I wrote this off the top of my head, it is 3:05 in the am and I could really care less about sleep.
Summery: present day, angsty naru. Drug and self abuse, don't likey don't read!
" "speech ' 'thought - - song lyrics
Title: How many times?
Author: Setsue
Rating: R- for drugs, self mutilation, Language
-/-
Naruto never really cared about himself, and he was tired of smiling. It only worked for so long, and then he would pull out the knife that had been shoved in his back once more and hate the world that scorned him.
But there were a few things that he stayed for, one thing that made it all worth while…. Drugs, alcohol, and blood…
-/-
Today sucked. Naruto started off the day with a hangover and 30 or 40 empty bottles of E & J on his bedroom floor. He lit up a cigarette and sucked a long drag off of it. Heavily sighing as he exhaled, the blonde got up and started kicking the glass reminders of a hard night into a pile. He thanked whatever deity that was listening that it was Saturday. This meant no school to ditch most of and plenty of time to abuse substance and enjoy mutilation.
He dug n the closet for his bag-o-bud and then headed into the bathroom to turn on the tub. Then he was in the kitchen cutting the bottom off of a milk carton and grabbing the pre-made lid. Back in the bathroom he turned off the water and loaded the bole. Putting the open bottom of the milk jug in the water about three inches he lit the bole and filled the chamber with smoke. Acting quickly he removed the lid, not losing the resin, and put his lips to the mouth of the jug. He pushed it down further into the water and inhale sharply as the sicky sweet smoke was forced into his lungs. Clapping the hand that held the lid over the opening in the jug Naruto held his breath for a moment before letting it out. He finished off the gravity bong and headed into the living room.
The blue-eyed boy flopped down on the couch and grabbed a small box that sat on the coffee table. Inside were several pipes and other drug paraphernalia. He fished out a plastic bag that held what appeared to be little squares of paper with swirls on them.
"Hello my lovely acid friend…" Naru smiled a wicked fox grin and stuck one to the bottom of his tongue. 'I need music.'
He got up and stumbled over to the stereo then pushed play.
- -
How many times will I ask myself why, how many times? How many times will I ask myself why, how many times will I cry? How many times will I ask myself why, how many times? How many times will I ask myself why, how many times will I cry? --
Naruto smiled this song made the world bend in odd ways when he was on acid. He chased down a half full bottle of vodka in the fridge and lit another cigarette.
-
How many times will you honk your horn and say fuck you? Now what the fuck does that do? Ya feel better now? I didn't let ya pass How 'bout I stop my car, and beat your fuckin' ass? How many times will my neighbor beat his wife? Somewhere in that house there's a butcher knife Fuckin' drunk, swingin' his fists about Why don't she wait till he sleeps then take him out How many times will I sit in a hot car? Traffic jam, been sittin' for a fuckin' hour Must be an accident, I hope nobody died Finally get there, and the crash is on the other side The gawkers roll and they creep slow Hoping they can see a mangled body show Some park, and stand there and watch it all With their kids, they point, and fuckin stare (and just look) I remember one time I was pulled over Handcuffed, the cop was like, show's over People watching, hoping that he shoots me I just wanted to choke the fucking head --
He grinned and sang along, utilizing the amazing vocal cords that got almost no use outside of his apartment. He had written and recorded this song a few months ago.
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How many times will I ask myself why, how many times? How many times will I ask myself why, how many times will I cry? How many times will I ask myself why, how many times?
How many times will I ask myself why, how many times will I cry?
How many times will I wait in a line? It's three-thirty, I fuckin' got here at nine I'm finally up to the front, can't wait another minute Why am I here? to pay a fucking parking ticket The lady at the counter acts like a fuckin bitch No smiles, no help, you're just a piece of shit I'm gettin' pissed, calm down, fuck it, forget it Back to my car, and there it is, another ticket How many times will a crackhead smoke crack And ask me for some money cuz he wants crack Give him money, again, he's coming back Walk away, and here's another, "Gimme some crack" How many time will a kid give a dirty look? A little punk-ass bitch tryin to be a crook I wrote the book, I was out robbin' liquor stores When you were just a nut stain in your momma's drawers How many times will I ask myself why, how many times? How many times will I ask myself why, how many times will I cry?
How many times will I ask myself why, how many times? How many times will I ask myself why, how many times will I cry? --
'Why am I so ugly on the inside?' The blonde began to wonder. He had written these lyrics after a bad week at school, directly after taking three acid tabs and doing two gravities. His mind reeled and he chugged back the vodka and threw the bottle. Then he finished the smoke and put it out on his wrist.
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How many times will you steal my car stereo? It don't even work, ya feel like a bitch, don't you? I vacuum all the fuckin' glass off from my seat I sit down, and got a piece stuck in my butt cheek How many times did I walk in, and just sit? And have to listen, and learn all this bullshit Learnin' history and science, fuckin' wait Knowin' that, will that put food on my plate? Yeah, can I walk into McDonald's, up to the counter And tell 'em you can make limestone from gunpowder Will they give me a cheeseburger if I know that shit? Fuck no, fuck you, and shut your fuckin' lip How many times will a judge decide my fate? Who is he? A bitch, nothing great He takes shits, and fucks his old floppy wife Plays with his balls and judges my life! --
His life was defiantly looking down as he grabbed a scalpel and dug it viciously into his skin drawing a deep gash from his thumb to his elbow. Thirty seconds later he felt the odd tugging sensation of his flesh healing.
'Damn Kyuubi…' was his last thought before he tumbled into the darkness.
-
How many times will I ask myself why, how many times? How many times will I ask myself why, how many times will I cry?
How many times will I ask myself why, how many times? How many times will I ask myself why, how many times will I cry? How many times will I ask myself why, how many times? How many times will I ask myself why, how many times will I cry?
How many times will I ask myself why, how many times? How many times will I ask myself why, how many times will I cry? How many times will I ask myself why, how many times? How many times will I ask myself why, how many times will I cry? "And who the fuck is he? He judges my life"
--
Owari
AN: Feel free to flame or comment. My first fic, but don't be gentle.
Song is 'How Many Times?' by ICP
