CARRYING THE STORM
This is a non-profit tribute to the works of JK Rowling who, together with her publishers and licensees, owns the characters and situations elaborated herein.
A/N: Spoilers. Thanks to all my reviewers and especially to Bellegeste for helping resolve some dilemmas.
Hola Hermione,
I'll be back from Spain next weekend. I'm taking you on a Girl's Day Out on Saturday; we'll hit the Muggle stores and maybe a movie? How do you feel about a birthday makeover and while we're relaxing in the spa you can wax lyrical on the joys of Snape?
Ginny
Hermione stared at the letter and sighed. It was her own fault. From the moment in the Great Hall at breakfast, when she'd called him Severus and he'd smiled at her instead of sneering, the other teachers had been covertly watching them. He'd given no sign of noticing till they'd reached his office.
Then he'd turned and said flatly, "The whole school knows. Perhaps you'd better forgo the Wolfsbane till next time and speak to your friends before Weasley owls his sister."
"I came here to learn Wolfsbane and I'm not leaving without it," she'd announced, catching his hand in a friendly squeeze.
He'd pulled her hand up to plant a kiss in the palm, a thankful smile lighting his face. 'Two smiles in one morning,' she'd thought, her fingers curling up to stroke his cheek. That was more than he'd previously given her in her entire life. Her other hand had reached up to trace the line of his jaw and he'd turned to kiss that hand too. Then he'd cleared his throat and put her firmly away from him. This was not the time.
"Very well. We'll start immediately," he'd promised and, from that moment, he'd become completely businesslike. She'd followed his lead for a day of collaborative enjoyment, a child's eager dream of helping her teacher brew finally fulfilled. Back then, she'd only wanted to prove herself; she'd never have imagined it could actually be fun.
Oh, and it had been worth it, even if she had to pay for it now by facing friends who'd heard the news from someone other than herself. Friends who'd probably think she was either mad or brainwashed. She grimaced. Reality had punched her in the nose again.
Talking to Prof – Minerva, she corrected herself resolutely – had been helpful, but that was one of his friends, not hers. She needed to talk to someone of her own, but one that didn't already hate him. That narrowed the possibilities down to the entirely Muggle inhabitants of a certain terrace. She sighed at the sobering realisation. For the first time since she was quite a little girl, Hermione Granger desperately needed her mum and dad.
Luckily, one of them at least was home and puzzling over the surgery accounts at the kitchen table.
"Where's dad?" Hermione asked.
She filled the kettle and pulled up a chair, just far enough away not to disarrange her mother's papers. Mrs Granger gave her a long humorous look over silver-rimmed spectacles.
"Adjusting the reception on Aunt Dottie's TV again. Or maybe he's finished that and now he's unblocking the laundry sink. Did you want him specially?"
"Hmmm?" she added after the query met with no response but a shrug and a sigh.
Hermione smoothed the tablecloth with restless hands. Maybe she should have rehearsed an opening.
"Mum," she said hesitantly. "I'm seeing someone. Someone I like a lot."
Her mother's head jerked and her hand tightened around her pen so as not to drop it. After a moment, she put it down and straightened her papers, then she turned her chair slightly towards her silent daughter.
"For how long?"
Hermione rolled the words around on her tongue before speaking them.
"All year. Since January."
"You met him in January and you didn't say anything till now?"
Hermione winced. Her mum's voice was calm, but perhaps it would turn accusatory when she clarified that point.
"I didn't meet Severus in January," she admitted. "That's just when we got together. I've known him much longer than that." Hanging her head, she added, "Mum, he was one of my teachers. From Hogwarts."
Her mother opened her mouth on hasty words, then slowly closed it again. She drew a long breath before allowing herself to comment.
"One of your teachers? But even the youngest is twenty years older than you!" Her eyes widened. "Is that who it is? The werewolf?" He might be very pleasant, but she'd been unable to think of him in any other way since Hermione had confessed the true story of her school exploits.
Hermione shifted in her chair. The kettle boiled. She got up with relief to pour the tea. Over her shoulder, she muttered her answer.
"No. He's the same age though. It's Severus Snape."
She'd inherited her mother's long memory and her father's cool logic. She didn't need to look to know her mother was frowning.
"The Potions-master? The one you always hated?"
Hermione gritted her teeth. Gryffindor courage, be darned, she could do with some Slytherin cunning about now. Did she have to say all the wrong things in all the wrong sequence?
"I didn't hate him. Well, not most of the time. My friends do though."
"You can hardly blame them." Mrs Granger studied her daughter's rigid back and began mechanically to tidy away her accounts. "So what's changed then – Wait, isn't he the one Ricky was so jealous of? The one he accused you of fancying and everyone thought he must be crazy."
The straight back grew straighter. Hermione set the kettle down with a clatter and a scowl.
"I didn't fancy him then. I didn't even like him," she said.
"Then why did Ricky think you did?"
Hermione's lips thinned as she spooned sugar and poured milk.
"I've asked myself that so many times. I think maybe he sensed that Severus fancied me. Only he was determined not to; I had no idea he ever thought about me. But Ricky might have noticed. And that would have made him feel threatened, perhaps, because he still admired Severus from school, almost idolised him, I thought."
"Yes, that could be." The older woman accepted her cup of tea and leaned back with a sigh. "Tell me about – Saveloy? How do you say his name?"
Hermione rolled her eyes and sounded it out.
"Sev-er-us."
"Sav –ell-us."
"Severus!" Why did her mum get every wizard name wrong?
"That's what I said, Savellus. Why do you like him better than Ricky?" her mum probed.
"I just do."
Hermione's lips pursed as she thought about it. She should have anticipated it – for sure everyone would ask the same question, of themselves if not of her – but she'd never considered it before. They were too different. If Ricky were in a movie, he'd play the swashbuckling pirate-hero; Severus would probably be the martyr going up in flames at an auto-da-fe.
"He isn't handsome or pleasant or friendly, but he's true. Sharp and true as steel," she mused.
Her mother made a doubtful face.
"He sounds pretty difficult to live with."
"Difficult? I suppose. But it's more difficult to live without him. I tried for two months and I don't think I've ever been more miserable. Ever."
There didn't seem to be any answer to that. The older woman sighed and sipped her tea.
"You'll have to bring him to meet us. I know you're grown up and you'll make your own decisions, but promise you'll let us meet him before you do anything irrevocable."
"If I do, you and dad have to promise not to interrogate him. And don't say anything about his teeth." Why couldn't dentists see crooked teeth without burning to straighten them? Probably the same reason Severus couldn't see students without wanting to squelch them. "He has the most awful teeth, but if I can live with it, you have to too."
With that over, Hermione could look forward to meeting Ginny next week, if not with anticipation, at least without dread. She'd wait to talk to the others till she'd found out what Ginny had told them. Thank goodness she hadn't planned on a party for her birthday – not that she ever did. That should give her a chance to tackle them one by one at her convenience.
True to her word, Ginny didn't raise the Snape issue till they sat in consecutive chairs at the manicure parlour after Hermione had flatly refused the spa.
"So," the younger girl drew out the word with salacious expectation, "Snape?" She raised her eyebrows and shook back her feathery red mane. "Why?"
Hermione glared at her.
"Because I love him, you prat. Why else?" It was the first time she'd used the L-word. Her lips curled in a broad, relieved smile. There! She could say it after all. Maybe next time she saw Severus she'd even say it to him.
Her friend gave her a pitying look.
"Yes, I get that, but why? Why him? You're not just looking around for a Ricky-substitute, are you? I know they look a bit alike, but –"
Brown eyes kindled and brown hair tossed.
"They don't look alike at all!" Hermione flashed. "You all say that, but it's just nonsense! There must be millions of dark-haired, dark-eyed, hook-nosed men that look more alike than they do!" And that was just in Spain! After all, it wasn't exactly a unique look.
"All right, all right," Ginny apologised. "I didn't really think you couldn't tell the difference, I'm just surprised is all. No offence, but it's just really hard to picture, you know?"
"I know," Hermione admitted. "I used not to be able to picture it either. But we just seem to fit somehow. I can tell him anything and he'll listen, anything at all."
"And he doesn't make nasty comments?" Ginny's voice rang with incredulity.
"He tries sometimes, but I understand him now. He's not as nasty as he pretends to be."
Her friend gave a snort of laughter.
"I should hope not!"
Choking, Hermione swatted her arm.
"I didn't mean that like it sounded," she protested. "He's not nasty at all, not to me."
Ginny giggled.
"Good, because there's at least a dozen of us ready to hex him if he ever tries."
Luckily she let it rest there, abandoning the subject of why in favour of how, when and where. By the time they got home, Hermione's feet were slightly sore and her arms were aching, but her heart was lighter. That lasted just long enough for her to dump three heavy bags on a chair and pull off her jacket. It was at that moment that Harry lifted the Disillusionment spell.
"Surprise!"
Hermione's heart dropped along with her jaw. She looked at the room full of her closest friends, all no doubt waiting to question her about Severus, and briefly wondered if a swim in the Amazon with piranhas might be more comfortable than the next few hours.
Ginny caught her eye and shrugged apologetically.
"You are twenty-two," she pointed out, ignoring Hermione's mumble of not till Friday, "and you wouldn't let us celebrate properly last year. You didn't really think we'd let you off forever without a party."
Grimly, Hermione pasted on a smile for the benefit of the human piranhas circling her with hungry white-toothed smiles. Let them tear her apart with questions, she had no choice now but to face them.
She managed to keep her temper through the first twenty explanations until Ron, who'd been glowering in the background, escaped from his watchful girlfriend and decided his turn had come.
"So Ricky was right," he accused.
"He wasn't. I didn't even like Severus then." How many times had she said that in the last hour?
"You've always liked him," Ron snorted. "Even at school you were always defending him."
Susan turned from her conversation with Hannah and shook her head at him.
"Ron!" she warned.
"Not like that!" Hermione snapped at the same time.
Ron ignored both of them.
"How could you? If you're too selfish to care how he treated the rest of us, how can you forget how he treated you? Remember the teeth!"
"I haven't forgotten how he treated anyone. He did what he thought was right at the time –"
"Right!" he shouted, loud enough that the room went momentarily quiet, then carefully, studiedly noisier than ever. "To hate Harry for what his dad did before he was born –"
"Don't bring me into it," Harry interrupted, sinking truth and family feeling for the benefit of friendship, "I might have hated me too for what my dad and Sirius did to him at school – worse than Malfoy they were, from the little I saw."
Ron's eyes popped and his ears turned redder than his hair as Harry returned to the path of veracity.
"He was a right horrible git to us as a teacher, but he's not our teacher any more and if Hermione wants him –" He turned to Hermione, screwing up his face in sudden doubt. "Do you want him? Really? It's not just some rumour like they used to spread about me?"
Hermione knew she had to look him in the eye at that.
"Yes I do. Always. I tried to do without him and I couldn't."
"Always? Right now?" Harry's mouth went a funny shape.
She blushed and looked at her fidgety hands.
"Especially right now."
He tried to hide his grimace.
"Rather you than me. I won't ever like him, but Hannah and I will try to put up with him, if he's what you want."
It was easier to hug him than to speak her thanks. Ron interrupted with a growl.
"I won't. He's a rotten, greasy git, who made our school lives miserable and who stood on both sides of the fence during the war till he could pick the winning side! He's no good for you!"
Susan tried to cut in, but Ron swept on unheeding.
"I won't have anything to do with him and you'd better not either."
Hermione stiffened.
"Don't, Ron. Don't make me choose. You're one of my oldest friends."
Ron ignored Susan's restraining hand on his arm
"Then give him up." He slammed down his ultimatum with steely confidence.
"Is that your last word?" Hermione's eyes burned as she watched him nod emphatically. "Then that's it for us, Ron." She gulped and gulped again. "He listens to me and he understands me – and you've never done either."
She turned away as she spoke and headed for privacy in the kitchen, only to find Neville arranging trays of tapas. Ginny was always bringing back recipes from wherever her job sent her. Though she mostly preferred to order them in than to actually cook them. He glanced up, his mild face troubled.
"Snape?" he asked. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Hermione swallowed back a sob.
"Not really. Look, I know he was foul to you in school –"
Neville pushed a paper serviette towards her and turned back to his work.
"Never mind that. Do you really like him?"
"Yes." Hermione's voice was muffled as she wiped her face.
"And he you?" He sighed and went on without pausing. "He must do, I guess. He was quite polite when we bumped into each other outside Slug and Jigger's last week. Said he supposed we were both glad never to have to face each other across a classroom again, but he'd trust my plants in his cauldron any day."
Hermione's hand dropped from her eyes and her trembling mouth curved up.
"Did he?" That was a change of tune and all for her. Her face glowed. "I wish I'd heard him."
Susan entered the room at that moment.
"Hermione, I'm sorry. He insists on leaving. I'll try to talk to him after we get home."
"Don't quarrel on my account," Hermione told her. "The last thing I'd want is to come between you."
"Don't worry about that, I know how to talk to Ron."
It was a friendly reassurance not a criticism. Hermione met her eyes and forced a smile.
"I don't like Snape either," Susan added, "but that doesn't have to mean the end of our friendship, does it? If he's civil to us, I'll be civil to him and I'll try to get Ron to just keep quiet."
"Ron's never been good at keeping quiet."
Despite herself, Susan chuckled.
"You can say that again! But I'll see if I can bring him round. He won't stay angry forever. Or maybe –"
She stopped and folded her lips, eyes darting away.
"I won't stop loving Severus, if that's what you mean!" It was Hermione's turn to fold her lips and look away. "Sorry. Look, let's not talk about it now. I know it was a shock for all of you, I don't blame you, but I really don't want to defend myself any more tonight. I love him, he loves me, I'll call you sometime when we've all cooled down."
There was a tense silence after Susan left, which neither Neville nor Hermione could quite figure out how to break until Ginny came in, eyes blazing.
"That idiot brother of mine!" she exclaimed, dumping her tray with an angry clang. "I'm sorry, Hermione. It's just such awkward timing that we found out too soon before the party to clear the air and too late to cancel –" The words tumbled out too quickly for her to stop in time. She made a face. 'Sorry."
Hermione twisted the paper napkin and crushed it into a ball, which she threw in the bin. Watching it land, she spoke without looking up.
"You don't have to apologise. It's my fault, isn't it? You probably all feel I betrayed you."
"No, of course we don't! You can't help who you love, we all understan – well most of us understand that. It's just –" She grimaced and shook her head. "Never mind."
"No, tell me," Hermione ordered. "It's better to get it out than to leave it stewing. It will only boil over in the end."
"You won't want to hear it."
"I don't want to wonder about it."
Ginny bowed to the grim determination in her friend's voice, but her voice was hesitant.
"We all liked Ricky. It's just hard for us to understand why that didn't work, but you're so sure this will."
"We're your friends, Hermione," supplemented Neville. "We just want you to be happy."
Hermione understood the unspoken question. They'd blamed Ricky for the break-up, but now they couldn't help wondering if what they'd thought was unreasonable jealousy had been warranted after all.
She sat down rather suddenly at the kitchen table and buried her head in her hands. The silence grew loud as a scream before she looked up at their worried faces.
"I liked Ricky a lot," she muttered. "I really did. It wasn't anyone's fault that we broke up, we just weren't meant to be. We rowed together happily enough while the stream was gentle, but when the storms came, our oars got crossed. It's the opposite with Severus. The choppier the waters, the more we pull together."
"But why do you need to row through the storm at all? Pull in to harbour and shelter from the rain." Ginny's voice was urgent. Why choose a difficult character like Snape to row through life with?
Hermione's smile was twisted. 'How can we escape the rain,' she thought, 'when we're carrying the storm inside us?'
Perhaps it was fortunate that she was spared having to answer by the sudden arrival of an uninvited black-clad guest. Pity no one else thought so.
A/N: I feel very silly. I wrote and posted this chapter with Hermione turning 21, totally forgetting my original calculations that she was 22 here, so I've had to re-post to fix that. Luckily the changes were minor.There was going to be a party in this chapter anyhow and Hermione's surprise works well for me. Also, thanks Kismet0116 for pointing out the typo.
