mon, Spy, I don't know."
"Cause you're a narcissist?" Blake lays out bluntly despite the Scout not being able to hear her.
"Also, mentally immature," Weiss adds to the list.
"Probably a whole list of flaws if we get to know the guy better." Yang can tell the guy is self-centered and cocky. There's no shortage of them back at Beacon.
"Well, a mystery we will take to our graves then. Goodbye." Spy walks away to pour a drink. The bar has several bottles of RED wine, glasses, and a console. He selects a rocks glass to pour a hard liquor.
"Might want some of that," Qrow murmurs to himself, quickly receiving a bottle of the hard liquor from the Hosts. The huntsman brightens up, "Hey, thanks."
"Wait. Wait. Ah." The Scout sighs, "Okay. Look. Fine. Spy. This never leaves this room." He lets out another sigh. "You… Are better than me. All right? I need your help."
Spy stops pouring, looks up, and turns towards Scout. "I'll do it. On one condition."
"It sounds like his admittance of his colleague's superiority over him is of considerable importance," Penny noted.
Maria shrugs, "Well, considering his attitude earlier. I'll say that's a big step for someone to admit his faults." Her lips slowly pull up to a grin. "And I think he's going to make the best of it."
The Spy pushes a button on the console and a microphone pops up.
He blows into it, causing feedback that reverberates throughout the building. The camera goes from the poker table with the Demoman drinking, the Heavy and Sniper dozing, and the Pyro reading a magazine; to the Medic and Engineer in a lab, with the tumorized bread; and to Soldier carrying away a giant pile of bread loaves in his arms.
All perk up to the sound of feedback on the speakers.
"Say that," He pushes the microphone towards the Scout. "again."
"Revenge is sweet," Mercury said smugly.
/-/
[TRAINING GYM: 51 HOURS TIL DEATH]
The camera slowly pans into a nearly empty gymnasium. The Scout bounces on his feet on the right, looking nervous. The Spy calmly places a wine bottle on a cart and inspects two wine glasses. Behind him is a crash-test dummy, hanging on a stand. He places down a glass. Ominous bass strings start to play.
The Scout coughs and the Spy delicately places the second glass down and pushes the cart, which rolls to a stop in front of the Scout. It also holds a bucket of drumsticks, red roses, a vase, and a box of RED chocolates.
"Seduce me." The Spy said nonchalantly.
"PFFT!" Blake spat out her drink, bending over and coughing with her hands covering her mouth.
"Unsanitary!" Weiss snaps at her teammate while leaning back.
The Scout looks back, confused, and turns forward, arms akimbo.
"You?"
"Seduce me."
"What, Spy? I ain't gonna..."
"SEDUCE ME!"
Tai, Port, and Qrow let out a hearty laugh at the absurdity of the situation.
"This is how they'll spend their final moments." Tai chuckles, "Seducing people."
"Right! Right. Okay." He looks down at the cart. He immediately picks up the bucket of fried chicken and lets out a quick sigh. "Okay..." He walks up to the Spy. "H-hey there, good-lookin'... I got a bucket of chicken..."
The Spy slaps Scout's across the face. Sending the Boston mercenary reeling and knocking the bucket of chickens to the floor.
Sun winces, "Ouch."
"I'm not one of your fried chicken tramps! I'm a woman! I like my men dangerous... Mysterious..." Spy takes the dummy into his arms and starts dancing with it briefly before holding it in front of him. "You want to be my lover?! Earn it! Seduce me!"
Coco snorts, "Some woman you are."
He uses the dummy to slap Scout across the face, who looks up at him with a hurt expression in his eyes. Spy simply looks down at him with a smug grin on his face.
An upbeat, funky jazz track starts playing.
"We'll be speeding this viewing to something you would call a montage. We doubt any of you would enjoy days' worth of romantic lecture."
"That's some serious dedication for the last moments of your life," Maria said with slight admiration. "He's got some of my respect, even if he acts like a prick."
"What's a prick?" Ruby asks innocently.
Her teammates look at each other. "We'll tell you later."
The camera cuts to a shot of Spy and Scout in a classroom setting. The word DINNER is written on the chalkboard as Spy says something to the Scout.
Later, the Scout can be seen sitting at the head of a long banquet table. At the other end, the Demoman and Sniper can be seen playing the Piano and Saxophone, respectively. Behind him, the Pyro and Spy are holding a bottle of wine and a bucket of chicken.
"The others are in on helping him too." Ironwood noted, "Seems like they already made their peace."
Ozpin hums slightly, "I suspect it's their hazardous occupation as mercenaries that gave them such an outlook at life. Including their own."
"Somewhat of a given considering how they didn't put anything into the bucket list." Said Qrow.
Scout reaches for the bucket of chicken with a fork and a grin on his face, but the Spy slaps his hand away. The fork flies out of his hand and lands on the Demoman's eyepatch, whose other eye immediately widens.
"Yikes! That was nearly an eye-opener."
"Oh my god, Yang." Blake facepalms in conjunction with her teammates groaning.
Yang raises both of her hands, "That was unintentional. Anyway, good thing that wasn't his other eye."
Cut back to Spy and Scout in the classroom, only this time DANCING is written on the chalkboard.
Back in the previous room, Scout can be seen awkwardly dancing energetically. He points both his fingers at Spy, who merely shakes his head with disgust. The Spy proceeds to show Scout the proper way to dance, while Scout looks on in confusion. He attempts to mimic the Spy's actions but instead sends the dummy flying into the Reel-to-Reel player behind them.
'How I'd imagine dancing.' The scene made Neptune recall Beacon Dance night.
Luckily, he was able to get by without embarrassing himself thanks to Jaune.
In the classroom, the word DEMEANOR is now written on the board as the Spy continues to educate Scout, who is busy drawing a picture of Spy being shot in the head. He reacts by hitting Scout in the face with the pointer, who reels back in pain.
Mercury snorts at that, "Hah."
Scout then can be seen reading a book titled Pick-up Lines for Fast Food Junkies. A can of BONK! is set in front of him. Jumpcut to the future and a pile of books has begun to accumulate around Scout, who has a pencil clenched between his teeth. More cans of BONK! can be seen littered around the room, and he is now reading a book titled Dating Nice Girls.
Another jump cut and the pile of books has been turned into a makeshift throne, which the Scout, who has the Bonk Boy on, reclines in it, a more confident expression on his face.
"That's a lot of books," Ren said with surprise. "Did he really read all of those?"
"I can feel my brain melting just by looking at the evil throne of books." Nora whines.
Cut to the Scout back at the banquet table, extending his pinkie out as he holds the chicken.
Weiss rolls her eyes, knowing the stereotypes for 'fancy' or 'proper' mannerism for eating. "Extending a pinkie out while eating does not equate proper etiquette. Especially not with the leg of a chicken."
Later, he can be seen gently kissing the hand of the dummy as the Spy watches. The Scout then can be seen dancing around the room with the dummy. He lowers the dummy down, holding onto its back with one hand as he looks up to Spy, who nods his head in approval.
The head of the dummy falls off as the music reaches a crescendo, and Spy eyes it with a bemused expression on his face.
Cut to black.
/-/
[TRAINING GYM: 2 HOURS TIL DEATH]
"Two hours until death?" Jaune yelps, "How can he even schedule and go on a date within two hours? Is she even close by?"
"I'm sure he'll manage." Said Pyrrha.
Floodlights come to life, illuminating the Scout, who is sitting in a classroom chair in the middle of a wrestling ring. After a brief delay, he raises his hand in front of him to shield his eyes from the bright lights.
"Final Question..." Cut to a shot of Spy, who is silhouetted against the floodlights. "You have a dinner date for seven... what time do you arrive?"
He walks across the ring, awaiting Scout's answer.
"Seven. A.M. Case the restaurant, run background checks on the staff. Can the cook be trusted? If not, I gotta kill him." He makes a gun formation with his right hand. The Spy can be seen walking around Scout as the camera rotates around him in the opposite direction. "Dispose of the body, replace him with my own guy no later than 4:30."
"I'm sorry. What?" Glynda said flatly.
Everyone else shared a similar train of thought.
Spy looks down at Scout, and after a few seconds of thought, speaks.
"You're ready."
"Really?"
"Wait, what?" Oscar shared a bewildered look with his seatmates.
The Spy let out a soft chuckle, "No. Everything you just said was insane... And, we are out of time." He sets a glass of liquid in front of the Scout. "Congratulations. You're a failure."
Winter breathes out a sigh of relief, "There's the proper reaction."
"Oh..." He stands up, bringing the desk with him. He sits back down and slides out of his chair. The Spy rolls his eyes and shakes his head in amusement. "I failed, did I?"
"Yes." The spook replies while grinning.
"Did I?"
"Yes..."
"Did I?"
"Scout, where is this going?"
"Where it's going is, I don't need you. I'll put this date on myself!"
An expression of gaiety crosses the Spy's face. "Yourself...?"
"The answer has been with you all this time." Vine said wisely, "Partially so."
"That's right, fancy pants, myself!" The Spy's mouth twitches as he stops himself from laughing. "So why don't you take your little failure, roll it up sideways, and–" Scout's ranting stops when the Spy taps his watch, voicelessly reminding Scout of the death watch. "Okay, crap, I gotta go." He quickly downs the rest of his drink and begins to walk off-screen, but leans back towards the Spy. "Screw you, though."
He walks by an alarm that's labeled 'IN CASE OF BRIEFCASE THEFT, PUSH BUTTON'. As he does so, he turns around, casually hits the button with his fist, and points at the Spy as he walks away. Klaxons start going off and red alarm lights begin flashing.
"How does that bring about his date?" Nora asks quizzically.
"Maybe the emergency alarm also alerts her?" Jaune guesses correctly.
The scene fades to a shot of the Medic's Laboratory.
[MEDIC'S LAB: 1 HOUR TIL DEATH]
"Only one hour left," Penny repeats, scratching her head. "I am not well versed in the medical field, but they show no visible signs of symptoms or any discomfort allegedly caused by tumors."
"That's true. A bit of an oddity, but we don't know anything about the illnesses of their world." Pietro muses, "And that isn't taking how their technology causes bread to grow tumors into consideration. Who knows what other sorts of strange ailments are in their world?"
The blackboard has the results of previous teleporter experiments written on it. The camera slowly pans to the left, revealing the Engineer and Medic with a pair of teleporters set up between them. As the Medic inspects the teleporter, the Engineer calls out to him.
"Y'all ready?"
"Ready!"
The Engineer picks up a loaf of bread. The tumors are now plainly visible on the outside. He sniffs it briefly, then recoils backward, making a noise of disgust.
"They're still experimenting with tumor infested bread?" Harriet look at the bread on-screen with disgust. "Are they still trying to figure out why with an hour left?"
"If they have their research written down or recorded, it could be picked up for further research." Clover points out.
"That's a bit bleak but rational."
He places the bread on the teleporter, and it disappears in a flash of light.
About a second later, it reappears in front of the Medic and begins chittering loudly, squirming in place.
Oscar instinctively tips his body back a bit. "Uh… I don't think loaves of bread are supposed…"
"Ooh!" The Medic leans forward with interest.
"Don't lean towards it!" Yang squawked.
The bread grows teeth and roars at the Medic, who lets out a scream of fear as the bread creature leaps at his throat and latches onto it.
The Medic continues to scream as he grabs onto the bread creature and attempts to pry it off.
"What the fuck is that?!" Coco shouts. Startled and disturbed by how a loaf of bread mutated into some sort of vicious creature.
The rebuke of her language didn't manifest as everyone in the audience was taken aback by the sudden escalation.
"Aww hell…!" The Engineer runs off-camera to assist the Medic.
Yang blanches, "Now that's a bread gone bad."
/-/
Cut to a shot of Miss Pauling on a scooter, speeding towards RED Base. A body bag and shovel can be seen strapped to the back of it. She ramps off the wooden bush and flies right through the curtain; a look of determination can be seen on her face.
"Oh no, Ren!" Nora looks slightly panic, "Does that mean pancakes can also become man-eating monsters?!"
"I highly doubt it with our current technology," Ren said calmly, putting a hand on her shoulder.
"No seriously, what was that?" Coco asks, "Does all their food turn into monsters by teleporting them?!"
"It'll be explained in detail later in this viewing. To the best extent of their current knowledge, at least."
She comes to a stop outside a steel plate door and hops off of the scooter, shotgun in hand.
"She looks prepared to fight her way through anything." Said Vernal.
[RED BASE: 40 MINUTES TIL DEATH]
As Miss Pauling walks towards the door, the scooter falls onto its side. The severed hand of what is presumably the BLU Heavy falls out of one of the bags.
"I'm going to pretend I didn't see that severed hand falling out…" Ironwood mutters to himself.
Miss Pauling briefly turns towards the scooter, as if to set it back upright, but instead continues on towards the door. She places her back up against the wall to the left of the door and glances upwards briefly.
"You're ready. Alright." She lets out a deep breath, cocks the shotgun, and pushes the door open, spinning around and bringing the shotgun to Scout's chest, who's waiting for her there.
"Miss Pauling. What an unexpected surprise."
Roman stifles a laugh, "Would be embarrassing if he got killed right there."
Neo nods, raising her sign. "All that training wasted."
"They took the briefcase... Don't worry, we can fix this." She pushes past the Scout, who follows her. "We'll get it back, and the Administrator never has to know."
A security camera tracks their movements as Miss Pauling adjusts her glasses.
"You look... You look... Aahhhhhh..." The Scout falters on his approach.
Close up of the camera, it then cuts to a shot of Demoman, Soldier, and Spy in a room full of monitors, watching the two interact. Spy is sitting in the chair in front of the monitors while Soldier and Demoman stand behind him.
"DRUNK!" The Demoman 'helpfully' shouts out.
"Round! Soft! No, round!" The Soldier adds to the list of things the Scout should say to Miss Pauling despite not being able to hear them.
"Blurry!"
"I shudder to imagine those two giving any sort of advice," Glynda said with a shake of her head. "It's like asking Qrow to referee a writing test while he's completely drunk."
"Hey…"
Winter silently snickers at the insult.
The Spy shakes his head, lowers his eyes, and brings his fingers to his temple in annoyance.
Cut back to Scout and Miss Pauling.
"... Ravishing."
Miss Pauling briefly glances over at the Scout, "Uh-huh. You too." The scene briefly flashes over to Spy, whose gaze returns to the monitor. "Hold on... That's the briefcase right there... Scout, you...!" She turns to Scout, then she notices something off-screen. "Scout, are we having a prom?"
The scene cuts to a shot of the room behind them, which is decorated with ribbons, balloons, streamers, and various themed decorations while rocking jazz music plays. One of Medic's doves can be seen sitting in a birdcage hanging from the ceiling.
"Eh. A for effort." Tai compliments the hastily decorated room. "A+ for it being on borrowed time."
"Yeah. Nah. Yeah-ah. Well, the... Yeah, the thing is..."
The scene transitions back to the Soldier, Spy, and Demo watching the monitors. The Soldier has a grin on his face, Demo looks concerned, and Spy looks very worried.
"This 'date' isn't going to go well for the guy." Said Robyn with some pity.
Suddenly the Engineer bursts in through the door behind them.
"Guys! Hey fellas, listen! It's just bread that gets tumors!"
"Oh. So, they're okay." Penny clarifies to herself.
"It's not even tumors! It's some form of self-aware beauty mark that only metastasizes in an environment of pure wheat." The Medic appearing behind the Engineer, explaining their discovery. "Here, watch this." The Medic shakes up the jar he's carrying, which contains the bread creature from earlier. It spins around in the jar and comes to a stop. "Ooh, look! It hates me so much!"
"Even Merlot is a lot saner than that one." Compared to Dr. Merlot, Ozpin gets the feeling that the Medic is much more insane from what he's been able to gather.
The bread creature attempts to bite the Medic again as the Soldier leans in for a closer look. The bread creature flips itself in the jar and gnashes its teeth at the bottom of the container, and the Soldier chuckles to himself at its actions.
"Pure wheat?" Oscar furrows his brows, "So, only bread made of just wheat will get these… Weird… Green pus."
"That is correct."
"So, not all their food won't mutate into monsters." Coco claps her hand sarcastically, "That's still unsettling."
The Engineer walks up to Soldier and Medic and places his arms around their shoulders. "So, we're fine. As long as nobody teleports any bread."
"Question."
"He teleported bread, didn't he?" Oscar said weakly.
"What's your question, Soldier?"
Blake nods, "It was foreshadowed."
"I teleported bread."
The Engineer's expression fell. "You what?"
"You told me to."
"How... Much...?"
"I have done nothing but teleport bread for three days."
The Medic throws the jar containing the bread creature onto the ground. The sound of shattering glass can be heard.
"Where?!" He grabs the Soldier by his coat. "Where have you been sending it?!"
An ominous rumble shakes the entire base as the group looks up.
"That can't be good…" Tai can't decide if he wants to chuckle or be perplexed that someone would teleport bread for three days. "Also, who on Remnant would teleport bread for three days?"
"Sounds like something Nora would do." Jaune points to his teammate.
"Yeah, I would!"
The scene cuts to Scout and Miss Pauling, who are also looking up at the ceiling.
"Scout... I get one day off a year. And you just wasted it on—" She looks around her, pausing mid-sentence. "- this! Goodbye!"
"Even Glynda has more vacation days than her!" Port exclaims in horror.
The woman in question raises her eyebrows at her colleague's outburst, and the young woman on-screen.
"Wait! Wait! Wait! Ah..." Scout walks towards a door labeled Dining Area. "Why don't we discuss it over dinner?"
He opens the door to reveal the maw of a giant bread monster, who lets out a loud roar.
"What the hell is that!?"
Jaune nearly like out a squeal, "Holy smokes! That thing is gigantic!"
The bread monster crashes through the door as Scout pulls Miss Pauling out of harm's way. The two runs for the exit as the bread monster lunges after them, crashing through a wall. The Scout backs up as one of the tentacles swipes at him.
The dove from earlier flies at the monster and is promptly eaten by it.
"Birdie, no!" Ruby cries out.
"RIP, bird. Too stupid to live." Vernal causally commented, flinching when she felt the gaze of Qrow and Raven.
The wooden platform they're standing on creaks from the weight of the monster. Both Scout and Miss Pauling look down at the wood below them. Another jolt knocks them off their feet.
Now weakened, the wooden platform collapses, sending the trio plummeting to the dirt below.
Miss Pauling tumbles unceremoniously to the ground, helmet falling off of her head. The Scout, meanwhile, bounces off the bread monster and lands on his feet in a battle stance. He glances down to his right and picks up a long piece of twisted metal with a spike on the end of it to use as a makeshift weapon.
"Miss Pauling, run!" Scout motions for her to escape to safety. Miss Pauling climbs to her feet and darts away, pressing herself up against the RED payload bomb.
Nora's eyes widen slightly, "Is that a bomb?"
"It is." The Hosts confirms.
She grins maniacally, "Kaboom."
The Heavy, Medic, and Pyro rush to the aid of Scout and Miss Pauling. Heavy and Medic pair pauses and looks at the bread monster with alarm in their eyes.
"NOW, DOCTOR!"
The Medic looks at the Heavy, then flips the handle of his Medi Gun. The healing beam latches onto the Heavy, and the Medi Gun crackles with energy as the ÜberCharge is deployed. Revving up, the Heavy hoists his minigun up and walks towards the bread monster, firing his weapon.
"Hey. He has a minigun like yours, Coco." Velvet points out.
"Huh. Cool. Not as stylish as mine, but props to the guy."
"What was that?" Penny cups her chin and tilts her head sideways upon seeing the ubercharge being deployed, "It appears to be some form of protective skin screen that I cannot comprehend."
"It's known as an ubercharge. This particular effect you see on-screen grants the target invulnerability to damage for a brief duration."
"Intriguing." Pietro gasps, "I wonder if such a thing can be replicated in our world."
Ironwood nods in agreement, "That does sound very powerful, no matter how brief it may be."
The Pyro can also be seen engulfing the monster in flames. It smashes the cliff face with a tentacle, causing the rock to come tumbling down on the Heavy, who endures the debris pounding down on his back.
Miss Pauling continues to watch the mercenaries battle the giant bread monster. She steps forward and turns to look at the payload. The camera zooms in on the top of the bomb where the words 'DANGER BOMB' is spray-painted onto it.
A look of realization appears on her face.
"Yeees. Do it. Kill the mutant bread. Save the world of food and drinks!" Nora whispers loudly, destructive glee in her eyes. "Save the pancakes."
"I am very concern about your wellbeing," Ren said worryingly to his partner.
The battle continues to rage with the Pyro stomping on one of the tentacles. The bread monster turns his attention towards the Pyro, and immediately has its mouth filled with fire. It recoils in pain, letting out a loud roar.
"Toasty," Harriet said as she takes a bite out of her sandwich. She catches her teammates looking at her funny. "What? This is a good sandwich, alright?"
The Scout can be seen dodging the tentacles, jumping onto one, and using his makeshift weapon to impale one of the other tentacles.
In the background, the Heavy and Medic pushes forward while the Engineer and Demoman stay behind to build up a sentry and lob grenades at the bread monster, respectively. The Engineer smacks his Sentry Gun with his wrench, upgrading it to Level 2, and he motions for Demoman to move up.
Miss Pauling has now removed the panel off of the detonation mechanism of the bomb and can be seen frantically messing with the wires.
Scout, meanwhile, runs up to the side of the bread monster and slams his club into it. He then gets grabbed by a tentacle and is yanked into the air. The Sniper arrives at the battle, and after a brief moment of aiming, shoots the tentacle holding Scout, freeing him from its grasp.
Ruby gave the Sniper a thumbs up. "Ooh, nice shot."
The monster throws Scout at the Demoman, and they both collapse onto the ground. Scout scrambles to his feet and rushes forward, but is stopped by an uncloaking Spy.
"A cloaking device? No wonder he's referred to as a spy." Robyn briefly thought back to her Happy Huntresses, particularly May Marigold. Her invisible semblance has always been useful in stealth missions.
"I think it's going pretty well..." He gives the Scout a pat on the back as a cloud of dust rolls over them. "Now go...!"
"Yeah, a giant bread monster tearing apart the place and a ruined date that probably couldn't even start is going 'pretty well'," Yang said with an amused grin.
Qrow shrugs, "Eh. Make with what you have, Yang."
"At least he gets to interact with her," Tai adds in.
He waves the Scout off and runs forward into battle while the Scout turns back to Miss Pauling.
"Hey, Miss Pauling. Oh, I am so sorry..."
"God Scout, what for? Pressing the one button you're never supposed to press? Do you have any idea what's in a briefcase that—" Miss Pauling spots the watch on the Scout's arm, "Oh, oh! Give me your watch!"
"Yeah. Exactly!" He removes the watch from his arm and gives it to Miss Pauling. "See, that is where this all starts! No, actually, wait..."
Sun made a flat expression, "Smooth, idiot. Smooth."
The Scout is interrupted by a scream, and the Soldier flies into the hangar and lands on the ground.
"HA HA HA!" The Soldier laughs proudly, "I TELEPORTED BREAD!"
Raven lets out a huff, "There goes the team's idiot."
The Soldier is grabbed by a tentacle, dragged over towards the monster, and then thrown into a pile of broken lumber.
In the distance, a tentacle knocks over both the Pyro and the Demoman as the Engineer hastily backs up to avoid another tentacle. The Sniper attempts to take another shot at the monster but instead is lifted into the air by a tentacle that has grabbed a hold of the barrel of the rifle. He gets swung to one side and loses his grip on his gun.
The Sniper tumbles through the gravel briefly before getting back to his feet and taking out his Kukri. He's about to rush forward to attack the monster but pauses as the RED Bomb trundles into view.
"... So, that brings me to the point of this story, which is I like you, and you should probably be sitting for this..."
Glynda threw her hands up, "He's still going on about his feelings for her in this situation. Unbelievable."
"It is of importance to note that he doesn't know that he's not dying," Ozpin said while calmly drinking from his mug.
In the background, the Medic hurriedly rushed forward to heal the Pyro, who has been lifted by another tentacle.
"GUYS! CLOSE THE BLAST DOORS!" She points at the hangar they just exited from.
The Engineer looks at her, then abandons his Sentry, which is now Level 3, to rush into the hangar. The Medic follows suit, fleeing to the hanger as everything focuses back on the Scout and Miss Pauling.
"Miss Pauling. Look, my last few hours I just wanted..."
"Now is not the time." Blake hissed.
The bread monster grabs a hold of the bomb and swings it around in the air. It lets out another roar.
"COME ON!" The Heavy screams at them struggling to keep the blast doors open.
"Um, never mind..."
"RUN!"
The two rush towards the hangar, but they get cut off by the payload bomb being thrown at the blast doors, bending them and denying them access.
"Oh, God..."
They back up towards the blast doors as the bread monster lumbers towards them slowly. A large fire has broken out behind it.
"Nice going. You've gotten yourself and your crush killed." Mercury snidely remarks.
Cinder narrows her eyes slightly, "I'd say they still have a chance to survive."
The Scout is busy searching for an escape route while Miss Pauling has a look of terror on her face. He grabs a hold of her and yanks her off to one side as the bread monster knocks the bomb around. Allowing them to take shelter behind the bomb. Scout looks at the monster, which lets out a long roar.
Fast zoom to the inside of its mouth and the dove it swallowed earlier is seen sitting inside it. Scout and Miss Pauling look on, amazed, as the dove takes off and flies away.
Coco points at the unharmed dove, flying away. "Wait… Hold up, that makes sense and somehow doesn't make any sense."
"It doesn't have a stomach." Oscar realizes, "It's just bread. A vicious one, but the insides are hollowed."
Miss Pauling looks Scout in the eyes, grabs a hold of his arm, and gives him a nod of approval.
Ruby's eyes widen, "They're going to get themselves eaten to avoid the explosion!"
"Yes! We should totally try doing that someday."
"Nora, no."
She lets out a yelp as one of the bread monster's tentacles slams into the ground. The Scout grabs a hold of her and, making use of the dance moves he learned from Spy, keeps her safe from harm. They stop as he holds her up and looks at her. She looks back at him for a few moments, then shoots an oncoming tentacle with the gun in her hand. He twirls her back onto her feet and the two start running.
"Acceptable dance form." Weiss grudgingly admits.
A close-up shot of the bomb's timer, which ticks down to two seconds.
They run towards the bread monster, Miss Pauling letting out a small cry in their leap towards the beast.
The timer ticks down to one second as they leap straight into the open maw of the monster. It closes its mouth as the bomb explodes. A bright flash of light can be seen engulfing the monster, then the screen cuts to black.
"Kabooooom!" Nora shouts, swinging her arm out and up to mimic the explosion.
"Down, Nora." Ren tugs her back down to her seat, "I hope they're okay…"
A match is lit, revealing Scout and Miss Pauling pressed up against each other in a dark enclosed space.
Jaune allowed himself a small grin of relief. "They're okay."
"And very close." Yang whistles, wiggling her eyebrows.
"Aaahhhh... Ah... Miss Pauling. You, all right?"
She opens her eyes, "I can't feel anything below my neck..."
"Oh, God."
"Oh. Now I can feel it. Ow. Ow."
"Oh, God. I am so sorry. This is..."
"That... Was so... Much... FUN!" A grin forms on her face.
"Someone had fun." Port chuckles, "A little bit of excitement in your life is a good way to relieve stress."
"I prefer my archeology hobbies over fighting a giant bread monster." Dr. Oobleck refutes. "Strange it may be."
A look of confusion crosses his face. "You're not mad?"
"I was furious. Oh my God, you set off the briefcase alarm and you were having a prom for some reason. But then there was this monster and we shot it and we built a bomb and I think my leg's broken. Can we do this again?"
Roman smirks, "An adrenaline junkie. I guess destroying evidence gets boring from time to time."
"Yeah, sure!" He smiles, then it quickly turns into a frown. "Wait, nah. We can't. I'm going to be dead."
"Wait, what?"
"Good news!" The Soldier pokes his head into the bread monster's cavity. "We're not dying! We are going to live forever!"
"Hardly close, but close enough," Elm said with a laugh. "You'll get to live another day and a story to tell."
"Indeed!" Port chortles, stroking his mustache.
The Heavy lifts up the side of the monster's body, allowing light to flood over Scout and Miss Pauling.
"I didn't say that!" The Medic refutes, "I just said we're not filled with tumors!"
"Oh, thank God." The Scout relaxes and chuckles. "So yeah, Miss Pauling. I guess it's a date."
"Actually, this is my only day off this year."
Tai sucks in his breath. "Aie. That sucks. Having one day off a year? No thank you."
"Oh..."
"Oh, but you can ride along with me on some jobs." She brings out a flip notebook.
"Date on the job, huh?" Yang rubs her chin and grins, "How romantic."
The camera slowly pulls back to reveal the body of the monster, which now lays motionless, and the mercenaries off doing their own things around it.
The Engineer and Medic are seen at the bottom of the shot discussing something. The Spy flicks open his disguise kit, plucks a cigarette out of it, then snaps it closed again. The Heavy grabs one of the detached tentacles and heaves it off to one side, then walks over to the Demoman, who is carrying a case of beer under his arm. The Sniper is on the backside of the monster, cleaning his Kukri.
"How did it get that big?" Neptune wonders out loud, "Did all the teleported bread fused together at the end of the teleporter to create that thing?"
Sun shrugs, "No idea. Probably."
As the camera pulls back farther, the Pyro can be seen coming into the shot, who has the small bread monster darting around his legs like a puppy as they try to keep track of it.
"They're letting the small bread monster run around?" Ruby blinks, then shrugs. "Meh, it's bread anyway."
Oscar shared similar thoughts, "They can handle it. I think."
"Tomorrow... I'm belt sanding the fingerprints off a pile of corpses."
"Ah, no."
Blake deadpans, "I don't think that's an ideal environment and activity for any date."
"Oh! You can help me yank the molars out of a box full of heads."
"No to that."
Yang grimace at the description, "Not so romantic anymore."
"Well, on Friday I got to kill someone who pressed a briefcase alarm button and... Oh." The scene cuts to black. "You're already going to be at that one."
Vernal burst out laughing at the last bit. "What a way to schedule the end of a date!"
"That was something alright." Elm jollily cracks her knuckles, "Never thought I'll see people fighting against ferocious bread."
"I like dark humor." Read Neo's sign.
"It's certainly one of the stranger worlds we've seen so far." Ironwood hums, pondering what he should eat. "The next viewing won't cause a loss of appetite, would it?"
"Unlikely. The next viewing will be a world similar to yours, but different in many ways."
Ruby looks up, "You said that the next one might be interesting. What are we watching next?"
"A world full of giant monsters and the hunters who fight against them."
"Weapons?" Ruby asks hopefully.
"A handful. Though their technology appears to be archaic, you will find some aspect of their weaponry surprisingly advance."
She pumps her fist, "Yes!"
"Finally. No more watching over people get killed. Now I have to worried about is my pancakes turning gross and evil on me." Nora eyes her pancakes with suspicion, madness gleaming within her eyes. "Do not betray me, prey."
Her friends and teammates look on with concern.
"But before we start, we have a guest joining us."
A corgi pops out of thin air and lands on Ruby's lap.
"Bark!" The corgi's tail wags happily.
"Zweeeeei!"
NEXT: Monster Hunter: World - Ebony Odogaron Hunt
SPECIAL THANKS: Lord Dominusautem Tempus for providing me the script and detailed descriptions!
Pardon my grammar.
